


Hope and Fear

by umbreongay



Series: The Jedi and the Prince [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Romance, Hurt/Comfort, I'm the target audience for this, Lots of Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan gets the boyfriend he deserves, Opposites Attract, Requited Love, Slow Burn, Star Wars Romance, Strangers to Lovers, at least not fully, bicon Obi-Wan Kenobi, but they are idiots lmao, set during the end of the Clone Wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 97,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26912866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umbreongay/pseuds/umbreongay
Summary: When Obi-Wan embarks on a mission to rescue Aerrend Lus, Senator Organa’s new senatorial aide, from the hands of bounty hunters, he feels like he’s dealing with a prince: the man is stuck-up, idealistic and utterly handsome. Plus, his feistiness is as charming as it is annoying to the Jedi Knight. Aerrend finds himself unimpressed with the Jedi order, but the more Obi-Wan challenges him, the more he’s pulled toward him. Their short adventure together ends, and their return to Coruscant marks a return towards their separate lives.The Jedi and the “Prince”, however, find themselves pulled towards one another, with the sparks that flew between them on Jakku still living on weeks later. Now, a romance with a Jedi seems doomed to fail, with the Clone Wars raging on into their fourth year, things seem uncertain. Fear creeps in, as the threat of the Sith continues. Fate pulls Obi-Wan and Aerrend together as the Republic races towards it’s end. As a lost cause from the start, hope is everything they have. But will fear win in the end?(main work in the "The Jedi and the Prince"-series)
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Original Male Character(s), Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: The Jedi and the Prince [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989322
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, fellow Star Wars fans!  
> First of all, thanks so much for giving my silly, little fanfic a go. I'm glad that there was something about it that made you curious enough to read. This is not my first fanfiction ever, but it is my first proper Star Wars story.  
> There was something about this pandemic and lockdown situation that brought me back to writing fanfiction, and I had this story about Obi-Wan and Aerrend Lus (my OC) stuck in my head for months until I finally had time off uni work to sit down and start writing it. And so far, I'm having a really great time.  
> I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it. I'm very happy about any feedback, so please leave a comment if you feel like it! Thanks for all the kudos as well.  
> Also, feel free to follow [ my tumblr](https://umbreon-kenobi.tumblr.com)

**0BBY, Aldera, Alderaan**  
When Aerrend Lus arrived at the palace in Aldera, he hadn’t expected the Viceroy, and former Senator of Alderaan, Bail Organa, to announce the galaxy’s descent into another war. Sure, as one of the royal family’s closest friends and allies, he knew about the brooding conflict, with the rebellion that operated in secret against the evil of the Empire. A cold war had been going on for years. Aerrend wasn’t expecting open war so soon. A part of him clung to pacifist ideals he held in the past. He was still haunted by the losses the galaxy had faced during the Clone Wars not even twenty-five years ago – but he knew the evil the end of that conflict brought, and deep down, he knew it had to be fought in all ways possible. 

“Bail, what is happening?” he asked, after greeting his old friend with a handshake and a pat on the shoulder. They had their ups and downs, but they were long past formality now. Complete honesty was the only thing that mattered in their friendship.

“They’re building a weapon. A space station, capable of destroying entire planets with one blow. War, at this stage, is inevitable, my friend,” Bail replied, his face striken with grief and concern about leading his people, the citizens of a peaceful system, to war.   
“Destroying entire planets? That’s not – no, that can’t be possible,” Aerrend replied, trying to grasp the idea of the Empire unleashing that kind of evil on the galaxy.   
“It is true, my friend, and we have to fight it. It is a fight Alderaan cannot sit out,” Bail explained, searching the crowd for someone else. Aerrend was used to his friend being that way, always planning two steps ahead. He had learned to deal with it, or catch up, back when he had served Bail in the Galactic Senate. “You’re right. So we align ourselves with the rebellion, openly?” he asked.   
Bail frowned for a moment, but then he smiled. “My family has been aligned with the rebellion for years, the Empire knows that. They just had no proof.” 

When Bail spoke of family, that always included Aerrend.   
“And Alderaan follows it’s royal family,” Aerrend added.   
“You’ve certainly never failed us, when we needed you,” Bail said, with a warm smile, “Even when you had to teach Leia how to dance.”   
“It was an honour for me,” Aerrend said, picturing the young Princess, who had so much of her parents in her, be it Bail’s passion for politics and justice, or Breha’s bravery and strength. She had so much of her birth in her, more of Senator Amidala than of Anakin Skywalker, but clearly both of them in every way possible.   
“Speaking of her, I’ll have to go find her,” he said, “I can only trust her with this mission, I’m sorry, Aerrend.” 

“I’d rather stay on Alderaan anyways, for as long as I can,” Aerrend replied, though his life on his home world was only filled with duty and service to the royal family, rather than personal obligations such as talents, romance and family. He was 46 years old, after all. Such chapters had been closed, a long time ago. Only a ring on his finger left hints of a past.  
Now, with the royal family off-world and busy with the rebellion, his prospects seemed bleak, and somehow, he wanted to accompany the princess on her mission, whatever it may be.   
He dropped it, nonetheless. Bail looked at him. “We could use someone like you, someone who can lead silently, at the rebellion,” he said, “But it’s up to you, my friend, you don’t have to stay here.”   
“I’ll be alright, Viceroy,” Aerrend said with a nod, “I cannot imagine being anywhere else than Alderaan.” 

Coruscant, Naboo, Chandrila. All places he went in the past, all under Imperial rule, all changed. Alderaan remained his only home, and he hoped, the Empire wouldn’t take it from him, like it had taken almost everyone else. 

~

As Aerrend prepared to board his shuttle, he saw the princess preparing to go aboard the _Tantive IV_ with Captain Antilles, and the two droids, C3PO and R2D2.   
“Princess!” he said, approaching the spaceship, he had been aboard many times in the past.   
She turned around, in a white dress, her hair braided in two buns at the side of her head. “Uncle Aerrend,” she said, smiling warmly, “Are you going to take one last look at the princess, before she turns into a soldier?”   
Aerrend laughed. “No, no, you’ve been a fighter all your life, your Highness. I’m very used to it.”   
Leia put her hands on her hips. “Are you still going on about my reluctance to learn a silly dance?”   
“I admit, your tantrum was quite endearing. I’ve had worse dancing partners in my life.” 

Leia smiled again. Aerrend couldn’t help but wish to protect her from this conflict, from the war, that was coming, to stop it from killing her, like war had killed her birth-mother. But he knew that it was a burden she could carry, a burden she wanted to carry, a burden she would not let anyone take off of her shoulders. And the truth was, she had been involved, the empire had taken things from her, too. She had every right to be in this fight. 

“Did Dad also send you on a mission?” she asked, curiously.   
"Not today, no. One day, he will," Aerrend replied, "Where are you heading, your Highness?"  
"You know me well enough, to call me Leia," she said, her hands still resting on her hips, "I'm going to Tattoine. A diplomatic-"  
 _Tattoine?_  
"A diplomatic mission," Aerrend said, "Why Tattoine? Oh, right, top secret. Well, I hope to see you home again soon, Leia."  
Leia rushed over to give him a hug. "You'll have to come to dinner soon, Uncle Aerrend. Do you promise?"  
"I promise!" Aerrend whispered as he turned to leave the Princess to get on board. He made a couple of metres, before he heard her call his name. He turned around, facing the girl who would one day make a formidable Queen.  
"Have you ever heard of Obi-Wan Kenobi?" she asked.

The name. Aerrend hadn't heard it in years – too many years. It had been there, in his thoughts, but no one had ever said it aloud, and he had forbidden himself from saying it to other people a long time ago.   
It felt like the name belonged a person from a whole nother life.  
A life Aerrend remembered too well.


	2. Rescue Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aerrend heard steps all around his storage unit-prison cell. Was he being rescued? Was he being terminated? He didn't know, and he didn't care all that much. Whatever would get him out of this dreadfully hot place would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what follows is the actual main part of the story, which is mostly set 20 years before "A New Hope", explaining the connection between Aerrend and Obi-Wan hinted at in the prologue!  
> The chapters will be longer, but I hope it'll be worth getting through!

**20 BBY: Jakku, Inner Rim**  
Obi-Wan Kenobi hadn’t seen a planet this barren since the Occupation of Naboo had lead to his brief exile on Tattooine, with his old master Qui-Gon, Queen Amidala and her handmaidens. And just like Tattooine, Jakku was inhabited by the trash of the galaxy, using their power to mistreat the planet’s people and profit from them and their suffering. 

So, naturally, the bounty hunters who had kidnapped Aerrend Lus on his way to the Republic’s capital system Coruscant. They were doing so for the Confederacy of Independent Systems, and it’s leader Count Dooku, in order to hold sway over Alderaan and its Senator Bail Organa. Alderaan was a peaceful world, but greatly involved in resolving the Republic’s crisis. Senator Organa was one of the most prominent figures in the Senate, an ardent supporter of democracy. Having something against him could only be useful for the Separatists. 

Bail Organa had called for the Jedi Council for help. Aerrend was heading to Coruscant on his command after all, being a much needed help in all the senatorial duties combined with the war. Obi-Wan, who had helped the senator before, had been the one to take on the rescue efforts. As unfortunate as Aerrend Lus’ situation was, it came at a good time for the Jedi.

He was tired of the war, tired of being a general, tired of all these battles, all the fighting, all the strategizing. He missed when his duties were mostly peace keeping missions at the behest of the council, training Anakin or helping people across the galaxy. Rather than leading the war effort for the Republic and leading it’s army. They were clones, he knew that, but still, being responsible for the death of some of them ate him up. This mission was pleasant, for a change. Even if he knew there would be some sort of battle. 

The Jedi made his way through the dessert to the coordinates he had gotten from the hologram transmission Senator Organa had received. The temperatures definitely were worse than on Tattooine, and while the long sleeves under his woollen robe protected him from the sun’s impact, it got incredibly warm. He was glad that he wasn’t wearing the protective armour he usually wore in battles. 

~

Aerrend was locked up in a tiny room, almost a storage unit – it was very messy. His hands were restrained above his head, tied to a chain attached to the ceiling. He was propped up against some boxes. The way he was sitting was starting to feel uncomfortable, the heat in the room made his curls stick to his forehead. If he’d known he’d be kidnapped by bounty hunters, he’d have worn his more comfortable travel clothing. But considering that he expected to meet his senator and the Viceroy of his homeworld, he wore his fine, but slightly uncomfortable clothing, and his leather boots. 

_I’m such an idiot_ , he thought.

He should have brought his blaster with him. His ship had fallen under attack on a quick stop on a smaller system’s third moon. The attackers had only taken him, and for the sake of the pilots, he hoped that they were let go once the bounty hunters had gotten what they wanted. 

Something, or rather someone, to use as a threat against Alderaan. Something to use in negotiations. 

It was almost funny to him, that they thought he was of that big importance to anyone. He had no family, few friends, and no lover. If it wasn’t for his brilliant results at the royal academy, and his subsequent internship as a staffer at Queen Breha’s court, he wouldn’t even have ties to the royal family. Ties that had made his job in Coruscant possible. 

The senator and the Queen knew that he didn’t care for his life, especially if saving it went against Alderaan’s interests.

Being rescued was the lowest of priorities for his home world right now. Bail would have to find someone else to help him. Someone who wouldn’t fall victim to bounty hunters. Someone who was smart enough to carry a blaster. Aerrend wished he could open some of the buttons of his shirt, he wished that maybe someone here would help him take off his coat, or his stupid, shiny, leather boots. He cursed himself for being such a sucker for fashion. Bail wouldn’t have minded seeing him in casual, loose travel clothes, neither would Breha. They had taken interplanetary journeys themselves, and have come to appreciate less formal wear on trips that may take days. 

With his arms raised, breathing became harder, and his chest started to ache. Sharp waves of pain hit him. He was sore, and could barely move his shoulders. 

When a bounty hunter, a pale, tall humanoid with short hair, came to give him some water and food, he didn’t keep his mouth shut. 

“You’re aware that I won’t be of any use for you or your masters if I’m dead, right?” Aerrend asked, an air of superiority in his tone. “What do you mean? We give you water and food,” the pale man retorted. 

“With my hands like that, I won’t be able to breathe much longer,” Aerrend explained, “It’s simple as that.” 

“Is that some sort of trick?” 

“No. I have no idea where we are, but from the heat I assume it’s Mustafar, from the sand I assume it’s Tattooine, both are wrong, I have no idea how to get away from here,” Aerrend replied, “And I doubt I’ll be able to deal with all of you without a weapon.” Even if he had one, it would be a tough fight. He was a diplomat, not a fighter. He had taken self-defence and blaster lessons at the academy, but mostly because of infatuation with the teacher, not for reasons of interest, or talent. He barely passed the former, and though he was talented in the latter, it wouldn’t get him far, especially without a spaceship to escape in. 

“Just drink the water,” the man said, before pushing the bottle at Aerrend’s face. 

When Aerrend awoke again later, his chains were tied to the floor, giving him more freedom to move. The negotiation had been successful. 

~

Obi-Wan found himself confronted with an old, crashed spaceship, in the middle of the desert. If his coordinates were correct, he had reached his destination. Maybe it was the war, but he had expected it to be less… obvious. There should have been more droids, the hideout should have done the hiding which was part of its name. However, Obi-Wan apparently only had the unguarded ruin of a ship in his way to the mission’s completion. _Apparently._

If he had learned anything in the past few years, it was to never underestimate his opponents. But he could do without those droids, and their blasters, though the bounty hunters and their blasters were just as bad. They weren’t the enemy’s forces in a big scale war. They were just bounty hunters. Even if some of them had caused trouble in the past. 

Obi-Wan’s hand rested on his lightsaber, as he snuck around the ruin, trying to find the entrance. He sensed the presence of a guard nearby, so he had to be close. The Jedi analysed his strategic options. It was a storm attack, or he had to somehow knock out the guard, before other people noticed. Though, sneaking around their base to eliminate every single guard would be hard to keep up for long. 

There seemed to be no droids nearby, and he overwhelmed the two people guarding the wreck – he couldn’t even think of any other word to describe what he saw – rather quickly, without even using his lightsaber. The doors unlocked easily with the hand of one of the guards, and Obi-Wan stepped inside, greeted with more humid air than outside, once again cursing his traditional Jedi clothing. It had been unbearable on Queen Amidala’s ship on Tattooine, it was even more unbearable here. 

“Now, where do I find a senatorial aide in here?” he asked himself out loud. He figured that sneaking around wasn’t doing much, so he would simply walk through this shipwreck carefully, trying to find a place where they’d put a hostage. 

~

The leader of the gang of bounty hunters stood at the cockpit of the aircraft. He was there alone, having sent the other’s away to set the trap for the Jedi Master, so he could talk to their master in peace. 

“The Jedi has arrived, and entered out shipwreck. He seems unaware that we are able to fly,” he said to the man in the hologram. His hood was pulled down into his face, and the bounty hunter couldn’t make out whom he was talking to. Was it Count Dooku, the leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, or the some leader from the Trade Federation? A mole in the senate? He wasn’t sure. Whoever that was, he was rather intimidating, and he wasn’t keen on disappointing him. Bringing him the news of the Jedi’s arrival relieved him.

“You did a good job, bounty hunter,” the hooded figure said, “Once he’s in your custody, you may leave that dreadful place.” 

“Master, our aircraft may not suffice for hyperspace travel, or any intergalactic travel at all,” the bounty hunter replied, “How are we to leave the system?” 

“Nute Gunray is on a system near Jakku. You will rendezvous with his cruiser at once, and bring the Jedi and the hostage to Mustafar. Wait for Gunray’s signal.” The hologram disappeared, their master had ended their conversation without as much as a goodbye. 

_Mustafar._

The bounty hunter had never been there, he hardly ever left Jakku ever since other, more capable bounty hunters had taken over and pushed him out of business. He retired to Jakku, where he established a small gang. They usually terrorised the local villages, and when they were approached to take Aerrend Lus hostage, he hesitated. Should he really get involved with this? Then he heard who he would be working for. The Confederacy of Independent Systems. They would be his road to renewed glory, all those who had pushed him out of business would admire and fear him, when he’d work with the Confederacy at his side.

“Send in the droids,” he told the others via commlink, “Don’t let that Jedi get away.” 

~

Aerrend heard steps all around his storage unit-prison cell. Was he being rescued? Was he being terminated? He didn’t know, and he didn’t care all that much. Whatever would get him out of this dreadfully hot place would do. Whatever would get him out of this nightmare. He heard some clanking, mechanic noises, and knew that there was no one to rescue him. These were droids, the robot-army of the Confederacy. But sending in droids meant that maybe there was someone to rescue him here, he just had to help him find him. 

~

Obi-Wan had walked halfway through the ship, when he heard a lot of steps. Mechanic steps. _Droids_ , he thought. This couldn’t be good. 

He made his way through the corridor, lightsaber in his hand, searching for an air vent to climb in and crawl through. Once he had made a turn left and followed that way to the end, he felt a presence nearby. Was that a bounty hunter? Or the hostage? Considering this was the storage unit, both seemed possible. However, the energy he sensed wasn’t hostile, it wasn’t alert. It was… hopeful, despite the circumstances. He sensed a lot of fear, but beneath it, there was hope. 

He looked around and approached the door, which wasn’t even locked. He slid it open, and saw a man who was chained to the floor. The man darted around to look at him, suddenly defensive. 

~

“Who are you?” he asked. Obi-Wan lifted his lightsaber. “I’m a Jedi Knight. Senator Organa sent me to rescue you,” Obi-Wan responded. He looked at the man, whom he was told was Aerrend Lus and couldn’t really place him. 

Even with a slight stubble on his chin, he looked young. His dark curls were sticking to his forehead, but still, he looked like he was at least 10 years younger than Obi-Wan. Maybe even 15. His expression was determined, yet again contrasted with the boyish shape of his face. Obi-Wan couldn’t think of a reason, why anyone would think him important and influential enough to hold hostage, or why he should be someone working for a senator, or even working as a representative. But _stars_ , he was handsome. 

Aerrend got up, holding his restricted hands that were tied to the floor. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile, and used his lightsaber to cut the chain. Aerrend stumbled around for a moment, tilting back and forth until Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder steadying him. “Careful,” he said, “I’m trying to remove those restraints now, and I’m not keen on hurting you.”

The young Alderaanian man moved closer, stretching out his hands. “You’re the first person in this wreck who doesn’t want to hurt me,” he muttered. Obi-Wan sensed that there was a deeper meaning behind these words. The tough façade his opposite had put up didn’t hide the fear and despair he felt. The Jedi didn’t want to pry, he wasn’t sure it was his place, so a comforting hand on the shoulder and a smile was all he could give in that moment. 

“How long have I been stuck here? It’s hard to tell, there is no sunlight,” Aerrend asked, while the Jedi Knight tried to remove the restraints. Once successful, Aerrend rubbed his wrists to relief the tension and pain from them. Relief even showed on his face as at least one of his pains was eased. 

“A couple of days,” Obi-Wan explained. 

“You took your time then. With your rescue.” 

“We had to find you first. No one expected Jakku, until the bounty hunters told the senator,” Obi-Wan responded, “That’s why I’m here now.” 

“A single Jedi Knight? I must be very important, then,” Aerrend said sarcastically, “Important enough to be kidnapped by the Separatists and rescued by the Jedi. Finally, this war has pulled me in.” 

Obi-Wan smiled to himself. _Stars, he is witty._

“It’s not over yet, Aerrend,” he said, “We still have to get out of here.” 

“And there are droids here, aren’t they?” Aerrend asked, shaking out his wrists – he was eyeing Obi-Wan carefully, but once the Jedi met his gaze, he quickly turned away. 

_Intriguing_ , the Jedi thought. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan replied, wondering how the younger man knew of the droids presence. 

“I need a blaster.” 

“I don’t have one.” 

“This is a rescue mission, and you didn’t bring a blaster?” 

Obi-Wan raised his lightsaber again. “You don’t sound like the pacifist Senator Organa made you out to be,” he said.

Aerrend scoffed. “Just because I want to blast my way out of here, doesn’t mean I support this endless war. I need a weapon to help you rescue me, that’s simple logic. I thought Jedi Knights were full of that! But apparently they’re just full of themselves.” 

“I have my lightsaber, it’s a much more civilised weapon. And I don’t need help rescuing you,” Obi-Wan retorted. Just as he said that, there was a tremble, a shake on the ground, so sudden Aerrend stumbled straight into Obi-Wan, sending both of them against the wall, where Obi-Wan held them steady, focusing on what was happening. 

~

“Let go of me,” Aerrend said.

“We’re flying,” Obi-Wan said, “This… wreck… is flying.” 

“What!?” Aerrend asked, maybe a bit too loud, as there were a lot of steps coming towards them now. 

“We need to get out of here,” Obi-Wan said, finally letting go of the younger man, and bracing himself for battle. 

He slid the door open, and was immediately greeted with a lot of blasters firing in their direction. 

“Get down!” he yelled, as he tried to block as many blasts as he could.

“Get me a blaster,” Aerrend commanded, ducking from the lasers. Obi-Wan grumbled something, finally annoyed with the handsome, witty stranger, and used the force to get one of the defeated droid’s blaster for him. 

“You’re not royalty, and I’m the one rescuing you. Stop giving me orders!” Obi-Wan responded as he fired back lasers at the approaching droids. 

“Well, we’re taking off, we’re getting the hell blasted at us, so what kind of rescue is this?” Aerrend snarled, as he got up to open fire on the droids. 

Obi-Wan growled in response, annoyed with the situation, and annoyed with the one he was to rescue. He send the droids flying back, using the force, and closed the door, pushing all the boxes in front of it, to stall the incoming wave of droids. 

“Into the air vents,” he said, pointing directly at them, “Now!” 

Aerrend raised his hands in defence. “Alright, no need to yell.”

With the Jedi’s help, he climbed up into the air vent, followed by Obi-Wan. Then, they were crawling in the dusty air vent system. 

“What’s the point of this now?” he asked. 

“This is my escape plan,” Obi-Wan responded. 

The Alderaanian sighed deeply, and muttered something under his breath. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. By the force, how could someone be so stuck-up?

“I hope this stupid bloody war ends soon, so I’ll never have to get rescued by you again,” Aerrend whispered, more to himself. 

A smile spread on Obi-Wan’s face. “I hope I never have to rescue you again,” he replied. 

_By the force, I like him_ , he thought to himself. 

~

As Aerrend crawled through the vents, with the Jedi Knight telling him where to go, he felt his annoyance with the stranger fade. A Jedi had come to rescue him – of all people. He had heard of the Jedi Knights, of their laser swords, their service to the Republic. He had never before heard that they could be so handsome. And charming. Both things that were terribly inconvenient for Aerrend and his heart. 

But there was something else about the bearded Jedi Knight that pulled at him – something beyond the way he talked, the way he looked or even the fact that he had come to rescue him.

“Aerrend?” the Jedi asked, he had apparently tried talking to him. The Alderaanian shook his head, a slight blush colouring his face. “Sorry,” he muttered in response. 

_Stars, don’t make your old mistakes again_ , he thought, _don’t fall for him._


	3. Hold Steady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, I think Master Jedi is quite a mouthful to say every time. Do you have a name?" Aerrend asked, casually, pretending not to be interested in the handsome stranger who had come to rescue him.

**20 BBY, Jakku, Inner Rim**   
“What do you mean you’ve lost them?” the head of the bounty hunters asked, faced with three of the battle droids. 

“Sir, they seem to have vanished,” one of the droids responded. 

“There is no proof of a life form in that storage room anymore,” the second one added. 

“How can you lose a hostage and a Jedi?” the bounty hunter asked, still trying to grasp that what had been his way to fame and influence in the bounty hunter world mere 15 minutes ago was gone now. It had vanished into thin air, apparently. Could Jedi do that?

“The Jedi was powerful, he eliminated half of our troops,” Droid #1 spoke again, “Maybe he used some Jedi trick.” 

“Those wouldn’t work on us, would they?” Droid #2 responded. Droid #3 stood there with a puzzled look on his mechanic face. 

The bounty hunter threw everything he could around. “We’re about to Rendezvous with Nute Gunray from the Separatist Leadership, and we have no hostage to give him?” he yelled, “Because you stupid, little battle droids were too incompetent to keep them in a storage unit?” 

“To be fair, it was stupid to keep a hostage in a storage unit in the first place, sir,” Droid #3 spoke. 

The bounty hunter was about to lose it, when one of his own pack-members spoke up. 

“There’s an air vent in the storage unit. That’s the only way they could have escaped from that room, with the entrance blocked,” they said. 

The bounty hunter sighed. “Take the others with you, and search for them. We don’t have much time until we’re faced with the Separatists. Leave the droids out of this.” 

The pack member nodded, and went their way. 

~

Aerrend crawled through the air ventilation system of a space ship that looked like it had already been outdated at the occupation of Naboo. Maybe even years before that. He breathed in some dust, and coughed it back out immediately. 

“This ship is a wreck. There’s dust and dirt everywhere,” Aerrend mumbled, “I hate this place. What a wretched part of the galaxy.” 

“Careful, not every planet is as wealthy and prestigious as yours, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan replied, “Maybe this was all they could afford.” 

“Are you defending the place I had been held hostage in for the past couple of days? And the people who have kept me here?” Aerrend fired back. His cheeks were burning, because he didn’t want the Jedi to think he was conceited or arrogant, even if he was right about it. But every opportunity to fight and disagree with the handsome stranger was a welcome one to him.

“No, I’m not,” Obi-Wan replied, “I’m just saying that we’re probably heading towards whoever really is in charge, and I’m afraid you won’t like that place any more than this one.” 

“Who do you think is in charge of this?” Aerrend asked, partially to shift the conversation and partially out of interest.

“Count Dooku? General Grievous? Could be anyone in the Confederacy,” Obi-Wan explained, “Either way, it’s going to be dangerous. We’re two people. A Jedi, and a boy with a blaster, against a ship full of bounty hunters, and droids. It’s looking grim.” 

“I’m not a boy with a blaster!” Aerrend snarled. He didn’t like being seen as a young boy, in need of rescue. Especially not by the Jedi. There was something about him. The way he smiled, the way he fought, the way he kept up with Aerrend, the way he already challenged him. “What’s your plan then, General?” 

“I don’t think this piece of junk will get us far, so I suppose they’ll rendezvous with a cruiser. I doubt this thing has any working escape pods, so it’s best to remain somewhere save and undetected, until we can sneak on a spaceship that’s on that cruiser and jump into lightspeed,” General Kenobi explained, “And then get the hell out of here.” 

“So you’re allowed to call this a piece of junk?” Aerrend asked. Obi-Wan didn’t respond, and Aerrend hoped he hadn’t taxed his patience too much. They went on in silence for a moment. But then curiosity won, and Aerrend asked the question that had been on his mind for some time now. 

“So, I think Master Jedi is quite a mouthful to say every time I want your attention. Do you have a name?” Aerrend asked, casually – feigning disinterest in the handsome stranger who had come to rescue him. 

“You haven’t heard of me yet?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“I have not paid much attention to the Jedi Order, General,” Aerrend replied, “I know that you lead the Republic forces in the war I despise so much.” 

“That…” Obi-Wan began, “The chancellor… and the Jedi Council made that decision together. The Senate agreed. It’s for the best.” Something told Aerrend that the Jedi Knight wasn’t all that sure about the last part of his statement. 

“I’m Obi-Wan,” the Jedi-turned-general added, “Obi-Wan Kenobi.” 

Their pleasant chatter came to a halt when the air vent collapsed underneath both of them and made them fall into another storage unit. 

Obi-Wan managed to land on his feet. Aerrend wasn’t as lucky. But what was one more bruise in this endless ordeal? 

“Careful there,” he said, with a smile, “You might fall.”   
Aerrend got up from the floor and dusted himself off. “You think?”   
The floor underneath them rumbled again, sending Aerrend right back into the arms of the Jedi. For a moment Aerrend felt like he didn’t have much power to stand anymore, from all the days in the heat, irregular sleep, lack of food and water. And resting his head on the Jedi Knights shoulder seemed like a safe haven from the violence of the past few days.

Obi-Wan grabbed the younger man and held him steady. “Careful,” he reiterated, his voice softer than before, softer he intended it to be, “I think we’re in the tractor beam of their cruiser now. If that wasn’t why the ship suddenly jolted about, we’ll be dead soon.”

Aerrend didn’t take many of the words in, he didn’t even really understand the meaning. He was too tired, too worn out.   
Despite being on a bounty hunter’s wreck of a ship on his way to a Separatist war ship, he felt safe. Something he hadn’t felt in a very long time.   
_It feels so good to be held by him_ , a tiny voice within him said.  
Aerrend hadn’t allowed himself to feel that, with anyone. Not even people he considered friends, like the queen or the senator. He hadn’t even allowed himself to think about letting someone put his hands on his back, and hold him steady in his arms. The past had taught him that such longings were dangerous, and always lead to heartache. 

He opened his eyes again, and pushed all thoughts that longed to stay like this – in Obi-Wan’s arms – away. He couldn’t allow himself to seek safety, or tenderness. It would just wreak havoc on him, leaving him with nothing in the end. Again. 

He pulled himself from Obi-Wan’s arms. 

“Sorry,” he said, “I’m… I… I feel…” He thought, but he couldn’t find any words to explain. 

“I know,” Obi-Wan replied, “We’ll get out you out of here. Just focus for a few moments more, once we have a ship, I’ll take care of the rest.” 

Aerrend nodded, and tightened his grip on the blaster. 

“I’ll get you home.” Obi-Wan whispered, a gentle hand resting on Aerrend’s shoulder. Aerrend allowed himself to look into the kind, grey-blue eyes staring back at him

~

Once they headed out of the storage unit, they sneaked down the hall, each alert to any droids or bounty hunters. “We have to find an exit,” Obi-Wan said, “That way we’ll avoid combat.”   
He glanced around, and then checked on Aerrend once more.   
Just a moment ago, he had seemed so fragile, like this ordeal had taken a bigger toll on him than he knew. But now he was back to being focused, his eyes sharp, assessing the situation as Obi-Wan had done just now. There was no sign of the man the Jedi had just held in his arms. 

“This way,” Obi-Wan said, “I’ll lead, keep an eye on what’s behind us.”

“Will do,” Aerrend replied. Obi-Wan wanted to avoid any battles. He wasn’t sure if that was because of his own disinterest in further conflict, and more fighting, or if he wanted to protect Aerrend from further harm. Probably a combination of both. 

They took a left turn, then a right. 

“There’s no sign of droids anymore,” Aerrend said. 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Obi-Wan replied. 

After the next turn, they ran face first into the group of bounty hunters. 

Obi-Wan cursed under his breath, using a word Anakin used all the time when things went wrong.

“Well, well, well,” one of them, a pretty gruesome looking humanoid, said, “There are the fugitives.”

Obi-Wan grabbed his light saber and ignited it. 

“What are a Jedi Knight and a boy going to do?” a woman in the group asked. They all had sharpened weapons. 

Obi-Wan jumped into his attack, taking out two of the weaker ones swiftly, but the remaining bounty hunters were stronger, more experienced. 

“Obi-Wan!” Aerrend whispered. He motioned him to take a few steps back. Then, a blast hit the tubes over the hallway, cutting them open. Obi-Wan felt someone grab the back of his robes to pull him back, as he watched smoke, gas and toxic liquids rain down on the bounty hunters.

He almost smiled at Aerrend. “That should buy us some time,” he said.   
Aerrend looked at him for a moment, before looking away again. “Let’s go,” he said and ran towards some sort of exit. 

~

Nute Gunray wasn’t too pleased about taking a Jedi and a hostage on his cruiser, let alone let some junkyard-planet bounty hunters land their outdated aircraft on his cruiser. It would look too shabby amongst his collection of expensive spaceships, some bought from people who stole them from the republic, some bought for the Confederacy, some old relics from the Occupation of Naboo. 

“We will get rid of them as soon as we have the hostages,” he said to his staff on board. 

The droid took in the words. “Shall we execute them, sir?” 

“Let me ask Lord Sidious what we are to do with them. The orders come directly from him,” Nute Gunray replied. 

~

“We have to jump as soon as the ship comes to a halt,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend followed his gaze along the landing platform. There were few droids there, some ships. One ship that caught the Jedi’s eye in particular. 

“A stolen Republic trade ship?” he asked when he saw it too. 

“Exactly,” Obi-Wan responded, “I know how to fly it, it has defence weapons, and will get us to Coruscant fast.” 

“So, we get on that one and get out of here?” Aerrend asked. Despite their ordeal until now, this all seemed too easy. It would never work.

Obi-Wan shook his head. “There’s a tractor beam, and the ship’s hyperdrive might be disabled.”

“So we have to disable the first, and maybe enable the second?” Aerrend asked, wishing he had paid more attention when his classmates talked about fixing up old aircrafts and spaceships, or when his internship forced him to the Palace’s spaceport to work along the mechanics. 

Obi-Wan nodded. “I’ll find a way to disable the tractor beam, you can stay with the ship.” 

“We’re deep in Confederacy territory, I won’t let you walk around their cruiser on your own!” Aerrend gasped. “I’m a Jedi Knight and a General,” Obi-Wan said, a gentle smile painting his face, “And I’m on a rescue mission. You’re not on any mission to rescue yourself.” 

Aerrend’s gaze turned towards Obi-Wan’s face. “I don’t care, I can’t stay with the ship on my own.” 

“I’ll be careful, and back before you know it,” Obi-Wan responded. Aerrend’s focus had been used up for getting them away from the bounty hunters, now he couldn’t even focus to filter the words that left his mouth. 

“I’ve been alone with bounty hunters, down on a planet for days. I can’t be alone on a spaceship full of battle droids, in space. It’s cold and empty and alone,” he blurted out. He knew he was tired, he knew he was weak, he knew he’d be a burden any step of the way to disable the tractor beam. But he couldn’t bare being alone again, not until they were somewhere safe, somewhere familiar. He had no family on Alderaan, yet somehow he found that leaving the planet may have taken him from the one place he knew, the one place where he felt something that even resembled a sense of home. 

If that Jedi Knight left him alone again, on this vast landing platform, he would lose his mind. 

He studied Obi-Wan’s face, and was startled when their gazes met. He expected annoyance with his neediness, but, while the Jedi’s expression was hard to read, he didn’t seem upset. 

Obi-Wan sighed. “Fine,” he answered, “but if we get caught, and locked up together, I’ll blame you.” 

“That’s fair enough,” he said. At least if they got caught, and put in a cell together, he wouldn’t be alone. Not this time. 

The ship landed, and Obi-Wan reached for the switch that opened their emergency door immediately. Aerrend felt two arms wrap around him and then he was flying down the side of the ship. Their fall was halted at the last possible moment, and Aerrend was released from Obi-Wans grip. Aerrend tumbled on the floor for a second, trying to recover from the fall. 

“I didn’t know a Jedi could do that,” he mumbled. 

“Good to know there’s still ways to surprise you. So you don’t know anything about that order you despise,” Obi-Wan responded. He went ahead, and Aerrend quickly followed him, his hand resting on the blaster. 

“I don’t despise the Jedi order,” Aerrend said, “I despise the war.” 

Obi-Wan didn’t respond, and Aerrend dropped it. They had to be quiet now. “Are you familiar with construction plans of spaceships?” he asked in a whisper.

“Not really, but I’ve heard enough to know. I usually fly smaller spaceships. Republic Fighters. But I think I know how to turn the tractor beam off. Follow me,” the Jedi responded. 

Aerrend followed him, keeping an eye out for any enemies. They sneaked into the depths of the ship. 

~

“You’ve lost them?? You’ve lost them in an enclosed spaceship?? Where would they have escaped to? Into space??” the head bounty hunter asked. No, he screamed those words, overwhelmed with anger, overwhelmed with fear. What would he say to the delegates of the Confederacy? What would he say to whomever hired them to kidnap Aerrend Lus and bait a Jedi into being captured? “Oh, sorry, we’ve lost them in outer space!”? No, he couldn’t do that. His head was on the line, his return to success was on the line. 

“Well. They’ve tricked us,” one of his pack-members stammered. 

“A Jedi and some spoiled brat from Alderaan? How?” 

“The tubes. They fired into them, and stuff exploded. They used the moment-“ 

“You’re a bunch of useless scum, you know that? How can they trick you with some tubes and some dust. Come on, they can’t have gone far now, can they? They must be somewhere on this cruiser. I’ll stall with Gunray, you’ll find them. Or we’ll all die,” he commanded.

His pack didn’t say a word. Would they start a mutiny now? 

Then they nodded, and went their way. They sneaked out of one of the many broken exits of the ship, onto the Confederacy cruiser, and tried to find the fugitives. 

~

Obi-Wan glanced over his shoulder at every turn. He should focus on what was ahead, but with the way Aerrend trailed behind him, he worried, that he wouldn’t keep up and get lost. 

Whatever had happened to him the past few days, had clearly upset and exhausted him in ways Obi-Wan didn’t want to imagine. He didn’t want to lose him now, on this ship. As much as Aerrend tried to appear like a tough, feisty prince, Obi-Wan had quickly noticed that most of it was just a façade. A fact which made the young Alderaanian even more intriguing to him. He shook it off. _This is just a mission_ , he told himself, _stay focused._

He stopped, when he heard Battle Droids walking about not far from them. Once he had made out where they came from, and where they most likely would go, he found an alcove in the corridor and pulled Aerrend in there with him. The young man was very startled. Obi-Wan quickly had overestimated the size of their hiding spot, as they were almost standing chest to chest now. They both tried their hardest to not look at one another. 

Aerrend let out a nervous chuckle. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it all under control,” Obi-Wan said, “Not my first encounter with these droids.” 

He was used to these kind of situations, but usually he had Anakin, Ahsoka, or a group of clones with him. Running into enemy forces wouldn’t be as much of a problem as it was now. 

“Do you know basic fighting techniques?” he whispered. 

“I know basics, the stuff I learned at the academy… years ago,” Aerrend replied, “I’m a bit rusty.”

“I’m starting to think that combat is inevitable, and I’d prefer to know if I had a good fighter with me or not,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I’m a diplomat, not a soldier,” Aerrend explained, “But I think I’ll manage fighting some droids.” 

Obi-Wan grabbed Aerrend’s arm and pulled him out of their hiding. “We should be almost there, stay alert,” Obi-Wan said, as he walked on, “And have someone teach you more than the basics when we’re back on Coruscant. I know that you despise this war, but while it’s still going on, even diplomats should know how to fight.” 

Obi-Wan could see Aerrend picking up pace, but his face winced with pain at every step. They ran on, Obi-Wan wanted to be patient, but the sooner they’d get out of this, the better. “Uhm,” Aerrend began behind him, after a while, “Obi-Wan?” 

“What is it, Aerrend?” Obi-Wan asked, trying to focus on how to find this damned control station. 

“The bounty hunters are behind us,” Aerrend exclaimed the second their first blast hit the wall next to them. Obi-Wan turned around and pulled Aerrend out of harm’s way from the second blast. It, however, damaged the young man’s dashing coat.   
He ignited his light saber, and held off the incoming blasts, while Aerrend fired at them. “I’m going to get closer to them, you’ll stay here,” Obi-Wan said, “Try not to fire at me.” 

This was almost like having a padawan again. If only Aerrend had a weapon for close combat, this would be easier. 

Obi-Wan dodged a lot of the blows, and then finally got entangled in a fight with the bounty hunters. He managed to take out one of them, and engage two, but the fourth one slipped through his defences and made her way to Aerrend. 

“Watch out!” he yelled, as he dodged another attack and cut down the weapon of the other with his light saber. Then he took a blow to his ribcage that forced the air out of his lungs, and for a second it felt just like war. He had to focus on his own battle now, and hope that Aerrend would manage for as long as it would take him to knock out his opponents. 

He dodged another hit, fought back with a swift kick and hit the other one with his saber. He heard Aerrend yell in pain, but sensed that he was fighting back, getting in a few good hits against his opponent. 

One more kick and he had taken the smaller one out, and now he could use his force against the second one. Just then, Obi-Wan saw the bounty hunter collapse, revealing a troop of droids coming their way. 

“We’ve got company,” Obi-Wan yelled, as he made his way towards Aerrend. He gave a swift kick to the woman’s legs to take the ground from under her and then grabbed Aerrend to just run away as fast as they could. Aerrend looked okay, he had taken a few hits, his coat was in shreds on the floor now. 

“Lock the door!” one of the droids said. Another punched in a button, and Obi-Wan saw a door slowly close in front of them. 

“Quick!” he yelled, and pulled Aerrend with him. 

They made it through the door just in time. Aerrend pulled his wrist from Obi-Wan’s grib, and rubbed it. 

“Really? You’ve fought a bounty hunter, but I’ve grabbed your delicate wrists too harshly, while I was trying to save your life?” Obi-Wan asked, while jamming his sword into the electronics of the door, disabling the droids from opening it again. 

Aerrend just looked at him, silently, before suddenly bursting into laughter. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but grin. “You’re strange, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, “I gotta give you that.” 

As a general, he was so used to battle, it didn’t have any impact on him anymore. Aerrend, on the other hand, wasn’t. So any battle, any narrow escape, would give him a rush of energy. _Adrenaline._ He would be re-energised, laughter would come in the strangest of situations, but once the effect had worn off, he knew that Aerrend would probably be unable to stand. 

To his relief, they were there. Finally. The control station. He let Aerrend stand guard, as he quickly disabled the switches for the tractor beam. He found his companion leaning against a wall, keeping tight grip on his blaster. 

“The droids will not engage with the bounty hunters,” Obi-Wan said, “We need to get away as quickly as possible, to avoid further combat. Are you ready?” 

Aerrend nodded. Obi-Wan took the lead and ran for it, finding a way back to the spaceport. He wanted to lead this rescue mission to a successful end. 

~

Nute Gunray wasn’t fazed by what the bounty hunter had to say. He knew he was stalling, and once his droids reported a couple of lost bounty hunters on the ship, he knew what was up. 

The bounty hunters were led to the spaceport by droids, summoned by the trade federation official. 

“You have lost the Jedi, and the boy from Alderaan,” Nute Gunray spoke, “Lord Sidious will not be pleased.” 

The head bounty hunter swallowed hard. 

“You were asked to bring a Jedi and a hostage,” Nute Gunray continued, “You have brought none of that. You have failed. The Confederacy cannot accept such incompetence.” 

He enjoyed being the one with more power. He enjoyed having the upper hand, after being a toy in Lord Sidious’s game these past few years. 

“Lord Gunray,” the head bounty hunter began, “We can find them. We just need some time.” 

“My droids have found your troops incapacitated, bounty hunter. I will not give you another chance. My droids are on it now. But you will have to answer for your failure.” 

The droids pointed their guns at the pack of bounty hunters. 

“Take them away,” Gunray said, watching the droids bring the bounty hunters towards the cells. He spoke some orders to his droid generals. _Find the Jedi._

~

When they arrived at the spaceport, they were faced with more droid presence than before. And Nute Gunray was there. 

Aerrend had almost run into Obi-Wan, who suddenly came to a halt to assess the situation. 

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” the Jedi Knight said. Aerrend looked over the vast room in front of them. If he still had any common sense left in him, he would refuse to walk to the ship. 

They’d be dead before they made it halfway there. At least he would. Maybe the Jedi would realise that he was stuck with baggage and getting away was much easier without him. After all, Aerrend wasn’t important. Not for Alderaan, not for the Jedi, not for the Republic and not for anyone, really. 

“It doesn’t look too good, does it?” Aerrend asked, once more looking at the amount of droids present. What would he do besides being a burden for Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan shook his head. “Would you make it without me?” Aerrend asked.

“Don’t be silly, I won’t leave you behind,” Obi-Wan responded quickly, “They would kill you.” 

“I know, but I’m not important. I don’t have family, I’m just a nobody and-,” Aerrend began, before Obi-Wan interrupted him. 

“Will you shut up, or do I have to make you shut up?” Obi-Wan asked, his eyes now looking directly into Aerrend’s.   
Aerrend’s cheeks flushed, and he suddenly very much wanted to make it to Coruscant alive, but also find out how Obi-Wan would make him shut up. “Come on, we’re getting out of here. Both of us,” Obi-Wan said, suddenly looking away, “Maybe not without injury, but I won’t leave you here.” 

Things seemed to calm down once Gunray had left. At least a bit. Obi-Wan observed the droids, and found flaws in their surveillance. He guided Aerrend a few meters at a time before finding things to hide, nooks to disappear into. Aerrend would be fascinated, if he wasn’t so afraid to die. 

They made it close to the ship without getting caught. 

“We’ll have to make a run for it now,” Obi-Wan said, “We will be seen, they will fire at us. I have my lightsaber ready. Just try to fire at them and take out some of them. And try not to get shot. Understood?” Obi-Wan explained, now all in his element as a general. 

Aerrend nodded. He understood. _Fire at them. Try not to get shot. Easy._

Obi-Wan nodded again. And then they ran. 

“There they are,” a droid yelled. 

And the firing began. Aerrend fired at some droids, Obi-Wan jumped about with his lightsaber, trying to protect them both from any blasts, and deflect them back into the droid army. 

They reached the stolen Republic ship, Obi-Wan stood in front of it, and yelled at Aerrend to get in. 

Once he was in, he turned and waited for Obi-Wan. He was still fighting. 

A droid was getting very close to him and Obi-Wan didn’t seem to notice. Aerrend ran back down the platform and fired at the droid. 

Obi-Wan eliminated the few he was fighting, turned to Aerrend and mouthed a thank you. The smile the Jedi gave him made his heart flutter and gave him a fuzzy feeling, that suddenly was overshadowed a jolt of pain in his arm. Letting out a scream, he dropped the blaster. 

Obi-Wan rushed to him, pulling him into the ship, and ran towards the cockpit. “Do you know how to use a ships defence blasters?” he asked. Aerrend nodded. “I was pretty good at that at the academy,” he replied. He made a run for the blasters, as Obi-Wan started to take off. 

“Is the hyperdrive alright?” Aerrend asked, trying to not think of the pain in his arm. Or the blood trickling down his sleeve. 

“It should be working,” Obi-Wan said. The engines were rumbling, and Aerrend fired at the droids while the ship was taking off. 

It was big, it wasn’t a fighter. It was a ship purely for trade and transport.   
He hoped there were bandages on this ship. “Hold on,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend reached for something to hold on to as the ship jumped into hyperspace. 

They both rushed to the centre of the ship, full of adrenaline. Aerrend wanted to hug the Jedi, but he didn’t know if that was the proper way of doing it. They stood there, awkwardly, until Obi-Wan looked down at his arm. 

“You’re bleeding,” he said, matter-of-factly. Aerrend looked down at his sleeve, soaked with blood. “Oh,” he said. Now he had lost his fancy coat and his shirt. _Great work, Aerrend,_ he thought. Obi-Wan took him by the arm. “Come on, let’s find something to fix that with.”

They found something to bandage the wound with, and Aerrend collapsed in one of the chairs in the cockpit. He took off his boots and leaned into the chair. 

~

Obi-Wan pressed a few buttons, set the ship on autopilot on the route to Coruscant.

He turned his seat around, wanting to talk to his travel companion. Maybe to get to know him a bit better before their ways were inevitably parting.

Aerrend, however, had fallen asleep. Obi-Wan studied him. He was sitting there barefoot, in dark pants and a light-blue undershirt. His curly hair was dishevelled, his chin was stubbly. He looked so young, so fragile even. Like anything might break him at any moment. But even in his sleep, he seemed to be on guard. As if he was trying to protect himself, and stop others from getting too close. 

Aerrend shivered. 

Obi-Wan would have given him his cloak as a blanket, but he had left it down on Jakku. He looked around for a blanket, until he found one in one of the medicine cabinets, and put it on Aerrend. He sat back down and looked out into space. 

He wanted more time with Aerrend. Time, to figure him out. But now they were going back to Coruscant. Aerrend would be busy with politics, Obi-Wan would go back to being busy with the war. They probably wouldn’t see each other much. Or at all. 

_It’s just a mission. Nothing more._

But at least he got him back to safety. That was his mission. Rescue Aerrend Lus, and bring him to Coruscant. He had completed the mission, and it shouldn’t be more to him. 

Obi-Wan glanced back at Aerrend. He shouldn’t be more than a mission to him. 

But stars, he wanted to know Aerrend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, finally, Obi-Wan and Aerrend have made their escape from the bounty hunters and the separatists.  
> I hope you enjoyed it, especially the dynamic between the two of them so far. I quite enjoyed writing the bickering they have going on.  
> Let me know in the comments what your thoughts are!


	4. New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan took a step towards him, and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. “My first official appearance in the Republic’s Capital… and I’m wrapped in a blanket,” Aerrend noted. Obi-Wan put a hand on the younger man’s back and guided him towards the ships exit. “At least we’re both alive and almost healthy,” he replied.

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds.**  
Aerrend woke up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes, squinting to try and get used to the daylight, and found himself looking into the eyes of the Jedi Knight who had rescued him. A slight smile painted the Jedi’s his face, which didn’t quite manage to cover up the fact that he was tired. 

“Oh,” Aerrend mumbled, feeling a sense of guilt, “How long was I out?” He stretched his arms, reigniting the pain from having his arms tied up above his head for days, and also getting shot in one arm on top of that. It felt worse now that he had slept in a chair. He looked down and saw that he was covered in a blanket. Had the Jedi done that? Aerrend felt both warm and uneasy at this tiny act of kindness.

“Almost a day,” Obi-Wan responded. He stood, leaning against the pilot seat.   
“Oh, I’m sorry, I should have tried to-.”  
“No, it’s fine,” Obi-Wan said, “I put this ship on autopilot, and got a few hours of sleep myself.”   
_Not nearly enough_ , Aerrend wanted to say. He felt bad for sleeping that long. It must have been hard for the Jedi to do all the work by himself – and spent all that time in solitude. Obi-Wan had already gone through more than enough trouble for him. 

“We’re home,” Obi-Wan said.   
“We’re on Coruscant?” Aerrend asked, suppressing the sadness that came with realising that _home_ wasn’t Alderaan anymore. It was only now settling in that he had moved across the galaxy.   
Obi-Wan gave him a nod. “Senator Organa is waiting for you outside on the landing platform, alongside some members of his staff.”   
Aerrend shrugged off the blanket. “Is it cold on this planet?” he asked, realising he was only wearing his light-blue undershirt. His coat, and his shirt had been lost on his journey here.   
Obi-Wan grabbed the blanket. “It’s windy on these landing platforms. You might get cold.”   
Aerrend struggled to put his boots on and got up, carefully to not crash into the Jedi’s arms again. “Well, it’s better to get it over with, then.”   
Obi-Wan took a step towards him, and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. “My first official appearance in the Republic’s Capital… and I’m wrapped in a blanket,” Aerrend noted. Obi-Wan put a hand on the younger man’s back and guided him towards the ships exit. “At least we’re both alive and almost healthy,” he replied. 

~

The senator stood waiting for them, just as Obi-Wan had said. There also were two men, dressed in robes like Obi-Wan’s, standing beside the senator. There was some space between them – a clear division between the politicians and the Jedi. 

“Senator Organa,” Aerrend spoke, bowing his head to his superior.   
“Aerrend,” Senator Organa responded, as he took a few steps towards them and clasped the younger man on his shoulder, “How good to see you again, my friend. I’m glad to see you alive.”   
Once Senator Organa’s hand was on Aerrend’s shoulder, Obi-Wan dropped his hand from Aerrend’s back. _Politicians and Jedi_ , the young man reminded himself, _they keep a distance._  
Aerrend struggled under all this attention. He didn’t quite know how to respond. “I- Well. That’s… Thanks to Obi- I mean. General Kenobi,” he stammered. Stars, he was exhausted. His brain wasn’t functioning as it should. Aerrend cursed himself for being such a mess on his first day on Coruscant.   
“He has been very helpful in the rescue, senator. It wouldn’t have gone as well and swiftly if it wasn’t for him. You have made a great choice as a new senatorial aide,” Obi-Wan spoke, coming for Aerrend’s rescue once again.   
“We still owe you our thanks, General Kenobi,” Bail said. He and Obi-Wan conversed briefly, before one of the strangers on the side spoke up.   
“Master Kenobi,” he said, “The council awaits your report.”

Obi-Wan tensed for a moment, before swiftly ending his conversation with the senator. He turned his head to Aerrend, and gave him a nod. “Duty calls,” he said. Aerrend nodded. He wasn’t sure what to say now. Thank you? I hope to see you again? Don’t die in this war?   
Before Aerrend could speak, Obi-Wan turned and walked towards the Jedi.   
_So this is it then?_  
He started talking to the taller one of the two, before getting in a shuttle with them. Bail and Aerrend boarded their shuttle. Bail was talking to an absent-minded Aerrend all the way towards the senatorial apartment complex, as the young man wondered if he’d ever see the Jedi again. 

~

Once he was through a medi-droid check-up, and his wounds had been covered with a bacta-patch, Aerrend was put on leave indefinitely, not being allowed to work until a medi-droid deemed him fit enough to do so. He was supposed to rest, get some sleep and make it through his daily check-up. 

His new apartment was smaller than a senators, yet way more spacious than what he had been used to. And Coruscant provided more ways of entertainment than Alderaan, with all its holo-shows, holo-films, books downloadable to his datapad within seconds. Yet still, within three days, Aerrend was incredibly bored.

Daily holo-comms from Breha, and daily visits from Bail had the intention of reminding him that he had people to talk to, and that the Queen and Viceroy would provide him with what he needed to work through his ordeal on Jakku. He was allowed up in the gardens on his rooftops, to get some air and walk some of the tension – and all the energy he had – off. With the credits he had saved up he ordered new clothes, to replace the ones he had lost, or even things he didn’t need, like new boots, or make-up. Yet nothing made him feel better.

He read through some literary works. But he was bored. _So damn bored_. On day 4 he hoped to make it through his check-up, on day 5 he asked nicely to just be allowed to work, on day 7 he begged the medi-droid to let him work. But not a chance. He wasn’t even allowed to read the transcripts for the senate sessions, the protocol for committee meetings, or any of the speeches anyone made at public appearances. No distractions from his mind.

He missed Alderaan, he missed the mountains, he missed nature. Coruscant was a vibrant planet, but the entire planet was one big city. The traffic was loud, the gardens were limited to rooftops, and the air was nowhere near as fresh as back home. 

And when he wasn’t thinking about Alderaan, his thoughts drifted to the Jedi Knight who rescued him. Aerrend knew nothing about the Jedi Knights, or the Jedi Council, so he worried that Obi-Wan might be in trouble because of him.   
Days went by in a haze, despite the boredom. 

~

Nights brought sleep. And nightmares. 

He found himself trapped back inside that damned storage unit on Jakku. Battle Droids walking around in their mechanic ways. He found himself all alone on that Separatist cruiser, faced with bounty hunters, droids, and Nute Gunray. A veil clouded all these dreams, pulling him further into the darkness, until he woke with a scream, soaked in sweat, unable to sleep again for hours. He had been through a lot, but never in his 26 years had his life existed in a binary between boredom and nightmare, the way it did now. 

On day 14 of his leave of absence, Bail arrived at his apartment before the medi-droid did. He took a seat opposite Aerrend, and scanned him. Aerrend had a mirror, he had seen himself in it, he knew he looked like someone who barely slept, barely moved, and maybe had lost his appetite along the way, because all those things were true. 

“I think it’s best if you go home,” Bail said, not as a superior, but as a friend, “After what you’ve been through, you need your home.”   
“No, please-“ Aerrend began. This couldn’t be it. _I came all this way for nothing?_   
“Breha agrees, you should return to Alderaan. She’ll have work for you in the palace,” Bail interrupted.   
Aerrend remained silent. “Please, Senator Organa, I can’t go back now. I came all this way, I went through all that trouble, to serve you as an aide. Please don’t make me disappoint you,” he pleaded. 

“Look at yourself, Aerrend. You’re not the boy who impressed my wife with what he achieved at the academy. You’re not the ambitious man we’ve gotten to know at the palace. You need time to heal, you cannot throw yourself into this work, this war. It will break you, and I cannot ask a friend to break themselves just to serve their homeworld.”   
_I’m already broken_ , Aerrend wanted to say. But really, it must have been obvious.

“Work is exactly what I need now,” he responded, “I need enough work to keep myself busy during the day, so I don’t think about home, or why I was kidnapped, or who’s responsible for this. I need to work so hard that I fall into a dreamless sleep at night. That’s how I’ll heal, Bail. By distracting myself. Please. If I don’t meet your expectations, or if you think the work is not good for me, you can send me away, but please, let me prove myself, before I disappoint you. Before I disappoint Alderaan.”   
Bail was silent for a moment. But then he agreed. 

“If you don’t get better soon, I will send you home,” he said, “Is that understood?”   
Aerrend nodded. He would bury himself in work, and all this would be buried deep inside him like all the other things he went through to get to where he was now. This most likely wasn’t what the senator wanted, but it was the only way Aerrend knew how to deal with things. 

~

Weeks went by, and Aerrend got better, while working from the morning until the end of the day. He got used to work quickly, he became part of a team, even though some members of the staff didn’t seem to like him all that much. He dealt with upcoming legislations, prepared things for committee meetings, kept the senator up to date on the news, the developments in the senate, and even helped him with tackling the war. Weeks went by, and Aerrend often was too tired to even have nightmares. But he slept through every night. 

One night, though, everyone else had left the office for their chambers, leaving only him and Bail. Aerrend was studying a legislation on core world trade routes, and was deep in thought, when the senator spoke up. 

“You’re working too hard, Aerrend,” Bail said, his voice taking on the tone of a protective older brother, “You should have gone back to your rooms hours ago. You should explore the city, the nightlife, meet people you’re not working with.”   
“I’m not really a nightlife kind of guy, senator,” Aerrend responded. 

“We both know that’s not true, Aerrend. You’ve always seemed to come alive at every festivity at the palace,” Bail spoke with a smile on his face. Aerrend looked down. Being noticed always made him feel weird, being seen and known was not something he ever really got used to. But it was true. He always looked forward to every ball, every banquet, every opportunity to dress up, put some make-up on, and be someone outgoing, shiny and fun for the night.   
“I’m just trying to be as helpful as I can be,” Aerrend responded, finally. _Am I failing him?_ he asked himself.   
“You’ve been so helpful, you’re already preparing legislations that will be debated upon at the end of next week,” Bail exclaimed, “Go out. Be young. Have fun. Meet someone.” 

“Meet someone?”   
“A friend. Or a companion. Someone you can talk to,” Bail explained.   
“But I’m talking to you, and her majesty,” Aerrend responded, puzzled as to what Bail was talking about.   
“That’s not what I meant. Yes, you should find friends, that is true. But maybe it would be good for you to meet someone special,” Bail said, “I hope I don’t intrude, but it’s something Breha and I have been talking about. You’ve thought about working and getting out and getting ahead all your life, and maybe now you should focus on yourself more. This is the most vibrant place in the galaxy. There’s a lot of opportunities.” 

“So, you’re telling me to get a life and meet a guy?” Aerrend asked.   
“Only if that is something you want, of course,” Bail responded. He sounded like he didn’t want to press the issue any further, for the sake of not making Aerrend uncomfortable.   
“You’re right, maybe I should meet more friends,” he said, “But a guy? … I don’t think that’s something I want right now.”   
“Of course,” Bail responded, “Feel free to go now, though. Get some rest, it’s been a busy week.” 

~

“Thank you, sir,” Aerrend said, and quietly left the office. He kept thinking about Bail’s words. About trying to find someone. Looking back at some of the failed romances he had gone through throughout his life, Aerrend really wasn’t sure if that was something he could handle at the moment. Even trying to meet friends would be a challenge. 

Finding a guy he might develop feelings for seemed impossible. _Luckily, I don’t even want that_ , he thought. 

However, certain memories of arms holding him against the tremors of his exhausted mind and space travel, of a smile on a bearded face, and a firm hand on his back, guiding him on the landing platform crept up on him. Memories of bickering in air vents on a broken spaceship.

For a moment, he was filled with a fuzzy, warm feeling, he couldn’t quite put his finger down on. Then he shook his head. And he pushed those thoughts as far away as he could. 

~ 

Obi-Wan had returned to the Jedi-Temple the day of their return to Coruscant, had reported back on his mission, and then it was done. He was allowed three days of rest. It didn’t seem much, but considering there was a war going on, three days seemed generous. He returned to his chambers, took a quick shower, and slept for the first time in three days. He woke up anything but well rested mere hours later, when an intruder arrived in his chambers. More so, two intruders. 

“What is it, Anakin?” he grumbled, still half asleep.   
“Ahsoka and I just wanted to say good-bye before we head off again, Master,” the former Padawan replied, “Isn’t that right, Snips?”   
“Yes,” Ahsoka replied, “Not all of us get three days of rest after a rescue mission.”   
If it wouldn’t have been highly unprofessional, Obi-Wan would have thrown a pillow in both their faces. Instead, he just grumbled. Ahsoka chuckled, and Anakin quickly joined in.   
“We’ll catch up another time?” Anakin asked. 

“I’m sure I’ll be sent your way anyways, to clean up your mess,” Obi-Wan responded. Finally, he got up, feeling like they should part on a kinder note, “We can catch up then. Where are you going to?”   
“The Felucia Medical Station is under attack by Seperatists. We will go there to stop them from destroying it,” Anakin explained.   
Obi-Wan frowned. They had defended many medical stations in this war, they had defended Geonosis from attack, they had defended science stations on all kinds of planets, and sometimes, it just didn’t seem to end. _Another medical station_ , he thought, _Maybe Aerrend was right. Maybe this war will never end if we keep going like that._   
“Get the troops ready, Ahsoka, I will be there in a second,” Anakin said, and his padawan quickly left Obi-Wan’s chambers. 

“I can sense that something is troubling you, master,” he asked, “Is it the rescue mission?”   
Obi-Wan shook his head quickly. “No, someone just got into my head,” he said.   
“Not the Duchess again, right?”  
“No, not her,” Obi-Wan said, “It’s just something someone said about the war. It’s not important. Good luck on your mission. I’ll see you around.” 

Anakin left his chambers, leaving Obi-Wan behind. For a moment the magnitude of this war seemed to overwhelm him. It felt like he was in and out of a starfighter, then he boarded an assault ship, and then he fought on a planet, and then he was back in Coruscant. Battles were won, or lost all over the galaxy, but there seemed to be no progress, none at all. It had been 2 years now, and it seemed as if they were still at the same point. It was tiring.   
He stretched, and put on his robes. He would use his days of rest to regain some energy in the meditation chambers, or the gardens, and get back to the war as soon as possible. Being tired was of no use, if duty called. The Jedi had decided to fight for the republic, and he wouldn’t quit, just because he was exhausted. 

~

He spent the next two days practicing in the temple gardens, reading sacred jedi texts, repairing pieces of armour, mending parts of his robes and such. He avoided any military strategy, any war issues, anything linked to the war at all. If he wanted to regain energy, he needed to stay away, even if only for two days. It was only him and the force. 

Then, Obi-Wan’s predictions came true, and he had to help Anakin and Ahsoka on their mission at the medical station. Which turned into a longer series of missions here and there, all over the galaxy. Obi-Wan quickly found himself tired of it again. While Anakin was full of energy, full of will to fight, Obi-Wan wanted to go back to the temple and focus on being a Jedi, instead of a general, again. 

When he finally did return to Coruscant, alongside his former padawan and Ahsoka, Obi-Wan really just wanted a couple of moments to himself before he would be sent off on into another battle. 

On his way to the temple, he caught a holo-net transmission of Senator Organa’s speech in the Senate. Behind him, unobtrusive, stood Aerrend Lus. 

Obi-Wan had to think of him then, and of their time together, however briefly it might have been. It was different then, from his war missions. It was almost like the work his old master Qui-Gon and him did on Naboo, something that truly felt like his task as a peace-keeper. 

Plus, something about that young, handsome man was so fascinating. With everyone else around him, Obi-Wan never had a hard time reading them or figuring them out. He had long ago figured out the situation between Anakin and Padmé, for example. Aerrend, however, seemed to be easy to read at first glance, but then he’d completely throw your perception of him off. 

~

As Anakin approached his senatorial greeting from Senator Padmé Amidala after weeks of absence (which was only for completely professional reasons, of course), Obi-Wan couldn’t help but envy Anakin. 

Unlike him, he had no one but the Jedi Order to come home to. The order didn’t allow attachments, hence the early separation of younglings from their families. He was still a being with emotions nonetheless. It was only natural to long for those things, to have feelings for other people, to get attached to them. One didn’t just simply turn that part of themselves off.

And while the Jedi Order was, sort of, his family, the war had definitely changed things. He respected Master Yoda, and Master Windu, but he didn’t bond with them the way he did with Anakin, or Ahsoka, or even Padmé. When he had started out as a Jedi, he had his master, and the other Jedi to talk to, but now they were his fellow generals in a war, people to strategize with, to go into battle with. But no one to come home to, if Obi-Wan looked at these things honestly. 

He heard Anakin and Padmé talking, the figures of Master Windu and Master Ti looming in the corner of the landing platform. _Duty calls!_ , he thought. 

“Master Kenobi, how good to see you again,” the young senator said, interrupting Obi-Wan’s thoughts. He turned to her with a genuine smile. “It’s good to see you too, Senator Amidala. Are you not supposed to be in the senate right now?” he responded. 

“I let Representative Binks handle things for today. Senator Organa, Senator Mothma and I worked closely together on the legislation. They’ll handle things, Padmé responded.   
Obi-Wan could see her stealing glances toward Anakin, despite being in a conversation with him. “I doubt that, Senator, despite all my fond memories of Jar Jar,” he said, smiled, and then he paused, “So, you’ve been spending a lot of time at Senator Organa’s office lately?” 

Padmé nodded. “We really had to put a lot of energy into this bill, it took us some weeks, but his new senatorial aide has been a great help,” she said.   
“You’ve met Aerrend? Uh- I mean… his aide,” Obi-Wan asked, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. They started walking toward the speeder. “Yes, I’ve met him, and worked with him. He’s quite charming, isn’t he?”, Padmé said, and Obi-Wan could sense jealousy flaming up in Anakin.   
Obi-Wan chuckled. “Yes, quite charming,” he responded, “I hope he’s alright?” 

“He seems to be. You’re the one who rescued him, right? He works very efficiently, so much that Sabé and I worried he might be over-working himself,” the senator explained, “He’s going to be at the upcoming senatorial banquet. The two of you should come, too.”   
“Oh, I’m not sure it’s the right festivity for me, it sounds rather exclusive,” Obi-Wan said. He wanted to see Aerrend again, but a fancy event for the political elite of the Republic wasn’t quite his arena. He’d feel out of place.   
“Well, I’m going,” Anakin said, speaking with venom in his voice, “I gotta make my own impression of that Aerrend guy.”   
“In that case, I’ll be there just to stop you from doing anything foolish,” Obi-Wan said. He smiled, and soon Anakin and Padmé joined in, taking the tension out of the conversation. 

“I mean it,” Padmé said, “You should come, I’m sure Aerrend would like that.”  
“Tz,” Anakin said, “I’m sure he’d like a lot of things.”   
Obi-Wan rested a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “Relax, General Skywalker, or I’ll uninvite you,” Padmé said, giving Anakin her iciest look. Even Obi-Wan felt intimidated for a split-second.   
“I’ll be there, Padmé,” Obi-Wan said. 

Anakin decided to escort the senator to her apartment, leaving Obi-Wan to deal with the Jedi-Council on his own. _Sometimes he’s not even trying to be subtle about it_ , he thought. 

~

“Is this another Clovis?” Anakin asked, once he was on the speeder with Padmé. Padmé would have laughed, if this wasn’t so ridiculous. 

“Ani,” she said, “You’ll have to learn to trust me. We’ve been over this before.” 

“Is it bad that I’m jealous of a man you refer to as charming?” Anakin grumbled. 

“Well, I’m in love with you, aren’t I? So charming isn’t exactly my type,” Padmé responded, in an effort to make this conversation less serious. 

“Don’t turn this into a joke, Padmé, just tell me honestly,” Anakin said, “Is he a threat? Could he act like Clovis did?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m your wife, I love you,” she said, “Only you.”

She loved Anakin, but his jealousy was _really_ annoying. 

“Just answer the question,” Anakin said, gripping the steering wheel. 

“Ani, it’s not really my place to tell you, but Senator Organa’s aide isn’t interested in women,” she said, finally, “And that includes me. He likes men – but I can still find him charming.” 

“Oh,” was the only thing her husband said to that, and Padmé couldn’t stop herself from laughing. 

“Oh, Ani, when will you understand that I only love you, and no matter how charming or intelligent another man is, it won’t change my feelings for you,” she spoke.

“I do like to hear you say it,” the Jedi responded as he pulled the speeder up to her penthouse in the senatorial apartment complex. 

“Please be nice to him, Ani,” Padmé said, once more, this time more seriously, “I really like him. And even Sabé warmed up to him really quickly!” 

“Well, obviously, since they’re both-“, Anakin began. Padme slapped his arm. “Ani!”

“Okay, fine, yeah, I’ll be nice to him,” he said, “He does sound a lot nicer now that I know he won’t make a move on you.” 

Padmé sighed, but soon a smile was on her face. “Now come inside, before I get cross with you.” 

Obviously, she didn’t have to tell him twice.


	5. Trials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~“Senator Ami- I mean, Padmé?” Aerrend asked, as a woman with striking similarities to her senator approached him in the archives.   
> “I’m not Padmé,” she said, her face not even showing a bit of emotion. And now he saw it too. She was about a head taller than Padmé.  
> “I’m Sabé. I work for Senator Amidala. You must be Senator Organa’s aide.” ~

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
Aerrend met Senator Amidala in his second week of – finally – working for Senator Organa. It wasn’t their first encounter, but when the Senator of Naboo had visited Alderaan about 8 years ago, Aerrend had merely been an intern at the palace. He was doubtful she’d even remember him.

She would definitely remember him now, considering that Aerrend made a massive fool of himself when they got introduced.

“Aerrend,” Bail had said, entering his office with Senator Mothma (whom Aerrend had met the week before) and Senator Amidala, “meet Senator Padmé Amidala of the Naboo System and the Chomell Sector.”   
Aerrend quickly dropped his work, and got up out of his chair, praying to whatever sacred entities there were in the galaxy that he hadn’t crumpled his shirt. He turned to Senator Organa and their esteemed guest. He bowed his head. “Senator Amidala,” he said, “It is such an honour to meet you.” 

“The pleasure is all mine, Aerrend. You’re Senator Organa’s new aide, right?” she asked. She reached out her hand, and Aerrend took it, shaking it a bit too enthusiastically.  
“Yes, I am, my lady. I’ve admired you ever since I was 14 years old,” he blurted out, and regretted it instantly, “Not… not admired you romant- I mean, I’ve admired your achievements. As Queen of Naboo. Stars, I’m talking some nonsense, you must forgive me.”   
Aerrend’s face was bright red by now. 

Senator Amidala smiled at him, and Aerrend assumed she was merely putting on a polite front, wondering about the weirdo working for Bail Organa.  
“Oh, it’s alright, don’t worry,” she reassured, “I’m sure you’ve made a lot of great achievements in your life, too. There’s no need to be so courteous, Aerrend.”   
“Very well, my lady,” Aerrend said, still blushing, and supressing his aching need to apology or add that he was absolutely, one-hundred-percent gay and also not a creep. 

Bail had walked to the centre of the room by now, and luckily didn’t have to witness his employee making a fool of himself.   
“Listen up, everybody,” he said, “I have an important announcement to make.”   
Everyone fell silent. 

“Senator Mothma, Senator Amidala and I will be working together on a legislation for a relief and aid mission to the Star System of Sukar, starting tomorrow. Me, and one of you, will focus on that effort. The rest of you will take care of the business here,” Bail spoke. 

Aerrend, sure he wouldn’t be chosen, was more than prepared to take on more duties here. He was the youngest member of Bail’s staff, and had barely been working two weeks.   
Still, he really wanted to work with Senator Amidala. It would also be a great opportunity to fully prove himself to Senator Organa – to show him that he was up for the trials of this job. 

To his surprise, Bail chose him. 

He heard some murmurs from the other members of staff, but it soon drowned out. His jaw dropped.   
Bail looked over at him, with an expression that said: _I believe in you._ He gave Bail a simple nod. He would do it. He would prove himself. 

~

The following day, Aerrend woke up earlier than usual. He dragged himself out of bed, took a quick shower, and got ready quickly.

To draft their relief bill, they would meet in the committee rooms of the Senate. Aerrend, not fully capable of navigating the Senate building on his own, didn’t want to get lost and be late. He also wanted to prepare the caf for everybody, mainly to make a good impression. 

Aerrend did get lost in the senate building, but managed to get to the assigned rooms quite quickly nonetheless. He brewed the caf, set up his data-pad and already put everything in order. While setting up everything they needed, he was humming a song he had learned in his academy days. Then, he was interrupted by someone.   
“Good morning,” Senator Amidala said, “I didn’t expect anyone to be here yet.”   
Aerrend nearly jumped, but managed to turn around like a normal person would do, and greet her with a smile – hopefully making up for his painful first impression. 

“Good morning,” he replied, “I wanted to get everything ready. And make some caf.”   
“That’s wonderful, I could really use a cup!” the senator exclaimed.   
Aerrend quietly poured each of them a cup of caf. He handed one to her, and they sat down opposite one another. 

“I hear you’ve been through quite the ordeal on your way here,” she spoke, “You’ve been taken into separatist custody?”   
“That’s true, my lady. There were a couple of planned stops on our way, and at one point, bounty hunters, working for the Separatists, attacked us and took me in. General Kenobi came to my rescue, and we somehow ended up on Nute Gunray’s cruiser,” Aerrend explained.

A shudder of anxiety ran over him as he recalled the ordeal, the heat on Jakku, the vastness of space and the cold on Gunray’s ship. But once he said Obi-Wan’s name, a feeling of safety returned to him. 

“Obi-Wan rescued you?” she asked.   
“Yes, he did,” Aerrend said, “I tried my best to help, but I’m afraid I was a burden. You know him?”   
“General Kenobi is an old friend,” Padmé explained, “He was there on Naboo with his old master. For the longest time, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi were the only Jedi I trusted.”  
“Has that changed now?” Aerrend asked.   
“Yes,” Padmé said with a smile, “I trust a couple of more Jedi now. Maybe not all of them. But a few. Did you get along well with Obi-Wan?” 

_Yes. No. Maybe._ Aerrend wanted to say. He remembered the bickering, their snarky comments, their disagreements. Then again, Obi-Wan had caught him more than once. They had fought side by side. A particular image, replaying in Aerrend’s head over and over again these past weeks, summed the experience up quite well.  
 _Will you shut up, or do I have to make you shut up?_  
“He left quite an impression,” he responded, cheeks blushing slightly. 

“I haven’t seen him in quite some time,” Senator Amidala said, “General Skywalker and General Kenobi are very busy with the war, but I hope to see them again soon.”   
“I would like that too,” Aerrend admitted, “See General Kenobi again. And meet General Skywalker, of course.” 

The door opened, and chatter entered the room, indicating the arrival of Bail Organa and Mon Mothma. The pleasant chatter between Padmé and Aerrend came to an end.  
“It was nice talking to you, Aerrend,” Senator Amidala said.   
“The pleasure was all mine, Senator Amidala.”  
“Oh, please call me Padmé,” she said, with a conspiring smile.   
They were friends now, apparently.   
Aerrend couldn’t quite believe it just yet.

~

The star system of Sukar _officially_ was part of the Separatist alliance, and therefore an enemy of the Republic in. As a mining system, it had been an important part in the Separatist alliance, exchanging its durasteel, its people and other resources for security, influence and power. Until the mines had run dry – making the delivery of the precious metals to Count Dooku impossible. 

With the Separatist’ retreatment, Sukar’s nobility, an avid ally of their cause from the very beginning, was left alone, faced with a revolting population. A brutal civil war ensued.

With the system’s government in turmoil, they clung to the only safety they’d know. _The Separatist Alliance._ They fled, leaving nothing but rivalling fractions – the revolutionaries and the royalists – behind. But since the system still officially belonged to the Confederacy, there was nothing the Republic could do. 

Within the Republic, it had become harder and harder to help systems that were part of it. Padmé had experienced that first hand. Convincing the senate to help system that belonged to the enemy, would be even harder – if not impossible.   
But the people of Sukar needed help. Desperately. 

Therefore, after thinking it through long and hard enough, the senators decided to not make a plea to the Republic. Their legislation would merely allow Naboo, Chandrila, Alderaan and any other system willing to help to go on “mercy missions” in enemy territories. The systems were to act independent from the Republic. 

There was an insurmountable amount of research to be done. Senator Amidala volunteered her staffer to go through the archives and see if there was any precedent for a case like this. Aerrend, very enthusiastic about this legislation, decided to volunteer to accompany her. 

~

“Senator Ami- I mean, Padmé?” Aerrend asked, as a woman with striking similarities to her senator approached him in the archives.   
“I’m not Padmé,” she said, her face not even showing a bit of emotion. And now he saw it too. She was about a head taller than Padmé.  
“I’m Sabé. I work for Senator Amidala. You must be Senator Organa’s aide.”   
“I am,” Aerrend said. He wondered if he had made a bad first impression, sensing that she probably didn’t like him. _Maybe I look stupid? Or I’m just annoying?_

“Good,” Sabé responded, and sat down next to him, “I have my datapad ready. We should look for files that could help us, and then work through them. I usually prefer to work on my own, in silence. But maybe this’ll get the job done more quickly.”   
Okay, she definitely didn’t like him. At all.   
_Stars, I miss Obi-Wan_ , he whined to himself. Why was nothing easy?   
He shook the thoughts of, and decided to focus on work. Inevitably, not everyone could like him. As long as Padmé wanted to be his friend, everything should be alright. 

~

“Your aide has been doing his work quite efficiently,” Mon Mothma spoke, sitting with Bail and Padmé, “We’ve gotten a lot done these past two weeks.”   
“I suppose he is,” Bail chuckled softly, “Sometimes I worry that he never sleeps.” 

“Sabé and I worry too,” Padmé answered, “They work well together, which is good. But he seems to be very enthusiastic. I completely understand, but as I had to learn the hard way, sometimes you put a lot of effort into something that fails. And I fear it might break Aerrend’s spirit.”

“I suppose you are right, Padmé,” Mon Mothma agreed, “We all came here with our own set of beliefs and ideals, and, as you both know, the Senate can sometimes crush those relentlessly.” 

Bail didn’t quite know what to say. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t send Aerrend away when he did good, efficient work. He had known Aerrend for years now. He considered him a close friend, almost looked at him as a younger brother. Of course he was worried too. 

“I’m sending Sabé and some guards to Sukar, to make Contact with the Revolutionaries there. Tell Aerrend to go with her. It’ll do him good to get away,” Senator Amidala suggested.

“It makes sense,” Mon Mothma agreed, before her commlink beeped, telling her to attend so some other matter. 

Bail sighed. “I understand your concern, Padmé. I have spoken to him a few days ago about this matter. However, he’s very intent on doing as much work as he can, rather than enjoying this city. With everything it has to offer,” he said. 

“I think going with Sabé will provide him with a change of scenery. And you should bring him along to the banquet. It will introduce him to the fun part of the job, and it would really be pleasant to have a potential dancing partner who’s my age. No offense,” Padmé said. 

Bail chuckled. 

“None taken. I hope I don’t intrude, but I hope you know that Aerrend is not romantically attracted to women,” Bail clarified, hoping he hadn’t dashed any romantic endeavours of hers.

“Don’t worry, senator, I gathered as much from talking to him,” Padme responded, a warm smile on her face, “His company is nonetheless very appreciated.” 

~

Naboo’s starships were quite different from the Alderaanian ones, especially the Tantive III. They were both smaller, and fancier. The chromatic exterior of Padmé’s ship was reflecting Coruscant’s rising sun. Aerrend had to squint his eyes as he approached it.

Considering that Sabé hadn’t warmed up to him, he felt a bit uneasy at the idea of travelling through space with her. Being stuck on an elevator often was awkward enough. And the short, monotone answers she tended to give would hardly fill the silence on a journey through space. 

Going back into space was already causing him enough dread. 

_You’re okay. It’s going to be okay_ , he told himself. At least this time, he’d be with guards, and Sabé probably was a good fighter. Still, his paranoia told him he’d be back in separatist’ custody in no time. Especially if he considered that they’d enter Separatist territory.

“Are you coming?” Sabé asked from the ramp of the ship.   
Aerrend nodded. “Yeah, sorry,” he said, and walked up the ramp, looking out into the city. His eyes landed on the Jedi temple. 

Aerrend wondered what Obi-Wan was doing right now, even though he didn’t want to. Maybe it had been because he was asleep for most of the journey, but intergalactic travel only felt truly save that time with Obi-Wan. But if he kept thinking of the entire ordeal, even the good things that came out of it, he wouldn’t truly be ready to face his tasks on Coruscant. So he snapped out of it and made his way to the cockpit.

Sabé sat down in the pilot’s seat, and after hesitating for a moment, Aerrend sat down in the seat next to it. “Ready?” she asked. “Ready,” he responded. 

~

The system of Sukar consisted of one planet, surrounded by three moons, all almost equal in size. People often saw it as a planetary system of four moons. One of them, however, had become uninhabitable centuries ago. 

Sabé and Aerrend were on course to the second moon to meet with the head of Sukar’s revolutionary organisation. Neither one of the two inhabitable moons, nor the planet was safe. The separatists were gone, mostly, but left the royalists behind. They were fighting the revolutionaries for whatever resources were left. The second moon wasn’t under full revolutionary control, but it was the safest out of all places. 

After landing, Aerrend thanked the stars for a safe journey, and quickly followed Sabé of the ship.   
“You’re the Republic ambassadors, right?” a tall, dark-skinned woman on the landing platform asked. She wore an armour, but no helmet. Her head was shaved on one side, and her face, besides some scars, dirt and blood, was tattooed. 

There was a small astromech droid beside her. “Yes, we are. We’re here on behalf of senators who want to help,” Sabé said, and for the first time since meeting her, Aerrend detected a hint of emotion in her voice. She sounded nervous, but also somewhat excited. 

“I’m Estara Halback, commander of the revolutionary forces on Sukar,” the woman responded, and flicked strands of her hair out of her face. She gave them a smile, and, compared to her usual, neutral expression, Sabé beamed at her. 

Aerrend looked back and forth between the two for a moment. _Ooooh_ , he thought, _now that makes sense._ “I’m Aerrend Lus, and that is Sabé,” he said, “Can we talk somewhere?” 

Estara looked at him. “Sure, follow me,” she said, and went ahead. Sabé quickly caught up with her, suddenly thawed out of her neutral state, and they began talking about spaceships and flying them. Aerrend trailed behind them, trying – and failing – to engage Estara’s astromech in a conversation. 

~

Estara’s office was small and stuffy. It barely held any equipment besides an old communication device. There was no city, no village, or any sort of settlement close by the Revolutionary Headquarters on Sukar 2, but in the distance there were buildings. And smoke. A lot of smoke. 

“We’re still fighting against the Royalists,” Estara explained. Aerrend turned from the window, and looked at her, “They believe in the monarchy, even though the monarchy sold them out to the Separatists and then… left them, and us, here to die on what was left.” 

“How many of them are there?” Aerrend asked.   
“A lot of them. We are more people, but they have access to battle droids. They’re old, outdated. But they’re still stronger than people who haven’t held a blaster in their life. It’s a wonder we’re still holding on to this moon,” Estara said.   
“How long will you hold up?” Sabé asked.

“I have no idea. The attacks are frequent, but… their forces come in small numbers. They start surprise attacks, and then run, once it gets too dangerous for them. It’s a tactic. They try to wear us down this way, and one unpredictable day they’ll wipe us out. We’re still a lot of people, but all of us are injured. There hardly are resources left, we don’t have medical droids,” Estara explained.

Aerrend and Sabé exchanged a look. They knew that living in the Republic came with a certain privilege that these people didn’t have. Being made aware of how different their circumstances were from the people on Sukar was painful, nonetheless.   
“What are you proposing?” Sabé asked. 

“We don’t want the Republic to take over this war. It will only bring the Seperatists back,” Estara said, and pushed her hair out of her face. Her dark brown eyes fixated on Sabé for a while. To his surprise, Sabé was capable of blushing.

“Our senators are not interested in bringing more war,” Aerrend said, knowing that Sabé probably couldn’t formulate a clear thought. He knew the feeling. He’d been there. 

Estara nodded. “But medical supplies, food, water-tanks, sources to repair our weapons, and maybe a few medical droids would be quite useful. Maybe even vital to our cause. We need to get people who have lost their home and no ability to fight off this planet, we need children without parents somewhere safe. We don’t like the Republic, but you’re the only ones who can help. Promise you’ll help,” she said, wiping the sweat and blood of her forehead.   
“I promise,” Sabé said. 

Aerrend wanted to promise. He wanted to believe that the Republic would listen to this call for help. He opened his mouth to say something, when the sirens went off. 

Estara sighed and reached for her blaster. “You best get to your ship, ambassadors,” she said, “I hope to see you again.” And then she ran. The last part, Aerrend felt, was more so addressed to Sabé. 

~

They had reached their ship, not saying a word, when Sabé turned around and saw the battle around the headquarters. Looking at it this way, it seemed more like a military camp than anything else. 

“This isn’t right,” she said.  
“I agree,” Aerrend replied.   
“Let’s do something, then,” Sabé said. She was too quick to be stopped. She grabbed two blasters, and told the guards to follow her. She tossed one blaster to Aerrend and made her way to the battle.   
“Oh, damn it,” he muttered, before taking after her. 

They reached the battle quickly, and were noticed soon enough. Blaster bolts went flying in Aerrend’s direction, and this time there was no lightsaber, no Jedi to protect him. 

He dodged a few blasts, when something blew up close to him, sending shrapnel and sharp objects flying to his face and neck. There was no pain though, only adrenaline. He fired back at a droid, and took it out, before running to get cover somewhere. 

He saw Sabé somewhere, firing into a group of battle droids. She was definitely trying to impress someone, but she was a good enough fighter to make up for it. From his cover, Aerrend fired on a couple of approaching Royalist troops. 

Once those troops were overpowered, they retreated again.   
“This has been happening daily,” Estara explained, when she and Sabé reached him. Aerrend nodded.   
“We’ll make a case for you in the senate,” he said.   
They said their goodbyes, and boarded their ship. 

~

“You’re quite a shot with a blaster,” Sabé remarked, once they had jumped to hyperspace. Aerrend looked at her, surprised that she would initiate a conversation with him, let alone sound friendly.   
“I can be, in the right situations,” he responded, “But I obviously can’t compare to you. The way you commanded your troops? That was amazing.”  
“I slipped back into the queen’s voice,” Sabé said, “It’s a habit. A useful one, in this case.”   
Aerrend wiped a piece of cloth at his face, trying to get the blood off. “I suppose it is,” he said, “So, I guess you were trying to impress someone?” 

“I have no idea what you mean,” Sabé responded, but looked away a tiny bit too quickly to make her lie believable.   
“Oh, so you running out into that battle wasn’t because you’re attracted to Estara? Because you would have loved to spend more time with her?” he spoke, a grin on his face, enjoying the fact that he could tease her about something, “Oh come on, I get it.”   
“You like her too?” she inquired.   
“Oh, my stars, no,” he clairified, “I’m so, _so_ gay.”   
“You are?” she asked.   
“Yes! Isn’t that obvious?” Aerrend asked, gesturing at himself broadly. He wondered if Obi-Wan had realised. But then again, it was none of his business.

“Well, now that you’re saying it,” Sabé said, then paused, “I like both. People of the same gender, and people of opposite genders.”   
“Hm,” Aerrend said, satisfied that he was right about something, “So, are we friends now?” 

Sabé sighed. “Fine, yes, we’re friends,” she said, “If that’s what you want. I’m not exactly good with letting more people in, really.”   
Something remained unspoken. A pain flashed across Sabé’s face. Aerrend didn’t want to pry, but he understood.  
“I understand,” Aerrend responded, “Trusting is hard. But, sometimes, it’s just what you have to do.” 

They sat in silence for a moment, and Aerrend thought about Obi-Wan and how quickly he had come to trust him, despite all the bickering. Maybe it was easier then, because the Jedi was a generally warm person and had this aura of safety surrounding him. 

As usual, when his thoughts drifted to the Jedi Knight, he shook his head to snap out of it.   
“Are they making you attend that banquet next week as well?” Aerrend asked.   
“Oh, absolutely not,” Sabé said, “Unless I have to be Padmé’s decoy, I avoid boring events like that.”   
“Damn it,” he said, “I thought I had an ally there.” 

Aerrend wondered if Jedi attended those banquets – if there was a chance pf Obi-Wan being there. Maybe then he’d have someone to talk to.   
But the idea that Obi-Wan could be there was a frightening. Aerrend would probably put in a delusional amount of effort to look good, just for him. He had to stop this.   
_You’re going to end up looking like a disappointed idiot_

“I would say sorry, but I’m not sorry, actually,” Sabé said, with a laugh.   
Aerrend sighed.   
Senator Organa would introduce their legislation to the Senate the following day. Aerrend would actually be there, in the senate, for the first time.   
“I think I have a speech to write,” he said, reaching for his datapad. 

~

The days leading up to the banquet had been quite calm for Obi-Wan. He didn’t have to go off-world at all, and just had to do some work with the Clones here and there on Coruscant. There was some Council business to tend to, some business with the Chancellor. But besides that, Obi-Wan had an entire week off. 

Mostly. Anakin and Ahsoka kept him busy. He also picked up a new habit and kept up-to-date with the holo-news, developing a sudden interest in what was going on in the senate. 

Despite the effort, and a passionate speech, Senator Organa’s legislation had failed to pass. Obi-Wan didn’t know anything about senate majorities and that stuff, really, but he knew that it probably was hard to see a legislation calling for aid for a struggling, exploited, war-ridden planet fail. 

The holo-news had showed off Senator Organa’s reaction to the announcement, but Obi-Wan was more focused on the young man standing behind the senator. Seeing the optimistic smile fade from Aerrend’s face and turn into disappointment and then into anger was painful. Obi-Wan told himself that he shouldn’t care that much, Aerrend would get used to it soon. 

But it just felt wrong to see someone’s enthusiasm die. He would feel that way about seeing anyone lose theirs, this had nothing to do with the young man on the screen. At least he told himself that.

~

The day of the banquet came, and Obi-Wan suddenly felt nervous. He had showered, trimmed his beard, and put some effort into his hair. It just wouldn’t cooperate and look good, though.

Clothing wasn’t as rough to decide on, for a Jedi had nothing fancy to wear. He had his Jedi-robes, some robes that went with his war armour, and his cloak. There were some clothing for training and practicing, but those felt even less appropriate for a senatorial banquet than his robes.   
He settled for his standard outfit – no armour – in the end. The way his hair looked still annoyed him.   
Why was he so nervous? It was a banquet. He’d arrive, say hello, talk to the few people he knew, and then leave as soon as possible.   
_Nothing’s going to happen_ , he thought.   
The prospect of seeing Aerrend again was exciting, but also slightly intimidating. Obi-Wan didn’t know why. Or maybe he just didn’t want to think about why he was so keen on his hair looking alright. 

His former padawan, as usual, entered his room without knocking. “Master, are you ready?” he asked.   
Obi-Wan had finally accepted his hair doing whatever it did, considering that there was no way to fix it.   
“Just one second, Anakin,” Obi-Wan responded, and looked at himself once more. He pulled his robes into order again.  
“What’s up with you?” Anakin asked, “It’s just a banquet. And you look the same as always.”  
“Well, thank you,” Obi-Wan said, sarcasm in his voice, “That’s _just_ the reassurance I needed.” 

“I can sense a lot of nervousness in you, master,” Anakin said, “I can always tell Padmé- Senator Amidala, I mean, that you were unable to come.”   
“No, no,” Obi-Wan said, “It’s fine, I’ll be there. I told her so.”   
“You’ve been behaving really strangely lately, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, “Anything you want to talk about?”   
“It’s nothing, don’t worry,” Obi-Wan said.   
“If you’re worried that I’m going to… be rude to that Aerrend guy, there’s no need, Master. I’ll behave. I promise,” Anakin spoke, “You don’t need to look out for me. Or him.” 

Oh, how the tables had turned. In those ten years after the Battle of Naboo, when Anakin spent every moment thinking of Padmé, Obi-Wan was the one who had to deal with sensing all those feelings. Now, Obi-Wan was the one whose thoughts kept drifting to a certain someone, and of course Anakin would be able to sense that. _This isn’t romance, though_ , Obi-Wan told himself.   
“Well, that’s a relief, then,” Obi-Wan said sarcastically, “Let’s go.” 

Obi-Wan let Anakin drive, and listened to him talk about whatever. He tried to keep his thoughts clear, free of nervousness. As a Jedi, keeping your feelings in order wasn’t a challenge – he just had to stay mindful. Keeping his hands from all sorts of nervous fidgeting was more challenging, as Obi-Wan found out. 

He hadn’t done that in years, probably not since he was a Padawan and had fallen in love with Satine. _I’ve got a bad feeling about this_ , he thought, as they landed at their destination. He jumped out of the speeder, his hands still doing their nervous fidgeting. It was starting to annoy him.   
_Come on, this is nothing._

He couldn’t allow a stuck-up, handsome, feisty, fragile politician to crack through all the defences he had built. He just couldn’t. 

~

Anakin looked over at his master, and wondered what was going on inside his head. _Maybe Padmé knows_ , he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there,  
> I hope you enjoyed Sabé's introduction to the story! She's a favourite supporting character of mine  
> Once again, let me know your thoughts in the comments.  
> thank you so much for reading!


	6. Like a shooting star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~ Padmé pulled her hand from his, and approached the two Jedi. Swallowing his fear, and wishing for more wine, Aerrend followed her.  
> “Please tell me my hair looks alright,” Aerrend whispered.   
> Padmé quickly glanced at him, and then back at the men standign at the door. Another pleased smile.   
> “You look great, don’t worry!” ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reworked this chapter, and added some content. This longer, revised version was inspired by many songs that talk about intense romantic feelings, but most importantly the song Cosmic Love by florence and the machine.   
> I feel like the chorus of the song really works for Aerrend's realisation in this chapter. Enjoy!

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
It was no secret that Aerrend loved festivities and fancy events. Any opportunity to dress up – to pretend he was some fancy person – was welcome. Needless to say, the senatorial banquet thrilled him in the same way it intimidated him. He barely knew anyone there, so the stakes for making a good first impression were high. This was something of a debutants ball for him, but rather than being introduced to society, he’d be introduced to the nightlife in the upper levels of Coruscant. 

The fact that their legislation had failed to gain votes was a downer, but when he focused his energy on picking a good outfit, he could ignore his anger. 

He showered, shaved, taken care of his skin. And then the hunt for a great outfit began, leaving to a mess of clothes in his bedroom. At one point, he questioned if his socks – items of clothing that no one was likely to even see – were the same shade of navy blue or not. Was his white button-up fading into grey? Would anyone realise that his necklace was his one peace of accessory? Or that his nail polish was cheap, and chipped away quickly? 

Anything that revealed what he was – a boy who had come from nothing – was something Aerrend wanted to hide. And with everyone outranking him, trying to lean into his feisty side to make up for what he lacked wasn’t possible. But would they really try and put him down?   
Neither Bail, nor Breha had ever done that, despite knowing where he came from. They had gotten to know him when he had nothing fancy, besides his academy diploma. Yet, they liked him. 

Aerrend took a deep breath and snapped out of his spiral.  
 _Just don’t overthink this too much._

He settled on an outfit that was close to his work attire, just a bit more refined. His mother’s old necklace, the only thing his parents had left him before they perished, hung around his neck, his curly hair was messy in its usual way. But this was safe and authentic, and it would have to be enough to make an impression.

~

Unsurprisingly, of the many people that attended this event, Aerrend hardly knew anyone. He had arrived with Bail, had a short, pleasant chat with Senator Mon Mothma, and greeted some people he had seen before. When he began feeling like an intruder, he grabbed some appetizers and a drink and retreated to the corner of the room. He scanned the scenery. 

A band played soft music on the stage and a few guests were dancing, even if they were of different factions in the senate. At events like this, politics and disagreements were swept under the rug and replaced with polite chatter and friendly smiles. In some cases, _fake smiles._

Aerrend, however, couldn’t ignore the fact that some of the senators in this room had voted against their bill. Against helping people who needed that help desperately. Looking past that cruelty felt impossible. 

“There you are,” Padmé said, taking him from his thoughts. Her hair was braided and pinned up in an ambitious style, her dress was pretty and elegant. Just the right thing to wear to this occasion.  
“It’s nice to see you, Padmé,” he said, “You look lovely tonight!”   
Padmé grinned. “Thank you,” she said, “You look handsome too. Why are you hiding in the corner?”

Aerrend sighed and looked down at his plate, covered in mostly untouched food. “I don’t know, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that some of them have voted against our bill,” he explained, “I’d rather stand here in the corner by myself than be fake friendly with them.”   
“I understand that,” Padmé responded, “But this, sadly, is how the senate works. We’ll simply have to try again, and see what the other side wants from us. And then negotiate. I had to learn that as well. So don’t be too harsh on yourself.”   
She put a comforting hand on his arm.   
“I guess you’re right,” he responded. 

“Now enjoy yourself. We’ll get back to work tomorrow,” Padmé said, linking her arm to his. Once Aerrend put down his plate, she pulled him right back to the live of the party. Back to the assortment of the galaxy’s finest wines. Aerrend reached for a glass of something he recognised as Alderaanian wine. It had been his favourite, especially on lonely nights.   
“Unless I have more of this,” he mused, raising his glass to the one Padmé had just taken herself. They toasted. 

“You can’t handle alcohol?” she asked, grinning.   
“Nope,” he admitted, “Not one bit. Do me a favour and stop me, when I’ve too much. Or when I’m about to make a terrible fool of myself.”   
“I will, I promise,” Padmé responded, “Now do me a favour and dance with me.”   
He sighed, drank more of the wine, and held out his hand. She pulled him to the dance floor. 

~

“Wow, you’re a great dancer,” Padmé acknowledged, as they danced a rather complicated dance to the slow music.   
“You sound _very_ surprised,” Aerrend chuckled. “Do I look clumsy?”   
“Shall I answer honestly?”   
Aerrend shook his head, joining in with her soft laughter.   
“It’s not that I’m surprised. It just doesn’t seem like dancing is your kind of thing,” Padmé admitted. She twirled, and he caught her at the perfect moment.   
“I contain multitudes, my dear,” he responded with a smile, “Dancing was my favourite elective. Even if I hardly ever get to make use of it.” 

“Really? You’re very charming, clever and handsome. And on top of that a wonderful dancer. I assumed you had a lot of men interested in you.”   
Aerrend looked at her, and saw nothing but kind interest on her face. No judgement or anything – not that he had expected it. “Is it that obvious?”   
“I had a feeling that you’re gay, Aerrend,” she answered. She seemed pleased that she had been right. Aerrend smiled nervously. Things like this still seemed weird to him, considering that he never really had a lot of friends. 

“But to answer your question: No, there weren’t many men interested in me. There still aren’t any at all. And I’m fine with that – it just isn’t for me.”   
“Let me guess. You’ve been hurt before?”   
Aerrend looked down at the floor. It hurt how right she was. _I must be an open book to everyone._  
“Uh… yeah,” he answered, “Badly.” 

She thought for a moment. “I know that love is hard. Making yourself vulnerable is very hard, even for me. For people like us. But I’ve come to understand that it’s the difficult things that are so worth it.”   
For a moment, she broke from Aerrend’s gaze, seemingly scanning the room for someone. _Someone special._  
“I know,” Aerrend answered, “I just fear that love is too painful for me.”  
Padmé met his gaze again. “You deserve love, Aerrend. And you’re young now, so you shouldn’t let anything get in the way…. What kind of men do you like? I could try and set you up on a blind date.” 

Aerrend chuckled. He was glad she had taken the conversation to a much more light-hearted topic. He just had no real answer. What made him fall for men? Looking back, they never really had much in common to denote a certain type, at least when it came to looks.   
Was it just enough for them to give him a basic level of attention? Or did he like the unattainable? When men were unavailable, and any chances for love doomed from the start? An aching challenge for attention and affection that he was never going to win?  
Romance, after all, had always been unconquerable to him, in the most painful ways. Best to just avoid the whole thing.

“It’s complicated,” Aerrend answered, “I’ll probably fall for someone I won’t expect – .”   
A glance sideways, and the words remained stuck in his throat. 

There at the entrance was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Jedi Knight, General, the one who had rescued him. And also, someone Aerrend tried not to think about. _What is he doing here?_  
Padmé patiently waited for him to finish his sentence, a confused expression painting her face. Then she followed his gaze.   
“Oh, look! They’ve made it,” she said. 

_Stars, I hope I look good,_ Aerrend thought.   
Padmé pulled her hand from his, and approached the two Jedi. Swallowing his fear, and wishing for more wine, Aerrend followed her.  
“Please tell me my hair looks alright,” Aerrend whispered.   
Padmé quickly glanced at him, and then back at the men standign at the door. Another pleased smile.   
“You look great, don’t worry!” 

~

Not even a minute after arriving, Obi-Wan had already run into Aerrend – the one person he had been nervous to see. He looked over at Anakin, who was smiling at Padmé even though she had just danced with another man. Why wasn’t he the jealous, angry mess, he usually was? That would have given Obi-Wan the purpose of calming his friend down. Now he just stood there, nervously running a hand through his hair while checking out the young man walking on Padmé’s arm.   
_Calm down._

“What is going on with you, Obi-Wan?” Anakin asked.   
Obi-Wan felt his friend’s eyes on him and feared Anakin was seeing something he himself was yet to realise.   
“Nothing,” Obi-Wan responded almost a bit too quickly.  
“Well, if you say so,” his former apprentice shrugged, “Your hair looks same as always, if you stop messing with it, you’ll look alright.”   
“I’m not messing with my hair,” Obi-Wan denied. He just wished he had something to keep his hands occupied with. But he couldn’t just hold his lightsaber at a party.   
“I think you are,” Anakin disagreed, “You really don’t like parties, huh?”   
“Yeah,” Obi-Wan said, reaching for the cover-up Anakin had just provided him with, “It’s the party that’s making me nervous. Shouldn’t you be more jealous?”   
_Not something, or someone, else._

Padmé and Aerrend reached them.   
“General Skywalker. General Kenobi. I’m so pleased you could be here,” Padmé exclaimed.  
Obi-Wan, usually quick to charm his way through live, failed to come up with a response, mesmerised by the young Alderaanian man, who looked even more dashing now than Obi-Wan remembered.

“It’s our pleasure, Senator Amidala,” Anakin responded. His gaze turned to Aerrend. “I think we haven’t been introduced yet. I’m Anakin Skywalker,” he said, and held his hand out for Aerrend to shake.   
“I’m Aerrend Lus, Senator Organa’s new aide. It’s a pleasure to meet you, General Skywalker. Senator Amidala told me lots of things about you,” Aerrend responded, and shook Anakin’s hand.   
Obi-Wan watched them, hoping Anakin wasn’t going to crush Aerrend’s hand or do anything else to assert dominance. To his surprise, everything went smoothly. 

“I hope only good things,” Anakin said, “You’ve met General Kenobi before.”   
Anakin bumped his elbow into Obi-Wan’s arm, snapping the Jedi Master out of his nervous speechlessness.   
Aerrend turned to Obi-Wan, with a smile on his face.   
“That’s right,” he said, “He was the one who rescued me. It’s good to see you again, Obi-… General Kenobi.”   
“It’s good to see you too, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan agreed.   
_Don’t try to fix your hair again,_ he implored himself.  
Anakin and Padmé excused themselves to get the former something to drink. Leaving Obi-Wan was alone with Aerrend. The Jedi studied him, as they stood in silence.

~  
Aerrend’s cheeks were glowing, almost rosy-red, the stubble on his chin was gone, replaced with some new scars on his cheek and neck. Besides that, he looked just the same as he did when Obi-Wan had rescued him.   
_I forgot how just handsome he is._   
Aerrend smiled, giving up enough nervousness that Obi-Wan could have taken his share if he hadn’t been so nervous himself.   
Obi-Wan ran his hands through his hair, and cursed himself.

“Uhh, I never got to thank you, General Kenobi,” Aerrend said, breaking the silence, “For rescuing me.”   
“There’s no need to thank me, I’m a Jedi. It’s our duty to help,” Obi-Wan said, “And… I had a good time, actually. Despite the circumstances.”   
“You had a good time, while I was going through hell?” Aerrend asked, feigning outrage.  
“No, I don’t mean it like that,” Obi-Wan responded, “The mission reminded me of my life before the war. You weren’t the worst person to deal with. You were a great partner, actually.”   
“How flattering, General Kenobi,” Aerrend responded. Despite the sarcasm in his voice, he smiled more gently than on the ship. Absentmindedly, the young man was scratching the nail polish of his index-finger. 

“Oh, please, call me Obi-Wan. You did so before, there’s no need to go back to some pretended politeness,” Obi-Wan said.   
Aerrend let out a soft, nervous laugh. “Very well then, Obi-Wan,” he answered, “Still, I’d like to thank you. I wouldn’t have made it through, without you. Even if you made it difficult sometimes.”   
“I can say the same about you,” Obi-Wan quipped, “Difficult. But in a likeable way.” Then he caught himself. _Are we flirting?_  
Stars, he really needed to stop. It wasn’t only that he had no idea what Aerrend’s preference was – he had a suspicion, but maybe that suspicion was hope in disguise – but also that he was a Jedi. He shouldn’t allow himself to get attached.  
He felt Aerrend’s nervousness ease, but as the young man looked around the room full of strangers, he seemed just as lost as he had been on Gunray’s ship.

“What’s that on your face?” he asked, “The scars?”   
“Oh, Sabé and I went to Sukar. To talk to the revolutionaries. But we got pulled into a battle,” Aerrend explained, “I thought it was nothing, but apparently I’ll carry some scars around with me.”   
“You can’t stay out of trouble, can you?” Obi-Wan asked, grinning at him.   
“Apparently not,” Aerrend replied. He paused, opened his mouth, and closed it again, before finally saying, “I’ve missed you… I mean… in the fight, with your abilities and such.”   
Obi-Wan chuckled. _I’ve missed you, too_ , he wanted to say.   
But he didn’t. 

He thought back to how fragile Aerrend had looked back on their spaceship back to Coruscant, and the landing platform there, when he had left him alone to attend to Jedi-Business.   
A bit of that fragility remained even now. Asking someone how they were, wouldn’t count as attachment, would it?

“How are you feeling?” Obi-Wan asked, his tone more serious. Aerrend’s smile vanished from his face, quickly.   
“I’m trying not to,” Aerrend confessed. His shoulders dropped.   
Obi-Wan felt the urge to hold him.   
“You’re trying not to feel?” Obi-Wan asked. 

Aerrend nodded. “I work until I’m too tired to think, and then I fall into bed to avoid being awake and thinking about stuff. And to avoid nightmares. When I wake up, I try to spend as little time as possible alone with my thoughts,” he explained, “And then I keep myself busy with work.”   
“That doesn’t sound healthy,” Obi-Wan said.   
As a Jedi, being in touch with your emotions, and grounding yourself in them, was the most natural thing. That way, emotions that led to anger, resentment, and in the end, to the dark side, could be worked through quickly, to keep the Jedi on the light side of the Force.   
Whatever Aerrend was doing, felt very unnatural to Obi-Wan. It also didn’t seem like a good way of dealing with things.   
“Because it isn’t,” Aerrend agreed. Obi-Wan couldn’t help himself. He reached for Aerrend, clasping a hand on his tense shoulder. He wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but Aerrend seemed to lean into his touch. 

“Can you talk to anyone?” Obi-Wan asked.   
“Senator Amidala and I talk about a lot of other stuff,” Aerrend said, “The Queen wants me to talk about it, Senator Organa tries to talk to me about it, but I don’t want to burden anyone. The pain will pass, eventually.”   
Obi-Wan sighed. Aerrend talking about his (self-perceived) lack of importance, and trying not to be a burden for everyone seemed to be a habit of his.   
“You’re not going to be a burden to anyone,” Obi-Wan said, “It’s only going to make things easier for you.”   
“I don’t know,” Aerrend said, “I’d feel silly. It’s my business, why should I get anyone else involved.”   
Well now he really wanted to hug him. 

Obi-Wan squeezed his shoulder softly. “Considering that I was there, I’m already involved, aren’t I? So talking to me about it shouldn’t be a problem, right?” he asked, trying to work his way around the traps Aerrend had created for himself in his mind.  
The young man looked to the floor, his face blushing, but then smiled softly. “I guess, I can’t really argue with that,” he admitted. 

Obi-Wan wanted to spend some more time with Aerrend, and considering he had already been thinking about the young man the past couple of weeks constantly – even if he didn’t want to – he thought that spending time with him could do no harm. Maybe it would help sort out his feelings.   
If he kept this strictly platonic, nothing could go wrong. And this way, he wouldn’t have to wonder about Aerrend. He’d know, and that alone would ease his mind. 

“I seem to have some time off the war, for now, considering it’s running quite smoothly, and I’m stuck on Coruscant,” Obi-Wan spoke, “If you want to, I could teach you the basics of self-defence? Maybe even more offensive moves?”   
“That sounds good,” Aerrend responded, his excitement showing through the grin on his face, “Great, actually.” 

They stood there, just smiling at each other.   
“We should get you something to eat and drink now,” Aerrend exclaimed, to break the awkward silence. 

~

“He’s been acting strange all day. Maybe even all week?” Anakin said, watching his master interact with Senator Organa’s new employee, “I have no idea what’s going on with him. But he seems to calm down, now.”   
Padmé, sitting next to him, looked over at them.

“I can’t really imagine Obi-Wan acting strangely,” she responded, “But I can imagine why he is.”   
Anakin looked at his wife, as always feeling tempted to break their play pretend and sit closer to her, to show the world that they were together.   
“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“He must have been nervous,” Padmé said, and smiled in a way that told Anakin she knew more than he did, or had a better understanding of this very situation. It happened more often than not.   
“Yeah, I can see that,” Anakin argued, “It’s just not clear to me _why_ he would be nervous.” 

“Oh, Ani, you really don’t see it, do you?” Padmé asked, more quietly, given the fact that they were surrounded by other people.   
“See what?” he asked. He didn’t like not understanding what was going on. Being clueless was never good. And while it was less dangerous to not know why Obi-Wan was nervous now than to not know what was going on during a battle, Anakin felt equally as frustrated.   
“Look,” Padmé pointed out, “Aerrend is quite handsome, and very charming.” 

“You already said so,” Anakin responded, “But he’s gay, so I don’t know why that’s relevant right now.”   
“Well,” Padmé explained, “That might just be the reason why Obi-Wan has been nervous to come here.”   
“The fact that Aerrend is gay? I don’t think Obi-Wan has a problem with that,” Anakin responded, now even more confused than before. Maybe Padmé was just as clueless as him.   
“No, I don’t mean the fact that Aerrend’s gay,” Padmé elaborated, trying not to laugh at Anakin’s lack of understanding, “The fact that Aerrend is handsome and charming might have an impact on Obi-Wan.” 

“Why would that…,” Anakin pondered, and then stopped, “Wait. Do you think –?”   
“Have you never considered that Obi-Wan might also take a liking to men?” Padmé asked.   
“We never really talk about these things,” Anakin said, since Jedi after all weren’t even supposed to have these attachments, plus, there was a war and no time to talk about romance, “But… It makes sense, now that you say it. What about Satine, though?”   
Padmé shrugged. “He can like different genders as well,” she said, “He just seems to be interested in a man now.” 

Anakin looked over at his master again. He had his hand on Aerrend’s shoulder, and looked at him in a way Anakin might look at Padmé. “Seems like it,” he said, “Do you think Aerrend is interested as well?”   
“Well, he seemed rather keen on looking good, when we approached the two of you,” she explained, “He was worried about his hair.”   
Anakin laughed.   
“What?”   
“They both were,” he said. 

~

Aerrend felt like he shouldn’t have had those two glasses of wine after Obi-Wan arrived. He shouldn’t have had any alcohol at all, knowing full well that he was unable to handle it.   
He did manage to dance with Padmé again, despite his tipsiness, while Obi-Wan and Anakin stood at the side. Maybe dancing wasn’t for Jedi, or maybe there was no one they wanted to dance with. Even though the energy between General Skywalker and Padmé suggested otherwise. 

Now Aerrend was sitting alone with the former, while Padmé was trapped in a conversation with someone a few feet away from them.   
“Where’s Obi-Wan, did he leave already?” Aerrend asked.   
“He’s just getting something to drink,” Anakin responded. Aerrend had no idea where he stood with Anakin – who was very difficult to read.   
“Oh, good,” Aerrend mumbled.   
_Talk about something_ , Aerrend thought, _don’t make him dislike you._   
Maybe he should ask him if Jedi danced.

“The two of you are friends, huh?” Anakin asked.   
Aerrend didn’t know. Were they? They had met twice, and one of those situations was duty technically. But Obi-Wan had offered to teach him self-defence and seemed to care about his well-being. And Aerrend had enjoyed their conversation, and got the impression that the feeling was mutual.   
“I guess so,” Aerrend answered, finally. Anakin shrugged. 

“Padmé tells me, you’re a pacifist,” Anakin continued, “Is that true?”   
Aerrend nodded. Was he being interrogated?   
“I can’t say I agree with your views,” Anakin said, “But I think having a friend like you will be good for Obi-Wan.”   
Aerrend blushed slightly. _It’s the damn wine,_ he thought.   
“Uh… I hope so,” Aerrend said, hoping the alcohol wasn’t going to make him say things he didn’t want to say, like pointing out that Obi-Wan’s hair looked perfect. Or that he really liked the colour of his eyes – or the way he looked at people and made them feel that he cared.

Obi-Wan finally returned, and handed Aerrend a glass of water.   
“Water?” Aerrend asked. He still had half a glass of that Chandrilan liquor left.   
“It’ll help with the headache you’ll have tomorrow,” Obi-Wan responded and sat down next to him. Aerrend was confused, and then realised. _I’m going to be veeeeryyy hungover._

“You have a habit of rescuing me, General Kenobi,” Aerrend said.   
“Well, you have a habit of getting into trouble,” Obi-Wan responded.   
_Is this flirting?_  
Out of the corner of his eyes, Aerrend could see Anakin’s eyebrows shoot up for a moment. He drank some of the water to make the heat disappear from his cheeks. 

“Have you not had anything to drink? Are you not allowed?” Aerrend asked.  
“Alcohol is frowned upon the Jedi Order. It’s not prohibited exactly. I’ve had one drink,” Obi-Wan responded.   
“He can’t handle alcohol, you know?” Anakin – until now happily third-wheeling this conversation – jumped in. Obi-Wan looked at his former padawan with a look of betrayal. It was quite funny to Aerrend.   
“You can’t?” Aerrend asked.   
“Oh, look who’s talking,” Obi-Wan answered with a grin.   
“Never said I could handle it,” Aerrend argued. He picked up the glass of liquor and held it out to him. “You want some?” 

Obi-Wan looked at him, then at the glass, then back at him. And then he took it, and downed the rest of it in one sip. He scrunched up his face at the bitter aftertaste, and Aerrend couldn’t help but laugh. It was … cute. He was cute.   
Obi-Wan put down the glass, and absent-mindedly licked his lips. Lips that had just touched the same glass as Aerrend’s. The Alderaanian stared at the Jedi’s lips for a moment, then up at his eyes, then down at his lips again. And he was sure he couldn’t fully blame this one on the alcohol, but he truly wondered what those lips would feel like on his. 

And then realisation dawned on him – no, it hit him like a shooting star, right into the middle of his chest.   
_Oh no_ , he thought, _I fancy him._   
Obi-Wan grinned at him. “See, I can handle it just as well as you.”   
_No, no, no, no, no._  
Aerrend had no response besides a shy and shaky laugh, as he fell apart internally. Just that grin was enough to turn his – very tipsy – world upside down.   
_I can’t fancy a Jedi, please. Stars, don’t do this to me._

He looked down at his water. “Thanks for this again,” he mumbled and took another sip.   
“No problem,” Obi-Wan said, resting a gently hand on Aerrend’s shoulder, “I know that trick from my Padawan-days. I had a lot of headaches.” 

~

Padmé finally made it back to their table. “Senator Christo finally let me go, but I’m afraid there’s more boring conversations to have, and I’m already tired,” she grumbled, “It’s been a lovely night, but I’m afraid I should go back to my apartment.”   
Anakin jumped up from his seat. “If it’s alright with you, Master, I’ll escort the senator home,” he proposed, not really waiting for an answer.   
“Of course,” Obi-Wan agreed. 

“Oh, blast it,” Aerrend moaned, “I’m afraid have lost Senator Organa!”   
Stars, he felt like he had ignored the senator all night. He should have paid more attention to him, considering Bail had been the one to invite him. On the other hand, Bail had told him to enjoy the night life and be young. 

“He left an hour ago, but seemed glad we were enjoying ourselves,” Padmé explained, “You can borrow one of the speeders here. Or take the shuttle.”   
“I don’t think Aerrend can drive,” Anakin said, “Maybe you should drive him home, Master.”   
“That’s a wonderful idea,” Padmé agreed, smiling at them. 

“Only if it’s not an inconvenience for you,” Aerrend said, his cheeks blushing again. _Note to self: Never have wine again!_ , he thought.  
“It’s no problem at all,” Obi-Wan responded, “But we should probably take a shuttle.” 

When Aerrend got up, the world around him spun for a moment. Obi-Wan steadied him. Nervous laughter came from Aerrend as he realised just how close the Jedi stood to him. 

~  
They got off the shuttle at the apartment complex, only having to walk a couple of hundred meters through the cold night-air. Obi-Wan looked at Aerrend struggling to not stumble over his feet. 

“Are you having trouble walking straight?” the Jedi asked.   
Aerrend let out a laugh. “I’m never straight,” he mumbled in response, nearly tripping on the pavement while trying to find his balance. Obi-Wan caught him.   
“Careful there,” Obi-Wan chuckled, “We don’t want you to fall again.” 

Aerrend responded with another genuine laugh. Obi-Wan felt happy that he had made that happen, considering how bad the young man must be feeling. And he just liked hearing him laugh. It was very… endearing.   
He pulled one arm around Aerrend’s shoulders. The young man leaned on him, as they walked to his room. On their way, he mumbled things of the force, and wondered about the Jedi, clearly saying nonsense because of his dizzy state. 

“Would you like to drink something?” Aerrend asked as they entered the apartment.  
“I think it’s best if we get you to bed,” Obi-Wan responded. Aerrend mumbled something Obi-Wan couldn’t quite make out, and pointed to the bedroom. Aerrend’s face was flushed, and his hair was a mess. And being so close to him, feeling him lean into his chest felt good. It felt right. Obi-Wan suddenly felt rather shy and nervous, something that wasn’t in his nature.   
_Don’t get attached._

He focused on the tidy room, taking in the scenery outside the window, instead of the man who made him feel flustered. He helped Aerrend out of his coat and steadied him as he took off his boots. He only looked at him, once he was crawling under the blanket fully clothed. 

“Thank you for this,” Aerrend mumbled, “It’s awfully sweet of you to take care of me. You’re sweet.”   
“It’s the right thing to do,” Obi-Wan shrugged, “I should leave. Will you be alright without me?”   
“I think so,” Aerrend whispered, pointing a finger at his temple, “Too drunk for nightmares. Too drunk for dark thoughts.” 

“Let’s not make that a habit,” Obi-Wan said, “Remember what I said earlier. About talking to me.”   
“I remember,” Aerrend said. He smiled a thin, soft, fragile smile. A smile that made Obi-Wan feel like his efforts to have a platonic relationship with Aerrend had been doomed the second he had met him. 

Maybe it would have been best for everybody, if he had walked away there and then, when he still could.   
But did he want to?   
“Good night, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, and turned to go.   
“Good night,” Aerrend said, “… Obi-Wan?” 

Obi-Wan stopped. “Yes?”   
“I’ve missed you,” Aerrend mumbled.   
Obi-Wan paused. He turned around and looked at Aerrend, eyes closed, cleary close to falling asleep. _Keep it platonic, keep it professional._  
“I’ve missed you too, Aerrend,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's a bit different from the others, but hopefully tipsy!Aerrend was entertaining to read!  
> Let me know what you think!


	7. Almost Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~ But if Anakin could read Aerrend, why couldn’t Obi-Wan? Why was Aerrend so hard to figure out? It was frustrating. As a Jedi, he knew many things, he could do many things. He was rational both when assessing other people and when dealing with feelings of his own. So why was a 26-year-old boy about to unravel all of that? Why was he confusing the hell out of him? ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape  
> I looked over it and I ached  
> [...]  
> All I need, darling is a life in your shape  
> I picture it, soft, and I ache" - Mitski, Strawberry Blonde   
> (these lyrics capture the emotions in this chapter quite well, I think)

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**

It turned out that Obi-Wan had been right. The morning after the banquet, Aerrend woke up with a pounding headache – and on top of that he felt fatigued and nauseous. He rose to a spinning room, stumbling toward the sink for a glass of water to help with his dry mouth. 

Then, he took enough pain killers to make it through the day. 

Work was terrible and Aerrend struggled through the tasks he had to get done, but at least he managed. They were back at the office, preparing for senate hearings and all that. The revision of their failed aid legislation was scheduled to start the following day, leaving Aerrend to hope that he’d recover from his hangover in time. 

Once work was done, he turned in for the night – after taking another dose of pain killers of course. In his endeavour to fall asleep, he tried to avoid wondering whether Obi-Wan had been flirting with him. He tried to avoid thinking of his lips – of Obi-Wan drinking from his glass – or even just about the Jedi carrying him home because he was too drunk and dizzy to walk.   
Oh, the embarrassing things he could have said. He probably had said some of them, but by everything that was holy, he hoped he hadn’t said anything about kissing.   
He pressed a pillow to his face and groaned. Maybe if he was lucky enough, he had said all those embarrassing things and now Obi-Wan wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Maybe, he had ruined everything before it even started.   
_I’m never having wine and liquor on an empty stomach again. Ever_ , Aerrend thought. 

~

When Aerrend arrived at the committee room the following day, he was greeted by Sabé, who was uncharacteristically early. “Good morning,” he said. 

“Morning,” she responded, “I hear you went home with a Jedi after the banquet.”   
She sounded like her usual, reserved self – however, there was a hint of teasing in her voice. 

Aerrend blushed, and actively tried avoiding her gaze. He probably just made it easier for her to read him.   
“Well, I- uhm- well, it’s not like that,” he stammered.   
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us,” Sabé teased further. She wore a devious grin now. What did that even mean? 

“How do you even know of that?” Aerrend asked.   
“Oh, Padmé told me,” Sabé said, “I’m her eyes, ears and hands, remember? I need to know everything that’s happening!”   
“I can’t believe you gossip about me,” Aerrend said, and sat down, after getting a cup of caf, “Behind my back.”  
“It’s what friends do! It shows that we care about you,” Sabé said, “And who you go home with. I assume nothing happened?”   
Aerrend shook his head. “Stars, no,” he said, “It was just another one of his noble rescue efforts.”  
“Hm. Boring,” she responded, and Aerrend was surprised at just how disappointed she sounded. 

“I was way too drunk, and it really isn’t like that at all between us,” he said, then eying her suspiciously, “Have you ever been with a Jedi?”   
“I have my secrets,” she said, but her smile gave almost all of them away. 

By now Aerrend knew that pestering Sabé for her secrets was no use, that she’d never give away more than she wanted. She offered you some parts of it, but nothing more. It was up to you to take it.   
So he dropped the issue, also because he didn’t feel like getting his hopes up about any kind of possibility of something more happening between him and Obi-Wan. 

~

Obi-Wan woke up early the day after the banquet. He got up out of bed and stretched, fully aware that he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore anyways. 

His body ached, and he wished he was capable of getting more rest. Ever since the war has been going on, however, sleep didn’t come easy. And it never really lasted longer than a few hours at a time, sometimes even less. It was only natural, as a General, to be ready to go into battle at all times. It was hard, if not impossible, to turn the part of him that stayed alert at all times off. Even if it dragged down his energy.

Once again, Obi-Wan felt reminded of his age. He was 37 now, and soon he’d be 38. Now, a day after attending a festive event, with drinks, and hours of talking, and getting someone home, he felt all of it in his bones. 

Anakin, on the other hand, wasn’t even 22 yet, so of course all of this was much easier and more exciting for him – he probably didn’t even feel the alcohol he had.   
Not to say that Obi-Wan hadn’t enjoyed himself, and the time he got to spend with a certain, handsome Alderaanian again. He did have a great time. He just needed a bit more rest from the great time to recharge. Even if he’d do it all over again, just to see Aerrend smile, and blush and enjoy himself.   
After stretching, he took a quick shower, then put on his Jedi robes, and went to meditate in the temple gardens. 

He ran into Anakin. _Sneaking back in, are we?_ , he thought.   
“Good morning, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, “You’re up early.” 

Anakin scratched the back of his head, and Obi-Wan could tell the young Jedi hadn’t slept much, and he definitely hadn’t slept in the temple. “Yeah,” he responded, “I’m just… taking a quick walk, but I think I need some more sleep, Master.”   
“I can see that,” Obi-Wan said, “I hope Padmé got home safe last night.”   
“She did,” Anakin responded, “Same goes for Aerrend.” 

Obi-Wan laughed softly. “He had a bit too much to drink,” he laughed – and then thought back to Anakin’s behaviour the night before. “So, you have no problem with him? Considering he’s very close to Padmé, or the way they danced and laughed.”   
“Why would I have a problem with him? Or that?” Anakin asked, clearly very sleep-deprived.   
“I thought you harboured feelings for her,” Obi-Wan implored. 

Anakin didn’t confirm or deny, which had always been the case when they talked about these issues. “But what does he have to do with anything?” Anakin questioned.   
“He could be a rival,” Obi-Wan said, unsure why the idea of Aerrend liking someone stung a bit.   
Anakin let out a laugh. “That was a good one, Master,” he spoke, “But you should be more attentive. Didn’t you teach me that?” 

~

Obi-Wan had no idea what Anakin meant with that. And even when Anakin went his way, he still wasn’t sure. 

Maybe he should have been more attentive, to see things apparently even Anakin had seen. Had Aerrend said anything that verified Obi-Wan’s suspicion about his preference? Had his behaviour given something away? He didn’t quite remember, and the end of the night had turned into a blur, with Obi-Wan missing some of the things Aerrend mumbled in his drunken state, or not paying attention because all he could think of was just how close Aerrend sat to him on the shuttle, or the way he leaned into him as he steadied him on his way home. 

But if Anakin could read Aerrend, why couldn’t Obi-Wan? Why was Aerrend so hard to figure out? It was frustrating. As a Jedi, he knew many things, he could do many things. He was rational both when assessing other people and when dealing with feelings of his own. So why was a 26-year-old boy about to unravel all of that? Why was he confusing the hell out of him?   
He sighed, and tried to let go of these things for his meditation. It was just him and the force – the all too confusing matters of the heart had to wait. 

Sitting in the temple’s garden, he recalledthat he had promised to teach Aerrend self-defence. Maybe that would be the perfect opportunity to get to know him better. But he let go of these thoughts, and planned to arrange it once his mind was clearer. 

Obi-Wan thought of nothing as he breathed in deeply. He closed his eyes and reached out into the force.

~

Holo-communication with a senatorial office was harder than Obi-Wan thought. He had no way of contacting Aerrend directly on a private commlink. This forced him to stand in front of one of the holo-communicators in the temple. He chose one that was more hidden and used less frequently, to not be disturbed.   
_I still should try and be quick._

When his call was accepted, he was facing a middle-aged humanoid woman. “This is Senator Organa’s office. He’s not here momentarily. Should I leave a message?” she asked. She spoke quickly, and Obi-Wan had to focus to keep up with her accent. She also sounded rather snarky.  
“Uhm, yes, this is General Kenobi. General Obi-Wan Kenobi,” he spoke.   
Stars, he hated this. 

“And what can I do for you, General Obi-Wan Kenobi?” she asked, sounding as if he was wasting her time.   
“I would like to speak with-,” he began.   
“He’s not here at the moment, as I’ve said before,” she interrupted.   
“No, not the senator. I’m trying to reach Aerrend Lus. It’s urgent,” he said. He was a Jedi Knight and General, but this woman sure was intimidating. 

“Oh, you want to speak to the boy,” she said, rather disapprovingly, “He’s with the senator at the moment.”  
“Can you patch me through to the senator’s commlink? Or perhaps, Aerrend’s commlink?” Obi-Wan asked again. 

There was a pause. 

The woman sighed. “Of course I can, General Obi-Wan Kenobi,” she said, “It’ll just take me a second.”   
“Thank you so much,” he responded, “I appreciate it.”   
But by then, she had already put him on hold. Gripping the comm-station, he went over what he was going to say. _By the force, why am I so nervous?_

“What are you doing there?” a voice behind him asked. Obi-Wan jumped and turned around, where Ahsoka stood facing him, her arms crossed.  
“How long have you been there?” he asked.   
“Long enough,” Ahsoka responded, and grinned at him, “What urgent business do you have to discuss with Senator Organa’s employee, Obi-Wan?” 

Obi-Wan groaned, and touching a hand to his forehead. He really didn’t need this, but there was no escaping Anakin and Ahsoka.   
They were the closest thing he had to a family, and he loved them both. But sometimes they could just be _so annoying._ Ahsoka definitely took after her master in a lot of ways – one of them: being very interested in other people’s business.   
He decided not to make up a lie. 

“I’ve told him I could teach him self-defence techniques,” he said, “So he can fight without a blaster, if the occasion arises.”   
“And why are you being so secretive about it?” she asked.   
“I’m not being secretive,” he responded, “It’s just something I want to do without the Council’s involvement.”   
“So, you’re being secretive?” she asked.   
He sighed. Yes, she’d won. He nodded. 

“Well, I won’t tell anyone,” Ahsoka responded, and turned to go, “Let me know if he needs a sparring partner.”  
He had no time to think about it, as Senator Organa’s voice finally came through.   
“General Kenobi,” he said, “How can I help you?” 

~

Aerrend was sorting through some files on his datapad, when Senator Organa approached him. 

“There’s a call patched through from the office,” Bail spoke.   
Aerrend looked up. “I think I can manage for now, if you need to tend to something urgent elsewhere,” he said, and gave the senator a polite smile. Next to him, Padmé looked up from her datapad.   
“No, it’s not that,” Bail responded, “The call is for you, actually. It’s from the Jedi temple. General Kenobi.”   
Aerrend could feel his cheeks heat up. “General Kenobi?” he asked. 

Bail nodded, and handed him the small holo-communicator he had with him. Aerrend took it, and left the room for some privacy.   
Aerrend held the communicator in the palm of his hand and activated it again, suddenly being faced with Obi-Wan Kenobi. “Aerrend,” he spoke with a sigh of relief, “Finally.”   
“Obi-Wan,” Aerrend responded, “I hope it didn’t take too much of your time to reach me.”   
_Be calm._

“Well, it did take a while, and the woman at the office wasn’t too friendly,” Obi-Wan said, “But that doesn’t matter.”   
He looked over his shoulder for a moment, and then back to Aerrend. 

“So, what’s up?” Aerrend asked, “I feared my drunk ramblings may have put you off.”   
“Oh, don’t worry, it was rather endearing,” Obi-Wan said, “I was just calling to see if you might be free today? So I can teach you some fighting techniques. Just the basics.”   
“Today?” Aerrend asked. His mind still trying to make sense of the word “endearing” being used in a sentence about him.   
“Unless you don’t have any time, of course,” Obi-Wan noted.

“No, no,” Aerrend said, “I’m free. It’s just not much time to prepare.”   
“For exercising?” Obi-Wan asked.   
_No, for seeing your handsome face and trying not to think about kissing you, you idiot_ , Aerrend wanted to say.   
“No, it’s silly. I know,” Aerrend said, “Uhm, I could I could ask to leave now and be ready in an hour?” 

Obi-Wan thought for a second. Aerrend observed as the Jedi ran a hand through his hair. _Stars, his hair_ , he thought. Even through holo-communication it looked perfect.   
“You have a garden at the top of your roof, right?” Obi-Wan asked.   
“Uh… yes,” Aerrend confirmed.   
“I’ll meet you at your apartment, then,” Obi-Wan said, “See you then.” 

The holo-communication ended, and Aerrend returned to the others.

“Senator Organa,” he said, as he handed him his holo-communicator, “May I have the rest of the day off? I’m supposed to meet with General Kenobi as soon as possible.”   
“Of course,” Bail said, “Say hello to him for me.”   
Aerrend bowed his head slightly. “Thank you, senator,” he said. 

He went to gather his things. Padmé grinned at him. “You’re spending time with Obi-Wan?”   
Aerrend nodded. “He’s teaching me how to fight,” he said, “At least the basics.”   
“That’s very kind of him,” she exclaimed, “It seems like he wants to spend more time with you.”  
“What do you mean?” he asked.   
“Nothing,” she almost sang, turning back to her work. 

~

Obi-Wan stood waiting at the entrance to the apartment complex Aerrend lived in. He leaned against the wall next to the door, waiting for the younger man to arrive. Stars, he had rushed to get here – nothing could stop him from going. But despite wanting to get away from work, he had taken his commlink with him. If anything happened, the temple would reach him. 

A few people walked in and out or past the building, paying little to no mind to their surroundings or him.   
A few hundred metres away, a shuttle stopped. His eyes found Aerrend within the crowd of people immediately. Grinning from ear to ear, he watched the young man approach. 

“Hello there,” Obi-Wan exclaimed, when he had reached him.  
“Hi,” Aerrend responded shyly, “Sorry for being late. The city was very busy.”  
“Don’t worry, I have time,” Obi-Wan reassured, still grinning. Aerrend smiled back, a bit uneasy. Was Obi-Wan supposed to hug him? How could he make this greeting less awkward and clumsy?   
But Aerrend moved past him and unlocked the door, leading the way to his apartment, pushing any questions about hugging aside.

“How was work today?” Obi-Wan asked.   
“Oh, nothing interesting really, we’re trying to get people on board with the legislation,” Aerrend explained, “Even I was bored of that. How was Jedi-work?”   
Obi-Wan laughed. “Jedi-Work?” he said, “Nothing really happened either, which is why I thought it would be a good idea to do this today.” 

They entered Aerrend’s apartment.   
“Do you want something to drink?” Aerrend asked. Obi-Wan shook his head.   
“I’ll just put on something more comfortable for exercise then,” the Alderaanian said, gesturing to his fancy work clothes. 

Obi-Wan sat down on the sofa and watched him disappear into his bedroom. He crossed his legs and waited. “How are the scars healing?” he asked.   
“Quite nicely,” Aerrend answered from his room, “The medical care here is even better than that on Alderaan. Which is one more reason to support star systems and people who aren’t as fortunate.”  
“You truly are passionate about this, huh?” Obi-Wan asked. Great. They were talking already, maybe he could get to know him better now. 

“I am,” he said, “But I’ve also been thinking about what you said to me on Jakku. You know, that a lot of people aren’t as lucky as I am. That’s why doing something is important to me.”   
Obi-Wan felt flattered that Aerrend had taken his off-hand comment serious, and that it was driving him to do something, but he wasn’t going to take any credit for it.   
“It’s very honourable,” he said, “You know, Jedi grow up in modesty, but we also have certain privileges compared to other people. And there’s more that we could do for those in need.” 

Aerrand emerged from room, dressed in a white, sleeveless undershirt, and loose dark pants and casual shoes – a perfect outfit for exercise. Obi-Wan looked him up and down, glimpsing at his bare arms for a moment. Aerrend looked so soft and handsome, leaving the Jedi speechless for a moment. 

“Does this work?” Aerrend asked, snapping him out of it.  
Obi-Wan smiled. “Yes, that’s perfect,” he said.   
Aerrend threw on a robe, and led him to the narrow elevator. They stood closely together.

Obi-Wan didn’t mind, he didn’t mind the back of their hands brushing against each other. At least he told himself that, as he ignored the urge to take Aerrend’s hand and interlink their fingers. He ignored spark whenever they touched. He ignored his heartbeat speeding up, when he caught Aerrend looking at him.

They reached the garden, and Obi-Wan took in the scenery. It was the early afternoon, they were hours away from sunset. There were trees, and grass, and flowers – so much greenery. It was lovely. Almost romantic.   
_Almost_ , he thought and began to focus on what he came here to do. 

~

Aerrend took off his shoes and the robe he had thrown over to make exercising easier. He also just liked to feel the grass under his bare feet as it reminded him of home. Something he needed, as this was very intimidating. Suddenly self-conscious, he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to make himself smaller. 

Obi-Wan studied him, looking him up and down, and then sighed with a gentle smile. “The most important thing is that you’re comfortable,” he explained, and gestured at Aerrend, “so all that is not exactly ideal.”   
“What do you mean?” Aerrend asked defensively, his voice rising an octave, “I’m not a naturally comfortable person, if that’s a problem, then we better end this now.” 

Obi-Wan took a step towards him, and rested his hands on Aerrend’s crossed arms softly. For reasons he did not want to explain, he tensed up even more.   
“Relax,” he said, as he untied his arms. He then walked around Aerrend, and put a hand on his back to straighten it, and then rested his hands on his shoulder.   
“You’re really tense,” he wondered out loud, “Are you really not comfortable with this?” 

Aerrend didn’t know what to say. It felt silly, but he wasn’t super comfortable. His fighting techniques were rusty at best, and he never had never been good at showing physical strength, hence his focus on politics or fighting with a blaster. Now his teacher was a _Jedi Master_ , who additionally was very good-looking and probably much more athletic.  
Compared to him, Aerrend felt weak, slender and fragile. His skinny, lanky form was inadequate – and a part of him feared that the Jedi could never find any part of him attractive.   
“I feel,” he said, “…underdressed.” 

Obi-Wan groaned. Then he loosened the belt around his robes, and took off his tunic, revealing a tighter, long-sleeved undershirt, that was tucked into his pants. He took off his leather boots, and then broadened his arms. “Is this better now?” he asked.   
Aerrend nodded. “Much better,” he mumbled. 

“Alright,” Obi-Wan said, “Remember, it’s important that you’re calm. No offence, but I’ve never seen anyone more tense than you are right now – and I’ve been to war, so that’s saying a lot.”   
Stars, this was frustrating.   
“I know,” Aerrend said, “I don’t know how to stop it, I’ve been tense ever since I was taken hostage.”  
He wanted to be calm, and relaxed, and ready to do these things, but it was difficult. He had been tense all his life, always so focused, always so driven to get to some point in life where he’d finally get some peace. 

“I see,” Obi-Wan acknowledged, sitting down on the grass cross-legged, “Sit with me.”   
Aerrend did as he was told.   
“Come closer,” Obi-Wan said. He came closer, and now their knees touched. Obi-Wan put one hand on his chin. “Unclench your jaw,” he said, and then put the other hand on his shoulder, “And relax your shoulders.”   
Sitting like this practically forced him into eye contact with the Jedi. Obi-Wan had a soft, kind smile on his lips, and his eyes, stars, his eyes were understanding and patient. Aerrend got lost in them for a moment, his heart and head reeling.  
 _This doesn’t make being calm easy._

Obi-Wan dropped his hands, and closed his eyes. “Close your eyes,” he instructed.   
Aerrend closed his eyes and waited for a moment. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking of their knees touching. But then a familiar feeling returned, that he had felt before, on Jakku. With Obi-Wan. _Safe._ His shoulders relaxed and he felt some of the tension fade away with a few calm breaths.   
“Let go,” Obi-Wan said, “And just be.” 

Aerrend felt silly, all of a sudden, and opened one eye, taking a peak at Obi-Wan’s face. He was more relaxed than usual. Calm and neutral. His hair was doing that Obi-Wan thing Aerrend liked but didn’t want to like, and his neatly trimmed beard made him even more handsome.  
Aerrend wondered what Obi-Wan looked like in the morning, the way his voice would sound after hours of sleep, if he also did that satisfying stretch whenever he slept really well. 

“It would help if you’d stop staring at me,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend flinched his eyes darting to Obi-Wan’s – they were still closed.   
“How did you know?” Aerrend asked, “Can Jedi do that?”   
“I sensed a lot of curiosity in you,” Obi-Wan laughed, “Then I took a quick guess, and you didn’t even deny it.”   
_I’m such an idiot fool_ , Aerrend thought. 

“I do feel flattered, though,” Obi-Wan said, smiling.   
Aerrend’s cheeks were burning. _This was a mistake. I’m stupid, and this was a mistake_ , Aerrend thought. He wanted to punch himself for letting his thoughts drift away. He should know better than this.   
“Relax, Aerrend,” he said, “Close your eyes again and trust the force.” 

_The force?_

Aerrend closed his eyes again. He let go of his worries. He breathed in – he breathed out. Nothing. He breathed in and out again, and again, and again. Still nothing.  
And then he felt it.   
Something peaceful, yet powerful.   
An energy that was everywhere and nowhere, that tied the galaxy together, that ran through it like a river.   
A force. 

Warm energy ran through him – and with it came calmness. Peace. 

Yet there was something else. Something that wasn’t quite there, at least not as perceptible. Something that existed in the background, tried to reach for him, and pull him down. It was equally as strong – but it couldn’t quite reach him with it’s demanding, malicious hands. There was something protecting him.

_Trust the force._  
The calmness remained with him

~

Obi-Wan’s hand on his shoulder snapped him out the meditation.   
“How was that?” Obi-Wan asked. 

Aerrend smiled. “It… it worked.” 

Obi-Wan put his other hand on Aerrend’s other shoulder. “Just another Jedi trick,” he grinned. 

They were still sitting so close to one another.   
Aerrend would have loved to let himself fall into Obi-Wan’s arms, taking in whatever protection he could find there. He shook these longings away and jumped up. 

“I’m ready to learn,” he proclaimed. 

~

Hours passed with Obi-Wan trying to teach Aerrend how to be more relaxed, to loosen up a little. Then he had to teach him the basics of the basics again – how to punch with more impact, weak points to aim at with a kick, how to move more swiftly, how to not actively hurt himself in a fight. 

But at least this wasn’t a lost cause. There was solid ground to built upon. 

When they were done, it was late and the sun was setting.   
And both of them were _so_ hungry. Aerrend had the glorious idea of ordering food delivered up to the rooftop. 

Now, with a few plates in front of them, they were sitting in the grass, leaning against a tree next to each other. Again, Obi-Wan realised how much peace he found in even this tiny bit of nature.   
“The food is really good,” he said, looking over at Aerrend. 

Aerrend’s hair was damp and messy from the exercising, but Obi-Wan really liked it that way. Sure, he always looked very handsome but this relaxed version of Aerrend was even more striking. Within the afternoon, he had really come to enjoy this wilder side of Aerrend, who yelled and groaned and laughed as the Jedi pushed him to try things again and again. 

“I know,” Aerrend responded, “It tastes even better after all this exercising. You really powered me out.”   
“Well, I didn’t do much, I just instructed,” Obi-Wan said with a grin.   
“And then you kept nagging on about how I’m doing things wrong,” Aerrend said, “But I think I’ve already learnt a lot.” 

They were silent for a moment, looking up at the sky above Coruscant turning orange, then pink, and then grey-ish-blue.   
Obi-Wan looked back at Aerrend, whose gaze was lingering on the colours of the sky. He smiled, but there was just a hint of sadness in his expression. 

“Do you miss home?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend’s eyes stayed with the sky.   
“I do,” he said, “Coruscant is big, new, and exciting, and… I _really_ needed a change of scenery. It’s just not Alderaan. All this artificial nature up here, on the rooftop, just can’t compare to the mountains, the rivers, the forests, the meadows back home. I miss it. Terribly. Even if I don’t want to.” 

“I understand,” Obi-Wan said, “You don’t have to feel silly. You’ve lived there all your live.” 

“Well, most of it,” Aerrend explained, “And it’s not like my life there had been all that great. My parents were refugees, people knew that. Even a world like Alderaan isn’t completely free of bigotry. Of treating people differently for where they come from.” 

“I don’t think any place in the galaxy is,” Obi-Wan agreed, “But your parents must be proud of your achievements, right?” 

“I don’t know,” Aerrend said, “They died when I was very young, still a baby. I grew up in foster care, orphanages, and such. It wasn’t ideal, but I clawed my way out. Fortunately, Alderaan’s education system helped a lot.” 

“I’m sorry, I had no idea,” Obi-Wan said, “Do you have any family left? Friends there? Someone to come home to?” 

Obi-Wan couldn’t stop himself from asking that last question. It felt very intrusive, and maybe it was too obvious to ask like that, but he just had to know.   
Maybe it would be easier if Aerrend had someone. Then he’d have a reason to stay away. 

“No,” Aerrend said, “No family, and by the stars, I never made friends anywhere. There’s no one to come home to. Not that anyone would be interested. I’ve told you on the ship. I’m not important, I have no ties to anyone, and I’m nobody. I don’t matter.” 

“Stop it, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan objected without thinking, “You mean a great deal to me.” 

There was a pause. Finally, Aerrend looked at him, surprise and disbelief in his eyes – making Obi-Wan much more aware of the weight and meaning his words had. 

“And to Padmé, obviously, and to the senator, and the queen, I suppose,” Obi-Wan added quickly, “But it’s true: You matter, to me.” 

“Oh.” Aerrend let out in a shaky breath.  
“I want to be your friend,” Obi-Wan said, “Because I care about you.”   
“Oh,” Aerrend repeated. 

He looked at Obi-Wan, and again, he looked so fragile, so vulnerable. Obi-Wan wondered who had hurt him. Who had damaged him – pushed him into believing all these lies he kept telling himself?

“So, I finally managed to make you shut up,” Obi-Wan quipped, to lighten the mood.   
Aerrend chuckled softly. 

“I would like to be your friend, too,” he whispered. He pulled in his legs, and wrapped his arms around them. Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to protect him for the rest of time.   
Scooting over and pressing his shoulder against Aerrend’s, he gave him a reassuring smile. That was all the comfort he could provide for now.   
Stars, what was going on with his feelings? He really had to sort things out. 

“I’ve heard that Jedi are not allowed to have attachments, though,” Aerrend said, leaning into Obi-Wan’s shoulder almost immediately.   
“I don’t think that rule counts for friendship,” Obi-Wan said, “It’s about falling in love. Having a family. Valuing one single life over the greater good. At least I understand it that way.” 

His voice was softer, more a whisper than anything else, like he and Aerrend were conspiring. 

“But… that cannot be turned off, can it?” Aerrend asked.   
“No, it can’t,” Obi-Wan confessed. He knew too well that it couldn’t be turned off, no matter how hard he tried. Sitting close to Aerrend did something to him, his presence had been doing things to him ever since they met. A rule couldn’t change anything about that. 

“Have you ever been in love?” Aerrend asked curiously, looking towards the stars again. Purposefully avoiding the Jedi’s eyes.

“Once, a life time ago. I was still a Padawan,” Obi-Wan explained, “My Master and I were on a mission to protect Duchess Satine of Mandalore. We were young and foolish, but ultimately it didn’t work out.” 

“Oh, I’ve heard of her,” Aerrend answered, but there was something in his voice that had recoiled.

“I think the two of you would get along. She’s a pacifist, just like you…. I think I’ll always have some feelings for her, but it’s different now.” 

“And you’ve never had any romantic feelings since?” 

“I’m only human, Aerrend. Of course there have been women and men since then I’ve been charmed by… And I do like to flirt. But I’ve learnt from that first heartbreak,” Obi-Wan explained with a deep sigh. 

“Was it hard? Giving up on the love you had?” 

“It showed me that I truly want to be a Jedi. Part of the order. And for that, I’m willing to make sacrifices,” Obi-Wan declared.  
 _At least before this war_ , he thought, then taking a look at the man beside him, _Before you._

He met Aerrend’s gaze, but quickly turned his eyes away. If he hadn’t, he would have given even more secrets away. 

“Anyways,” he exclaimed, “What about you? You’re young, and free to fall in love.”   
Aerrend exhaled, and gave him a sad smile. 

“I’m not that young anymore, Obi-Wan,” he muttered, “And I did love someone, years ago. He wasn’t a kind man, it took me some time to understand that. But I’m done with that. It brings nothing but pain.”   
“Falling in love?” Obi-Wan asked.

There was a moment of silence, and something in Aerrend seemed to shift. Obi-Wan didn’t know what, but it just confirmed his initial observations of the young man. He was an open book, mostly, but then, when it came to more complicated issues, he became so hard to read. On purpose – a defence mechanism.   
Aerrend ignored his question, and gathered up the plates. 

“I think I should clean this up,” Aerrend said, “It’s late, we should stop for today.”   
He got up, and Obi-Wan quickly followed. “Let me help you with that,” he said. 

~

A fool. He was a damn fool. 

Obi-Wan was a Jedi, dedicated to a life in the order. Nothing and no one could change that.

And even though Aerrend had told himself over and over again to not have hope, to not even think about it, to not even waste energy on that fantasy, he felt disappointed.   
He was a fool for believing that things could be different. 

He liked Obi-Wan, _so, so much_ , and he wanted him to lead the life he wanted, even if it wasn’t a life that would include him.

Yet he couldn’t quite suppress the selfish feeling of sadness. Selfish in the way that he had hoped the Jedi Knight would give up his life for him, a stupid boy he had to rescue weeks ago. And now that was gone. How could he have been dumb enough to believe that? 

He knew from the start. He had killed the hope rising in him from the start, yet still he was here, sadly cleaning the plates and trying to keep a straight face while Obi-Wan talked to him.

Cleaning plates was easy, he had done it a million times before, so his mind wasn’t occupied, he wasn’t distracted. 

Moments echoed in his mind of Obi-Wan’s knees against his, Obi-Wan’s hand on the small of his back, sitting with him shoulder to shoulder.   
Things Obi-Wan had said to him. Words that gave him hope, like saying that he cared for him. That Aerrend meant something to him. All this was buzzing around in Aerrend’s head as he washed the plates in his tiny kitchen’s sink. 

“Are you okay?” Obi-Wan asked softly, with a dish towel in his hand.   
This broke Aerrend from his thoughts. He forced himself to smile, to seem okay. “Yeah,” he said, “Just thinking.” 

_Be his friend, try your best and be a good friend_ , Aerrend thought. That much he could get. That much would have to be enough. 

“Anything you’d like to talk about?” Obi-Wan asked.   
_I like you, you idiot_ , Aerrend wanted to scream.   
“No, it’s nothing really,” he said instead.

They talked for a while, until it was time for Obi-Wan to go.   
“You’ll be alright? Considering nightmares and such,” Obi-Wan asked.   
“I think I’ve used up all my energy this afternoon,” Aerrend laughed. 

Obi-Wan chuckled and once again they were locked in this weird, awkward moment where they didn’t quite knew what to do.   
“Goodnight,” Aerrend said, just when Obi-Wan surprised him by pulling him into a hug.  
“Goodnight,” he responded. 

Aerrend tried not to linger in the hug, but it did feel good to be held by him again. _Too good._

As Obi-Wan pulled away, Aerrend swore to be a good friend to him. But he’d have to keep a distance. Otherwise his feelings would be too overwhelming and heart-breaking.   
And maybe Aerrend would break along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there, I hope you enjoyed their first "kind-of-date". It definitely was fun writing, and also fun revisiting and reworking a couple of months later.   
> Let me know what you think in the comments!   
> I hope you're well. Stay safe!   
> And may the force be with you, always.


	8. Disaster on the first Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re doing a good job, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, “And you look quite regal.”  
> “I thought I’d look more impressive, that way,” Aerrend confessed, “You know, as if I was someone with power and authority, so people would listen to me. Apparently I still need a Jedi for that.”  
> “You’ll get there, eventually,” Obi-Wan responded, and it wasn’t quite the reassuring thing Aerrend wanted to hear before his first big mission, “I like the outfit, though. You’ve always looked like a prince, even in captivity.”

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
A few weeks passed. Obi-Wan and Aerrend spend a lot of time together in the garden on Aerrend’s rooftop, and by now, Aerrend had become an adequate fighter. As long as Aerrend still had a blaster, he’d be fine. Obi-Wan was pleased with the progress he’d made.  
Despite all this, Obi-Wan felt like a distance had grown between them, and he didn’t quite understand why. They had spent more time together, sure, but whenever their conversation moved beyond the surface level, Aerrend would retreat from it, let the conversation die, or guide Obi-Wan back to the surface level. Whenever Obi-Wan touched him, it felt like Aerrend would flinch away from him, even if it was mostly about teaching him fighting techniques. For Obi-Wan these small touches were never just about teaching Aerrend, though. He wanted to be close to him, and this way was the only way he could reach that. By pretending to be professional and practical, when really his hand lingered on Aerrend’s back a split-second too long. Now, thought, saying goodbye with a hug was not possible anymore.  
It felt awful, and Obi-Wan wondered what he had done wrong. Why Aerrend was acting that way. Sure, he was still very friendly, funny and charming, and the dynamic between the two of them remained mostly intact. Obi-Wan just couldn’t stop focusing on these small shifts in Aerrend’s behaviour. Maybe he was selfish for wanting more than friendship, when he didn’t even know if he’d be able to give more than that.  
“Master?” he heard Anakin ask. Obi-Wan was taken from his thoughts. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening,” Obi-Wan responded, “What were you saying?”  
“I was wondering what the upcoming council meeting is about,” Anakin said, “The war is running smoothly, currently.”  
“Who called in the meeting again?” Obi-Wan asked.  
“Wow, you really blocked me out for the last few minutes, haven’t you?” Anakin asked, “Master Windu did.”  
Obi-Wan furrowed his eyebrows. “I have no idea what it could be about,” he said, but sensing that Anakin was kind of nervous, he decided he had to reassure his former padawan, “I’m sure it’s just a formality. Don’t worry.”  
“Worry about what, Master?” Anakin asked. The unspoken truth was hanging between them, about Anakin and Padmé, and Obi-Wan knew how Anakin would react if he pushed the issue. “Nothing,” Obi-Wan said, “Maybe they want to talk about the good work you’ve been doing in training Ahsoka.” He patted his shoulder, tried his best to focus on the present and be there for Anakin. Despite not being a Padawan any longer, he still needed some of his guidance. 

~

Work. That was exactly what he needed now.  
A lot of it. After lengthy negotiations with other senators, reworking parts of the legislation and adding amendments to their legislation, they were finally in a place where they thought this law could pass, effectively allowing a handful of wealthy systems to give humanitarian aid to systems, even if they were part of the Separatists.  
The tough part was that every single one of the mercy missions would have to happen under supervision of Republic officials and the Jedi Council. If the Jedi council saw fit, they could assign a Jedi Knight to each mission, along with Clone Troopers. If things got tough, they had the right to call for a full military intervention on behalf of the people needing aid. This was the compromise they had to face, and none of them liked it. However, pragmatism won in this case. It was the only way to help people in need. And maybe people like Padmé and Aerrend, who had friends within the Jedi order, could negotiate with the Jedi, at least.  
Aerrend didn’t like the amendment at all. Not only would rebellions on Separatist Systems be vary of trusting the Jedi and the Republic, it would also add more stress and pressure to the mission. And, the worst part, it would probably put him and Obi-Wan on different sides, with different allegiances. The differences in their lives would be even more obvious, there’d be things they wouldn’t be allowed to talk about. It would be harder to trust each other.  
The past few weeks had been tough, forcing himself not to lean into Obi-Wan’s every touch, forcing himself not to hug him, and forcing himself to not open up to the Jedi Knight more than was necessary. It had taken a toll on him, and maybe also on their friendship, but this was the only way he could maintain it. Sometimes he just wanted to scream, but he mostly just wanted to feel right again. Right with Obi-Wan. It was funny, being captured and held captive on Jakku was the scariest thing that had ever happened to him, and he still had the occasional nightmare, but during the rescue, at least things were right and genuine between the two of them. Now he had to force himself away from Obi-Wan’s attempts to connect with him.  
_It’s probably for the best,_ he told himself, _otherwise you can’t have him in your life at all._  
He sighed, and looked down at his datapad. He had work to do, if they wanted to pass this bill tomorrow. 

~

Obi-Wan didn’t really feel like paying attention in the council meeting. Maybe Anakin would tell him later, but as soon as he knew there was no trouble, he probably zoned out as well. And could anyone blame him?  
Master Plo Koon finished his report on the progress of the war via hologram. Obi-Wan thought the meeting would be over, but then Master Mace Windu spoke up.  
“The senate is voting on a legislation today, and, as the chancellor informs us, it is about mercy missions in enemy territory,” he said, “Senator Organa, Senator Amidala and Senator Mon Mothma are the co-sponsors of the bill, which had been rejected by the senate a while back, but upon renegotiation, it is very likely to be passed into law. The new version allows these mercy missions under the condition that the Republic would supervise them through the Jedi Council. If we deem it necessary, the mission will be escorted by a Jedi and Clone Troopers, and if there’s any reason for increasing danger, we are allowed to start military interventions on the star systems, of course on behalf of the people we liberate from the separatist forces.”  
Obi-Wan took this information in. The second he heard the name “Senator Organa”, Master Windu had his attention. This could mean more work, but also work that didn’t really concern the war. At least not in the way he was used to. If he embarked on one of those missions, he’d be there to protect the mission, not to strategize, battle and conquer. It could, however, also put him at odds with Aerrend. He guessed that this was a compromise, one that neither one of the co-sponsors or their staffers liked very much. Aerrend was a pacifist, having his mercy missions lead to more war was something he would want. If it came down to it, they could end up in a situation where he’d have to side with the council, and potentially offend Aerrend.  
He wanted to be friends with Aerrend, but maybe he was right about wanting more distance between them. And if Obi-Wan would have to make a decision between the council and Aerrend, he’d have to be professional. And he was ready for that. Right? 

~

Aerrend sat in Senator Organa’s hoverpod, anxiously gripping the handles of his seat. He knew there would be a majority, and this final version of the legislation wasn’t as good as the one they had designed initally. He still felt anxious about its success. At least they’d get to help people all over the galaxy now. That would have to mean something. That would have to be enough for you. Padmé had addressed the senate again, stressing the dire situation on Sukar and other separatist systems once more. Stressing the importance on supporting rebels rather than invasion through the republic, in order to negotiate peace and reintegration into the galactic republic once the worlds were purged of their separatist leaders.  
Still, Aerrend feared that there were some senate games at play here.  
However, when the Senate Speaker Mas Amedda announced the results, he felt an immediate wave of relief surge through him. They had succeeded. Their legislation had passed.  
Relief was followed by more worry. Jedi supervision was necessary, and thus, it wasn’t really their mission, but the mission of the Jedi Council. If he’d embark on a mission on Alderaan’s behalf, would he be their inferior? He had no Jedi powers, no council, he wasn’t a senator or anything else really. How could he be the leader of the mission?  
Aerrend thought for a moment. He’d have to behave like the leader, and not let any Jedi, not even Obi-Wan, take that role away from him. He’d have to appear strong and feisty. So uncompromising that the Jedi and Troopers would deem him stubborn. He’d need a commanding presence, strong enough to make people listen to him. This was difficult to get. Unlike Padmé, who had worked on that since she was fourteen years old, or Sabé, who also had to do that to be a convincing decoy, Aerrend had been an outsider and outcast for most of his live, then a public servant, working for other people, like Queen Breha, or one of her ministers. Sure, he was able to make his case heard, and he did have a fire in him situations like his rescue by Obi-Wan, but commanding troops and standing up to a General? That might be difficult. 

~

A few more days passed, and things went back to normal, mostly. Obi-Wan had some war related issues to tend to, so their usual training dates had not taken place. Aerrend felt relieved but also saddened. He loved spending time with the Jedi, but maybe a bit space would do them good, and help him recover from whatever feelings he had developed.  
He went to work as usual, back in Bail’s office, and tended to his regular tasks. Analysing legislations, upcoming votes, helping with writing speeches and such.  
“Ah, Aerrend, it’s good that you’re here,” Vara, senator organa’s secretary, said, “The senator wants to speak with you.”  
Aerrend felt a jolt of panic. Would he be sent home now? Would this be it? Hadn’t he done well enough for Bail? He breathed in and breathed out. Running a hand through his hair, he nodded and went to the senator’s office.  
“You wanted to speak to me, senator?” Aerrend asked.  
“Yes, yes. Sit down, Aerrend,” he said, and reached for his datapad. Aerrend sat down opposite Bail, and waited. He put his hands together to make the nervous shaking less obvious. He tried to focus on the plot of whatever silly novel he was reading at night in bed to calm himself from the day to calm himself.  
Bail looked up at him. “You’re going on Alderaan’s first mercy mission,” Bail said. Aerrend let out a sigh of relief. _Thank the stars_ , he thought. “The Seperatist world of Ispu has seen increasing rebellions against the Confederacy. It’s a cold, snowy world, there’s not much food to grow, but the rebels desperately need it, along with medical supplies and such. Therefore, you will take the Tantive III along with a few freighters to go there and deliver the supplies that should arrive from Alderaan and Naboo today.”  
“I’m sorry – you want me to lead it?” Aerrend asked. He hadn’t expected it so soon.  
“You’ve proven yourself to be more than capable to do it, my friend,” Bail responded, “You’ll do a great job. You’ve been doing a great job ever since you arrived here.”  
“But, sir, I’m not –,” Aerrend spoke, but Bail’s raised hand interrupted him. “You are ready, Aerrend,” he said, “I’m very pleased with your progress here. I mean, look at what you’ve done for this legislation, all the work you’ve put into it. But you’ve also managed to find more of a balance between life and work. You’re a great addition to the team.”  
Aerrend blushed. He felt put on the spot by all this praise, but he couldn’t deny the fact that at least a part of it was well deserved.  
“Is the Jedi Council agreeing to this mission? Will Clone Troopers escort us?” Aerrend asked.  
Bail nodded. “There will be Clones present, on this mission, as Ispu is rather more dangerous, and I suppose they will send along a Jedi Knight,” he explained, “Don’t worry, though, Captain Antilles will be there with you, and the Tantive III will have our pilots and our crew members, of course.”  
Aerrend nodded. “When should I depart?” Aerrend asked.  
“You should get to the spaceport first thing in the morning, and coordinate the loading processes,” Bail said, “And as soon as the troopers and the Jedi have arrived, you’ll depart.” 

~

Aerrend approached the Tantive III before sunrise next morning. He’d been tossing and turning all night thinking about this mercy mission. He’d have to appear like a leader. Like someone important.  
He tried to dress accordingly. In preparation for the cold temperatures on Ispu, he had worn clothes that were made to keep in the warmth and protect against the cold. He wore a thick white shirt, tucked into navy-blue pants, that were stuffed into his black boots. Since Coruscant wasn’t as cold, he had draped his long coat over his shoulders, without fully putting it on, so it almost looked like a cape. His hair looked the usual way, and he decided to keep his face natural and subtle, though he did put on a necklace his mother had left behind when she died. For luck. When he looked at himself in his reflection, he felt like he could be royalty. Not a king, or an heir, but maybe a distant relative of a monarch. People could mistake him for a prince, and maybe that would give him the authority he needed.  
He straightened his back and his shoulders, looked ahead instead of on the ground, and walked over to the ship he was supposed to command.  
Captain Antilles saluted him. “Senatorial Aide Lus, it’s good to see you,” he said.  
“Good morning, Captain Antilles,” Aerrend responded, “It is good to see you too. I hope I’m not too much of a downgrade from Senator Organa or her majesty.”  
“No, don’t worry,” Antilles responded, “I’m glad to serve this mission as Captain and pilot.”  
Antilles and Aerrend had met before a couple of times, though mostly just through work and briefly. Raymus had been working as a pilot already, when Aerrend was an intern at the palace, and even then he seemed to be a very valuable member of the palace staff. Both Bail and Breha trusted him deeply. And even if they weren’t friends, Aerrend felt relieved that at least one person on this mission would be on his side.  
“Is the loading process finished?” Aerrend asked.  
Antilles nodded. “Our crew is already on board this ship, the clones will pilot the freighter ships.”  
Aerrend turned to see the Clone Troopers stand ready in formation next to the smaller ships. He gave the captain a nod, and walked over to them. He approached the one standing at the center. “Commander?” he asked. The trooper nodded.  
“Commander Cody,” the clone responded, “to your service.”  
“I’m pleased to meet you, Commander Cody,” Aerrend said, “And your soldiers, of course. I know that all of you are used to battle and war, and I do not doubt that you do good work against the droids on the battlefield. This mission, however, will be different. You’re here to escort us, and protect us only when necessary. We go to Ispu to help the Rebels, not by intervention, but by bringing them the things they need. Unlike war missions, this one is not in the name of the Republic, but in the name of the system of Alderaan. We’re a peaceful star system, and therefore, I would appreciate it, if we could keep this mission as peaceful as possible. I’m very thankful for your escort and your services to us, and I mean no disrespect, Commander. I trust you to keep your men in check, but please talk to me or Captain Antilles before you engage in combat.”  
“I understand your concern, Sir,” Cody responded, the title added hesitantly, “But we report to our General and not to you. Of course we’re willing to cooperate, but I doubt you are qualified to – .” Aerrend was about to speak up, when a voice sounded behind him. A voice most familiar to him.  
“Unless there’s any danger, we’ll do whatever the ambassador of Alderaan says,” Obi-Wan said, and halted next to Aerrend, “I doubt there’s much need for my being in charge, so unless I say otherwise, listen to him.”  
“Of course, general,” Cody said, “Get ready for take-off.” The troopers got the freighter ships ready, and left Aerrend standing alone with Obi-Wan.  
“Hello there,” Obi-Wan said. He smirked. His Jedi robes were exchanged for robes with pieces of armour integrated into them, his boots were shielded, both pieces of shoulder-protection had the symbol on the republic on them. He clearly had been to battle recently, though he apparently had taken the time to trim his beard into normal shape. He still looked tired though. Aerrend wondered why he had taken on this job when he’d just gotten back from something more important, but he didn’t want to ask.  
“Hi,” Aerrend said, feeling his voice quiver in that one syllable. Obi-Wan held a cup out for him. “Some caf?” he asked. Aerrend grabbed the cup, and for a moment, their hands touched. This time, Aerrend was too tired to pull away immediately, so he let it happen. “Oh thank the stars, I really need that,” he said, and took a sip, “Where did you get it?”  
“The Captain gave me some, and I thought I’d bring you a cup as well,” Obi-Wan responded. _Why didn’t the captain warn me that he’s here already_ , Aerrend thought. He hadn’t even known who’d be part of this mission, it could have been any other Jedi. He was glad that it was him, at the same time he felt like this might be difficult for him to manage.  
“Thank you,” Aerrend whispered, “This is intimidating. With the troopers and all that.”  
“You’re doing a good job, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, “And you look quite regal.”  
“I thought I’d look more impressive, that way,” Aerrend confessed, “You know, as if I was someone with power and authority, so people would listen to me. Apparently I still need a Jedi for that.”  
“You’ll get there, eventually,” Obi-Wan responded, and it wasn’t quite the reassuring thing Aerrend wanted to hear before his first big mission, “I like the outfit, though. You’ve always looked like a prince, even in captivity.”  
Aerrend blushed. It wasn’t a compliment, but it sounded like one. He didn’t know how to respond to that. “So, you’ll be on the Tantive III with us today?” he asked.  
Obi-Wan shook his head. “I’ll take my starfighter,” he responded, “But I’ll be at your service.”  
_A Jedi Knight and a Prince_. Aerrend liked that idea more than he wanted to admit.  
“We’re ready for take-off,” Captain Antilles said behind them. “I’ll be right there, captain,” Aerrend said.  
Obi-Wan opened his mouth, and then closed it again, as if he had wanted to say something. But he didn’t. 

~

They were cleared for landing by the rebels. Once they went into Ispu’s atmosphere, Obi-Wan could feel the impact of the climate immediately. It was cold, colder than any system he’d been on ever before. He was afraid that maybe his parka wouldn’t protect him from it this time, even if it had worked well on Orto Plutonia. This planet was colder. He hoped that the aid to the rebels included warm clothing for them. Otherwise, they might be in danger. And his instructions were clear. If the rebels are not capable of holding up against the Separatist armies, the Jedi Council would call for military intervention on their behalf. The Jedi didn’t feel like upsetting Aerrend, even more so on his first mission. But, the decisions of the council were not his to make. He could only put in his vote, and accept the result.  
He they landed on an underground hangar, that was within the rebel base. He jumped out of his ship, and immediately pulled on his parka. Even as the roof closed above the landing platform, the base remained just as cold. The Troopers had already started unloading their freighters. He approached the Tantive III, where Captain Antilles and Aerrend were walking down the boarding ramp.  
Obi-Wan knew that Ispu had been a settler colony in the years of the early republic, so many different species from many different systems had come to live here, back when Ispu was a more inhabitable, before the planet’s climate turned toward the cold. The cities moved underground, and some were wiped out by conflict or illness. The ruling power of the system kept switching, making the planet an easy subject to pull into the Confederacy of Independent systems.  
Obi-Wan went to stand next to Aerrend, who had almost reclined into his coat. He clearly wasn’t used to the cold. Had they been alone, Obi-Wan might not have fought so hard against the urge to hug him to keep him warm. All he could do was giving the younger man a spare pair of gloves. Obi-Wan couldn’t tell if Aerrend’s cheeks turned pink from the cold air, or because he was embarrassed or flattered. He tried not to think too much about it. 

~

This base was one of many. The rebels had captured them one by one, yet the large majority of underground bases remained in Separatist hands. There still was much to do. Luckily, some of the droids malfunctioned in snow storms or in the cold, sometimes their signals got lost and made them easy to eliminate.  
The rebels had one main goal. Get rid of the Seperatists, and reform government into something that could be a neutral system. They didn’t trust the Republic, they had no reason to, after all, the Republic hadn’t cared about them until now.  
Rebel commanders showed Aerrend, Obi-Wan and some Clones around the base, including the tunnel system that lead to the trenches, and the trenches themselves. The trenches were there for incoming assault, which came often. Right now, this base was in a defensive position, but with the deliveries from Alderaan and Naboo, they might be able to be more offensive. However, these days they mostly had to fight of droid armies from the trenches.  
“Back when we were more offensive in battles, we would go out there,” the Twi’lek commander explained, as he pointed from the foremost trenches out into the snow, “But they come with stronger forces. More droids. Lately we can’t even get to the frontline, we try to fight them off from further back. We have ion canons, but the one on the right needs repair. We’ve been lucky.”  
“Could we see the enemy base from there?” Aerrend asked. Obi-Wan could sense that he was nervous, but even if he wasn’t a Jedi, he could easily see that he wasn’t comfortable in these war scenarios.  
The Twi’lek shook his head. “It’s hard to see out there, especially at this time of the year, with frequent snowstorms,” he explained, “You can only see snow out there, even now. I can show you.”  
For whatever reasons, Aerrend agreed. Obi-Wan had a bad feeling about this, but he didn’t want to interfere and usurp his friend’s position as the leader of this mission.  
They climbed out of the trenches, and walked in the snow. Obi-Wan had his hand on his light saber, and signalled the clones to have their guns ready. Then, the group stopped, and the Twi’lek pointed out into the distance, and told them where different bases could be, if they could actually see far enough. Obi-Wan saw Aerrend shiver, and couldn’t top himself from pulling the hood of his coat up, resting his hand on his head and grinning at him. Then, his attention was fixed on the soft smile on Aerrend’s lips, before he heard the rebel commander say: “Incoming.”  
All eyes turned to him suddenly. “What?!” Aerrend asked, panic rising in him.  
The Twi’lek ignored him and turned to the base. “Incoming!!!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, and right in that moment, a vulture droid flew over them. It’s lasers impacted the ground next to them and Obi-Wan barely had time to pull Aerrend out of the way, before a massive division of droids approached them. Within a split-second, he had his light saber ready, and was deflecting the lasers that were about to hit them. The Clones fought back with their blasters, and the two rebels had also taken out their weapons. They tried to block of the incoming attack, while retreating to the trenches. As he swung his saber around, Obi-Wan spoke into his com-link. “Cody! Cody!? Can you hear me?” he asked.  
“I can hear you, general,” Cody responded.  
“We’re under attack,” Obi-Wan responded, “We need some reinforcement. Inform the base. Inform Captain Antilles.”  
Then he pointed to two Clones. “Get Aerrend inside,” he said, “Now!”  
Aerrend was about to protest, but flinched when another vulture droid fired at them. Obi-Wan looked at him, trying to get him to go, and then he actually did. Once he was gone, Obi-Wan focused on the battle again, retreating further back toward the trenches. Finally, the base started firing at the droids, and some fighters flew over them and fired into the division.  
They retreated further and further, until they reached the frontline of the trenches. Obi-Wan let the rebels and Clones jump in first, before he followed. It seems like they were expecting us, he thought. He hurried. More vulture droids were flying above them, and then a missile hit the area that connected the trenches with the tunnel system. “Aerrend,” he whispered, as he pushed past the Clones and the rebels to get there. 

~

Aerrend’s head hurt from where he had hit the floor. Debris, stones and such were lying all around him, all over him. He had to get up but his body was shaking too much.  
_The Clones!_ , he thought. The one walking behind him had pushed him out of the way of direct impact. He probably wasn’t as lucky as Aerrend had been. Aerrend had to force himself to get up, to do something. He had to help the Clones, they might still have a chance. He crawled over to the one that had pushed him out of the way. “You need to get up, we need to get away from here,” he whispered, but the Clone Trooper didn’t respond, he didn’t even move. Aerrend’s entire body hurt, and his head was pounding. He couldn’t accept that the clone was dead, he wouldn’t.  
There was a missile impact in the distance, and the ground shook some debris and grovel down on him. “Please, wake up,” he said again. He didn’t even know the soldiers name. Did he have one? The Commander had one, so this one should have one, too, right?  
“Aerrend!” he heard someone say. The sound was muffled. Aerrend couldn’t hear properly. Someone pulled him up. It was Obi-Wan. He looked at him, his eyes filled with stress and anxiety.  
“We have to help him,” Aerrend said, and looked down at the trooper, seeing now what Obi-Wan had seen immediately. One of them was crushed under more debris, and the other one, the one that had pushed Aerrend metres away, had taken the impact of the missile. It had torn him apart. Obi-Wan grabbed his arm, more forceful than before, and pulled him away. Everything flew by in a haze, the walls, the corridors, the tunnels. The only thing that kept Aerrend in this world was Obi-Wan’s grip on his arm.  
When they made it inside the base, Aerrend’s knees finally gave out and he collapsed on the floor. His mind kept playing the image of the Clone torn apart by the bomb, and his body reacted in the only way possible. It felt ungraceful, and undignified, but Aerrend couldn’t stop it. He vomited, right there on the floor, twice, until the coughing and retching died down. Obi-Wan helped him up, there was a mess of people around them, everyone was in a hurry. He could only make out bits and pieces of conversation. Something about the ion-canon being bombed, something about the shields being up now, something about the base being completely locked down until rebel reinforcements came. They were trapped. Obi-Wan guided them to a room, and sat Aerrend down on a random supply box.  
_This is a disaster_ , he thought as he buried his face in his hands, _I’ve led us straight into disaster._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written chapters seven through nine as part of my nanowrimo attempt, however I do think that it doesn't do my writing good, and I had lots of editing to do for those chapters. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy these chapters! Writing the more action-heavy scenes was quite fun!


	9. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aerrend said, shaking his head.  
> “You want me to show you what I truly think of you?” Obi-Wan asked, his hands resting on the box next to Aerrend’s head. Aerrend looked down at Obi-Wan’s lips for a second, then up at his eyes again. They both seemed to be a bit out of breath from shouting out their frustrations. “Fire away, General,” Aerrend muttered.

**20 BBY, Ispu, Inner Rim, Separatist Territory**  
There was a heater in the room. Obi-Wan had taken off his parka, and then helped Aerrend struggle out of his coat. He found a medical blanket and wrapped it around Aerrend’s shoulders. The young man was pale, his eyes fixed on the ground. He was in shock, clearly, and understandably so.  
“I’m guessing this is your first experience with war,” Obi-Wan said, “Real war.”  
Aerrend didn’t react at first, but then he nodded weakly. It was barely noticeable, if Obi-Wan hadn’t been as observant. He sat next to him in silence for a moment, then Aerrend lifted the medical blanket and Obi-Wan understood immediately. He scooted over, and took the blanket over his shoulder, so that they shared it. They just sat there for a while. Sometimes there was the sound of an explosion in the distance, that made him flinch and lean closer to Obi-Wan.  
“Does it ever get easier? Do you ever get used to it?” Aerrend whispered, his voice sounding rough, upset, filled with all his emotion, yet somehow still fragile. Obi-Wan wanted to say yes, but that wouldn’t be honest. It hadn’t gotten easier, he never got used to the death of troopers around him, to the explosions, to the battles. He just got on with it, cause he had to.  
“It doesn’t. You don’t get used to seeing the soldiers die, or being in mortal danger yourself,” he explained, “You simply get used to moving on from it. Forgetting it for a moment.”  
“That’s terrible,” Aerrend responded. Obi-Wan turned to him with a faint, sad smile on his lips. There was more silence, but Obi-Wan could see, no, he could sense, the young man next to him fall apart. He put an arm around him, and rested his hand on his shoulder.  
“It’s like this war is following me around, everywhere I go, it shows up. And I can’t do anything about it,” Aerrend said, his voice breaking at the end, “Now people have died to protect me. Me, of all people.”  
Obi-Wan rubbed his shoulder, as Aerrend tried to blink away the water in his eyes. “Ugh, this is so silly,” he said, trying his hardest not to cry.  
Obi-Wan put a hand on his face, and wiped a tear away with his thumb. “Look at me,” he said, “Your feelings serve you well, whatever insight you take away from this war will help you fight against it. Don’t feel silly about what you’re feeling now. This is war, it’s brutal, it’s horrible, it’s not in our nature to see soldiers die.”  
Aerrend’s mouth hung open, ever so slightly, his eyes were full of wonder as he looked at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan gave him a reassuring smile. He would have loved to kiss him, but now wasn’t the right moment. He knew that. He still couldn’t stop the flutter in his heart, when Aerrend got closer, and buried his head in his chest as he dealt with whatever he was feeling. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around him, his hands resting on his back reassuringly. He could have stayed like this forever. Just the two of them, in this tiny storage room, with a heater, and a blanket around their shoulders. Their peace didn’t last very long, though.  
“General Kenobi,” Cody spoke through his commlink. Obi-Wan sighed. _Just one moment more, please_ , he thought, _One minute will be enough._ Aerrend, however, sat back up and scooted away from him. Obi-Wan knew why. They hadn’t been seen, yet it felt like Cody ran in on them sitting here like this.  
“What is it, Cody?” Obi-Wan asked. “The Council has tried contacting you,” Cody responded, “The connection isn’t great, but we need you to get here.”  
“I’ll be right there,” the Jedi sighed. The communication ended.  
“It’s fine,” Aerrend said, “You can go. Duty calls.”  
Obi-Wan looked at him, his face still so pale, his eyes still so lost. He couldn’t leave him alone here, but he had to get to the Clones. Talk to the council, report to them. Do his job. Do what he came here to do.  
“I’ll get you to a doctor first,” Obi-Wan said. 

~

The doctor gently pressed Aerrend’s fingers. “Does that hurt?” she asked. She was a short-haired women, Aerrend guessed she was about forty, one of her eyes was covered by an eye patch, and the rest of her was marked by this war.  
Aerrend shook his head. The doctor stood up. “You were very lucky,” she said, “You have a concussion, and you’re under shock. You’ll have some scars and bruises but besides that you’re perfectly fine.”  
He didn’t feel fine. “I threw up when we came back,” he said.  
“That’s part of the shock,” she said, “This is your first time in war?”  
“Depends on how you count,” Aerrend responded, “Might be my third or my second. But it was never this bad.”  
“You lot in Coruscant don’t know what your war does to the galaxy,” she said, “No offence.”  
“None taken,” Aerrend said, and swallowed his embarrassment.  
“You should get some rest, but you can go,” the doctor said, “Thank you for the medical supplies. This will help us.”  
“It’s the least I could do,” Aerrend responded, before he got up and left the infirmary. He tried not feeling anything, he tried not to think of the Clone Troopers who have died for his protection, he tried not to feel like a failure. _Just focus on the ground_ , he thought to himself, _focus on every step you take._  
He ran face first into Captain Antilles.  
“Captain Antilles,” he said, as he took a step back.  
“Aerrend,” he responded, “I’ve been looking for you. Senator Organa wants to speak with you.”  
Aerrend nodded. “On the ship?”  
“The base is still locked down, we’re not allowed to go to the spaceships,” Antilles responded, “We’ll take the call in a communication room. Follow me.”  
Aerrend followed the Captain. Antilles hadn’t asked him how he was, if he was alright, not to offend Aerrend, but mostly not to pry. Aerrend was glad, and appreciated it.  
“Have you seen General Kenobi?” he asked.  
“He is still talking to the Council and Republic Officials,” Antilles said, and then hesitated.  
“Go on,” Aerrend said, “What is it, Captain?”  
“I don’t mean to intrude in any way. I know of your… friendship with the General, which is good, of course. I think, however, that you should be cautious with trusting the Jedi on these missions. They’re part of the war, we’re pacifists. The Jedi are here to undermine the very purpose we serve.”  
Aerrend knew he was right, those were the exact doubts he had about getting the Council involved on these missions. But Obi-Wan was on his side, right? He wouldn’t betray these missions for some gain in the war the Jedi himself also wasn’t so fond of.  
“You’re right, Captain,” Aerrend responded, “I just – I… I trust him. I guess.”  
“I know,” Antilles said, “If you look at this through a professional lens, you won’t be as disappointed when he sides with the council.”  
Aerrend nodded. He felt like he had not only failed this mission, but he also failed to be a good leader. A professional leader.  
They walked on to a communication center, got a connection to Senator Organa, and reported back to him. 

~

When Obi-Wan got out of the council’s consultation on how to proceed, it was very late, and he was very tired. The council would make a decision. A decision he’d have to respect. Reporting to them, and giving them his observations, was all he could do. He knew that the majority of them pledged for intervention, including Admiral Wilhuff Tarkin. Obi-Wan couldn’t quite place why, but he didn’t like the guy. In the consultation, he almost got into a fight with him. Tarkin, of course, was all for intervention, if not even invasion, through the Republic.  
Obi-Wan thought that the rebels had everything under control, and that continued aid through these missions would be enough to help them. Tarkin, who thought the Jedi Knights as peace keepers weren’t suitable to lead the Grand Army of the Republic saw Obi-Wan’s arguments as vindication for his preconceived ideas of the Jedi’s inferiority in fighting this war.  
Obi-Wan frustration of course wasn’t solely based on the people disagreeing with him, and going for military intervention, although that was a huge part of it. They weren’t even here, they didn’t know as well as he did of what’s going on. Yet they used his observations to reason against him. Obi-Wan didn’t want this to derail Aerrend’s mission further. He had seen him, he had seen how he already took out the blame on himself. If the Republic took this mission from him, he would be devastated. Obi-Wan couldn’t even imagine how he’d react.  
He felt his stomach rumble, and realised he hadn’t eaten any food since their arrival. He found his way to the base’s canteen. Captain Antilles and some of the troopers were sitting at a table together, eating some food. It looked like stew of some sort.  
“Captain Antilles,” Obi-Wan said, “Do you happen to know where Aerrend is?”  
The captain looked at him, as did the clones. “I don’t,” Antilles responded, “I lost him somewhere after our report to Senator Organa.”  
Obi-Wan sighed. “I’ll find him,” he said.  
“Bring him some food,” Antilles answered, “The boy needs to eat.”  
On that, they could agree. Obi-Wan got two bowls of soup and some bread, and made his way around the base, trying to find Aerrend. He let the force guide him, and soon enough, he found Aerrend in that same storage room they had sat in earlier, with his knees pulled up, his arms around his legs, and his head resting on his knees.  
“You need some company?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend looked up, his eyes a bit swollen. He tried to smile, and just nodded. Obi-Wan sat down next to him, on the floor, and crossed his legs. He put down one of the bowls in front of him. “Have some food,” he said softly, and handed Aerrend the other bowl. The young man took it and placed it in front of him. “I don’t feel like eating,” he said.  
“Come on, you haven’t eaten all day,” Obi-Wan responded, “You must be hungry.” He held out the bread to Aerrend, who just looked at it. Obi-Wan ripped it into two and gave Aerrend some. “Just eat, you’ll feel better,” he said. Aerrend picked up his bowl reluctantly, and the two of them ate in silence. 

~

Aerrend set down his bowl next to Obi-Wan’s once he was finally finished with eating. The Jedi had noticed that the Alderaanian was a slow eater quickly, whenever they had food together in the rooftop garden. A perception that might have been warped through his habit of quickly eating whenever he could when he was in battle.  
“I hear you’ve reported back to Senator Organa?” Obi-Wan asked carefully, trying not to upset Aerrend more.  
“I have,” Aerrend confirmed, “He was very understanding, and concerned for me, of course, but it still felt horrible. Remember when you said that I can’t stay out of trouble?”  
Obi-Wan nodded.  
“Well, I’m starting to think you’re right,” Aerrend said, “Everywhere I go, bad things happen. Sometimes I ask myself why I ever left Alderaan.”  
_We would have never met_ , Obi-Wan wanted to say. Instead he said: “I don’t think it’s you, Aerrend. It’s this war. It’s everywhere.”  
“I wouldn’t know that, if I was on Alderaan,” Aerrend responded.  
“Your ideals would drive you to go, anyways,” Obi-Wan said, “And look what you’ve accomplished. People like these rebels have gained a strong ally on Coruscant. Someone who’s finally hearing their voices, and willing to look into it.”  
“I think you’re overestimating my impact, Obi-Wan.”  
“I think you’re underestimating what you can do.”  
“No, I’m just a boy, from Alderaan, who deluded himself into thinking he could do anything,” Aerrend said, “I’m a no-one, just a stupid nobody, who’s not a leader, but someone who cries on his first big mission.”  
“Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said to interrupt his stream of self-deprecation.  
“No,” Aerrend said, “I mean, look at me, I wear these silly expensive things to seem respectable, to cover up the fact that I’m so afraid and ashamed of all the things I lack. I’m just this weird, bony, lanky man, who can’t even fight his way through 3 bounty hunters. I’m not impressive, or interesting, or respectable. I’m this big, awful, stupid mess.”  
Obi-Wan put a finger on Aerrend’s lips to seal them. “Shhh,” Obi-Wan, “Will you stop that, or do I have to make you shut up?” He had to admit, though, that right now, Aerrend’s expression, which was a mixture of anger, rage, and puzzlement, was quite funny. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning, especially when Aerrend tried to speak again, but stopped when Obi-Wan didn’t move his finger.  
“I have to admit, watching you talk yourself into these passionate fits is quite charming,” Obi-Wan said, “But I don’t like to hear you talk down on yourself. It’s not good, and nothing you say is true. Despite everything that happened, look at the people you’ve helped. The medical staff, the ion canon, or even just the food. This will get them to the next stage. Who cares if people think you look respectable? Just believe you are, and demand respect. Doesn’t matter if it’s Commander Cody, Captain Antilles or a handsome, charming Jedi Knight. The Clones will come to respect you once they’ve gotten to know you better, as will everyone else. You’ve got me to respect you the second you demanded a blaster on your own rescue mission.”  
He pulled his finger away. _Is now a good moment to kiss him?_ , Obi-Wan thought.  
“Well, I have to admit that it’s a bit hard to believe that you respect me, when you’ve got your finger pressed to my lips,” Aerrend said, but the corner of his lips twisted upwards in a soft smile.  
“Just a Jedi trick to get you to shut up for a moment,” Obi-Wan said with a grin.  
“A Jedi trick specifically for me?” Aerrend asked, his eyebrow raised.  
“See? You’re not so unimportant after all,” Obi-Wan said. They laughed. He felt relieved that Aerrend could still laugh on this bad day, despite everything. He felt relieved that he was still there. When he saw that missile hit the tunnels, he feared the worst. He thought he’d lost him. While they talked, he looked at Aerrend, all messy from this day, and just felt this enormous sense of gratitude to have met him, to get to be around him, to spend time with him. There was this pull in his chest. A pull toward the light-side, that only grew stronger whenever he looked at Aerrend.  
After talking for a while, about different, distracting things like home, or food, or places they’d want to go, and Aerrend softly singing a song from his home world to him, Aerrend fell asleep. His head was resting on Obi-Wan’s shoulder (luckily Obi-Wan had taken the armour off before) and the general struggled to keep his eyes open as well. He turned his head, and softly pressed his lips on the top of Aerrend’s head, a very sleepy attempt at affection. 

~

Aerrend woke up alone. For a moment he wondered if talking to Obi-Wan until he fell asleep had actually happened, or if it had only been a dream. He was lying on the floor, underneath a medical blanket, his head resting on something soft. Aerrend pushed himself up, and upon closer inspection, the soft thing was Obi-Wan’s parka. Outside the storage room, he could hear a lot of commotion. People talking, but he couldn’t make out what they were talking about. Images returned in his head, the explosion, the trooper, the clone torn apart by the missile. Aerrend got up, shook these thoughts away, and moved to the door. He quickly ran a hand through his hair, hoping that it would fix some of the damage, and tried to straighten his clothes. Then he stepped out into the crowd.  
Everything seemed a bit hurried, and chaotic, which made Aerrend wonder if the base’s shields had been disabled, allowing for another droid attack. He cursed himself for leaving his blaster on the Tantive III. He soon realised, that there was no danger. He scanned the area for Obi-Wan, but couldn’t find him. Instead, his eyes landed on Captain Antilles.  
“Captain Antilles,” Aerrend said, “Good morning.”  
“Good morning, Aerrend,” Antilles responded.  
“Can you tell me what’s going on here?” Aerrend asked.  
“Reinforcements have arrived. They’ve taken out the droid attack.”  
“From the rebels?”  
“No,” Antilles said. He looked at Aerrend, almost with pity in his eyes. He felt sorry for him. _No_ , Aerrend thought. “The Republic is here. Military Intervention,” Antilles finished.  
Aerrend closed his eyes, pushing himself through all the feelings he normally felt in moments of severe disappointment quickly. He opened them again. “Where’s General Kenobi?” he asked.  
“General Windu and Admiral Tarkin have arrived. There is a briefing in the command center,” Antilles explained. “Thank you, Captain,” Aerrend said, “I think I should go there.”  
“Are you sure?” Antilles asked, reaching for Aerrend’s arm, “I don’t think it’s a great idea.”  
Aerrend knew he meant well, but he didn’t need anyone else to put doubt on him. He pulled his arm away and headed towards the command center. 

~

When he burst into the meeting, all eyes turned toward him. Obi-Wan and Commander Cody stood on one side, and two men stood on the other side. One, he supposed, was General Mace Windu. He’d seen him before, briefly. The other one was someone he got to know back when he worked at the palace. Admiral Tarkin, then Captain Tarkin. He couldn’t stand him.  
“Admiral Tarkin, General Windu,” he said, “How good to see you.”  
Master Windu gave him a nod. Admiral Tarkin looked him up and down. “And who are you, if I may ask?”  
“I’m Aerrend Lus, the ambassador from Alderaan. I’m the leader of this mercy mission on Senator Organa’s behalf,” he said. He had straightened his back and his shoulders, and kept his gaze on Tarkin’s face as he spoke with him, no matter how much he wanted to look away or make himself small. He’d have to do this.  
“Ah, Senator Organa’s delegate,” Tarkin spoke, “This is a military briefing, I’m afraid you won’t be needed here.”  
Something about Tarkin’s tone angered him even more. The way he described him as a delegate only to then throw him out of this meeting, or probably off the planet altogether. Stupid Prick, he thought. He could sense Obi-Wan’s eyes on him, but didn’t give in and look back.  
“Considering I’m leading this mission, I suppose I do have a right to be here,” Aerrend said, “Since the Republic is taking the reins from my hands.”  
“Ambassador Lus,” Mace Windu said, “As much as we’d appreciate your help, this is a military issue. You’re not a member of the Grand Army of the Republic.”  
“I think Ambassador Lus should stay, this mission started on Alderaan’s behalf after all,” Obi-Wan said.  
“The Council and the Republic officials agreed to military intervention on Ispu, effective immediately,” Tarkin spoke, “This mercy mission is over. It’s part of the war effort now.”  
“I was not informed of this, and neither was anybody on my team,” Aerrend said, “You can’t just walk in here, and take it away.”  
“In fact, I can,” Tarkin said, “You wrote the legislation yourself. You should be aware of the Republic’s ability to intervene whenever necessary. This failed mercy mission was the most obvious case for that.”  
“This mercy mission did not fail,” Aerrend said, “Talk to the rebel commanders. They’ll be able to tell you so.”  
“We’ll inform our new allies after the briefing of the military command. Please leave,” Tarkin answered. Aerrend felt his cheeks heat up, not from embarrassment or anything, but from anger. He loathed his man more than anything in the galaxy right now.  
“Military intervention will never mend the differences and conflicts within the galaxy, Admiral,” Aerrend said, “Aid and respect might.”  
“You’re far too idealistic, boy,” Tarkin said. He motioned toward the door, one last attempt to make him go before he’d let clone troopers do the work.  
“Fine,” Aerrend said, “I think we’re no longer needed then.” He finally looked at Obi-Wan, and then turned to go. He tried breathing calmly to get rid of all this anger. Captain Antilles had been right. He shouldn’t have trusted a Jedi this much, not on this mission, and maybe not at all.. He had allowed himself to feel closer to the Jedi again, to let him in, to trust him. There were moments when he even had wanted to kiss Obi-Wan. And now this? Now he had let this happen? And also hadn’t told him, and instead let him wander into this briefing like an idiot? Like a kid trying to get his voice heard at a table full of grown-ups?  
He passed Captain Antilles in the hall. “We’re leaving,” he said, “Get the ship ready for take-off. And tell the crew.”

~

Getting ready for take-off took longer than expected. Much longer. First of all they had to load the empty cargo boxes back on their ship without help from the Clones. Then, it turned out that the Republic cruiser currently in Ispu’s orbit would not allow any ships to pass through until the troopers had all made it to the planet’s surface. Aerrend had already been angry and annoyed at this situation, the circumstances made things even worse.  
He murmured some things under his breath, curses on the republic, on the admiral, on the war, on his failure, while loading some of their stuff into an empty cargo-box. He heard the door to the hangar open behind him, as he tried to close the box, which usually closed easily, but for this one, the lever seemed to be stuck. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t push it beyond the point it got stuck in. _Bloody hell_ , he thought. He pushed it again.  
“Let me help you with that,” a voice said behind him. It was Obi-Wan. _Great._  
“I don’t need any help, thank you very much,” Aerrend responded, and pushed the lever again. His hand began to hurt.  
“I think you do,” Obi-Wan said, and gently took Aerrend’s hand away from the lever to swiftly close it himself. Once he was done, Aerrend turned to go and walked further into the mess of boxes they had made. Obi-Wan followed him. “Aerrend, wait,” he said. Aerrend turned around to face him. “What for?” Aerrend asked, “What can you possibly say to make this any better?”  
“I- I had to be there, it’s my job, my duty,” Obi-Wan explained, “I can’t change the council’s decision, but I have to respect it, and work with it.”  
“You knew what this meant to me,” Aerrend said, more forcefully than he wanted, “You could have at least tried to argue for my case.”  
Obi-Wan’s expression changed. “I’m here on behalf of the Jedi Council,” he spoke, “You can’t expect me to put my respect for your idealism above my allegiance to the Jedi order and the Republic. I have to be professional, isn’t that _precisely_ what you wanted?”  
“Yes, it is,” Aerrend fired back, “It’s precisely what I wanted, but you did an awful job at being professional.”  
“I am well aware of that,” Obi-Wan said. The tension between them was strong, it felt like weeks of supressed feelings unleashed in this moment. “You made me believe that I could trust you,” Aerrend said, “And that you’d stand up for me.”  
“Oh, you can trust me, don’t be silly,” Obi-Wan began, but Aerrend couldn’t keep his rage in any longer. “Silly? Is that all I am to you?” Aerrend asked, “Is that what you truly think of me? I’m just this silly, little boy who thought he could do something and find his place in all this, but you, a Jedi, have to rescue me at every step of the way?”  
“Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, and from his tone, Aerrend could tell that his patience was running thin. “No, that’s exactly what you think, isn’t it? Stars, I should have known better than to-,” Aerrend started, but this was his turn to be interrupted.  
“You don’t have any idea what I think of you, you idiot,” Obi-Wan said, “This mission has nothing to do with it, I had to be in that briefing and talk to the wretched admiral, I had to accept the Jedi council’s decision to completely ignore my observations, but I’m not going to stand here and let you take your anger out on me. If you think I’m some Jedi Knight who thinks everyone is beneath them, then maybe I have misread every interaction we had. I think, by now you should have noticed what I truly think of you.”  
He almost shouted, making his frustration obvious. With every word he came closer to Aerrend and had soon backed him against a wall of cargo boxes.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aerrend said, shaking his head.  
“You want me to show you what I truly think of you?” Obi-Wan asked, his hands resting on the box next to Aerrend’s head. Aerrend looked down at Obi-Wan’s lips for a second, then up at his eyes again. They both seemed to be a bit out of breath from shouting out their frustrations. “Fire away, General,” Aerrend muttered. Aerrend felt Obi-Wan’s hand resting on his neck, he saw him lean in closer, and then he felt the Jedi’s lips on his, forceful but gentle at the same time. He closed his eyes, and leaned into the kiss. It was everything he thought it would be. He had thought about this moment for weeks, maybe even since the rescue. He had dreamt of it. None of it lived up to what was happening now. It was soft, and tender. Sparks were flying in his head. But in a good way.  
Obi-Wan pulled away from him, but kept his face close. There was a soft smile on his lips, the tension between them had vanished, apparently. 

~

Obi-Wan looked at Aerrend, his mouth open in puzzlement, maybe shock. He tried to smile his insecurity away, while he waited for him to react.  
“Oh,” he said. Then his brows furrowed. Obi-Wan suddenly wondered if he had made a mistake, misread the signs. If he had imagined Aerrend leaning into the kiss. He was about to apologise, when Aerrend grabbed the collar of his robes and pulled him into another kiss, a bit softer than their kiss before. It felt amazing. Obi-Wan rested his forehead against Aerrend’s once they parted. “I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” he whispered. “Me too,” Aerrend responded. There was silence, and Obi-Wan pulled away.  
“I voted against intervention, but the council and the Republic officials outvoted me,” Obi-Wan said, “If I’m being honest, I’m as disappointed as you are. But there’s just nothing I could have done.”  
“I know,” Aerrend said, “It’s just sad. And I would have appreciated a warning.”  
“I would have given you one, but you were asleep,” Obi-Wan said, scratching the back of his head, “So was I, to be honest. Cody tried to contact me on my commlink multiple times, but had to find me, to tell me of the Republic’s arrival. I had to rush out of there.”  
Aerrend was lost in thought for a moment. “There really isn’t anything I can do against this?” he asked. Obi-Wan shook his head. “You did a great job standing up to Tarkin, though,” he said, “And it’s good that the rebels have a powerful ally on Coruscant.”  
“I don’t know if I’m a strong ally,” Aerrend, “But I’ll do what I can.”  
“I’m sure you will,” Obi-Wan said. He rested a hand on Aerrend’s collar.  
“Now, could we go back to kissing?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend didn’t answer, but instead met Obi-Wan’s lips with his. Softer than earlier. They both knew that this couldn’t last long, and that they’d have to stop once they were back on Coruscant. But they decided to live in the moment.  
“General,” Commander Cody said behind them, his steps indicating that he’d just made his way around the corner. Obi-Wan and Aerrend parted quickly, and the Jedi turned around.  
“What is it now, Cody?” Obi-Wan asked. He didn’t know how much the clone had seen.  
“I wondered if you’d help me find the ambassador,” Cody said, “But I guess you already have.”  
“What’s the matter, Commander?” Aerrend asked, stepping out from behind Obi-Wan, his cheeks still slightly pink and his hair messy from the Jedi’s hands.  
“It’s the rebel commander,” Cody explained, “He needs your help.”  
Obi-Wan could sense Aerrend’s surprise. “My help?” he asked, “Lead me to him, then.” Obi-Wan watched him fix his collar, and his hair quickly, before he looked at him, a smug smile on his face. Obi-Wan quickly covered his mouth to hide the grin spreading on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, finally these two idiots have kissed! What do you think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments!  
> Thank you so much for reading!


	10. Fearless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t believe I’m making a rebel out of you,” Aerrend responded. “You must be an excellent kisser then, I suppose,” Obi-Wan said, a smug smile on his lips, “Remind me again?”

**20 BBY, Ispu, Inner Rim, Separatist Territory**  
The Twi’lek commander awaited them in the canteen, at the far corner. Their command center had been taken by Admiral Tarkin for now, so Tann Pinzuma settled for a place they could talk without the Republic’s attention.  
When Aerrend, Obi-Wan and Cody arrived, the ambassador could tell that the commander was hurried and stressed.  
“Commander,” he said, “I’m so sorry that my mission has brought more war to your system.”  
“We already had war here, I just don’t like our control being taken away,” the Twi’lek responded, “But I didn’t call you here to make you feel guilty. I need your help.”  
“What for?” Aerrend asked.  
“The Republic has decided what to do next in our war against the Separatists,” Tann elaborated, “And I think they’re wrong. They don’t care about the people. A few miles southwest from our base, we’re evacuating a smaller base to get the civilians here. It’s dangerous for them to do the journey unprotected. We’d have to send a squadron to escort them. Admiral Tarkin has decided to move forward with an attack instead.”  
“That… is unfortunate, but I don’t think I can do anything about that,” Aerrend said, “The Admiral doesn’t report to me. Neither do any of the Clones.”  
“But think of the people,” Tann said, “My sister’s out there. She needs help. Your help. Isn’t that what you came here to do?”  
Aerrend thought about it. Yes, that had been exactly what he wanted to do. Help the people who were the victims of this war. This time, however, he had no option to do so. Unless, maybe, he counted on his crew. Sure, they were mostly just pilots, but all of them had learned how to use a blaster, and how to fight. “How many people do you need to escort them?” Aerrend asked. He went over the numbers in his head.  
“I’ve got a few of our troops, but we still need a couple more,” Tann responded. Aerrend now had to decide. It was the right thing to do, and maybe even a way to spite Tarkin, a tiny bit of payback for taking this mission away from him and treating him like a silly child. And this way, he could also gain the trust of the rebels, and do something meaningful for once by getting his hands dirty.  
“Where should I meet you, Commander?” Aerrend asked. 

~

Obi-Wan walked back to the hangar alongside Aerrend, with Cody trailing behind them. He looked over at the man who had kissed just moments ago, and he still felt a flutter in his chest. It felt good to know that Aerrend had similar feelings to his, and it felt even better to kiss him, and be kissed back. He knew things were treacherous, almost impossible, maybe even a lost cause from the beginning. Right now, though, it felt good. There still remained some things to be talked about. Obi-Wan wanted to prove to Aerrend that he had been serious. He was on his side.  
“Can you gather our troops, Cody?” Obi-Wan asked, “And stand by?”  
“Of course, General,” Cody responded, and took off to find the Clones. Obi-Wan and Aerrend continued on to the Tantive III. The Jedi walked closer to the ambassador, and occasionally their hands brushed together, on purpose, and Obi-Wan would link his fingers with Aerrend for a sweet, short, secret moment. Was he too old to feel this excited about it? To enjoy it so much?  
Once they arrived on the ship, with Aerrend trying to get his blaster, the pair of gloves Obi-Wan had given him, and a scarf, Obi-Wan soon pulled Aerrend into a nook on the ship. “What are you doing?” Aerrend asked.  
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Obi-Wan asked.  
“Help the civilians? Of course I want to,” Aerrend said. His brows were furrowed. “Do you not approve, General?”  
“I do approve, very much so,” Obi-Wan explained, raising his hands in defence, “You don’t need to pull the crew into this, though.”  
“So, I should go alone? Do you want to get rid of me or something? Am I that bad of a kisser?” Aerrend asked in a whisper. Obi-Wan merely chuckled at that remark. “Oh, that couldn’t be further from the truth,” Obi-Wan said, “I mean. You have a brigade of troopers here with you. And a charming Jedi Knight who’s very keen on protecting you.”  
“Don’t you have to disobey orders to do so?”  
“Technically I’m here to escort you on your mission. You’re not back on Coruscant yet, which means my job here isn’t done. So, if you got it in that pretty head of yours to go out there, I guess I’d have to go out and get you back to safety. Not even Admiral Tarkin would let a member of Senator Organa’s staff get lost here,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend was almost beaming at him now.  
“I can’t believe I’m making a rebel out of you,” Aerrend responded. “You must be an excellent kisser then, I suppose,” Obi-Wan said, a smug smile on his lips, “Remind me again?”  
“I would love to,” Aerrend said, failing to suppress his smile or the blushing of his cheeks, “But we have people to help.”  
“Worth a shot,” Obi-Wan murmured. There was no stopping Aerrend, Obi-Wan understood that by now. He also didn’t want to stop him. He wanted to fight alongside him.  
“Are you coming, General?” Aerrend asked, ready to go. 

~ 

“General Kenobi, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be preparing for battle?” Admiral Tarkin asked, when Obi-Wan walked up to Mace Windu to talk to him. “Me? I’m not here on behalf of the Republic at this moment, Sir,” he said, “I’m here to protect Senator Organa’s ambassador.”  
“Why is he still here? Get the boy out of this system then and return at once,” Tarkin responded.  
“I’m sorry, Admiral, but I take my orders from the Jedi Council, not from you,” Obi-Wan said, “Plus, the ambassador has embarked on some foolish rescue mission for civilians, and I need some troopers to bring him back.”  
“He did what?”  
“The evacuation on the rebel base,” Obi-Wan explained, “He and the rebel commander took it upon themselves to help.” He didn’t put in any effort to hide his smile.  
“I think you have something to do with this, Kenobi,” Tarkin said. “Me? Oh, I am furious that he’s done something like this. Hasn’t said a word to me about it,” Obi-Wan lied, “I’ll have to go out there and find him.”  
Tarkin rolled his eyes. “You’ve done an awful job at protecting the boy so far,” he said, “If he’s decided to go out there, he has rescinded his right to protection. How could you let him get away?”  
“You said it yourself, he’s too idealistic. Young and idealistic. Of course he wouldn’t obey any of my orders,” Obi-Wan said, the last part most likely was true, not that the Jedi ever wanted to give orders to him, “And you surely don’t mean to say that we should leave him out there in the cold. Senator Organa won’t like that.”  
“You should take care of this, Kenobi,” General Windu chimed in, “Get your clones and see if you can find Ambassador Lus. Escort him back to Coruscant as soon as possible, and report to the council.”  
Obi-Wan nodded to his fellow Jedi, wondering if he shared his dislike for the Admiral. Walking away from the command center, he gave Cody the order to meet him at the rendezvous point Commander Tann had agreed on with Aerrend. 

~

When Aerrend arrived, the Ispu Rebels had already assembled a couple of snow speeders for them to ride on. Aerrend had barely gotten used to the speeders on Coruscant, and these, arguably less modern ones, would definitely be more difficult. For one, he’d have to stand while driving. There was a reason why he preferred a shuttle on Coruscant, and that reason was that he was a bad driver.  
His blaster was neatly stored in the holster on his belt. For once, he was glad that he had it with him, especially when he thought about the day before, and how he had fared without a weapon then.  
“Nervous?” the Twi’lek commander asked from his snow speeder. Aerrend nodded. “I’m not really good in war,” Aerrend responded, “Or at driving.”  
“You’ll get used to it,” Tann said, “It’s fairly easy to learn.”  
“The driving?”  
“Yes,” Tann responded, “This planet was been a warzone all my life, I don’t think I’ll ever really get used to it.”  
“That’s why I want to end the war,” Aerrend said, “Maybe that’s too idealistic, but all this fighting needs to stop.”  
“Well, my friend, please don’t take this the wrong way, but we don’t have a choice,” the commander responded, “It’s not that we love the fighting and the killing. There just is no other choice. It’s easy to come from a system like Alderaan, which arguably does a lot of good in the galaxy. But it has been at peace for centuries, it has prospered for centuries. It has the privilege of peace, for now. Maybe one day that privilege will be gone, and you’ll understand. I mean, don’t you see it now? To protect the people, you have to go out there with us and fight.”  
“I see it now,” Aerrend responded, taking in what Tann had just told him, every single word. If Alderaan was threatened by similar evil as Ispu was now, would he fight? Or resign himself to peaceful ideals until he was crushed? Would he not draw his weapon to defend the people closest to him? Breha, Bail, Obi-Wan, Sabé? Would he not fight to protect people, no matter if they’re innocent or guilty, from evil?  
“You’re a good man, Aerrend, and hopefully a strong ally,” Tann said, “You still have much to learn.”  
“I know,” Aerrend responded.  
He heard footsteps in the snow, and knew Obi-Wan had arrived with the Clone Troopers. The troopers made their way to the snow speeders. Obi-Wan halted next to Aerrend. “There you are,” he said.  
“Did they fall for it?” Aerrend asked. “I’m not sure they did, but they let me go,” Obi-Wan responded, “Nervous?”  
“Very,” Aerrend said. He looked at the speeder, as Obi-Wan stepped on to it. All of the others either held rebels, or Clones already.  
“Hold on to me, and you’ll be fine,” the Jedi Knight responded. Aerrend got up on the speeder as well. He wrapped one arm around Obi-Wan’s chest and stood close to him as they drove off into the snow.  
“So, about earlier…” Aerrend began, thinking back to the kissing and flirting. He wanted to know how to proceed from there.  
“Not now,” Obi-Wan responded with a chuckle. 

~

It felt good to be here, committing this small act of defiance against the strategists of the Republic, standing on a speeder with Aerrend’s arm around him. It was only natural for the ambassador to be holding on to him on the speeder, a practical matter of safety. The true meaning of it was hidden in plain sight, perhaps even from the two of them. Obi-Wan felt as if they’d be safe, for the moment, and acknowledging what was going on would only remove them from this safety and push them into hiding. Right now they were free to have this adventure together, and do some good along the way.  
Flying behind the rebels and the clones, with the icy wind blowing through his hair, Obi-Wan felt more alive than he had in a long time. He felt reminded of his Jedi days before the war turned him into a general. Having Aerrend’s arm around his chest, maybe holding on more tightly than necessary, only intensified those feelings.  
“How are you feeling back there?” Obi-Wan shouted over the wind.  
“I’m still getting used to it,” Aerrend shouted back, “But it’s amazing.”  
_Yes_ , Obi-Wan thought, _this is amazing_. He wasn’t sure if it was the wind, the speed at which they drove, Aerrend’s arm, or maybe even the kissing and the flirting, or even a combination of it all, but whatever it was, it felt amazing. 

~

“We’re almost there,” Tann shouted back at them. They’ve almost been driving through the snow for an hour, and Aerrend couldn’t help but wonder how much shorter their journey would have been if they had been allowed to use the Republic Attack shuttles.  
But he loved it. The wind in his hair, even if it was ice cold. Holding on tight to Obi-Wan, huddling towards him for warmth. The clear, blue sky, and all the snow. It reminded him of Alderaan’s mountains.  
The group slowed down. They had almost reached their destination. Despite the snow, they could see the base. It was on fire. Civilians were running wildly from something, towards the few speeders they had left. Aerrend focused, and saw what they were running from in the same moment Obi-Wan stopped their speeder. The base was under attack. Few rebel troops fought of a massive wave of droids, while the civilians tried to get away to safety. They didn’t know how to get to the rebel transport, and the shuttles that had just landed a mile away from them.  
The Jedi jumped off into the snow. Aerrend followed him as they walked up to the Clones, Tann and his rebel troops. “Cody, Aerrend, you get the people to their shuttles, as quickly as possible,” Obi-Wan spoke, “The rest of us will open another front on those droids.”  
Aerrend watched the other people quickly assemble, and saw Commander Cody shoot him a look. He turned to Obi-Wan. “I can also join you in battle,” he said to him. “No,” Obi-Wan responded quickly. “Why not?” Aerrend asked. “This might get rought, stick to Cody, and it’ll be fine,” Obi-Wan said. _But I want to stick with you_ , Aerrend thought. Obi-Wan’s eyes softened. “For me, please?”  
“Fine,” Aerrend muttered, as he approached the commander. Both of them had their blaster in their hands as they rushed towards the civilians.  
“You talk, I’ll give you cover,” Cody said, and then looked at him again, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you orders.”  
“It’s alright commander, you know better than I how to handle this,” Aerrend responded. “Well, you’re pretty good at handling the General,” Cody said, and despite the helmet, Aerrend could tell the commander was smiling to himself. A grin spread on his own face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responded, when they finally made it towards the group of people stomping through the snow.  
“I’m Ambassador Aerrend Lus from Alderaan, that’s Commander Cody, we’re from the Republic and here with Commander Tann of the rebels,” Aerrend explained, “We’re here to help you.”  
With desperation in their eyes, the people seemed to trust him for whatever reason, maybe because they were their only hope. “There’s transports that way, we’ll get you there and they will take you back to the main base,” he explained and motioned in the direction of the transport shuttles. The people and Cody looked at him expectantly, and suddenly he realised that he was in charge. “Follow me,” he said, and despite all his pretence to be a leader, he didn’t quite feel like it yet. But maybe he had to grow into it.  
With Cody watching out for them, Aerrend led the people to the rebel transport ships. About fifty metres away from them, he stopped. “Are there more people back there?” he asked.  
A few people nodded, some said yes, some just looked around anxiously, awaiting their return to safety. Aerrend looked over at the battle, that had only intensified. “I’ll check for more survivors at the base, you get them to the transports, and maybe try and get some reinforcements, Commander,” he said to Cody. “But, sir,” Cody began, but stopped once Aerrend raised his hand. “I’ll take full responsibility, in case the general disapproves. Plus, the Republic officials are way more likely to listen to you than to me,” he interrupted, and raised his blaster, “I have this. I’ll be fine, Commander.” Cody saluted him, and Aerrend took off back to the base, always on alert. The rebel civilians he met along the way were swiftly directed toward the transports. 

~

The base seemed to be clear. Well, besides the smoke coming from the northern end of it, but everyone seemed to be on their way. Aerrend almost started his way back to the transports, when he heard cries of a child. He scanned the area to find the source of the cries, a bone-chilling, agonising sound, especially in the middle of a war, and soon found a lone child standing not far from a smaller battle. Aerrend rushed over to the child, and barely managed to grab it and move it out of the way of the droids firing. “Why are you still here?” he asked the child.  
The young, rodian girl looked up at him with panic in her eyes. “You can trust me,” he said, “I’m with the rebels.”  
The girl hesitated, but then seemed to decide to trust him. “My papa,” she said, “He’s in the battle over there.” She pointed towards a small squadron of droids narrowing in on few rebel civilians who were barely armed. “And you’re not going to leave without him?” Aerrend asked. The girl shook her head. “That’s noble,” he said, “I’ll try and help him. Stay here. Once your father, and the others make it out, tell them of the transport, a mile, in that direction. Get out of here as fast as possible, I’ll cover for you. Do you promise to do that?”  
“Yes,” the girl responded in a whisper. He repeated the direction, before tightening the grip on his blaster and moving toward the battle.  
The best strategy was diversion. If he could take out one or two droids, and take the attention of the other ones on him, the people would have a good chance to disappear and make it to the transport. Only if he did well, and kept the attention on him for long enough. Here, he could use his privilege. The leaders of the droid army wouldn’t really care if unarmed civilians got away. They would, however, rejoice in capturing or taking out a high Republic official. Aerrend wasn’t, but he could pretend to be one. Maybe he even appeared like one right now. 

~

“Cody, can you hear me?” Obi-Wan shouted into his comm-link, while fending off incoming blaster bolts, or repel them back to the droids. Their battle was going good, so far, although the reinforcements kept coming, and attacked them from other directions.  
“Loud and clear, sir,” Cody responded.  
“Are the transports ready?” Obi-Wan asked, “Is everyone out there safely?”  
“Not everyone, general,” Cody responded. “What do you mean not everyone?” Obi-Wan asked. He had a bad feeling about this. He took a step to his right to fend off a bolt that would have surely hit the rebel fighter next to him if he hadn’t stepped in.  
“There still seem to be some people on the base,” Cody responded. Obi-Wan didn’t like that it sounded like Cody wasn’t telling the whole truth. “Where’s Aerrend?” the Jedi asked, before jumping forward, to hack through some droids that had made it dangerously close to them.  
“He’s… he’s not with us, General,” Cody said, “He is checking for remaining survivors on the base.”  
Obi-Wan retreated from close combat again. “He is doing what?” he asked, and then didn’t wait for a response, “Why did you let him go, Cody?”  
“He insisted,” Cody responded, “Sorry sir, I’ve got an incoming call from the base.”  
“Get them to send reinforcements,” Obi-Wan shouted, before their connection ended. He sighed to himself. _Damn, he can’t stay out of trouble, can he?_  
He saw a part of the droid army retreat and move closer to the base. “They’re separating,” Obi-Wan told the Clones next to him, “You handle this here, I’ll go after them.” And then he ran. 

~

Aerrend sneaked through the snow, and made his way halfway up a small hill, before standing up, aiming his blaster at one droid, pulling the trigger, and then firing at the one next to it immediately. The remaining four droids turned to him. “Hey!” one of them called, “Where did you come from?”  
“I’m with the Republic, you pieces of junk,” Aerrend responded, “Come and get me, if you can.” He motioned the rebels, who now were cleared, to go. Instead, they used their blasters, and took out two more of them. Droid #1 called for reinforcement, before Aerrend sent a laser through its head, while a rebel woman took out the last one. Aerrend walked down the hill. “You have to go quickly, “ he said, “I’ll stall the reinforcements.”  
Then he rushed toward the battle, trying to hold off the reinforcements. He wished he had a commlink so he could contact Cody, and see how things stood with reinforcements, but, alas, he didn’t. He wondered if he was running right into his death now, considering that one person with one blaster would be fighting a lost battle against a group of droids. He was a good shot, but not that good.  
He’d have to stall them.  
Once he got close enough to see them, he halted and almost slipped on the icy ground. _We’re off to a good start_ , he thought, before he opened fire. It was quite funny to him, in a way. He was a pacifist, but now he stood alone against a division of droids. A soldier, almost.  
He took a deep breath, then released it. He had no courage, no bravery, but he had no choice but to do without it and wait to grow into it. Watching the droids open fire on him, he reminded himself of the words Obi-Wan had said to him that first night on the rooftop garden. _Trust the force._ One more breath. He was ready. He opened fire, and tried to dodge as many of their lasers as he could, while taking out a few of the droids.  
They quickly backed him into a corner, against the cliff of a mountain, though, for some magical reason, Aerrend found that he hadn’t been hit once yet.  
“He’s alone,” one of the droids said, and pointed at him. Then there was a commotion. Almost as if a wave was running through the back-row of the division, before a figure jumped high, and landed next to Aerrend. Swinging the lightsaber in his hand, he turned to the droids with a challenging look on his face. “No, he’s not,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend gripped his blaster, and moved closer to the Jedi as they were circled in by the droids. They stood shoulder to shoulder, as the fighting began anew.  
“You’re having trouble following directions, do you?” Obi-Wan asked, as he diverted one blaster bolt after the other back into the enemies. Aerrend smiled. “Seems like it, General Kenobi,” he responded. There was a loud sound above them, the engines of starfighters above them, as well as a Republic shuttle with reinforcements. The starfighters hit the battle at the base, and were engaged by vulture droids immediately.  
Aerrend and Obi-Wan were left with no reinforcements, no help, but only the distracting noise of jet engines and explosions in the distance.  
“Is now a good time to talk?” Aerrend shouted over the noise, as he fired into the droids.  
“About what?” Obi-Wan shouted back, while fending off the attacks. “About us,” Aerrend responded.  
“I’m kind of busy right now,” Obi-Wan yelled over the noise, before he jumped forward and sliced a few droids in half, and then retreating back to link his shoulder with Aerrend’s. “We might die,” Aerrend shouted.  
Obi-Wan sighed, but there was a smirk on his face. “Fire away then, handsome,” he yelled.  
“Well, the thing is, I kind of really like you. A lot,” Aerrend began, and then blasted the head of two droids who were coming dangerously close, “Oh, fuck off!”  
Obi-Wan had turned to him, his eyebrows raised, with a grin on his face. “Oh, does the Jedi order disapprove of swearing now?” Aerrend asked. “No, no, I like it,” Obi-Wan said, “Go on.”  
“I wanted to say that I really like you… stars, these droids are annoying… And that I really liked kissing you. I know that it’s sort of a lost cause, with you being a Jedi and me being a politician, and all the secrecy would be hard, and I get that we might want to take things slow, and so on, but I don’t want to stay away from you,” Aerrend rambled on, “I don’t care if it’s hard, or maybe even impossible, or doomed from the start, because I like you, and I want to be with you, in whichever way possible.”  
There seemed to be more and more droids coming at them now. Which took Obi-Wan’s and Aerrend’s attention away from talking about matters of the heart more right now. Aerrend watched the Jedi slice through very dangerous looking droids, and then shout into his commlink for reinforcements. Then he stood back to back with Aerrend again, their situation looking dire at best.  
“Maybe you can get through to Cody,” Obi-Wan said, “It’s not working right now. This is your fault, by the way.”  
“I know,” Aerrend responded, “I just had to help the people. Save as many of them as possible.”  
“I know,” Obi-Wan responded, “It was my choice to come here as well. Couldn’t let you die alone.”  
“We’re not going to die, are we?”  
“It’s not looking too good at the moment,” Obi-Wan began, “I also like you, very much. Ever since I saved you from that lifeless junkyard planet, I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s almost as if everything pulls me toward you, no matter if I want to or not. It scares me, sometimes, how much I don’t want to resist that pull. I should know better. This really seems like a lost cause. But with everything that happened yesterday, like the thirty seconds where I thought I’d lost you, really makes me want to throw caution in the wind and just be with you. In whatever way possible.”  
It felt like the perfect moment to kiss, if it wasn’t for the battle at hand. Or for the arrival of reinforcements, finally.  
Soldiers jumped from the shuttles flying low. Two figures with lightsabers among them. The division of droids quickly succumbed to their attacks, as well as Obi-Wan’s and Aerrend’s. The latter let himself fall into the snow, exhausted. He watched as Anakin Skywalker approached them through all the rubbish alongside a girl with two lightsabers, one in each hand.  
“You’re late,” Obi-Wan snarled, while wiping the sweat off his face, “As usual.”  
“We arrived in the right moment, didn’t we?” Anakin responded, while grinning at his former Jedi Master, “It’s good to see the two of you.”  
The girl approached Aerrend and lend him a hand as he struggled to get up. “You fought well,” she said. “I had a great teacher,” Aerrend responded, with a smile. Stars, he was exhausted.  
“I’m Aerrend,” he said. “I know,” Ahsoka said, “Obi-Wan has told us lots about you. I’m Ahsoka.”  
“Nice to meet you, Ahsoka,” Aerrend responded and shook her hand. 

~

After the battle was wonm, Obi-Wan boarded a shuttle along with Anakin, Ahsoka and Aerrend. He hooked his hand through a handle at the shuttle’s ceiling. “You should hold on as well,” Obi-Wan said to Aerrend, “You’re prone to falling over.” Aerrend let out a shaky, exhausted laugh before doing so. Obi-Wan smiled to himself, softly. _We’re insane for doing this_ , he thought, _This could go wrong in so many ways._  
“I hear, you’ve impressed Cody,” Anakin said, while patting Aerrend on the back. “Oh, have I?” Aerrend asked, suddenly less sure of himself. “Yeah, not many people openly disobey orders from General Kenobi,” Anakin explained. “Only a few, very brave people,” Ahsoka added. Anakin and his padawan laughed, and Aerrend quickly joined in. “Oh, you’re all having a laugh at me, now?” Obi-Wan asked, feigning anger. He grinned. Looking around at them, he wished Padmé was with them. Anakin and Ahsoka were his family, but Padmé also belonged to his closer circle of people. Aerrend now had started to become part of it as well, and suddenly Obi-Wan felt reminded how lucky he was to have this family. To have something to return to.  
_A home._  
He listened to Anakin and Ahsoka chat with Aerrend, and then, in a safe moment, turned to whisper something into his ear. “Let’s get you home, Aerrend,” he said. For a brief moment, he could feel Aerrend lean into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Usually I upload chapters once a week, mostly on Sundays (in my time zone lol), but since I'm a couple of chapters ahead, I thought I'd upload another one now. I should be focusing on my bachelor's thesis, but instead I am putting most of my energy into this. But it's fun, and it's keeping me alive, so why not?  
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments!


	11. The Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aerrend felt it. As if someone had switched the light on, and eliminated the fog that had been laying over his perception for the past few months. No, strike that, all his life. He just had never been observant enough to realise.  
> What he had first felt months ago, he now saw clear. There was an energy, a flow, running through him now. A connection to something bigger.

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
Aerrend was transferring old files into the connected dataspace of Senator Organa’s office. Ever since he had returned from Ispu, things had been rather normal in the office. No major legislation to work on, Bail was gone for the senate sessions, or meetings with fellow senators, his colleagues mostly went back to avoiding him (not that he minded that part at all). He mostly was there to sort out the daily office work, unless he had to tend to one of the few mercy missions.  
The “failure” of the mission to Ispu still stung, but Alderaan was allowed to continue sending aid to the rebels, strengthening their position in the war. Other missions that had followed were more successful, but happened scarcely. Aerrend missed the tedious work of preparing the legislation, going through paragraphs and such with Padmé, travelling to star systems in need with Sabé, or even just the lunch with Senator Mon Mothma and her staff. Feeling like what he did truly mattered in the senate and in the galaxy.  
The events of Ispu had shaken him, but in turn had given him a new wave of confidence. When he travelled with Clones, he was comfortable being in charge. He didn’t dress to appear as a leader, he just acted like one. He also started to trust himself in battle. This, however, may be more due to the fact that his training with Obi-Wan had continued, whenever the Jedi Knight was on Coruscant for longer than a day. Which, lately, happened rarely.  
Things between them still were a bit uncertain. They had talked about their feelings, and stressed that they didn’t want to stay away from one another. They, however, decided to take things slow. They hadn’t kissed in weeks, and it was killing Aerrend. There were many heated moments when he just wanted to grab the Jedi by his collar and pull him into a kiss, or softer moments, where he wanted to lean in and kiss him. Now, it was less so a matter of agonising passion, but a matter of longing. Yearning.  
Whenever he spent time with Obi-Wan he remembered his surprisingly soft lips, his gentle hands in his hair, how his beard tickled his face. He also spent a lot of time thinking about those things when he wasn’t spending time with Obi-Wan, preferably when he should be doing boring tasks for work.  
“Well, you look like you’re dreaming,” a voice said from the doorway. Aerrend started from his daydreams, and turned to Sabé. “Bloody hell,” he said, “What are you doing here?”  
“It’s nice to see you too, Aerrend,” Sabé said with a smirk, “I just wanted to say goodbye, for now.”  
Aerrend furrowed his brows. “Where are you going?” he asked. “Padmé sent me on a mission. Top secret. And then I’ll be spending some time home. On Naboo. To celebrate the beginning of the new year,” she explained.  
“Are you going to Sukar?” he asked, and raised one eyebrow. Sabé grinned. “Top secret, as I’ve said,” she reiterated. “Alright,” Aerrend said with a grin, “Tell Estara I said hello.”  
“I will,” Sabé responded, “I hope to see you again, soon.”  
“You too,” he said, genuinely, “So many people are leaving at the moment. Soon I’ll be left here alone, with Representative Binks.”  
“We won’t let that happen,” Sabé responded with a smile, “You should come to Naboo. Bring that Jedi Knight of yours. He hasn’t been there for ages.”  
“I don’t know who you’re referring to,” Aerrend said. “You’re a terrible liar, my friend,” Sabé said.  
“Well, if he can get a few days off, I could ask him,” Aerrend said. “That’s what you get for falling for a general,” Sabé responded, “Think about it. You wouldn’t have to hide on Naboo.” 

~

When they landed on Coruscant, it was late and dark outside. Obi-Wan barely had the energy to not fall asleep on the journey and now didn’t have it in himself to get up. They had scored another victory for the republic, a reason to celebrate for some. But thinking about the losses they had faced through strategic mistakes or other reasons, he couldn’t.  
“Come on, Master,” Anakin said next to him, “It wasn’t your fault. No one saw that coming.”  
“I should have,” Obi-Wan responded, “It was unnecessary and foolish. If I would have been patient, all those clone troopers could have been saved.”  
“They died for the republic,” Anakin said, “For this war. It’s what they’re made for, after all. I know it’s difficult, but you shouldn’t blame yourself. We won.”  
“I know,” Obi-Wan responded, “I just don’t feel like celebrating.”  
“I understand,” Anakin said, “I’m heading back to the temple now. Are you coming?”  
Obi-Wan shook his head. “I have to go somewhere else, first,” he said. 

~

He stood in front of Aerrend’s door, his hand hovering over the number pad that required the code to open the door. He could knock, which would probably be the reasonable thing to do. Aerrend had given him the code, though, and sometimes in the past he had used it.  
He settled for a knock instead. Nothing happened. He knocked another time. Nothing again. _Maybe he’s not there_ , Obi-Wan thought, _or asleep_. Just when he turned to go, the door opened.  
“Wait, wait, I’m here,” Aerrend said absent-mindedly, and then he looked up to meet the Jedi’s gaze, “Obi-Wan?”  
Obi-Wan smiled softly. “Aerrend,” he said. “You’re back?” the Alderaanian asked, a tentative smile on his lips. He stood in a short-sleeved shirt and loose, linen pants. He was barefoot. A towel draped around his neck. His curly hair was wet and messy. Obi-Wan stepped in and wrapped his arms around the young man. He smelled clean. The combination of soap and Aerrend’s usual scent mixed. The Jedi almost felt sorry about hugging him in his dirty, sweaty, war-torn state, but he was too busy enjoying the hug. He felt Aerrend’s arms cling to him as well, communicating everything they would have said to each other if words were needed right now.  
They let go off each other, and stepped back into the apartment. Obi-Wan sat down on the sofa and took off his boots. “Can I make you a cup of tea?” Aerrend asked, still standing there. “That would be lovely,” Obi-Wan responded and leaned back. Aerrend walked over to his tiny kitchen while Obi-Wan tried to relax for a moment. “I wasn’t expecting you to be back yet,” Aerrend said, “I was preparing for a quiet night in. Hence, this outfit.”  
“Don’t worry,” Obi-Wan responded, “A quiet night sounds good to me.” It was exactly what he needed, after all.  
“Tough couple of days?” Aerrend asked. He sat down with Obi-Wan while waiting for the tea to brew. “We won,” Obi-Wan explained, “But there were many, many losses. Mostly because I’ve made strategic mistakes and all that.”  
“That does sound rough,” Aerrend responded, “Don’t be too hard on yourself, though. You were never prepared to be a general, after all, as a peace-keeper.”  
“You sound like Admiral Tarkin there,” Obi-Wan responded. “But I mean it in a good way,” Aerrend said, “I’m not saying that the Jedi are unqualified. I’m saying that you shouldn’t expect yourself to be a perfect general, perfect at strategy and so on. Soldiers will die under your command and you can’t stop that, sadly.”  
“You’re right,” Obi-Wan responded, “But it’s difficult to deal with. You know what I mean.”  
“Then talk to me,” the young Alderaanian man said, as he tucked one leg under the other, “I’m here to listen.” Obi-Wan looked at Aerrend, his soft, wet curls, the rings under his eyes, the gentle smile on his lips, the way his hand rested not far from his own. He wanted to take it, and he knew Aerrend wouldn’t pull away.  
“I’ve missed you,” Obi-Wan said.  
Aerrend chuckled softly, and in an insecure reflex he ran a hand through his hair. “Missed you, too, general,” he responded.  
They talked for a while longer, and drank the tea. The tiredness began to set back in, even though Obi-Wan didn’t want it to. He wanted to spend more time with Aerrend. The problem with taking things slow was that their weird schedules didn’t even give them any other option. Would they ever find the right time to talk about whatever happened between them again?  
“I don’t mean any offence with this,” Aerrend began, “But I think you should take a shower.”  
“Oh, come on, I don’t smell that bad,” Obi-Wan responded, “These are fresh robes.”  
“You’ve been to war, darling,” Aerrend said, “I think a shower would do you good even if you’re wearing new robes.”  
“Darling?” Obi-Wan asked, grinning. He liked that. Aerrend blushed. Intensely so. “I… uh… I was only joking, when I said that,” Aerrend responded, “To add to my point.”  
“Okay,” Obi-Wan said, “You want to get rid of me already?”  
“No, no,” Aerrend said, “I meant here. I have a shower here. And spare towels, and things that will fit you. For when you’re done with showering.”  
“Alright, if you insist on it,” Obi-Wan said, “Darling.”  
“You know what, I think I’m going to throw you out right now,” Aerrend said to that, but both of them started to laugh. 

~

Aerrend was right. A shower did feel good. It didn’t do away with his thoughts, but he felt a bit better. The showers at the senatorial apartment complex were way better than the ones at the Jedi temple. This one was less about functionality, and also allowed for showers that weren’t just hurried cleaning. He put on the things Aerrend had given him. Surprisingly enough they fit, despite Aerrend’s rather slender built. Then he returned to the bedroom.  
He found Aerrend lying on his back, with his datapad in his hand. Obi-Wan gathered up his robes, and folded them neatly. “You’re not still doing work, are you?” he asked. Aerrend looked up at him. “Oh, no, I’m just reading a novel,” Aerrend said. Obi-Wan sat down on the bedside. Aerrend scooched over a tiny bit. Obi-Wan suddenly wondered where he was supposed to sleep. There was only one bed after all.  
“So, I guess I should take a pillow and a blanket and sleep on the sofa?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend blushed, though he kept his eyes glued to the datapad. After a brief moment of silence, he said: “I think this bed is big enough for the two of us.”  
Obi-Wan tried to not smile like a giddy, excited teenager. _Stars_ , he wondered, _how many years has it been since I felt this way about someone?_ He got up, switched the headlights off and laid down next to Aerrend, who was still looking at his book. Obi-Wan, however, could tell that he was not focused anymore. He breathed in this nervous, anxious way he usually did in situations he wasn’t familiar with. Obi-Wan had picked up on that habit by now. He didn’t want to push it, but after the past few days, he needed to be close to him, to have some affection. He took the datapad from Aerrend’s hands and put it on the nighstand. Then he scooted closer, laying shoulder to shoulder with him.  
“Is this alright?” he asked. Aerrend nodded softly, nervously. Their bare arms touched, but the Jedi felt himself wanting more than laying side by side. He wanted to hold Aerrend, be chest to chest with him. Keep him safe, and feel safe in return.  
“Sometimes I think about, you know, the ordeal I went through to get here,” Aerrend said, “And how terrible that was.”  
“Do you still have nightmares?” Obi-Wan asked. “Not often,” Aerrend responded, “And sometimes other images have replaced those from then.”  
Obi-Wan understood. “But that’s not my point,” he said, “I might have never met you, if that hadn’t happened.”  
“Well, we might have still met on your missions, or through Padmé,” Obi-Wan contested. But he wondered. Would he have found him handsome? Yes. Charming? Definitely. But wasn’t it going through something like the rescue that bound them together? That gave their connection more history, and a deeper meaning? Wasn’t he drawn to the man through the way they bickered and argued and challenged each other on that rescue mission? Without it, he might have been smitten by the man, but maybe only as a fleeting sensation. A momentarily feeling.  
Aerrend shook his head. “But maybe we hadn’t,” he added, “I know it might be insane, but this is a good thing that came from going through all that. And if I focus on that, the memory gets less frightening. Less powerful.”  
Obi-Wan didn’t quite know what to say to that. He was relieved that something good had come from the ordeal he went through, and he was so glad he had the chance to meet and bond with Aerrend.  
“Come here,” he said. Aerrend rolled over instinctively. He rested his head and his chest on the Jedi’s chest, Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around him and buried one hand in his dark curls and their legs intertwined. Obi-Wan’s hand drew circles in Aerrend’s hair.  
“This terrifies me, you know?” Aerrend whispered.  
“I think I do,” Obi-Wan mumbled.  
“Will you be gone in the morning?” Aerrend asked.  
He shouldn’t even stay now, he should be back at the temple. He should leave now, he should leave in an hour, he should be gone by sunrise. But he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay here, sleep in, rest. Think of duty later and just be here in this moment of closeness that terrified them both.  
“I should be,” Obi-Wan said, “But I don’t want to.”  
There were so many more things to say, Obi-Wan knew he had them, and Aerrend did so, too. But maybe now wasn’t the right moment to let words communicate what they wanted to say. Obi-Wan pulled Aerrend closer and he felt him hold on to him tightly. He closed his eyes, and while gently running his fingers through Aerrend’s hair, he fell asleep. 

~

Aerrend woke up alone, again. For a brief moment he wondered if the night before was a dream, a figment of his imagination. But when he looked over, he saw the clothes he had lend Obi-Wan neatly folded on the bedside next to him. His datapad was lying on top of it.  
He sat up, and unlocked it with his fingerprint. Obi-Wan had opened a new file and left him a message:

>   
>  “Aerrend. I’m sorry I had to leave. My commlink went off early in the morning, and I almost slept through it. Something about sleeping next to you just makes it harder for things to startle me from sleep. It felt good, waking up with you in my arms. Thank you for the tea, and the company. I’ve really needed it. I know it’s your day off tomorrow, I’d understand if you wanted to take it easy. I’d really love to continue teaching you in combat, which might be my silly excuse for sneaking you into the temple and showing you the garden. If you’d like to, meet me at the temple by noon. Yours, Obi-Wan.”  
> 

Aerrend studied the message over and over again while having breakfast. Usually, he’d read up on the news, see what’s going on in the galaxy, but today he could only focus on this note. It was the closest thing he’d ever gotten to a love letter. Something secret and innocent, that existed only between the two of them.  
When he came into the office, apparently more cheery than usual, he got more than one remark along the line of “Well you seem happy today!”. When he finally managed to get to his desk, after all that pestering, he smiled to himself. _I am happy, actually,_ he thought.

~

Obi-Wan approached Anakin and Ahsoka in the halls of the temple the day of his training session with Aerrend. He needed their help in sneaking the young man into the temple. It wasn’t forbidden, technically, for people who weren’t Jedi to enter the temple, but during the Clone Wars people rarely were allowed to come in due to the fear of Separatist’ terrorist attacks on the heart of the Jedi order. Obi-Wan could probably arrange things with the council, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to get the council involved in this. Or have the council forbid him from training someone who wasn’t a Jedi.  
He cleared his throat once he was close enough for them to hear.  
“Oh,” Ahsoka said, “Good morning, Obi-Wan.”  
“Have you recovered from our last mission?” Anakin asked. Obi-Wan nodded. “More or less so, but this is not about that,” he said, “I need your help.”  
“Our help?” Anakin asked, “Will you tell me where you spent the night yesterday?”  
Obi-Wan blushed slightly and hoped his beard covered most of it. “I was nowhere, Anakin,” the Jedi responded. “Well, then I’m not going to help ya,” Anakin said, crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Ahsoka jumped off the window sill. “Oh, come on, skyguy,” she said, “Let’s help him. What do you need us for, Obi-Wan? Gather some info downtown?”  
“No, no,” Obi-Wan said, with his hands raised, trying to stop the young padawan from raiding the entirety of Coruscant for him, “I just need your help in sneaking Aerrend in at noon. We’re having a training session here. I wanted him to see the garden.”  
_Shut up, you idiot, you’re giving too much away_ , he thought to himself.  
“Will I finally get to have a practice fight with him then?” Ahsoka asked, sounding very excited.  
“As long as Aerrend agrees to it, sure,” Obi-Wan answered. It would do him good to fight with someone else, but maybe Ahsoka was too well trained to be the one for that. “Take it easy on him, Snips,” Anakin chimed in, “Alright, we’ll help you.”  
Together they made a plan for when Aerrend would arrive. Ahsoka would distract everyone else, Anakin would scout if everything was clear and Obi-Wan would get Aerrend into the temple, covered up by his Jedi cloak. 

~

Aerrend found sneaking into the temple both silly and exciting. “Everything clear,” Anakin called. Obi-Wan pulled Aerrend along with him, through the hall, up the stairs and out into the palace garden. Apparently Ahsoka was in on the scheme and was off creating a diversion. It could probably get all of them in trouble, if they were found out, but it was worth it for the fun of it all. “I’ll keep watch in the halls, you guys do your thing,” Anakin said. “Thank you, Anakin,” Aerrend and Obi-Wan responded at the same time. Anakin left with a skewed smile.  
After throwing off the cloak and taking off his boots, Aerrend was ready for practice. Obi-Wan instructed him as always, gave him helpful advice, let him try out techniques on punchbags, test droids, or even on himself. That was the hardest part. Aerrend felt reluctant to hurt the Jedi, even if he assured him that he wouldn’t. But letting go of his mind and instincts that kept him from giving it his all, and instead let the fight guide him, would only be helpful in the long run.  
Aerrend had gotten better at it. Just like in the fight on Ispu, or in meditations with Obi-Wan in the past, he felt something dimly inside him, something guiding him and giving him the strength and precision to fight. The instinct to do it correctly. He also had developed a better sense of his surroundings, though it still sometimes felt like he sensed them through a wall of glass or a thick fog. But he felt them. Obi-Wan, the trees, the air, the garden, the water, the energy running through the temple, the planet. Yet, for the first time in a while he also felt the pull again, the one he had felt in his first meditation. Still not very strong, but he felt it clawing at him, trying to get to him. Trying to pull him down. He didn’t fully understand it, because he only felt it so dimly, like something protected him from it, but also from everything good he could feel.  
He wanted to address it, when the doors opened behind him.  
“Hey there,” Anakin said, “Snips would really want to have a practice fight with you, Aerrend. If that’s okay with you?”  
“Uh,” Aerrend began. “I’ll take it easy on you,” Ahsoka said with a grin. Aerrend looked at Obi-Wan, who simply shrugged. “Alright,” Aerrend said, “Let’s do it.” 

~

Obviously, Aerrend didn’t stand much of a chance against Ahsoka. However, he surprisingly held steady quite well. As Obi-Wan watched their sparring unfold, he wasn’t as excited as Anakin was about it. Obviously, Anakin was secretly cheering on his padawan. Obi-Wan would have enjoyed the fight as well, probably, but something felt off to him. Something was wrong. Something in Aerrend’s movements, the way he dodged some of Ahsoka’s hits seemed too smooth, too fluent. He anticipated some moves, or could at least fend off some of them. In any other situation, this development would have been good. Obi-Wan would have been proud. But now he was concerned. There was something going on there.  
“Do you see that?” he whispered to Anakin.  
“See what?” Anakin retorted.  
Obi-Wan thought. _No. It can’t be._ Aerrend didn’t know how to use the force. Obi-Wan had never even tried to talk to him about it, let alone teach him how to use it. Yet somehow, Aerrend seemed to be guided by it now.  
He watched Aerrend fall and land on his back. Ahsoka lend him a hand and helped him up. Obi-Wan was deep in thought now, he heard them laugh and talk, but still, he wondered about what it was. Could Aerrend be force sensitive?  
“Okay, Snips, that’s enough, let’s let them get back to it,” Anakin said. “Oh, come on, Anakin, I’ve only just gotten started,” Ahsoka lamented. “Maybe next time, Ahsoka,” Aerrend said. His gaze met Obi-Wan’s. “Is everything alright?” he asked, once they were alone again.  
Obi-Wan nodded quickly. He didn’t want to unsettle Aerrend for no reason. Maybe a deep meditation would give him answers. Had he ever felt Aerrend within the force? The day on Jakku? Or any time since? Had he ever sensed him beyond the normal levels? Aerrend was a being in this universe, after all. The force was an energy field, created by all living things. It surrounded them and penetrated them. It bound the galaxy together. Not all were strong within it, not all knew how to wield it, some couldn’t even sense it.  
Then there were force-sensitive beings. Beings like Jedi, who mastered the force, and knew how to control it. Or beings like those living and working in the temple, in the archives, who were force sensitive, yet not strong enough to fully control it, to pass the trials, or simply not made to be a Jedi Knight. They could be trained, still. But usually, force-sensitive people were found when they were in infancy. All of them. He had been found at three years old, Ahsoka had been found as a baby. Before Anakin, the Jedi Rael Averross had been the oldest to be found. 5 years old. Anakin was found when he was nine. Maybe Aerrend was another one they missed. But if he was, shouldn’t Obi-Wan be able to feel it?  
Obi-Wan sat down in the shadow of one of the trees and motioned Aerrend to sit down opposite him. Once he did so, with their knees pressed together, he put his hands on Aerrend’s arms firmly. The younger man looked over his shoulder, then down and then up at Obi-Wan with a soft smile on his lips. “Here?” he asked. Obi-Wan wondered what he was talking about, and then it hit him. _Oh, kissing_ , he thought. He would have loved that. “No, we’re going to meditate,” Obi-Wan said, “Deep meditation. Together.”  
“Okay,” Aerrend said, still smiling, “I was just saying… uh… I’d be up for it, if you wanted to.”  
“Later,” Obi-Wan chuckled, “Now close your eyes, silly.”  
Aerrend laughed and then did so. “Should I also hold you?”  
“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Obi-Wan whispered, “But feel free, if you want to.” He closed his eyes and then felt his hands on his knees. He instructed his opposite to breathe and to focus. He thought again. Was he just so attuned to Aerrend’s presence that he could sense and feel it so well? Did his feelings play a trick on him? Or did the Alderaanian subconsciously communicate within the force.  
After a moment, he felt him, his presence, but it wasn’t clear. It was dim, almost as if it was supressed. Something blocked it out and close to untethered him from the force. Not being tethered in the force wasn’t unusual. But this felt different. As if the problem with his connection wasn’t the lack of strength within the force, but something actively either protecting him or keeping from this connection.  
_I have a bad feeling about this_ , Obi-Wan thought, as he attempted to strengthen Aerrend to maybe overcome this obstacle. 

~

Something had changed. Aerrend felt it. As if someone had switched the light on, and eliminated the fog that had been laying over his perception for the past few months. No, strike that, all his life. He just had never been observant enough to realise.  
What he had first felt months ago, he now saw clear. There was an energy, a flow, running through him now. A connection to something bigger.  
_The Force._  
He smiled, now fully immersed in this meditation, without the fog, with clarity.  
Then, as suddenly as the clarity, came the darkness. No longer protected from its claws, Aerrend felt the darkness rage through him, like a wave, a burning wave. It ran through him, burning him out, and then pulled him down.

~

_Aerrend stood alone, back in the corridors of Nute Gunray’s ship. There were no droids, no bounty hunters going after them, no Obi-Wan to protect him. Just vast emptiness. Dead silence. Sinister and threatening. Aerrend ran through those corridors, hearing whispers of darkness, speaking of the end of all things he knew. The walls collapsed around him.  
Agonising screams surrounded him, war, death, explosions, darkness. He had no idea where he was, children were screaming, someone pulled at him. He wasn’t a being, he was a spirit following two people on the run, speaking in languages he didn’t understand. They were running, pulling him from the flames, the debris, the decay. He tried to focus on them. A woman, and a man, boarding a shoddy spaceship and ejecting themselves from death. His parents? Red light suddenly illuminated it all. Everything collapsed.  
Darkness, he was on his knees, surrounded by pure, unadulterated evil. Facing it, but he was too weak to do anything, or to make out what it was. Whispers proclaiming the end, the fall of everything he’d come to known, grew stronger and stronger. A laughter surrounded him. Evil in its human form. Red lightsabers activated. He reached for something to fight with, to strike at the darkness, when a voice pierced through these visions,_ **“Aerrend!”**

~

Finally, Aerrend returned to reality, but he ripped himself from Obi-Wan’s grip and tumbled backwards, away from him, immediately. Obi-Wan sensed distress and fear in him. He was terrified. His face broke, revealing all of his emotions. “What was that?” he asked in a whisper, “What just… happened?”  
Obi-Wan got up. Aerrend was weak within the force, he knew that now, but whatever had just happened had created a rumble in it and had probably alerted the entire temple.  
“The dark side, I assume,” Obi-Wan tried to explain, calmly, although everything in him was unsettled. Aerrend had gone even paler now. “The dark side?” he whispered.  
Obi-Wan took another step towards him. He had made a mistake. Someone more grounded should have been with him, to see if Aerrend was force sensitive. Not him.  
Aerrend recoiled. He shook his head. “No,” he said, as he quickly put on his boots, “This was a mistake.”  
“Aerrend, wait!” Obi-Wan called, but the young man had already taken off. The Jedi felt the presence of Anakin rushing towards him, but also someone else slowly approaching. He turned around.  
He was faced with Master Yoda.  
_Blast it_ , Obi-Wan thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Aerrend's connection with the force will be explored in more detail in the next one!  
> Also: I have recently written and published a one shot that takes place before this story! It's about Anakin, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan and their connection as a family. It mostly came about because I was in my feelings over Clone Wars once again haha. If you feel the same, you might want to check that one out! It is called "as long as we stay together" 
> 
> love  
> umbreongay


	12. The Light Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being the center of attention had never been easy for Aerrend. With him now standing in the center of the Council chambers, a circle of Jedi-Masters surrounding him, he felt silly for dreading situations like this in the past. This was worse, much worse. Obi-Wan’s seat remaining vacant didn’t ease his anxiety one bit.

**20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
Aerrend had no answers, only questions as he ran away from the only place holding the knowledge he needed. The darkness living in him had unleashed. Aerrend thought of Obi-Wan’s expression when he’d woken from the visions. Surprise would be an understatement, shock as well. He seemed frightened and unsettled. Of me?  
Would he be a danger now? Would he do bad things without being able to control himself? Maybe this was what had set him apart from people around him for all those years. Maybe that’s why people on Alderaan avoided him at all cost, maybe that’s why his ex-boyfriend had treated him badly. Because he was bad, inherently, and he had deserved to be treated accordingly. He couldn’t stay. He should leave Coruscant, his new home, as soon as possible.  
If only he wasn’t so tired. It’s like the darkness had burned through him, reaped all his energy and left him as an exhausted shell. He kicked off his boots and left them on the floor. He crawled into his bed, hid away underneath a blanket. The visions still strong in his mind. The emptiness, the loneliness, the darkness. _My parents_. Despite the familiarity in the vision, they were strangers to him. A lack of past, a lack of connection and history returned to him, with the old feeling of lostness. One question burned on his mind through all that darkness. _Who am I?_

~

“Practiced with the boy, you have, Kenobi?” Master Yoda asked in his croaky, froggy voice. Obi-Wan didn’t expect _that_ question. But at least his feelings for Aerrend hadn’t been caught.  
“I have,” Obi-Wan responded.  
“Kept this secret from the council you have. Hmmmm,” Yoda continued.  
“I have,” Obi-Wan said, “But for good reason. Did you sense that, just now?”  
“Taken him, the dark side has,” Yoda answered. _That’s not useful_ , Obi-Wan thought. He had witnessed it after all. He had felt something shift in Aerrend, as if life had been drained from him. He was gone, and Obi-Wan couldn’t get through to him for what felt eternity. When Aerrend finally opened his eyes again, Obi-Wan saw nothing but fear in them.  
“This is my fault,” Obi-Wan confessed.  
“You sensed that force sensitive he was,” Yoda answered, “Curious, you were. Looking for answers, you were. Yes. Hmmm.”  
“I appreciate your observations, Master,” Obi-Wan said, “But they’re not very helpful. I sensed that… Ambassador Lus… was force sensitive. Something was blocking him. I tried to lift that barrier to see if he could reach a potential within the force. I was wrong to do so.”  
“Blame yourself you must not, Obi-Wan,” Yoda spoke, “ Acting on your instincts, you were. Done the same, your old master would have.”  
Yoda was right. Qui-Gon would have done so and even kept it secret from the Council. However, as Obi-Wan remembered from his days as a Padawan, this didn’t make things right. While he himself wasn’t as adamant about the rules of the council anymore, he remembered disapproving of Qui-Gon’s choices in handling things sometimes. He couldn’t keep from blaming himself and his blasted curiosity now.  
“I should have consulted someone else,” Obi-Wan said, “Someone more experienced in the force.”  
“Trust you, he does, right, hmmm?” Yoda asked. Obi-Wan gave him a nod. “Then the right one to do it, you were,” the old master called. Another nod came from the Jedi.  
_So, am I in trouble now?_  
With that thought, Anakin barged in. “What happened?” Anakin asked, “I felt…” Then his eyes fell on Yoda.  
“Felt the disturbance in the force too, you have, hmm?” Yoda asked.  
“Uh,” Anakin responded, “Yes. I have. Was that… the ambassador?”  
Obi-Wan nodded. “I suppose he is force sensitive.” Anakin’s eyes widened. “He is?” he asked, “He did that just now? The sudden surge of dark energy?”  
Obi-Wan didn’t have an answer for that. He couldn’t imagine that Aerrend had done so on purpose. The dark side was tempting, after all, and he had no training. Of course his curiosity would get the best of him. Aerrend wasn’t strong within the force, it felt as if the Force had been controlling him. The dark side had seen a vessel and taken it.  
“Brought to the council, must he be. Questioned will he be. Yes, hmmm,” Yoda responded. Obi-Wan furrowed his brows. “Why?” he asked.  
“I doubt he did that on purpose, Master Yoda,” Anakin said. Obi-Wan was thankful for Anakin’s defence of Aerrend.  
“For sure we know not. An instrument of the sith he might be,” Yoda called. He started to leave. Obi-Wan was about to protest, when Anakin put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and stopped him. Once Yoda was gone, his former apprentice turned to him. “Don’t worry, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, “He’s going to be alright. As long as you’re there for him.”  
“I hope you’re right,” Obi-Wan responded, “I don’t like this.”  
Anakin answered with a shrug, “So… He’s force sensitive, huh?”  
“I’ll explain it later, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, “I suppose I have a lot to clear up now. With the Council.” 

~

Once Obi-Wan was done with talking to probably every single member of the Council about what had happened and answered the same ten questions a thousand times, nightfall had come. All this talking, analysing, the shock and what not had drained him. Still, he decided to go and see Aerrend. He had to. The Alderaanian was to be summoned in front of the Jedi council. He’d need a warning and maybe some preparation.  
On his way Obi-Wan thought about the situation. He could only imagine how confused and scared he was now. Obi-Wan also didn’t like the disapproval and suspicion he was met with by other members of the council. _Why have you acted on your own? Why wasn’t the council involved? What is the nature of your interest in this man?_ It stung how quickly they thought he was violating the rules of the order. It took a while to explain that he simply trained an ambassador how to defend themselves. He was doing a friend a favour. In the end, they accepted. Still, the doubt put in him made him feel at unease.  
He quickly punched in the code for Aerrend’s door and stepped into the apartment. The Jedi found himself almost in complete darkness. He almost stumbled over Aerrend’s boots or his coat, both carelessly thrown on the floor of the living room. “Aerrend?” he asked when he reached the doorway to the bedroom. “Don’t worry, it’s only me.” 

~

When he heard steps in the apartment, Aerrend’s first instinct was to reach for his blaster. Then, he heard Obi-Wan’s voice. And once Obi-Wan had turned on the lights and approached him slowly, he dropped his blaster. “Calm down,” Obi-Wan said, sitting down on the bed. “I could have killed you,” Aerrend said, pushing the blaster as far away as possible. What had gotten into him?  
_The dark side._  
“We shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves there,” Obi-Wan said, a crooked smile on his lips, “I’m a Jedi, I can handle blaster bolts.”  
“Still,” Aerrend said. He hugged his legs to his chest. Maybe he’d just disappear that way. “What’s wrong with me?” he whispered.  
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, “I’m afraid you’re force sensitive. It has awakened unusually late, but I’m afraid something has been blocking your connection for the longest time. I suppose the dark side had an easy game with you when I tried to help you connect with the force.”  
None of that comforted Aerrend. If the dark side had such an easy game with him, maybe there was something wrong with him, maybe he was prone to darkness. After all, he had spent most of his life alone, clouded by sadness, fear and restlessness. “What does that mean?” Aerrend asked, “Will the dark side take me?”  
“Not as long as the barrier is still there,” Obi-Wan responded, “Which is the case, don’t worry.”  
“So I won’t be dangerous to people?” Aerrend asked. Obi-Wan shook his head. “You weren’t a danger to anyone,” he said.  
Aerrend sighed. Was that relief? He had no idea.  
“I came here to warn you,” Obi-Wan said, after a pause. Aerrend furrowed his brow. _Stars, what’s coming next?_  
“The council,” he said, “They want to see you. And interrogate you.”  
“Interrogate me? For what?” Aerrend asked, now fully back to being upset.  
“There’s a Sith Lord we’re looking for and I’m afraid they want to see if you’re connected to them,” Obi-Wan explained, “At least that’s what I’m getting from this.”  
“I don’t even know what a Sith Lord is,” Aerrend exclaimed, “Stars, before I knew you I barely knew a thing about the Jedi order, or the force. Do they think I’m dangerous?”  
“It’s just a cautionary measure, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan explained, “Anakin will be with you, he’ll pick you up in the morning, I arranged that.”  
“Anakin?” Aerrend asked, “Why not you?” Was the Jedi not there to support him? Then Aerrend recalled that Obi-Wan himself had recently joined the Council. _He’s going to be interrogating me?_  
Obi-Wan sighed. “I’m not allowed to,” he explained, “I’m too involved, therefore I’m excluded from the whole thing. I’m not even allowed to pick you up, or talk to you before. In fact, I’m breaking all the rules now by coming here.”  
“Do they know?” Aerrend asked, hoping that Obi-Wan would understand the whole question. _Do they know about us?_  
“No, no,” Obi-Wan said, “That never was on their mind, luckily. I cleared up everything else. I’ll admit that sneaking you into the temple didn’t do me any favours there.”  
Now it was Aerrend’s turn to sigh. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,” he whispered. Obi-Wan gave him a nod. “I’m not willing to give this up,” he answered gesturing between them to indicate that by _this_ he meant _us_ , “When I was a Padawan my Master used to be at odds with the council. I didn’t understand then, but I’m beginning to now.”  
There was silence. Obi-Wan put one of his hands on Aerrend’s knees, and Aerrend instinctively reached to hold it. Their fingers intertwined in an instant.  
“Don’t worry,” Obi-Wan said, “You’ll make it through tomorrow. I’ll be with you in thought.”  
“But what then? What’s with this… thing… that’s been awakened?” Aerrend asked, “I still won’t have any answers, will I? The Jedi Council will have their answers and then they’ll be done with it.”  
Obi-Wan gave Aerrend’s hand a reassuring squeeze. And then he did that thumb rub thing Aerrend had only read about in silly romance novels.  
“We’ll find the answers,” he said, “But now is not the time. You should get some rest before tomorrow.”  
“Do I have to go?” Aerrend asked. He was only being half-serious, but truly, he dreaded going. Even more so because he’d be without having the Jedi by his side.  
“You’re being summoned,” Obi-Wan said, with a crooked smile, “I don’t think you have much of a choice.”  
“Ugh,” Aerrend muttered, “Can’t believe I’ve been stuck with the Jedi ever since that bloody rescue.”  
Obi-Wan chuckled. “Get some sleep, my love,” he said.  
“Are you going to stay?” Aerrend asked longing for that feeling of safety Obi-Wan provided. “I can’t,” he responded. Aerrend had expected as much, but still was left with disappointment. He lay down, and closed his eyes. “Ever the man of duty,” he said.  
“You knew what you’d gotten yourself into, when you fell for me,” Obi-Wan responded. Aerrend could practically hear him smile. “It’s your eyes,” Aerrend murmured, “Who could resist them? And the bear. And your hair, stars, your hair. That voice. Everyone would fall.”  
“Tell me more,” Obi-Wan laughed.  
“As if you aren’t aware that the entire galaxy swoons whenever you run a hand through your hair – or maybe that’s just me,” Aerrend mumbled. He heard footsteps. Then he felt a kiss on his forehead.  
“Good night,” Obi-Wan said.  
“Good night, darling,” Aerrend responded. 

~

Aerrend had no idea what to wear when one was summoned to speak in front of the Jedi Council. Weren’t Jedi living in modesty? So they wouldn’t expect anything that’s too fancy. Obviously, he’d feel more confident if he dressed well. In the end he settled on a flowy white button up, tucked into his navy blue trousers, which was pulled into his black boots, He threw on his fancy coat, right when Anakin arrived to pick him up.  
“Well, you look fancy,” Anakin said, “Going anywhere special?”  
Aerrend shot him a look. The Jedi raised his hands in defence. “Alright,” he said, “bad time for jokes.”  
“Too soon for that, I’d say,” Aerrend answered. Anakin shrugged. “Come on,” he said, “let’s just get this over with.” They definitely could agree on that.  
Once they had made it to the temple, Anakin led him to the Council Chambers. Getting in without the secrecy of the day before was less fun, but Aerrend guessed that just came with being summoned by the council.  
“Come here often?” he joked, but the fact that he was choked up with fear made his voice quiver. “Oh, now we feel like joking?” Anakin asked. “Well, I’m the one on trial here,” Aerrend responded. Anakin paused. “Look, Obi-Wan is really sorry about what happened and also about not being here. I, for one, don’t think there’s much to worry about. You’re force sensitive, so what. Nothing Obi-Wan can’t help you figure out,” he called, “Don’t listen to what they say in there.”  
“I’ll try my best,” Aerrend responded. Still, he wished Obi-Wan was with him now, in this moment. He clasped and unclasped his hands, then ran a hand through his hair, but finally settled for fidgeting with his fingers. Anakin raised an eyebrow, but had a grin on his face. “You both do that nervous thing with your hands,” he said. 

~

Being the center of attention had never been easy for Aerrend. With him now standing in the center of the Council chambers, a circle of Jedi-Masters surrounding him, he felt silly for dreading situations like this in the past. This was worse, much worse. Obi-Wan’s seat remaining vacant didn’t ease his anxiety one bit.  
Anakin stood a couple of feet behind him, which left Aerrend alone at the Council’s mercy. He could feel them studying him. Did they perceive him as dangerous? Were they feeling foolish for making such a fuss over a weak person? In his last fight, he had slipped on the icy ground, for crying out loud. In what universe would he be involved with a Sith Lord?  
“Ambassador Lus,” Master Windu began, “It’s good to see you again.”  
_I can’t say the same about you, Master Jedi._  
“The pleasure is all mine, Master Jedi,” Aerrend said instead, trying to let the tone convey his true meaning. If the Jedi had gotten the message, he ignored it. Instead, he studied his datapad.  
“Aerrend Lus, born on the system of Alderaan as the son of refugees. Is that correct?” he asked. Instead of asking why the hell they were asking him to confirm his identity, he decided to answer briefly. “That is correct.”  
“Your parents came from where?” Windu asked, “There was no such information in the records. Neither here, nor on Alderaan.”  
Aerrend didn’t have an answer for that. “I have no idea, Master Windu,” he said, “My parents passed away when I was an infant. Why there’s no record on their origin is beyond my knowledge. I know that they’ve given me a name. They had no last name and received a standard Alderaanian last name upon immigration. They died working in public service.”  
“So you grew up as an orphan,” Master Windu clarified. “That is correct,” Aerrend said, “Childcare for working parents is relatively good on Alderaan. When my parents passed, I remained there until I was old enough to be handed over to an orphanage.”  
“Where you made no connection?”  
“No, sir, I didn’t. When I was old enough to attend a boarding school, I did so. There, I have not made any connections either. I was determined to make it into the Royal Academy for Diplomacy and Politics. Good marks were required for a scholarship,” Aerrend explained. Maybe his determination for public service would help clear his name. “And you have no one to vouch for that?” another Master, whose name escaped Aerrend, asked.  
Aerrend shook his head. “I have made some connections at the Academy. Those did not withstand the test of time. In my internship at the Palace and within different ministries, I developed a friendship with Queen Breha and her husband Senator Bail Organa. Those are the only meaningful and lasting connections I’ve made until I came here.”  
Some of the Masters whispered among each other. Aerrend turned to Anakin who merely shrugged at him. _Great, he doesn’t know what this means either._  
“So you’ve connected to the powerful people in your life first?” someone asked. It sounded like an accusation. “That is not the case,” Aerrend answered briefly. He didn’t feel like explaining his lifelong disconnection from other people. It wouldn’t do him any good here, and also put him in an even worse mood.  
“Then explain to us what led to your deployment here?”  
“Someone on Senator Organa’s team quit. My service for the Ministry of Education had come to an end. I got offered the job here. I suppose I was chosen considering I’m an old friend of the family. Maybe even trustworthy,” Aerrend explained.  
“Were you ambitious to get involved with galactical politics?”  
_Am I being interviewed for a job or am I on trial?_  
“I wasn’t. Until Senator Organa told me it would allow me to make my pacifist ideals heard on a broader stage,” Aerrend said.  
“You understand that you appear to be driven by ambition, who never connected with people unless they could catapult you into power. If we look at it with the knowledge that your force-connection, weak as it may be, led you to the dark side immediately, we have reason to assume that there’s something off about you, Ambassador,” a Jedi explained. Her voice sounded calm and reasonable, and, for a second, Aerrend almost found logic in her argumentation.  
“May I remind you that I was kidnapped on my way here? Kept in a piece of junk on Jakku. If I was a “Sith” or whatever, wouldn’t I have made my way out of there on my own?” Aerrend asked and then turned to Master Windu, trying to invoke the image of his return, “You saw me the day I returned from captivity. Did I strike you as strong? Without General Kenobi I wouldn’t have made it off the ship.”  
The Jedi Master seemed to ponder on what he said. “I have no idea what this is, or what I can do with this power. But let me make it very clear that I don’t want it and I never asked for it. I wanted to make it out of the places where I didn’t feel home. That’s why I was ambitious. Studying towards a goal was the only thing I could do,” he added. Stars, this is humiliating.  
Then, a smaller creature spoke up. Older and green.  
“With me you come,” they said, “Test your abilities we must.” 

~

Obi-Wan had been pacing up and down the halls of the temple for an hour or so, when Ahsoka sent him away because he was “annoying”. She promised that she and Anakin would handle it. The Jedi had no idea where to go or what to do while he waited. There was no mission to distract him with, no scouting to do, no Clone business to tend to. In the end, he decided to visit a friend he hadn’t seen in a while.  
“Obi-Wan,” Padmé said, as she greeted him with a kiss on both cheeks, “How good to see you. What brings you here?”  
Obi-Wan chuckled nervously. “Ahsoka sent me away,” he answered, “I annoyed her.”  
“Where’s Anakin?” she asked. “Helping out at a Jedi Council meeting.”  
“Aren’t you on the council?” Padmé asked, digging deeper. “Oh, I was ‘banned’ from that meeting, considering I’m too personally involved,” Obi-Wan explained.  
Padmé put her hands on her hips. “Elaborate on that,” she said, and then turned to the golden droid, “3PO, bring us something to drink please.”  
Once Obi-Wan had explained the whole situation to her, Padmé sat in silence for a moment. “So, he’s force sensitive?” she queried. Obi-Wan nodded. “That’s pretty much it,” he said, “Though it isn’t a very strong connection. There was something suppressing it. It’s still there, in fact.”  
“And the council is taking that as him being a Sith?” she asked. Obi-Wan nodded. “Isn’t that too far-fetched?” Padmé asked. Obi-Wan sighed. “I guess they’re trying to be very careful. With us still not having found the Sith Lord who’s behind it all.”  
“That’s not a good enough excuse to question someone,” Padmé said, “Stars, he must be so scared right now. I wouldn’t know what I would do in his position.”  
“I think you would,” Obi-Wan responded, “Even as a young girl you knew what to do in any situation.”  
“Well, I was queen when I spoke in front of the Senate. He’s just someone trying to find his place. Trust me, Queen Amidala and Padmé Amidala still remain two different people. I don’t think either would like being put on trial by the Jedi Council,” she spoke, and for a moment she seemed to be lost in thought, “For the longest time I didn’t even trust the Jedi let alone the Council, aside from one. Your old Master Qui-Gon.”  
Obi-Wan couldn’t stop the smile spreading on his face when thinking of Qui-Gon. He wondered what he’d do now in his position. “He saw right through the decoy scheme,” Obi-Wan answered. “But he let us do it,” Padmé said, “He trusted a bunch of fourteen year old girls when he didn’t have to. I wish more people like him were on the Council, maybe things would be different then. You trusted Aerrend on the rescue, didn’t you?”  
“I had to,” Obi-Wan responded, “We were in enemy territory, he was the only person I could rely on. Though, I’ll admit, it wasn’t hard to trust him.”  
Padmé smiled at that remark. She knew something, but wasn’t giving it away. Like Qui-Gon had done twelve years ago, the Jedi Knight trusted her, too. “See? If the Jedi Order stopped letting their rules rule them, it could be more effective,” the senator said and Obi-Wan knew that her ideas of challenging the Order’s rulings wasn’t exactly selfless, “Until then, small acts of defiance will have to do.”  
“What do you mean?” Obi-Wan asked.  
“Well, I assume they want you to come back to the temple today?”  
“That is correct,” the Jedi answered.  
“Which means you can’t be there for Aerrend,” Padmé said, “Unless I kindly ask you to go off-world and check in with someone on my team on a Separatist world. And then send a ship, with you being logged in as a passenger on the official records.”  
_But wouldn’t that take me further away?_  
“I’m not sure I follow,” Obi-Wan said, furrowing his brow. “You don’t leave Coruscant, but officially you’re gone until tomorrow,” she explained more simplified.  
“Which gives me plenty of time to be there for Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, a stunned smile on his lips, “Padmé, that’s brilliant.”  
His friend grinned at him and Obi-Wan recognised Queen Amidala in her once more. “I have some experience with tricking the Jedi.” 

~

The shuttle was shaky on Aerrend’s way home. As if the day at the Jedi temple hadn’t been exhausting enough, now he had also suffered through multiple near death experiences. _I thought droids were supposed to be good at this stuff_ , he thought as he got off and approached his apartment complex.  
The questioning at the temple, and Master Yoda’s tests afterwards had drained him of all his energy. He couldn’t wait to collapse on his bed. The results were as expected: He was weak within the force, and that weakness was then dimmed by some obstacle keeping him from this connection. Once that obstacle was lifted, he was then also weak to the dark side. He’d need a teacher in the basics of the Force. He was cleared of any connection to the Sith, though. For now.  
Once he had passed the entrance door, and approached his apartment, he nearly bumped into someone. “Careful there,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend looked up at him. Normally he would have said something like “I didn’t see you there” or “I should pay more attention to where I’ going” but now he was just relieved to see the Jedi Knight again. Even though it had barely been a day. He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around the Jedi’s chest. With his eyes closed, he rested his head against his collarbone. Aerrend quickly felt Obi-Wan’s arms around his back. “You missed me?” the Jedi teased. “Very much so,” Aerrend responded softly. They remained in their hug for a couple of seconds longer, until Aerrend pulled away. His gaze fell upon the duffel bag next to the Jedi’s feet. “Oh, you’re leaving again?” he asked, casually, to not show his disappointment. Obi-Wan grabbed his hand. “No, I’ll explain once we’re inside,” he said. He opened the door and gently pulled Aerrend into the apartment. 

~

When Obi-Wan had cleared up the situation, Aerrend had a hard time not being too excited. As he handed Obi-Wan a cup of tea, the Jedi asked, “How was the appointment with the Council by the way?” His tone was more serious now, and Aerrend’s mood darkened slightly. “It was a lot, but at least for now I’m not a secret Sith Lord,” Aerrend explained, “But let’s not do this now. You’re going to stay the night then?”  
They sat far apart on the sofa. Obi-Wan’s free hand rested on the backrest and Aerrend felt tempted to scoot closer to feel his protective arm around him. Obi-Wan nodded. “I also packed a few things to leave here, in case this occurs again. More spontaneously. No offence, but your shirt was a bit tight around the shoulders.”  
Aerrend smiled. Despite the day he had, he felt the giddiness in his stomach, those butterflies and all the excitement. Obi-Wan was staying the night and maybe more often in the future. It was more clear than ever, now, that he didn’t want to do the whole “taking it slow” thing anymore. He wanted to be with Obi-Wan and just take the risks. He felt so safe with him, it was fun to bicker with him, to tease him and be teased in return, to just spend time with him. And the kissing, stars, the kissing. He _really_ wanted to do that again. Right when he wanted to voice his thoughts, Obi-Wan raised a hand to stop him.  
“I think it’s my turn to speak of, uh, matters of the heart,” Obi-Wan said, “After you took me by surprise at the Battle on Ispu. I’m, uh, not very good at this. But… I don’t want to take things slow anymore, Aerrend. I have given up on love before, for the rules, for the life of a Jedi, but in this war those rules have started to feel like traps. You’re special. I felt it the day I rescued you. At first I thought you were just another stuck-up, beautiful, idealistic person that sweeps me off my feet, but I was wrong. You might be those things, but you’re so much more. Whenever I return from somewhere in the galaxy, I come home to you. You’re my home, Aerrend. And I – ,” he said, but stopped and for a moment this self-assured, confident, famous Jedi Knight seemed so insecure and unsure of himself. Aerrend scooted closer to him, waiting patiently. _Is he going to say it?_  
“I… uh, I know we’ve kissed before. I really liked that, even though the situation wasn’t exactly right. And, uh, I wanted to ask you if we can try again?” the Jedi finished. Aerrend looked down at Obi-Wan’s lips, then up into his gray-blue eyes again. He gave him a soft nod. Obi-Wan rested a hand on Aerrend’s cheek and leaned in. Their lips met in a shy and gentle kiss.  
Aerrend still felt blown away by Obi-Wan’s surprisingly soft lips, but this kiss was even better than the two they shared on Ispu. He put one hand on the back of Obi-Wan’s head, buried it in his auburn hair, and kissed him more fiercely, pulling him down with him. They parted, after a while of just kissing and running hands through the hair of the other. Obi-Wan sat back up. His hair was slightly more messy than usual, and Aerrend wondered if his looked similar.  
“This is how I wanted to make you shut up on Nute Gunray’s ship, by the way,” Obi-Wan teased. “Oh, shut up,” Aerrend snarled, but once he heard Obi-Wan warm laughter, he quickly joined in.  
No matter how strong the Dark Side was, Aerrend knew where he could find the Light Side. _With Obi-Wan. Always._ And in this moment, with Obi-Wan in his arms, he really believed it.  
“They said I need someone to teach me the basics,” Aerrend explained, “Of the Force. Before they know more. About how I fit into all this.”  
“That would be sensible,” Obi-Wan responded, “You should learn how to be one with the Force, to wield it. Instead of letting it control you. So the dark side won’t be able to control you.”  
“Will you teach me?” Aerrend asked. "I will," Obi-Wan promised. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed chapters eleven and twelve, I really enjoyed writing them!  
> hope you're having a wonderful (but safe) holiday season so far!


	13. Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How do you deal with it?” Aerrend asked, his eyes locked to the cover of the poetry book.   
> “Deal with what?” Padmé asked in return.  
> “With having… a friend… in the Jedi Order. A friend who keeps going to war, while you can only just wait for their return,” he explained.

Chapter 13: Lover  
 **20 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
The year was coming to an end. Weeks had gone by. Weeks where Aerrend and Obi-Wan got a surprising amount of time together to establish and explore their young relationship. Weeks where Aerrend had time to practice using the Force, though most of his attempts were futile. At least he got to spend the time with Obi-Wan. His _boyfriend_. Sometimes he didn’t quite believe it himself.   
This was their last morning together, before Aerrend departed for Naboo alongside Senator Amidala. Obi-Wan had to return to his duties as a General in the war.   
“Are you sure you can’t just come with me?” Aerrend asked, knowing full well the answer was no. He felt like being whiny about it anyways.   
“I can’t,” Obi-Wan responded, “I wish I could, but duty calls.”   
“What if I draft a peace treaty real quick and get everyone to sign it?” Aerrend asked. “I don’t think you can do that within a day,” the Jedi answered.   
Aerrend felt his shoulders slump down. He remembered Sabé’s promise. That they wouldn’t have to hide on Naboo, at least not in the Lake Country. Hiding their relationship was alright with him. It did make him cherish their time together even more. However, he would really like a few days of not having to do hide it.   
“Oh, come on, you’ll enjoy yourself,” Obi-Wan said, “Have fun with friends, celebrate the new year and then tell me all about it when you get back.”   
Aerrend tried to cheer up. “I know,” he said, “It’s just… I wanted you to be there.”   
“I know, my love,” Obi-Wan responded. He leaned over the breakfast table and pressed a soft kiss to Aerrend’s lips. They were interrupted by a knock on the door. “I’ll get that,” Aerrend mumbled.   
He saw Senator Organa on the other side once he opened it. “Good morning, Senator,” he said, “I wasn’t expecting you.”   
“Good morning, Aerrend,” the senator responded, “I just came to quickly say goodbye. I’ll be on my way to Alderaan now. When will you depart for Naboo?”   
“At 1100, Sir,” Aerrend explained, “Send her Majesty my best wishes.”   
“I will,” Bail said. He put a hand on Aerrend’s shoulder and squeezed it. Then, something inside the apartment made a noise. _Blast it!_  
“Is someone with you?” Bail asked, looking more surprised than disapproving. “Uh, yeah,” Aerrend said, “Uh… Ben, a friend of mine.”   
Bail furrowed his brow. “Someone special?” he asked. Aerrend shook his head, “No, uh, we’re just friends.” He scratched the back of his head, praying to the stars that Bail would drop the subject. Luckily, he did. “I’ll see you in a week, my friend,” he said with a smile. Aerrend smiled as well, as the senator left.  
He felt Obi-Wan wrap his arms around him from behind, and pressing a kiss on his neck. “Just friends, huh?” he asked. Aerrend chuckled softly. 

~

“General Kenobi,” Padmé said, “How nice of you to escort Ambassador Lus to his ship.”   
_I’m not doing my best to be subtle here_ , Obi-Wan thought. “I happened to have to go the spaceport anyways,” Obi-Wan responded, spying Anakin in the distance chatting with Captain Tonra, “Figured I might just pick a friend up. I assume General Skywalker is doing the same.”   
Padmé smiled, but gave no response. Obi-Wan was used to that by now. She turned to Aerrend instead. “I have assigned one of our best pilots to your ship, Aerrend,” she explained, “You’ll be _Hazard Three_. Just follow _Hazard Leader_.”   
Aerrend nodded. “Senator Organa was very happy to lend this ship. I’m sorry we couldn’t provide a pilot ourselves,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll remain in contact as we jump to hyperspace,” Padmé responded, suddenly sounding much more like Queen Amidala again. She gave each of them a nod, as she left for her own ship.   
Aerrend leaned against the Alderaanian ship. It was small, and would only fit few people and cargo. Obi-Wan straightened Aerrend’s collar and then rested his hand at his collarbone. “It would be more reassuring if you were aboard _Hazard Leader_ with Padmé,” he said.   
“Why? Scared I’m going to get lost again?” Aerrend joked, raising an eyebrow. “You do have a tendency to get lost, Aerrend,” the Jedi responded softly. “Don’t worry,” Aerrend said, “The ships won’t ever be apart, I’ll have pilots with me and a blaster. Nothing can go wrong.”   
“That doesn’t calm me down at all,” the Jedi said, “Send me a holo message the second you land.”   
“Oh, are you worried about me?” Aerrend asked, “That’s sweet, but you’re the one refusing to accompany me.”   
Obi-Wan looked around to see if anyone was near them. “I’ll miss you,” he said.   
“I’ll miss you too,” Aerrend whispered back. He leaned forward, and pressed his lips to the Jedi’s. _It’s only a week_ , Obi-Wan told himself, _You’ll make it through._  
He quickly stole another kiss, just to make sure. 

~

“Wow, this room is beautiful,” Aerrend said, letting himself fall on the bed. Sabé leaned in the doorframe, dressed more casually than he had ever seen her before. “You should have seen the royal chambers in the palace,” Sabé reminisced, “Much bigger. Even shared with the Queen and all her handmaidens.”   
Aerrend shrugged. He was used to smaller accommodations, like the dorms at the academy, or his small place on Alderaan. “Queen Apailana was nice enough, as were the guest rooms,” he said, “Though I’m glad we only stayed a night. I need to get away from politics for the week. ”   
“Oh, how the past few months have changed you,” Sabé said, “When I met you, you couldn’t get enough of work.” She sat down on next to him.   
“Well, I got used to Coruscant quickly. I can’t believe I’ve been working for Senator Organa for four months now. How time flies,” he responded, “And now the year is coming to an end.”   
“And you’ve chosen to spend it with a group of girls instead of your boyfriend,” Sabé quipped.   
Aerrend decided to ignore that remark. “I’ll enjoy it. I have studied the Occupation of Naboo, so meeting the Royal Handmaidens of Queen Amidala will be interesting.”   
“Please don’t be as awkward as when you first met Padmé,” Sabé said with a smile. Aerrend let out a chuckle. “Oh stars, that was mortifying,” he replied, “Wasn’t it?”   
Sabé gave him a laugh. “I’ll let you unpack now and settle in,” she said, leaving the room, “I’ll see you at dinner.”   
Aerrend quickly closed the doors, took out his commlink and tried to establish a connection to General Kenobi. Since they weren’t on the same world, it took a while. “This is Commancer Cody,” a voice said, “Speaking for General Kenobi.”   
“Uh,” Aerrend began, “Hello, Cody. This is Aerrend. Uh… Ambassador Lus.”   
“Hello, Ambassador,” Cody responded, “How can I help you?”   
“Is General Kenobi free to speak?”   
“He’s in a briefing, Sir,” Cody answered, “It’ll take him a while.”   
“Well, send him my best wishes for… the battle,” Aerrend responded. “Will do, Sir,” Cody said. The connection ended. 

~

Aerrend soon met Queen Amidala’s royal handmaidens. Eirtaé, Rabé, Yané, Saché. He had gotten to know Sabé and Dormé on Coruscant already, but watching them as part of this group gave him an even better impression of the two. They also were joined by Captain Tonra, a former member of Padmé’s guards on Coruscant.   
Getting to know all of them was a bit intimidating. Aerrend mostly retreated to the sidelines of the group, didn’t push his place into conversations and simply remained an avid listener as the women caught up with each other. Tonra, the only other male in the group, did the same. However, Aerrend kept noticing the glances exchanged between him and Sabé. Maybe they had a past, though it didn’t seem like there had ever been hard feelings between them.   
At some point, he sensed someone sitting down closer to him. He looked over, expecting Padmé. Instead, he found Yané sitting next to him. “You’re really quiet,” she said matter-of-factly. Aerrend smiled softly. “Joining a group of old friends is intimidating,” he explained, “I prefer to step back and just listen. You all share history. I enjoy hearing it, but I have nothing to add to the conversation.”   
Yané rested a hand on his arm. Everyone was so friendly and warm here. “Well, if you’re not an old friend, you can always just look at us as new friends,” she said, “Padmé has told us about you. You grew up as an orphan, right?”   
Aerrend nodded. This conversation had taken an odd turn. “I did. My parents died when I was very young, so I never really knew the difference. And Alderaan takes care of the orphans, even if their parents are refugees,” he told her. She nodded as he spoke. “I work with orphans here on Naboo, quite intensely. My wife, Saché, she’s part of our assembly, working towards more welfare on a legislative level. We’ve been working on establishing a galaxy wide initiative to help war orphans find a new home,” Yané replied. Aerrend couldn’t help but smile when she mentioned _her_ wife. It was nothing special, truly, but he loved meeting other people that were like him.   
“I can only imagine how many of them there must be by now,” he called, “This war has been brutal. I hope it’ll end soon.”   
Yané nodded her head in agreement. “And until then, Saché and I, as well as others, are working together with people off-world and on Coruscant. Republic officials and such. To build a galactic organisation that will take care of the orphans the second this war ends. You’re in politics, maybe you’d be interested in joining us,” she added.   
Aerrend felt flattered. “Well, I work for Senator Organa, so it would be hard to find the time. Plus, I’m a mere senatorial aide. Maybe I can put in a word with the senator to support your efforts,” he said. However, it sounded like a good job, and Senator Organa had only taken him on because the war had intensified the things he needed to tend to. Once it was over, he’d be near redundant.   
“That would be awfully kind,” Yané answered, “But if you maybe feel like stepping away from Senate politics, feel free to contact me again. Or any of the people involved. We really need people like you.”   
Aerrend was about to answer, when Padmé stood up. “Should we go for a swim, then?” she asked. 

~

“General Kenobi,” Cody began. Obi-Wan turned from the tactical briefing with Mace Windu and Anakin to face the Clone Commander. “What is it, Cody?” he asked. Cody paused. “Uh…,” he said. Obi-Wan let out an annoyed sigh. “We should rather discuss this in private,” Cody then said more quietly. “Alright then,” Obi-Wan responded and motioned the commander to follow.   
“Uh… someone has tried to contact you via your commlink for days now, General,” Cody said. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. “Did you answer?” he asked. “Yes, of course,” Cody said. The Jedi looked at him expectantly. “Well, who is it then?” he asked.   
“Uh… Ambassador Aerrend Lus,” Cody explained, “He’s been calling every day. Never leaves a message.”   
_Blast it_ , Obi-Wan thought. With all the briefings, strategizing and actually being in a battle, he had forgotten to contact Aerrend. They had talked briefly when he had made it to Naboo, but ever since then Obi-Wan had forgotten to send his boyfriend any sort of message.  
He slapped a hand on his forehead. How could he have forgotten?   
“I should probably call him back,” Obi-Wan said, “Once the briefing is over.”   
“He didn’t sound like he had urgent business,” Cody responded, “Just as if he wanted to talk to you.”   
_Which makes it urgent business to me_ , the general thought. Cody gave him a look, reminding him once again that he had walked in on them kissing on Ispu. So far, their secret seemed to be safe with him. “I should call him back nonetheless,” Obi-Wan answered, “It’s urgent business for me.”   
“I’ll cover for you, general,” Cody said, and for a moment he smiled. 

~

Day passed with Aerrend spending time with Padmé and her former or current handmaidens, going for a swim in the lakes, swimming to islands in the big lakes, or looking at art exhibitions nearby. Sometimes Aerrend retreated to the castle’s old library to study some of Naboo’s art and literature. When he read a love poem, he thought of Obi-Wan, who currently was worlds away, fighting in battle. What if something happened to him? As he flipped through pages of romantic poetry, his eyes got teary.   
“Am I interrupting something important?” Padmé asked as she approached him. Aerrend looked up at her and gave her a soft smile. He quickly wiped a hand over his eyes, hoping she didn’t see anything. “No, no, I was just reading some love poetry,” he answered. Padmé sat down next to him at the reading desk. “Oh, I used to love those when I was younger,” she said, “I take it you enjoyed them, too?”   
He gave her a nod. Her smile changed, into something sadder. “I do understand them better now that I’m older, knowing the impact just one kiss or even one secret gaze can have,” she added. Aerrend smiled. “I know what you mean,” he said. There was a pause. Silence that was both comfortable yet uneasy, in a way.   
“How do you deal with it?” Aerrend asked, his eyes locked to the cover of the poetry book.   
“Deal with what?” Padmé asked in return.  
“With having… a friend… in the Jedi Order. A friend who keeps going to war, while you can only just wait for their return,” he explained.   
Padmé sighed, leaving Aerrend wondering if he had overstepped a mark. If he had asked the one question he wasn’t supposed to.   
But then she put a gentle hand on his arm, her eyes filled with the same sadness he found in her smile earlier. “You hope for their return. Every single time. Every day and every night. And then you wait. You distract yourself, but you wait. Eventually, they’ll return, and you can feel yourself sighing out all the doubt you have built up for days, or weeks, or months.”   
“So it just never gets easier?” he asked, trying not let his sorrow echo in the tone of his voice.   
Padmé shook her head. “It never does,” she said, “You just get used to hoping for a future.”   
Aerrend felt like asking what kind of future, but maybe neither of them knew the one answer for that. A future without war? A future of another day spent with the person you love? Any future at all, even if it doesn’t mean an immediate return? He felt a sadness he hadn’t felt in any of the days since he had met Obi-Wan. Maybe never at all. A heartache that didn’t come from hurt, but from the possibility of loss.   
“If your love is strong enough, the distance, the danger, and the fear will not matter, though,” Padmé spoke, “You might be on different systems, scattered across the stars, but as hope lives on, love will too.”   
Their eyes met. For a second there was nothing but silent understanding. Then they smiled, snapping them out of their secret world. Aerrend pointed to the book. “You should honestly write one of those,” he whispered still a bit choked up. 

~

Obi-Wan boarded his shuttle with Anakin. “That was quick,” Anakin said, “Suspiciously quick.”   
“What do you mean?” Obi-Wan asked.   
“We’ve never fought off a Separatist attack within two days and then pushed them to retreat off planet within another two days,” Anakin answered. Obi-Wan shrugged. “I guess we’re getting good at this,” he said to his former apprentice, “Get ready for the HoloNews. They’ll want to interview their favourite poster boy.”   
“I’d rather just get back to base, leave this planet as soon as possible,” Anakin said, “And then head back to Coruscant. Or… somewhere else.”   
Obi-Wan knew exactly what Anakin was talking about, and usually he’d say that it was impossible to do. They had duties and all that, but they should just go somewhere they wanted to for a change. “Shall we go to Naboo and check if there’s any Separatist plot going on there?” Obi-Wan asked. Anakin’s mouth stood open as he looked at his former master. Obi-Wan smiled. Even after all those years, he could take Anakin by surprise. “But… what about duty?” he asked.   
“The duty can wait two days,” Obi-Wan said, “Plus, if we don’t rest, we won’t be useful to the Grand Army of the Republic.”   
“Let’s go to Naboo then,” Anakin responded. 

~

The weather on Naboo was strange. The days were warm, as was the water of the lakes, however, the nights got quite chilly. Even more so if you went out for an evening swim. Aerrend dried his hair with a towel, and then threw on one of the silk robes over his short-sleeved shirt and his very comfortable linen pants.   
He headed to the communal spaces where he spent almost every evening with the girls. Something about spending time with all of them, a group who had known each other since they were teenagers, made them act like teenagers again. There was lots of laughter, lots of fun, lots of noise.   
At one point of the evening, two glasses of wine in, they began to talk of the make-up worn by the queen back in the day. And for some reason, Aerrend ended up being the person they put the make-up on just to see if they could still do it. Their skills were a bit rusty, but it was fun to do it. For the first time in his life, Aerrend felt like he was part of a group. It would have been perfect with Obi-Wan here.   
He cleaned the make-up off later, when his commlink indicated a call. After hastily dabbing a towel at his face, he answered. Obi-Wan’s face appeared.   
“Hello there,” he said. “Hi,” Aerrend responded. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” the Jedi said. “Oh no, I was just cleaning my face,” Aerrend responded, “How are you? How’s the war going?”   
“Aren’t you going to lecture me on pacifism, if I talk about the war?” Obi-Wan asked with a cheeky grin. Aerrend shrugged. “I guess I just miss your voice too much to interrupt,” he said.   
“I’d much rather hear about your day than talk about the war, though,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend wondered if their connection had gotten better, because he could hear the Jedi more clearly.   
“Well, it’s been wonderful so far. The water has been really warm today. I studied more literature in the library, and t had a good night with the others,” he explained, “It’s gotten quite chilly, so I will go to bed soon. Wrap myself up in blankets, because _someone’s_ not here to warm me up.”   
“I’m sorry for not being there to be your human heater,” Obi-Wan quipped. For a second Aerrend could swear he heard some echo, as if he heard Obi-Wan’s voice from within the halls of the castle. _Stars, I must be lovesick._  
“I’ll forgive you sooner or later,” he said. “Sooner or later?” Obi-Wan asked.   
“Probably sooner,” Aerrend added, “But seriously, I miss you a lot and it would be so wonderful to have you here with me.”   
The door opened behind him. It could only be Sabé.   
“Turn around,” Obi-Wan said, from behind him. Aerrend gasped and turned around to see the Jedi Knight standing at the door. The holo communication ended. “Stars, what- … how?” he asked before he tumbled towards Obi-Wan and let himself fall into his arms. Obi-Wan took him in instantly. “Missed me much, huh?” he asked low and soft. Aerrend wanted to melt into his embrace. “Mm-hmm,” he mumbled and pressed a gentle kiss to the Jedi Knights neck. That would have to be enough of an answer. “Missed you too, my love,” Obi-Wan whispered, responding with a kiss to Aerrend’s forehead.   
“How? Did you make it here?” the Alderaanian asked.   
“We were done sooner than expected,” Obi-Wan explained, “Neither Anakin nor I felt like going back to Coruscant just yet. Therefore, we took a detour here. Brought some of the Clones. To make sure there’s no Separatist conspiracy happening here on Naboo.”   
Aerrend chuckled. “I guess you’ll have to stay until we leave.”   
Obi-Wan grinned. “Just to be sure,” he said, “So…Sabé assigned me the chambers opposite yours… I don’t think I’ll be needing them.”   
“Considering I need you to keep me warm?” Aerrend asked. “Most certainly,” the Jedi grinned. Finally, their lips met in a kiss. The Alderaanian could feel himself wanting more. His kiss grew eager and hungry. Hunger that he sensed from his opposite as well. Ever since they had decided to throw caution to the winds, they had gotten closer in every way possible, except one. They had tiptoed around that line, carefully stepping back into comfortable safety and innocence. They hadn’t even really talked about it, but now it was a possibility to go there. To go past what felt like the final point of no return. Now that he had been spending days missing Obi-Wan, Aerrend really wanted to be intimate with him. The longing was stronger than the fear he felt at opening himself up to another person on that level again.  
He felt his cheeks heat up and pulled away. Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair and grinned sheepishly. _Are we…?_  
“I suppose the water isn’t warm enough to go for a swim anymore,” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend shrugged, softly shaking the though from his head. “There’s only one way to find out.” 

~

Obi-Wan followed Aerrend down the steps to the lake. He had changed out of his Jedi robes into a pair of comfortable linen pants that was meant for swimming in the lakes. Aerrend wore similar pants, and had chosen to wear a robe on their way down. To keep out the cold, he had said. Obi-Wan didn’t take such measures, since he hardly ever got cold. And he didn’t mind being bare-chested. Being a Jedi and a General kept him fit, and while his body might not have been super defined or super muscular, he didn’t feel insecure. As a Jedi he didn’t strive for any of that, it was enough to be able to fight, hold steady, and have stamina. The connection to the force always was more important than bodily strength anyways.   
Plus, Aerrend had seen him change out of his robes countless of times by now. There was nothing really to hide. He also liked Aerrend’s stolen glances at his chest. Aerrend, on the other hand, made sure to not ever be seen shirtless. Obi-Wan thought back to when they started practicing self-defence together. How insecure Aerrend had suddenly been about wearing a sleeveless shirt. Back then he wondered why, now he understood that Aerrend wasn’t as confident as he had seemed.   
Obi-Wan found him perfectly beautiful, and the few times he had caught glimpses of Aerrend’s body, he only wanted to see more. To feel his skin on his.   
They stopped at the lake, where Aerrend’s hand played with the knot on his robe. He kept glancing up at Obi-Wan. “Do you want me to turn around?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend laughed nervously. “Stars, this is silly,” he mumbled. Obi-Wan took a step closer. “No it’s not,” he said and untied the knot, “You can keep it on if you want to. I think you’re perfectly handsome. Look at me. I don’t have a perfect body either, but it gets me places, and it gets you all flustered.”   
Aerrend laughed again, this time more sincerely.   
“And I’m sure your body will get me just as flustered,” Obi-Wan finished, “And you love doing that to me, don’t you?”   
Aerrend smiled. Obi-Wan still sensed some of the insecurity in him, and he knew it would take a while to quiet that down. He watched as Aerrend turned around and dropped the robe. Seeing Aerrend’s shoulders, his back, the tattooed parts of his skin there, made the Jedi feel all kinds of feelings. Flustered, first of all; excited; besotted; enamoured. “Like what you see, General?” the Alderaanian asked softly. Obi-Wan swallowed hard. “Uh… yes. You’re gorgeous, Aerrend,” he said. Aerrend turned around, a soft, stunned smile on his lips. “Gorgeous?”   
_Stars, has no one ever told him?_  
Obi-Wan took a few steps closer, and pressed a gentle kiss on Aerrend’s lips.   
They parted. Aerrend took a few steps into the water, shivering at the cold at first. He turned around and looked at Obi-Wan. The Jedi took it all in, wanting to savour this moment for as long as possible. Swearing to himself he’d never forget the sight of his lover in the moonlight. Aerrend was lean, his ribs visible through his skin. He looked softer now. Obi-Wan stepped into the water, and closed the distance between them.   
And then they swam, in no particular direction. Obi-Wan followed the young man, whose hair became even more curly when it was wet. He didn’t worry about the state of his own hair much. He lived within this moment.   
After a while, they just stood in the water. It reached up to their hips. Obi-Wan leaned his forehead against Aerrend’s neck and kissed the spot in between his shoulder blades, right where one of his tattoos was.   
As Aerrend shivered and stiffened at the touch ever so slightly, Obi-Wan remembered his history with romance. He had been hurt before, and if the Jedi wanted him to feel good and safe, he’d have to be extra careful and extra gentle.   
“I love you,” Aerrend whispered. Obi-Wan halted. These words had been on his lips for so long, and now Aerrend had taken him by surprise by speaking them first.   
“I love you too, Aerrend,” he responded, and kissed him again. Aerrend turned around to face him. Obi-Wan pulled him into an embrace, and for a while just held him.   
“I love you so much… I… I want to be close to you,” the younger man whispered, “As close as possible.”   
The Jedi gave him a nod. “I feel that desire too,” he said, “But only if you’re certain.”   
“I have never been more certain of anything than of my love for you,” Aerrend answered, his voice low and soft.   
Aerrend then kissed him again, more hungrily than before, a hunger Obi-Wan felt as well. Arms tangled up. Hands buried in hair. Chest to chest. Heartbeat to heartbeat.   
“Should we go back to your room?” the Jedi asked. Aerrend gave him a soft nod. 

~

Obi-Wan woke up next morning when he heard Aerrend’s datapad beep in an annoyingly melodic sequence. Their legs were entangled, hours after their bodies had been _very_ entangled. The Jedi groaned and pulled the pillow over his head as he felt the weight next to him shift and get up. The sound stopped, but Aerrend didn’t return. “Come back,” he mumbled.   
“I’m sorry, I promised Sabé I’d walk over to the gallery with her again,” Aerrend whispered. Obi-Wan missed the feeling of having someone next to him already. Aerrend leaned over and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I’ll safe you a seat at breakfast,” he said. For a second he felt tempted to look up, and watch Aerrend walk away. Then reminded himself that he was his _lover_. He’d see it all again soon enough. Sights like the pink glow on Aerrend’s cheeks after they were done, and just lay there.   
Later, when he arrived at breakfast, all eyes turned to him. Padmé smiled, Anakin grinned as if he knew something, Obi-Wan rolled his eyes but grinned nonetheless. Aerrend looked at him with a smile that communicated words that only existed between the two of them. The Jedi took a seat next to him, resting his hand on the table next to Aerrend’s, brushing the backs of their hands together “accidentally”. The chatter around them resumed. 

~

“There you are,” Obi-Wan said from behind him. Aerrend had once again spent some time in the library while the Jedi tended to some business with the Clones, Anakin and the Jedi Council.   
He was scouting the shelves with all these old books, when Obi-Wan finally found him. Aerrend turned around. “Here I am,” he answered, with a book in his hand. “More romantic poetry?” the Jedi asked, as Aerrend scratched the back of his head nervously. “Uh, yes,” he said, “I’m sort of obsessed with it at the moment.”   
“Wow,” the Jedi grinned, “How come?”   
“I just like to study literature of different systems, that’s all,” Aerrend answered, heat rising to his cheeks. This was silly, he knew that. But admitting that his love for romance came from the developments in his life in broad daylight was different from what they had done in the moonlight. “How come someone as studious as you stole my heart?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend sat down on the table, and his opposite rested his hands on his thighs and stepped closer. “Oh, come on, I bet you were studious and over-achieving when you were a .. what’s the word… padawan,” Aerrend responded. Obi-Wan chuckled, leaned over and kissed him. They remained silent for a moment.   
“Any regrets?” the Jedi asked in a hushed voice. Aerrend looked at him, wondering if he was serious. Judging from his face he was. Aerrend rested a hand on the back of Obi-Wan’s head. “None,” he whispered, “I loved it. Every second.”   
“Even though I’m just some old, inexperienced general?”   
Aerrend almost laughed. “You’re 10 years older than me, darling,” he said, “And there’s no one I’d rather call my lover. No one I’d rather call mine. I love you.”   
Obi-Wan looked over his shoulder. And then he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Aerrend’s. “I love you too,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give Obi-Wan and Aerrend a bit of joy before things get more turbulent in 19BBY (the year ROTS takes place). I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I definitely enjoyed writing it.   
> I have planned another adventure for them and Padmé and Anakin for the next chapter, so look forward to a bit more action-heavy content!   
> Let me know what you think in the comments <3


	14. A Separatist Presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aerrend turned to Obi-Wan, who was looking at him.  
> “Are you sure you want to come with us?” he asked.  
> Aerrend nodded. “It’s the least I can do,” he said, “Don’t worry, I’ll follow orders.”  
> “The last time you promised to do that, I found you encircled by battle droids,” Obi-Wan answered, “I find it hard to believe that you will now… You shouldn’t put yourself in danger.”

**20 BBY, Naboo, Mid-Rim**  
Obi-Wan was lying on the bed in Aerrend’s room, while the latter was sitting at the desk. His legs crossed, with one hand buried in his dark curls, he frantically switched between typing into his datapad and looking at one of the old books. He was too focused to realise the other man looking at him, studying his features more intently, the way his brow furrowed, or shot up, according to the words he read. The way he would rub a finger on his nose bridge to gather the words he wanted to type. Until, finally, he did realise. He rested his chin on his hand, while stretching the fingers of the one that had spent the last hour typing.  
“Why are you staring at me?” the Alderaanian asked.  
“Am I not allowed to do that? We’re lovers, after all,” the Jedi responded. Aerrend shrugged. “It makes me nervous,” he said.  
“Being looked at?”  
“Being seen,” Aerrend said earnestly.  
“Oh, don’t worry, I just like to see you do your thing,” Obi-Wan answered.  
Aerrend let out a soft laugh. “I’m just trying to remember it all,” he explained, “Everything I’ve learned here, everything that has happened. I must not ever forget one moment. Writing it down helps me. I’ve been doing that quite a lot lately.”  
“Why?” Obi-Wan asked, “You can always come back and study more literature here. Or on Alderaan.”  
“I can’t just travel around the galaxy. Plus, Alderaan’s library is not as big, and not as ancient. Everything is digital,” the young ambassador said, “I’m doing this for different reasons.”  
“Would you like to explain them to me?” Obi-Wan asked. Aerrend shook his head. “Oh, it’s nothing, really,” he said, “Just trying to keep moments like this alive. See?”  
He held up his datapad, now reading “Jedi Boyfriend annoys me while I’m doing work” on a new page. Obi-Wan laughed. “Jedi boyfriend,” he scoffed, “I have a name.”  
Aerrend thought back to the moments when the Jedi Knight had come to rescue him. Arrogant, annoying, self-assured, so bloody handsome. He hadn’t even known his name back then, but now he did. Now he knew so much. The reason why he tended to write things down, even if it was just a quote from one of the ancient Naboo poems, was that he didn’t ever want to forget these moments of happiness. If anything happened, he always had these notes to go back to, to prove himself that it had been real. The love, the joy, the happiness. All of it.  
He kept them safe, on his own, private datapad. Just in case.  
Aerrend looked up at Obi-Wan. He wished he could take him to Alderaan. To show him the place he came from. Maybe one day it would be possible for them to be together openly, to attend royal balls at the palace in Aldera. Obi-Wan, a former general, a hero of the republic, and Aerrend, successor of Bail Organa as senator for Alderaan. Maybe one day they could both carry the name Kenobi. Maybe they’d even be able to raise a child together. Be a family.  
But until then, all they had was secrecy. “Do you dance, General Kenobi?” Aerrend asked. Obi-Wan pondered. “I haven’t in a long, long time,” he said. The Alderaanian got up and stood at the center of the room. “Let’s try it now then.” 

~

Obi-Wan was a terrible dancer. He stepped on Aerrend’s feet countless of times, messed up the few easy steps he had to do, or completely fell out of the rhythm. He was a well-practiced fighter, he was good at anticipating moves and to react to them quickly. Yet, this dancing thing, was almost impossible to him. The fact that he was dancing with Aerrend, who laughed gracefully and shrugged off all the mistakes the Jedi made, was not making concentrating easier in the slightest.  
“Wow, you’ve found the one thing I’m terrible at,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend chuckled. “It’s bad, but not a lost cause,” he said, “We’ll have to practice more.”  
Obi-Wan wanted to remind his dancing partner of the fact that they’d never get to dance in public anyways, which would make practicing useless. But it was nice enough to just do it for the two of them. Aerrend rested his hands on Obi-Wan’s shoulders and leaned in. They were interrupted by a knock, after which Sabé quickly stepped into the room. Obi-Wan sighed at the loss of this private moment, and let go of Aerrend.  
“Oh good, you’re already here, Master Jedi,” she said to Obi-Wan, and gave the Alderaanian a nod. She seemed to be on official business now, though the slight smile on her lips gave away what she had seen.  
“What can I do for you, Sabé?” the Jedi responded, completely ignoring anything implied by her smile. If Aerrend and Padmé trusted her, he would do too.  
“There’s urgent business,” Sabé continued, “We need you in the conference room.”  
“I’ll be right on my way,” Obi-Wan responded. “Now,” the woman answered more commanding than before, “It’s urgent, general.”  
“Can I come too?” Aerrend asked.  
“Of course,” Sabé said. She walked out and they followed her. “I forgot that she could be this commanding,” Obi-Wan whispered to his partner. 

~

They stood surrounding a big table, a holo-transmitter at the center of it. Captain Tonra was pointing at a star map of the Naboo systems.  
“And this is our third moon, Rori,” he explained, “It’s a deep forest, high trees, relatively unchartered, and not inhabited by many Naboo. And if so, not many have stayed for longer than a year. Now, with information from Coruscant, we have reasons to believe that there’s Separatist presence on this moon, working on a new plot against Naboo, and thus, against the Chomell sector as a whole. We have sent out our ships for scanning, but with Rori’s natural circumstances, signals can be confusing.”  
“Did all ships return?” Padmé asked, stood next to Aerrend at the table.  
Tonra nodded his head. “They did indeed, Senator,” he answered, “But, as I said, the signals they caught aren’t good enough to confirm anything. Our sources seem convinced that there is a presence. Small, but it will grow if we don’t locate it now and deal with it.”  
“Who’s this source we’re talking about? Are they reliable?” Anakin asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He clearly didn’t like not knowing everything to a situation, but something told Aerrend that he’d go to that moon and scout it until he found the Separatists.  
“See for yourself, Skyguy,” Ahsoka said, and all eyes turned to her as she entered the room with a Clone Commander.  
“Ahsoka?” Padmé asked, “You’re the source?”  
“Technically it’s Master Billaba who uncovered the Separatist plans. The Jedi council send me with all the information. And also to get a couple of runaway Jedi back to Coruscant,” Ahsoka answered with pointed looks towards both Anakin and Obi-Wan.  
“Well, what are we waiting for then?” Anakin asked, punching a fist into the palm of his hand, all ready to go, “Let’s scout that moon, and deal with the Separatists swiftly.”  
Obi-Wan sighed. Aerrend knew what that meant. He had hoped for peace, a bit more rest, more time away from the war. But the war had followed him. The Alderaanian moved his hand closer to the Jedi’s, and interlinked some of their fingers for a short moment. Obi-Wan turned to him, a soft, sad smile on his lips, almost an apology, before turning back to the hologram of Naboo’s moon.  
“It’s not that easy, General Skywalker,” Tonra said, “It’s too early, it’s too bright, the Separatist’s might see us coming. Plus, with Rori’s fauna, local animals might give our arrival away. We’ll have to act more carefully, we’ll have to wait until nightfall, until Rori’s orbit around our planet is hiding it from most light-sources. Then we can scout the planet.”  
Anakin recoiled. Waiting, as Obi-Wan had told Aerrend, was not one of his former apprentice’s strong suits.  
Ahsoka punched her master in the arm. “Oh come on, it won’t be so bad to wait,” she said.  
“Any moment we give them, is going to work against us later,” Anakin responded.  
Ahsoka shrugged. “We’ll find a way around it, won’t we, Obi-Wan?” Ahsoka asked. Obi-Wan gave her a nod. “It’s better to give them time, than to alert them to our presence too early. I suppose Ahsoka, Anakin and I are to go with the Clones?” the Jedi asked.  
“No,” Sabé said, her Amidala voice slipping through. “What do you mean “no”?” Anakin asked.  
“Too many of us will raise too much attention,” she said, “A small team is necessary.”  
“We’ll only take a few clones then,” Anakin responded.  
“No, this is a matter the Naboo have to deal with. The three Jedi will accompany me and two of my guards-,” Sabé began, but Padmé interrupted her. “I’ll also come with you,” she said. _Should I join them too?_ , Aerrend wondered,  
Anakin looked as if he wanted to protest, even if the current situation didn’t allow that. Aerrend felt Ahsoka’s eyes on him, followed by an encouraging smile and a shrug.  
“I know how to use a blaster,” he said, “I’ll be with you, too.”  
Now Obi-Wan was the one to protest, but Sabé quickly silenced everyone with a raised hand. It was clear who really was in command here, and it was neither one of the generals.  
“So it is agreed. The Jedi, Senator Amidala, Ambassador Lus and I will leave at nightfall. Captain, you should remain in orbit with some of our troops, and a few clones if the generals agree. The team on the ground will scout the planet, and you’ll stand by if we need help,” she declared.  
Aerrend looked around the table. Hardly anyone was pleased with this plan, but no one dared to speak up about it.  
So they agreed on it. They’d rest now, and get ready to board their ship at 2200. Once the meeting was dissolved, Anakin went over to Padmé to argue, Tonra and Sabé spoke in hushed voices, Commander Cody and the Clone arriving with Ahsoka seemed displeased with their role in the whole thing. Ahsoka, on the other hand, seemed alright with the plan. Aerrend turned to Obi-Wan, who was looking at him.  
“Are you sure you want to come with us?” he asked.  
Aerrend nodded. “It’s the least I can do,” he said, “Don’t worry, I’ll follow orders.”  
“The last time you promised to do that, I found you encircled by battle droids,” Obi-Wan answered, “I find it hard to believe that you will now… You shouldn’t put yourself in danger.”  
Ahsoka had walked over to them. “He won’t be in danger, Master, we’ll be there,” she said, “Remember, as long as we stay together, we’ll be fine.”  
Aerrend rejoiced in this support. “At least one person on this mission trust my abilities,” he said, just hoping he wouldn’t slip on ice again. Obi-Wan scoffed, but smiled. “Alright, but you’ll be responsible for his safety, Ahsoka,” he said.  
“I think I’m pretty good at taking care of my own safety, thank you very much,” Aerrend said.  
“Oh, are you?” Obi-Wan asked, “I remember quite a few times where I had to come to your rescue, my dear… friend.”  
Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “Don’t you start bickering, too,” she said, “It’s enough with the two of them.” She pointed at Anakin and Padmé, who were still arguing over whether or not Padmé should come on the mission.  
“What a way to end the year, huh?” Obi-Wan asked. 

~

Obi-Wan stood on the balcony, staring out at the lakes, into the distance, as the sun was setting. He hadn’t been here before, but just like Theed, or the swamps, or any part of Naboo really, this view reminded him of his old Master.  
He didn’t think of him often, but when he did, he was filled with melancholy. A sense of sadness he couldn’t quite put his finger on. What would Qui-Gon think of the Jedi order now? They had always been against his tendencies to overstep the boundaries of the neutrality of the order, but now they were fighting a war for the Republic. To even think of the code of neutrality was to be hypocritical. He still wondered if Qui-Gon would approve of any of this. His master had never disapproved of a good fight, but a war? That was different than any of what he had wanted the Jedi order to achieve in the Republic.  
Obi-Wan wondered what Qui-Gon would think of _him_ now. The one rule he had always held on to tightly was the one against attachment. He even disapproved of those Jedi, the likes of Rael Averross, who weren’t leading a life in celibacy. Even if it wasn’t against any rules to be intimate on a level that was without attachment.  
Obi-Wan was now clearly disregarding the rule against attachment, and he thought about whether or not his Master would disapprove. He certainly hadn’t been thrilled about Obi-Wan’s romantic entanglement with Satine. But that had been two decades ago, Obi-Wan had been a boy then. Now, the galaxy had changed, and maybe Qui-Gon would be more understanding, if he was alive. Maybe he’d even like Aerrend.  
“There you are,” Aerrend said, joining him on the balcony. He stood close to him, leaning on the railing, “Credit for your thoughts?”  
“I was just thinking of my old Master. He died here,” Obi-Wan responded. He turned and looked into Aerrend’s soft eyes.  
“I’ve heard of him,” the Alderaanian answered, “Qui-Gon Jinn, right? Do you miss him?”  
Obi-Wan wanted to shrug, say that it was in the past, that he never thought about it, and all that, but something about the way Aerrend looked at him and the way they felt for each other made him want to tell the truth. He wanted his lover to see that side of him, too.  
“I miss him quite a lot, actually,” Obi-Wan explained, “I held him as he died, and when he was gone, I wept.”  
He stopped, but Aerrend’s eyes told him to continue. “We didn’t always see eye to eye on a lot of things, but that’s what made us such a strong team. He believed me to be ready to take the trials and become a Jedi Knight. In a way, I was. I had defeated a Sith Lord, after all. But sometimes I think I wasn’t quite ready. I turned from Padawan to a Jedi Knight with a Padawan of his own overnight. Maybe if Qui-Gon had been there, the transition would have been easier and less abrupt,” the Jedi added.  
Aerrend shrugged. “Maybe,” he answered, “But I believe if he could see you now, he’d be proud of the Jedi Knight you’ve become. And you’ve managed well with Anakin, whether you were ready or not.”  
Obi-Wan chuckled. “I barely managed with Anakin, that one had a mind of his own from the beginning,” he said, “Come on. It’s almost time to go.” 

~

At nightfall, they boarded a small ship. They didn’t want to be detected or cause any suspicion, so instead of the Royal or Senatorial ships, they took a trade freighter, that had defence weapons. The Clones and Padmé’s guards were to depart 15 minutes later on another freighter and remain in Orbit, hidden with a cloaking device on their ship.  
Anakin was the pilot, Sabé had given him that much at least, and the conflict between Anakin and Padmé had vanished. She, however, was sitting with Sabé in the back, rather than in the cockpit with him. Since Ahsoka and Obi-Wan were talking about Jedi things, Aerrend decided to join Anakin.  
He still felt a bit uneasy with the young Jedi. In a way, they were polar opposites. Anakin, the confident and bold Jedi, the General, strong-willed, a natural leader; Aerrend, on the other hand, was no Jedi, no General, just a delusional boy in politics that placed no value on his beliefs, a boy who put on a feisty façade to cover up his insecurities, anything but a leader. They had things in common. Their stubbornness, their anger, their group of friends. There had to be some grounds to build a friendship on.  
“Hi there,” Aerrend said, sitting down in the co-pilot’s seat, crossing one leg over the other.  
“Hey,” Anakin answered, “You don’t wanna sit back with the others?”  
Aerrend shook his head. “I thought I’d give you some company.”  
Anakin, who was still brooding from his disagreement with Padmé, cracked a small smile. “Okay, well you better make yourself useful then,” Anakin responded, “Co-pilot.”  
Upon Aerrend’s startled reaction, the Jedi raised his hands. “You’ll just have to press a few buttons,” he explained, “You’ve never flown a ship before?”  
Aerrend shook his head. “I had other interests,” he said, “But I shall manage with a few buttons.”  
“I sure hope so,” Anakin responded with a grin, but there was nothing condescending about the way he said it, “It’ll be a short trip, anyways.”  
“Do you think the three of you would get it done more quickly?”  
Anakin sighed. “No, no,” he answered, “It’s just that I trust Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, we operate well together, I don’t have to watch out for them as much. It’s different with Padmé… and Sabé and you, because I’ll have to watch out for you, or at least I feel like I have to… we can’t afford to lose a Senator or Republic officials.”  
“Oh, trust me, you won’t have to worry about Sabé, she knows her way in a fight. As does Padmé, and I’d say I’m pretty decent with a blaster. You don’t have to worry,” Aerrend explained. Anakin groaned. “But I do,” he said, “I know Padmé can fight – I trust her, but I’ll still be looking out for her. As a friend. And Obi-Wan will do the same for you. That’ll put Ahsoka in danger, and Sabé will just take charge and do whatever she wants.”  
“As opposed to you, who won’t take charge and do whatever he wants?” Aerrend asked. Anakin’s frown turned into a grin. “Yeah, but that’s different,” he said. 

~

They made a quiet landing, without trouble, and without detection. Obi-Wan and Anakin had put on their hooded robes, the rest of the group wore hooded ponchos. All of them had their hoods up, covering their faces.  
Obi-Wan looked at Aerrend, and ruffled his hair with a smile on his face before stepping off the landing platform onto the ground of Naboo’s third moon.  
What the Jedi saw, surprised him. It was different from Naboo. It lacked the sun, the open plains, even the trees were a different kind. There were no villages, only a dense forest that must have been growing without human intervention for centuries. The trees were covered in moss, the roots were growing wildly, there was no clear path formed by civilisations. Small insects and birdlike creatures were flying around, there were flowers growing everywhere. Truly, it was quite beautiful. As they took in the beauty of untouched nature, they quickly realised another difference from Naboo this moon had.  
It was cold. Not on dangerous levels, but staggeringly different from the climate they had gotten used to on Naboo.  
Next to Obi-Wan, Aerrend shivered. The Jedi looked at him, and for a moment contemplated on just giving him his Jedi robe, or wrapping him up in a hug. In front of the others that was impossible.  
“So,” Anakin spoke up, “According to the information we have, we’ll come across the Separatist presence, whatever it is, further north –.”  
“It’s best if we split up,” Sabé interrupted him. “Split up?” Anakin argued, “I don’t think that’s such a great idea. If we stay together, no one will get lost.”  
“Ani, I don’t think anyone is in danger of getting lost,” Padmé intervened.  
“If we don’t split up, they’ll detect us, and we’ll be under attack,” her handmaiden added, “We’ll remain in contact through our commlinks.”  
Anakin groaned. “We don’t know if those work yet, and I’d rather have everyone around.”  
“I’m afraid, Sabé is right, Anakin. As much as I hate the idea of not staying together,” Obi-Wan chimed in. Anakin mumbled something under his breath.  
“Fine,” he said, finally, “I’ll go with Padmé.”  
Which was the obvious choice for Anakin, for obvious reasons. Obi-Wan looked to the rest of the group. He hated the idea of getting separated from Aerrend, or any of them really. The last time he got separated from someone on the Naboo system, that person was killed.  
“We’ll go in groups of two. Master Jedi, you’ll come with me, the Ambassador will go with Ahsoka,” Sabé declared. Obi-Wan was about to protest, when Ahsoka spoke up. “Don’t worry, big guy, we’ll be fine,” she said, “I’ll look after him.”  
Aerrend held his blaster up. “I’m sorry, I can defend myself quite well,” he said. He looked at Obi-Wan. _I’ll be fine_ , he mouthed.  
“Groups of three?” Obi-Wan asked. Sabé sighed. “Fine, I suppose that won’t make much of a difference,” she said, as she walked over to Anakin and Padmé. 

~

Aerrend walked next to Ahsoka, while Obi-Wan was leading the way. His lightsaber was their source of light. As they walked, Aerrend felt strangely at peace. Despite the lack of a clear path, his feelings told him they were going the right way. He rested his hand on a mossy tree and felt its energy respond to him. He felt the environment as a whole responding to him, with every creature that existed within it giving off such a sense of peace. Of a balance.  
For the first time since that day at the Jedi temple, when his force connection was truly awakened, he felt it within him. _The Force_. And in this place it felt more familiar than ever. As if he had been here before. He looked around, stunned by the familiarity of everything.  
Ahsoka stopped, and turned around to him.  
“Are you coming?” she asked.  
“Huh?” Aerrend asked, startled from his thoughts.  
Ahsoka grinned. “We better not make the old guy wait, or he’ll get grumpy,” she said.  
“I heard that,” Obi-Wan grumbled from a few metres away. The young padawan laughed it off, and Aerrend felt himself about to join in, but then, with his hand resting on the moss, images started to flicker through his head. His knees got shaky, and his grasp on reality slipped from him.

~

_He was somewhere in the forest, deep. He wasn’t him, but someone strangely familiar. Was it this forest? Some other place? He didn’t know. Eyes wandering, he took in as much as he could, but everything was fleeting. Darkness surrounded him, but there was a light illuminating everything. He saw no faces, no figures, he only heard their voices.  
“They can’t find him,” a voice said, “He is special, I feel it. You have to protect him.”  
“I can’t protect him,” another voice, a woman, answered, “I can only suppress what makes special. Then you hide him somewhere they can’t find him, leave no trace, travel with many stops.”  
“Can you suppress it?” a third voice asked.  
“Only if you believe it to be the right thing,” the second voice said, “He’ll be cut off from the only community that can help him.”  
“But the ones with the red swords won’t be able to locate him?”  
“Only if you do as I say,” she declared, “And leave him behind. Return to your people without him.”  
He felt confused. What question had he posed to get these answers? Had he even asked any? Had these questions been inside him? What was he seeing? Where was he?  
There it was again, the darkness. The confusion. The fear. But there was light to meet it. He shook his head, or whatever there was in this form of being. He had more pressing questions now. He had to uncover the Separatist base.  
The vision faded into dimness, replaced by a different image. Now he was on Rori, he could see the difference to the forest before, probe droids were flying past his vision, animals were disturbed, as were the trees. There was a facility somewhere in the near distance. The clankering of droids._  
“Aerrend. Wake up.”

~

He opened his eyes again and looked into Obi-Wan’s. He must have fallen, as was the case with his vision at the temple. He was lying on the ground with strong, warm warms were wrapped around him, as if the Jedi had raced to catch him and break his fall. Ahsoka was staring at him, worry in her eyes. Obi-Wan, who had been present the last time this happened, looked equally worried.  
“You just… fainted,” she said.  
“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked more softly.  
Aerrend struggled to get up, the familiar feeling of having a body was only slowly returning to him. Unlike his last vision, he didn't feel drained. “They are here,” he said, “I know the Separatists are here.”  
“How do you know?” Ahsoka asked.  
Obi-Wan helped Aerrend up, supporting him with a hand on his lower back and one on his arm. “I saw it just now,” Aerrend responded, “I know it sounds strange, but trust me.”  
Obi-Wan shot him a funny look; one that Aerrend couldn’t quite figure out.  
“The trees told me,” Aerrend said, lifting a hand to touch one of the low-hanging branches, “They’ll lead us there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit shorter, because in its initial form it was way too long. I decided to split it into two chapters lol.  
> But I hope you enjoy anyways! I wanted to give the group as a whole a fun adventure, that'll be a nice bridge between 20BBY and 19BBY.  
> As usual, let me know your thoughts in the comments!  
> I hope you all have wonderful holidays, thank you so so much for reading!  
> Stay safe, stay healthy xx


	15. A Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did you find us?” Aerrend asked, “I thought we had lost you.”  
> “I heard your call,” Obi-Wan answered, with a grin, “The force led me to you. I hope you watched out for the Ambassador, Ahsoka?”  
> “I did my best,” Ahsoka said with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is quite a bit longer than the ones before, but I hope it's worth it and makes up for the last few weeks where I didn't update lol.  
> This chapter is where fluff and angst meet and start to merge lmao so beware!  
> I hope you enjoy it, I put lots of effort into it <3

**19 BBY, Naboo, Mid-Rim; Rori, third moon.**  
Obi-Wan was trailing behind Aerrend with Ahsoka beside him, eyeing the situation with doubt.  
“To be honest,” she whispered, “The tree-thing seems a bit… uhm… mad.”  
“Well, the force exists within all living things. The trees are living things,” Obi-Wan answered, “So it’s not entirely impossible. And I’ve learnt that visions can be accurate, in one way or another. I’m just now wondering if he might have hit his head before I caught him.”  
“Yeah,” Ahsoka said, “Although… you reacted very quickly once he fell.”  
There was something in the tone of Ahsoka’s voice that sounded like she was posing a question. Like she was wondering why Obi-Wan was so quick to take Aerrend out of harm’s way. Like she was connecting this situation with the Jedi’s reluctance to take the young man with them or the hair ruffle earlier, but just missing one bit to make the conclusion.  
“I should report to the other group,” he said, and spoke into his commlink, “Here’s Obi-Wan, do you copy?”  
Aerrend took in the sight in front of them and breathed calmly. Then he pointed in a direction and said “That way!”  
“We copy,” Anakin answered, “Find anything?”  
“Keep an eye on him,” Obi-Wan whispered to Ahsoka, who quickly followed the Alderaanian, and then he turned back to the commlink, “Not yet. Aerrend is sure they are here and he’s currently leading the way.”  
“How does he know? And how does he find the way?” Anakin asked.  
“Uh… he… he says the… the trees told him,” Obi-Wan answered.  
He heard some rummaging on the other end, some bickering. “Did he fall on that pretty head of his?” Sabé asked. _Good question_ , he thought. He knew what was going on, more or less, he just dreaded that it was happening again now. Aerrend’s force connection seemed to be like a broken switch with a loose contact, frustratingly so. How could he even begin to explain it, let alone why it was apparently useful now?  
“No, no,” he answered with a sigh, “I caught him before that happened. It’s our only lead so far. I’ll keep you updated. Over.”  
He ended the conversation, and then realised he had lost Ahsoka and Aerrend.  
_Blast it_ , he thought. 

~

Anakin Skywalker was not one to shrug off visions as “someone hitting their head really hard”. After all, he had had some himself. Visions that turned out to be true, in the most painful way possible. The loss of his mother still hurt. Even years later it filled him with sadness and anger, sometimes even rage. Therefore, he had no doubts that Aerrend’s vision had been true. He just was the only one to do so, apparently. Sabé and Padmé, who were much closer to the Alderaanian, were doubting him, and even Obi-Wan, who obviously had a deep connection with him, sounded like he didn’t believe it. He hoped that Ahsoka would not share the same opinion.  
“Come on,” he said while marching on through the forest, “He had a vision. Let’s just believe in its truth, find that Separatist facility, and blow them into pieces.”  
“We can’t just follow the first lead we get, run there, and blow things up,” Sabé answered, “It might work on your battlefields, Jedi Knight, but it won’t work here.”  
They halted.  
Anakin groaned. He had enough of her. “Why shouldn’t it? We have the element of surprise on our side, three Jedi Knights, and three good fighters,” he answered, trying not to shout, and then pointed upwards, “And also some troops up there. Which we should alert soon.”  
“That’ll blow our cover. We’ll continue to scout, for now, and once we find their location, we’ll call our troops,” the former handmaiden fired back.  
“Is this your mission?” Anakin asked, “Because I don’t recall you being a member of the Grand Army of the Republic.”  
Padmé sighed, and stepped between them. “Can you please stop fighting?” she pleaded, “If you would just for once use this energy to work together, we might manage to get this problem done with quickly.”  
Anakin continued to glare at Sabé, who glared right back at him, but neither of them said another word. Padmé dropped her arms. “I trust Obi-Wan and Ahsoka to follow Aerrend’s lead, and if they find something, they’ll contact us. We should continue scouting this area, just in case,” she said. And without waiting for the others, she walked on. 

~

Aerrend felt a tug inside him that told him where to go. As if a thread of golden light was leading and pulling him to a destination. He walked, hearing the steps of the others behind him, and took in the scenery. When they reached a river, he knelt down and ran his hand through the clear water. If it hadn’t been for their mission, he would have been blown away by the beauty of it all. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and focused.  
Then he got up. “We have to go down the riverside,” he said.  
“So your force abilities?” Ahsoka asked, “How exactly do they work? Do you just have visions? Can you wield a lightsaber? Can you wield the force??”  
Aerrend looked at her, gathering his thoughts for a moment. “Well, it seems like it’s this. I’m very weak, so apparently I only have few moments. It also seems to be tied to nature. But if you tried to make me pick up a stone, I’d fail. You could hand me one of your lightsabers, and I’d drop it. Apparently,” he explained and tapped his forehead, “It’s visions only. Does that sound insane?”  
The Jedi apprentice shrugged. “It does,” she said, “But that’s the way the force works.”  
“I guess so,” Aerrend responded. The Padawan smiled at him, a grin of a mischievous teenager.  
“Are you sure about the lightsabers? You’re really missing out,” Ahsoka spoke, throwing one of her lightsabers up and catching it. The Alderaanian chuckled, waving off the question.  
“Ahsoka?” the Alderaanian asked, once had had taken in his surroundings more clearly, more removed from the energy the trees were giving off.  
“Yeah?”  
“I think we’ve lost Obi-Wan.” 

~

Obi-Wan, usually _oh so very attuned_ to the ways of the force, had trouble finding Aerrend and Ahsoka. While he could sense Anakin’s anger from miles away, Aerrend’s energy seemed to have merged with that of his natural surroundings, and therefore it all was messing with his senses. He had known Ahsoka for a couple of years now, but not nearly as long as he had known Anakin, therefore trying to sense her with the force over a distance wasn’t as reliable.  
Obi-Wan cursed himself for getting too used to the people around him in situations he could navigate. Sensing other beings through the force was one of the main abilities of the Jedi, after all. As the war went on, he had gotten used to the battlefield, to larger missions with a division of clones, often with Anakin by his side. This was different, more like the tasks he had to deal with before the war, more like the tasks he had wanted to get back to.  
He marched on, calling out their names, hoping to get an answer, but it seemed like the forest was swallowing the echoes of his voice. He reached a river that was streaming downhill quickly. Touching the water, the Jedi felt its cool energy on his hand, and wondered if it could lead him to Aerrend. There was something about this place, something that was so strong with the force, he wondered if Naboo had a secret hidden Jedi-temple. But underneath all that, he sensed a loom of darkness. A kind of darkness he hadn’t sensed in years.  
“I have a bad feeling about this,” he said to no one but himself. Aerrend, force sensitive but untrained, and Ahsoka, still a padawan learner, were walking around this moon by themselves. This could not end well.

~

“Well, we can’t have lost him that long ago,” Ahsoka said as they were walking through the forest, no longer looking for Separatists, “And he’ll be fine. He’s Obi-Wan. He’ll find his way back to us.”  
“But what if he doesn’t?” Aerrend asked, his voice raising two octaves through all his worry, “How could we lose him? How could I lose him? … He wanted to stay with me… and you of course.”  
“Calm down, Aerrend,” Ahsoka reassured him again, “We should find the base, and alert the others-.”  
She stopped suddenly, and Aerrend turned to her, fearing he’d lose her too and end all alone on this moon. She held a finger up to her mouth and shushed him, while scanning the sky overhead. Then she jumped at him and pulled him down to the ground with her. “Get down,” she whispered. “I’m already down,” Aerrend answered, his head pounding. She shushed him again. Then he heard it too. A spaceship flying over them, definitely not one of theirs. Ahsoka looked up at the sky, while still crouching on the ground. “Do they know we’re here?” Aerrend asked.  
“Possibly,” Ahsoka answered, “We have to hurry.”  
She got up quickly and immediately ran on. Aerrend sighed and got up. “I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered, hoping the wind would carry his words to Obi-Wan, somehow. 

~

Obi-Wan sensed it the second he got up from the water. He had walked upstream, hoping to find Ahsoka and Aerrend there, to no avail. And now, with his boots in the water, he felt something approaching, overhead.  
The Jedi moved out of the river and crouched in the bushes, his gaze upwards, trying to make the object out. A spaceship, not one from Naboo. But he doesn’t know exactly what kind of ship it is. _A Separatist spaceship?_ And there it is again, the sense of a darkness looming nearby. Now it was more distinct and he could sense it more closely. He had felt the presence of such darkness before, it felt familiar to a degree. Whomever it was, he had encountered them before, but long ago. Before the Clone Wars had begun. It wasn’t Dooku, it wasn’t Grievous, it wasn’t any evil bounty hunter he had met. It was similar energy to the first two, but it felt more raw, filled with flaming aggression. Uncontrolled, in a way.  
The Jedi Master shook his head, snapping out of it. This place was strong with the force, it was messing with everyone’s senses. He had to focus on their mission. He had to focus on his mission. _Snap out of it, Kenobi, and find Aerrend and Ahsoka_ , he told himself. He had to protect them.  
Just then, he felt it like a wave, a tender, little push in the force. It was like a soft kiss, coming from the exact opposite he had been going in. _Aerrend._ He chuckled to himself. He had gone in the wrong direction. _How dare I call myself a Jedi?_  
He got up, cleaned the leaves out of his hood, pulled it back up and followed the river downstream. 

~

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin bellowed into his commlink, before shaking it, and yelling into it again. “The reception obviously seems to be off,” Sabé teased, “It happens sometimes.”  
“Well, if you’re so smart why don’t you contact him?” Anakin asked. Padmé groaned.  
“Can you not use your Jedi senses to feel him?” Sabé asked. “It’s not that easy, he’s far away, and this place is very overwhelming in the way the force flows,” the Jedi fired back, “Using this commlink would be easier-.”  
Padmé raised her hand to silence them. “Shhhh.”  
They stopped fighting immediately and focused their eyes on the senator. “What?” Anakin whispered. And then he heard it too. Clanking steps, echoes of robotic voices, the rolling of Droidekas. This wasn’t good. _I’ve got a bad feeling about this._ Was someone nearby? He closed his eyes, and reached out with his senses. There was something.  
The young Jedi ran towards a tree, climbed up it, while activating his lighsaber, and then, with a backflip he jammed it through a probe-droid. He landed swiftly between Padmé and Sabé.  
“We’ve got company coming,” Anakin said.  
“Thanks to you, Jedi,” Sabé said, her tone indicating that she meant the last word to be an insult.  
“They knew we were here,” Padmé chimed in, “A fight is unavoidable.”  
She gave Sabé a nod, who accepted the situation then. Both held up their blaster, and moved in sync with one another. For a moment, Anakin felt jealous of their deep trust, founded through years and years of working together, but judging the situation, it was best that he had two fighters with him, who were a team. It still wasn’t as good as being with his master and his apprentice, but it was better than nothing.  
“We’ll hack our way through them?” Anakin asked.  
“I’m with you on that one, general,” Sabé said.  
“Aggressive negotiations, remember?” Padmé teased. 

~

As Aerrend followed Ahsoka through the trees, the bushes and the clearings, while whisper-shouting directions at her, he ever so often thought back to the vision he had earlier. The one that had given him answers to questions he wasn’t asking. Questions he didn’t know how to even put into words. Who did he see? Whose conversation did he hear? Was it in the past or the future? _Did I hear my parents voices?_  
The living force around him didn’t answer, it just pushed him in the direction he was going. He sensed the memories of the trees. While they had been peaceful and brighter before, they seemed to get darker with every step he took. Flickering images made their way into his mind, of droids running, officials yelling orders, of Naboo scientists being killed on their journey here, of probe droids scanning the area, and finally, of two dark figures emerging from a meadow. He nearly halted and engaged with that last image, when someone shouted his name.  
“Aerrend!”  
_Obi-Wan?_  
Ahsoka halted, slightly out of breath, and turned around, just moments before the Alderaanian did so too.  
_Am I hallucinating?_  
But no, he wasn’t. Obi-Wan slowed down.  
“Thank the force I found you,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend felt that old feeling of safety return to him. He wanted to throw himself into Obi-Wan’s arms, but, hyper-aware of their audience, he simply put a hand on his arm. “How did you find us?” Aerrend asked, “I thought we had lost you.”  
“I heard your call,” Obi-Wan answered, with a grin, “The force led me to you. I hope you watched out for the Ambassador, Ahsoka?”  
“I did my best,” Ahsoka said with a grin.  
“I can defend and watch out for myself quite well, thank you very much,” Aerrend mumbled, his face turned to Obi-Wan with a stern look. Obi-Wan looked back at Aerrend and was about to respond with a teasing remark about all the times he had come to Aerrend’s rescue before, but the Padawan interrupted such exchanges.  
“Stop flirting, you two. We have some Separatists to beat up,” Ahsoka said, a knowing grin on her face. Aerrend quickly pulled his hand back, the blood rushing to his cheeks, and Obi-Wan coughed nervously. It was rare to see the Jedi blush, but just this once, the colour of his cheeks was as reddened as Aerrend’s.  
“We didn’t-,” Aerrend began, his voice more defensive than he intended.  
Ahsoka didn’t answer, and instead started walking again.  
“I take it your worry for me gave _something_ away?” Obi-Wan asked, scratching the back of his head. Aerrend shrugged. “You’re not a master at secrecy either, darling,” Aerrend whispered, before following Ahsoka.  
“Since when is Ahsoka the leader of our team?” Obi-Wan asked.  
“Well, she isn’t the one who got lost,” Aerrend snarled.  
“I think Aerrend should come with us more often,” Ahsoka chirped. 

~

Anakin was slashing his lightsaber through three droids, as he tossed the commlink to Padmé. “Try reaching Obi-Wan again,” he commanded.  
“Cover me,” Padmé yelled in Sabé’s direction, as she hid behind the Jedi and her bodyguard. “Obi-Wan, do you copy?” she asked into the commlink.  
Nothing. Then signal noise.  
“Padmé?” Ahsoka answered.  
“Ahsoka?... Where are you? Is Obi-Wan with you?” the senator asked. Behind her, Sabé groaned as she kicked a droid away before firing at it with her blaster.  
“Yes,” Ahsoka answered, “I’m group leader now, though. What’s up?”  
“Uh…. We’ve come across _a couple_ of droids. There’s no sign of their base, though,” Padmé explained, as Anakin grabbed her arm and pulled her out of harms way.  
“Why are the droids out there? If the base is here?” Ahsoka asked.  
“Maybe they knew we were coming,” Anakin yelled, now also taking part in the conversation.  
“We’ve not come across any droids yet,” Ahsoka answered, “I’ll send you our location, and we’ll already try to sneak into the facility.”  
“No, you’ll wait for us, snips,” Anakin snarled, taking back the commlink, while fighting off a few droids at the same time. “There’s too many of them, Ani,” Padmé said.  
“Get Rex to help you out there. I’ll see you later, Skyguy.”  
“Ahsoka!” Anakin yelled, but the conversation had ended. The Jedi groaned, refocused on the battle at hand, and fought more offensively. “I’ll talk to Rex,” Padmé murmured, before firing another bolt into a droids head. 

~

“Why are the droids there?” Aerrend whispered, “If this is their base? What even is this? A science center?”  
“I have no idea,” Ahsoka answered, tossing one of her lightsabers up and down, “Something’s up, and we better act quickly.”  
“For once, I agree,” Obi-Wan said, “I don’t like what’s going on here.”  
Obi-Wan thought about the spaceship leaving this place, the droids scouting the region for seemingly no reason, the underlying threat of the dark side present, and then this mostly unguarded facility. Something was up. Maybe someone else had come here, before them.  
“So… do we just go inside and blow things up?” Aerrend asked.  
“That’s one option,” the padawan mused.  
“We should see who’s in charge first,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh.  
No one spoke for a moment. They hesitated, all for different reasons. Obi-Wan could only guess, but he knew Ahsoka, despite taking the lead, wouldn’t just act without them, Aerrend was probably hoping for Anakin, Padmé and Sabé to arrive, so storming the base wouldn’t be as daunting, and he was hesitating… well, _why was he?_  
The Jedi pondered for a moment.  
_This feels like a trap_ , he thought, _but who would do that? Why does something about this seem so familiar, yet long ago?_  
“Something happened here,” Aerrend whispered. Obi-Wan turned to face him and met Ahsoka’s gaze, equally worried, on the way. “Another vision?” she asked.  
Aerrend shook his head. “The energy… is dark here,” he explained, “It’s like the environment, our surroundings, the forest. They are upset… disturbed, even.”  
_A disturbance in the force?_ He couldn’t shake the feeling that Aerrend wasn’t telling the whole story. What else could he sense? What else had he seen?  
“Waiting is not going to get us any answers,” Obi-Wan grumbled, “We’ll have to head in. Now.”  
He emerged from the shadows, sensing Aerrend and Ahsoka close behind him, and walked towards the facility. One hand resting on his lightsaber, the other one raised, in case he’d have to use the force to throw some droids out of the way. He shot one quick glance over each of his shoulders, one at Aerrend, who was holding on to his blaster, surely pushing every bit of nervousness and worry away, and one at Ahsoka, who had one lightsaber in each hand, ready for the battle.  
It only took seconds before the guards took notice of them. “Hey!”  
“Another attack?” the other battle droid asked.  
Three droids approached them, one easily pushed away by use of the force, while Ahsoka took care of the other two with a swift lightsaber-attack.  
Obi-Wan heard the tactical droid leading this battalion tell the command droids to lock down the the facility, and the droids answer with their standard “Roger Roger!”  
“Hurry up!” he called and picked up pace. Multiple super battle droids rounded the corner, and opened fire on them immediately. Now under fire, moving as a unit was way harder, and while dodging bolts of the blasters, they were separated. “Take out the tactical droid,” Obi-Wan roared at Ahsoka, “I’ll take care of the battle droids. Take cover, Aerrend!”  
The Jedi decided to trust them to do as they were told, and force-jumped right into the super battle droids. He slashed two of them with a swing of his lightsaber. With a grin on his face, he greeted the startled droids with his usual “Hello, there.” The thing about droids was that, unless they were droidekas, they weren’t much use in close combat.  
With a few jumps, hits, turns and flips, that still came easy to Obi-Wan, he had beaten them. Ahsoka had taken care of the normal battle droids, and after a jump and a swift swing, she had taken out the tactical droid. “Can you stop the door from shutting?” Obi-Wan yelled, as he rushed over to the control panel. “I can’t,” Ahsoka cursed, “They jammed that thing!”  
Obi-Wan’s eyes darted toward the door, and then to Aerrend, who arguably was the closest. Their eyes met, telling the Jedi what he had already anticipated. Aerrend ran, the second Obi-Wan yelled: “Aerrend, no!” and ran too. The Alderaanian made his way into the door the last second, and all Obi-Wan could do was watch the doors close, followed by the blaster shields jamming shut. He stood, close to the Jedi Apprentice, dropping his arms.  
Ahsoka shot him a nervous, uncomfortable look. “I’m sure we can fix this,” she murmured as she tried to use the control panel. Memories of Aerrend on Gunray’s ship, desperate to not be alone, frightened of leaving the Jedi’s side, came to him, as he looked down at his lightsaber. Those images, making him feel uneasy, were then replaced by a memory of Qui-Gon on the Trade Federation’s blockade ship. “Cover me,” he called, marching towards the closed gates. He activated his lightsaber, and jammed it into the door. 

~

When the doors shut behind him, Aerrend realised he had spent all his courage on the run. He pulled the hood off of his head, since there really was no use for it now that the enemy knew they were here, and stood there, at the entrance. Alone.  
_Blast it_ , he thought. And then he muttered the words again, because thinking them wasn’t enough. He didn’t know what had driven him to run, but now he was here, and he had to find a way to let Obi-Wan and Ahsoka in. He scanned the walls, and found nothing, it all depended on that control panel outside. Or one inside. He’d just have to find it.  
He breathed out all the fears, and breathed in resolve. The Force was with him, and his Jedi protectors would be with him again, soon enough. But now he had to trust himself. He had to trust the force. And so, he began walking down the corridor. With every step, he felt the weight of darkness grow, a cold shiver ran through him, and he saw a figment of the past, a hooded figure, walking in these corridors. The darkness was dripped in hunger, in revenge, and while it tried to claw at him, Aerrend walked on, his blaster in his hand, ready for battle.  
He walked, picked up pace, and then he ran, trying to find some way to open the doors. Trying to be useful, trying to no longer feel like the useless one among a group of Jedi, a bodyguard and a senator who had more than once proven to be a fighter. The old familiar feeling of inadequacy, of fear, his flight instinct tried to tell him to run, hide, and wait for Obi-Wan, but he didn’t want to give in. Not anymore.  
After running through a maze of corridors, he found control panels on one of the walls, scanning them to find a way to open doors. He stumbled over words, over switches, over buttons and levers, not knowing what they did. When he just wanted to slam his hand on the panel, pressing any buttons at random, he remembered Obi-Wan’s first lesson. _Trust the Force._ Aerrend closed his eyes, held up a clumsy, incapable hand over the panel. His fingers were shaking, a reminder of the ways in which he failed tests like his before, even lifting stones had not worked once. But now, for some reason, his hand found the right switch, and pulled it.  
The panel board read “Facility Gates open.”  
He sighed, smiling in relief. It had worked, for once, it had worked. He had worked.  
Aerrend turned, to return to the doors. Then, two guard droids rounded the corner, seeing him the moment he saw them. Startled, he fired at them, and then ran in the other direction. 

~

Once Obi-Wan had melted most of the door with his lightsaber, which looked easier in his memory, the doors magically opened. He stepped back, almost bumping into Ahsoka.  
“Seems like Aerrend’s doing fine in there,” she said.  
Obi-Wan couldn’t hide his grin. “Seems like it.”  
“What are you grinning for?” Ahsoka asked, as they enter the building. “Uh… nothing,” Obi-Wan answered, trying harder to hide his grin. “You’re just like Anakin,” Ahsoka muttered. “Now don’t get sassy,” Obi-Wan said, as they picked up face.  
“Right,” the young Jedi answered, “That’s your job.”  
Obi-Wan chuckled. _Exactly_ , he thought. “Come on,” he said, “He can’t be that far in.”  
Ahsoka played with the commlink, transmitted their coordinates once more to Anakin, as they ran, and suddenly, Obi-Wan wondered when she had grown so much, grown so capable. Maybe the war had done that to her. Ahsoka had never experienced the Jedi life without it, after all.  
He brushed aside the fleeting sadness, and focused on what mattered most now. Finding Aerrend. Then, finding who was responsible for this facility and dealing with them.  
They walked a labyrinth of corridors, and Obi-Wan chose directions on instinct, on feeling. Withing these walls, his senses were more attuned again. Gone was the confusion that had surrounded him in the forest, with its overwhelming energy. In its place were clarity. And with clear senses, he could navigate them through this labyrinth to find his boyfriend. 

~

Aerrend had run into a dead end, and as soon as he noticed, droids had him surrounded.  
“Drop your weapon,” one of them said in their standard robotic voice. Aerrend suppressed a chuckle, and raised his hands, the blaster in one of them. He looked around the room, thinking of the best strategy right now. He was a pacifist, and all his past experiences in battle had been rather unprepared. This time, he had to think.  
Droids were simple creatures, if they’d never encountered you before. The element of surprise was on Aerrend’s side, as these droids had probably been prepared to encounter Clone soldiers and their Jedi generals. He slowly lowered the hand with the blaster, trying to remember every rule of combat Obi-Wan had taught him. Or at least the important ones. He had to act quickly.  
He jumped, suddenly, startling the droids, and opened fire immediately. Aerrend hadn’t counted them before, but before they could react, he had taken out two of them. He grabbed one of the blasters in his free hand, firing at them with two guns now. He kicked, and slammed the blaster into the droid’s heads, fired at the wall, at the ceiling, anything to cause confusion and chaos.  
He didn’t have to win. He had to hold them off, until the others arrived. He knew they were coming. He felt it. 

~

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka took a left, then a right, then another left, and then they heard blaster fire. “Not good?” Ahsoka asked.  
Obi-Wan’s expression was grim for a moment. “Not good,” he answered. But he had hope that Aerrend somehow was alright, or uninvolved. When they neared the battle, they came to a halt, watching droids get hit by blaster bolts, tumble and fall. And then Aerrend, jamming the holster of his blaster into the neck of a droid, before firing.  
A grin spread on the Jedi’s face. He had taught Aerrend well, but more than that, Aerrend had found courage and confidence all by himself and found a way to use it. Obi-Wan was mesmerised by Aerrend in action, was mesmerised by how well he fought, by how his hits came precise, but never in anger. This was a new side to the man he loved, and, stars, if he hadn’t already stolen Obi-Wan’s heart long ago, he would have stolen it now.  
“Uhm… shouldn’t we help him?” Ahsoka asked.  
Obi-Wan snapped out of it. “Oh, right,” he said, “Yes.”  
He activated his lightsaber and ran, Ahsoka following him closely.  
He jumped into battle, fighting off the droids, met Aerrend’s eyes, responded to his smile with one of his own, and soon they were back to back, dealing with the remaining droids.  
“I told you I can defend myself quite well,” Aerrend yelled. Obi-Wan watched Ahsoka slash through some droids, who kept storming in from all sides.  
“You have a way of getting yourself into trouble,” Obi-Wan said, “That is the one thing I know for sure.”  
“Well, you’re here, aren’t you?” Aerrend responded, “We’ve both gotten ourselves into trouble this time.”  
Obi-Wan shot him a look over his shoulder. Aerrend smiled, his tongue sticking out between his teeth, letting a soft laugh escape. With that foolishly happy grin, he seemed younger. Watching that grin made Obi-Wan’s heart flutter in a way that made him feel younger, made him forget the 11 years between them, the circumstances that should have torn them apart and also the situation they were in right now.  
“I guess, we have,” he said, “You fight quite well, for a pacifist.”  
“Are you teasing me, General Ken-,” Aerrend said, but Ahsoka turned and interrupted them.  
“By the force, can the two of you stop flirting? We’re hit by a wave of droids,” she said, before she got back into battle mode. Obi-Wan and Aerrend tore themselves from this stolen, not-so-secret moment to engage with the droid situation again.  
“There are too many,” Obi-Wan said.  
“When I had beaten like 5 of them, the doors opened and they just kept flooding in? But not really controlled, uh…more like some automatic trigger being pulled?” Aerrend responded.  
Ahsoka sighed. “Whatever it is, it’s too much.”  
“Don’t say that, Snips,” Anakin said, appearing from the shadows of the corridor with Padmé and Sabé, “The battle has only just begun.” 

~

And then, together, the six of them fought. It was clumsy, messy at first, until they found their rhythm as a group. Every part was integral and necessary for their success as they fought back the sheer endless wave of droids. Whenever someone was in danger of getting hit, someone else stepped up to save them from harm.  
Obi-Wan threw back a bolt with his lightsaber, but he missed another that hit his hand. He dropped his lightsaber, wincing in pain. Aerrend reached for the lightsaber and caught it, which felt surprisingly natural in his hand. The sword wasn’t his, yet feeling its weight and its energy in the palm of his hand felt like it was an old friend. He sliced the sword through a couple of droid, before he tossed it back to its owner, who gave him a sheepish grin.  
The waves slowed down, they trickled into drops, and then they ended in nothingness. Quiet. Peace.  
“Was that it?” Anakin asked, as always searching the room for more. Always ready to fight. Something in Aerrend told him, that sometimes Anakin wanted a bigger fight, more things to hack his way through to victory.  
“I guess so?” Padmé responded.  
Aerrend stood with Obi-Wan, his hand in his, examining the burns and wounds from the blaster bolt. And, of course, part of him merely wanted to hold the Jedi’s hand. Just like the lightsaber before, Obi-Wan’s hand fit into his like two puzzle pieces put together.  
“Your hand is cold,” Obi-Wan said matter-of-factly.  
“Yours is burned,” Aerrend answered, “I’ll put a bandage on it, once we get back to the ship. It should be good for now.”  
Once Anakin’s gaze turned to them, Aerrend pulled his hand back, and dropped it self-consciously.  
“We just have to find the control center of this base, and see what else is left here, who is in charge of this, and why they would plan such a thing,” Sabé explained and went down a corridor. “That’s the wrong way,” Anakin muttered. Padmé groaned. “Not this again,” she said. They both followed Sabé, however.  
Ahsoka laughed out loud. “Come on, let’s go with them.”  
Once the Jedi had turned and walked, Obi-Wan fell into step with Aerrend and grabbed his hand. “You really are bad at secrecy,” Aerrend said.  
“I’m just really bad at hiding my happiness,” Obi-Wan said, “You were brilliant in here, Aerrend.”  
“You taught me we – ”  
“No,” the Jedi interrupted, “That was all you. I taught you the basics, but you had the courage to follow through. It was nice to watch… You were quite attractive, to be honest.”  
Despite what they had done the night before, despite how close they had gotten, Aerrend still blushed at that remark, and a part of him found it hard to believe that someone as handsome, courageous, charming and witty as Obi-Wan could desire him. But their moments in the lake, their hungry kisses, their touches, the way his breathing sped up, the way he whispered his name into the night and Aerrend responded by whispering his, their arms wrapped around each other as they drifted off into sleep, all that was proof of that desire. Proof that they were real, and not some illusion or dream. More and more of the voices that doubted himself or this relationship died down.  
Their little secret meant more to him than he could ever put into words. No poem, no song, no melody could express what their intertwined fingers could. 

~

After a while, they found the command center. There were no droids anywhere to be found, it seemed as if the facility had exhausted all their resources. It was quiet. Too quiet. Obi-Wan couldn’t shake the feeling that they were walking right into a trap.  
He felt remnants of the dark energy again, though it was fading away like its presence had. He looked at Aerrend, wondered if he felt it too. He looked at Anakin, knowing that he felt something, but couldn’t place it. Neither could Ahsoka.  
When Sabé had finally hacked the door open, mostly by trashing the control panel, they found an almost empty, white room. Almost empty, aside from random destruction, burn marks in the wall, two droids cut in half, and the corpse of a scientist, presumably the leader of this operation. Obi-Wan sensed a wave of fear surging in Aerrend, and put a quick hand on his shoulder to quiet it. To reassure him. Aerrend’s eyes found his, full of fear and confusion, but when their gazes met, he relaxed ever so slightly.  
There was silence. Anakin was the first to break it.  
“What the hell,” Anakin said. He knelt down, and turned the corpse around. There was a cut all over his body, but not from a knife or a blade, or any sharp object. The wound was immediately welded up. Ahsoka and Anakin shared a knowing look, and then his former padawan looked at the Jedi. They all knew where those wounds came from.  
_A lightsaber._  
“How is this possible?” Padmé asked, putting the pieces together quickly after them.  
Sabé picked up a remote from the dead body’s hands. “A homing beacon,” she said, “When pressed, it alerts high level separatists and they send a fleet this way.”  
Everyone held their breaths, and once again, Obi-Wan sensed the fear rise in Aerrend. He thought back to the boy on Gunray’s ship, who despite Aerrend’s newfound courage, wasn’t fully gone. He hoped a look, or a soft smile, would quiet that fear.  
“It’s intact,” Sabé said after inspecting it, “Whoever killed him, acted fast.”  
Sighs of relief filled the room, from everyone except Obi-Wan, who still wasn’t sure what to make of the situations. There was no other Jedi on this mission, and why would any Separatist sabotage this base? Plus, the raid of droids that had met Sabé, Padmé and Anakin would be more logical if an enemy was spotted.  
His mind flickered back to the ship flying over him, the dark, but familiar, energy surrounding it, the lightsaber marks on the body, and the wall, the anger but preciseness they were inflicted in, the dark energy still lingering, but one puzzle peace was missing. Stopping him from connecting the dots.  
This was a message. A message for the Jedi order? The familiarity in everything made it feel more like a message for Obi-Wan directly. Kneeling next to the body, he looked up at Aerrend. Their eyes met, and silently they seemed to communicate, both in puzzlement, confusion and fear.  
“I’ll call our men, they will take it from here,” Sabé said, “And we should wait for them outside.”  
“I agree,” Anakin said, “The base seems to be cleared.”  
Obi-Wan wanted more time here, more time to put the pieces together, more time to find the final, missing clue. But as everyone got up, and left the room, he couldn’t linger on. He’d report this to the Jedi council, and maybe they would be able to help. For now, the shadows of this facility had to remain in place, covering the mystery of what had happened here.  
Outside, Obi-Wan took a seat on the ground, Aerrend joined him. Sabé tossed them a small medi-pack, which Aerrend put to use immediately. While he tended to Obi-Wan’s wounds, the Jedi looked around the group. Ahsoka was talking to Anakin and Padmé, Sabé was talking into her commlink, and Aerrend… Aerrend was here next to him, holding his hand. It was quite sweet, if he was being honest.  
He had a faint smile on his lips as he wrapped a bandage around the hand, but there was something troubling him. Obi-Wan wanted to ask, but he decided it was best to wait until he said something. After all, he had to keep this mystery secret as well.  
He suddenly remembered the time, remembered that it must be way past midnight at this point, and dawn wasn’t too far away. The old year had thawed into the new one, and the dawn of it would hopefully promise peace for the galaxy. And maybe even peace for them, a future in which secrecy wasn’t the master of their relationship any longer.  
Obi-Wan offered a hint of a smile. “Happy new year, Aerrend,” he said.  
“Happy new year, Obi-Wan,” Aerrend responded. Now was not a time for pet names, for flirting, or teasing, but their eyes, and Aerrend’s touch that lingered a second too long, was communicating everything they needed. _Safety._  
When it was time to go, time to return to their ship, Anakin grabbed Aerrend’s shoulder and pulled him away from Obi-Wan. “Come on, Co-Pilot,” he said, “Let’s get back to the ship.” 

~

Unbeknownst to them, this image of them together made its way across the galaxy, a probe droid drawing back into the forest transmitting it to a small space ship. The darkness materialised, manifested itself slowly. Far away, yet so close, missing each other only by moments. A first message had been given, a first message of re-emerging and revival. A return of an old enemy, liberated from the consequences of a fight thirteen years in the past. The shadows laughed heartily, a strong sound echoing around the galaxy. A laugh dripping in the darkest, cruellest, most calamitous form of anger. _Revenge._  
Shadows closed in on the red figure with mechanic legs as their laugh sounded through the ship.  
Once the laughter died, the creature only said one word. _Kenobi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last few weeks have certainly been quite busy and on top of that I also stumbled into a writers block lol.  
> I hope you liked the wrap-up of their adventure on Naboo's moon, I definitely spend way more time on this chapter than usual. I'm afraid that's going to be the case for most of the upcoming chapters, since I have to rewatch some Clone Wars episodes, do some research, and there's uni-work and all that on top of that. And since I want to get it right, I will take my time to deliver something at least semi-good. 
> 
> I hope you had happy holidays, a good start into the new year, and thank you so much for reading this silly, little story of mine!  
> If you want to, feel free to follow [ my tumblr](https://umbreon-kenobi.tumblr.com), I basically just reblog memes, star wars stuff, inspirations and all that on there!


	16. Phantoms of the Past, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “From the dead, an old enemy has awakened seeking vengeance.”  
> “An old enemy?” Obi-Wan asked, reminding himself of the familiar feeling that surrounded the darkness he had encountered on Naboo. Of course it was an old enemy, but who!? Awakened from the dead? Could it be…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Since this chapter ended up very long, I chose to publish it in two parts. This is part one! 
> 
> Anyways, this chapter includes the return of some people from the past. It draws on the episode "Revenge" (Season 4, Episode 22) of the Clone Wars, with parts of the dialogue being adapted into this story.   
> I hope you enjoy!

**PART 1  
19 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
Aerrend woke from another weird dream, another one that faded from memory too quickly to make sense of it. They had been back on Coruscant for two weeks now, watching the year start out rather uneventful. The only thing that irked him more than the dreams was the fact that he was off work.   
The Queen had fallen ill, and Bail had gone home to Alderaan again to take care of her. Since the senate sessions were just starting out, he had decided to simply give everyone a few days off. Upon Anakin’s insistence, Aerrend had started keeping himself occupied with flying lessons from Captain Antilles. According to the young Jedi, a co-pilot needed good training. So now, with nothing else to do, the Alderaanian actually took the time to listen to that advice.   
Aerrend turned in bed, now facing the man breathing softly next to him and focused on his chest rising and falling. It was a rare sight, seeing Obi-Wan that peaceful. In the past few weeks it had become even rarer. He always seemed a little on edge, like he was trying to solve a riddle, sometimes leaving Aerrend to wonder where he had gone inside his head.   
The times when Aerrend knew where Obi-Wan had gone, he was the one on edge, holding his breath until his lover’s safe return. The Alderaanian knew that in the morning, the Jedi would embark on another war-mission, another battle. This night was just another one of their goodbyes, drawing them closer together, making them hold on tighter, every touch lingering a tiny bit longer, every glance was more longing, and every kiss led to more.   
The Jedi, _his_ Jedi, lay bare-chested, entangled in the sheets with him. His robes and Aerrend’s clothes were spread over the room, unusually chaotic for both of them, but for some reason Aerrend loved that it was their chaos, their clothes tossed around the room, their breaths that filled the silence. If only they could ever truly share a space together. Despite everything, despite the secrets they have started keeping from one another, despite all the time apart, spent on different star systems in different regions of the galaxy, despite the secret that they were, the secret that was harder and harder to keep, despite the circumstances that should tear them apart, forever seemed possible. And right. It was like they had tricked the stars and cheated their way to a forever.   
Aerrend rolled over, hooking one leg between Obi-Wans, draping an arm over his chest. In his sleep, the Jedi mumbled and grumbled, but pulled him in. With his chest pressed against Obi-Wan, skin on skin, Aerrend was lulled back to sleep.

~

The ringing of his holo-comm device ripped him from his dreams once more. Aerrend almost fell out of bed, his eyes still half-closed and reached for the floor to find a shirt to throw on. Once he pulled one over his head, he realised it wasn’t his by the way it bagged on him. Obi-Wan grumbled and pulled a pillow over his head. Barefoot, Aerrend stumbled toward the device in the living room. With no time to put on proper pants, he rejoiced that only his face and shoulders would be visible.   
He answered the call.  
“Good morning, Aerrend,” Bail said, “I’m so sorry to disturb you this early, I must have woken you up.”   
“Oh, it’s fine,” Aerrend said, “Is everything alright? Is Breha alright!?”   
“She’s fine, but her illness is more serious than we thought. I cannot leave her side now,” Bail explained, “But I also cannot ignore the issues going on in the Senate.”   
“I understand,” Aerrend answered, “Send her my best wishes, I hope she recovers soon.”   
“I will, thank you,” Bail answered, “I have a favour to ask of you. I have no Representative, I never really needed one. Now having one seems to be of utmost importance.”   
Aerrend scratched the back of his head, not really knowing what that had to do with him. Surely someone else at the office would be better at dealing with this. Ultimately, he had only worked here for a few months.   
“Sure, I can help train whomever you send. When will they arrive?” he asked.   
“I’m not sending anyone, Aerrend,” Bail said, slightly amused, “I want you to be my Representative. You’re well-versed in politics, a hard worker, and most important of all, I trust you. Breha trusts you.”   
Aerrend felt overwhelmed. Could he do it? Was he good enough?  
“Uh… well,” he stammered.   
“This is not a decision for you to make, my friend,” Bail answered, “You’re capable. I’ll be back soon, but for now I need to know I can count on you.”   
“You definitely can,” Aerrend said, “I hope I won’t disappoint you.”   
“I’m certain you won’t,” the senator answered.   
Their phone call ended. Aerrend sighed, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and tried to mentally adjust to this new state of things.   
“So, I’m sleeping with a Representative of the Galactic Senate now? How scandalous,” Obi-Wan teased. Aerrend turned around, and put a hand to his face. “Stars, this is a lot…,” he said, “What time is it even?”   
“Past 0500,” Obi-Wan answered, always using the military time.   
“You have to leave soon, right?” Aerrend asked.   
“We have a couple of moments left,” the Jedi answered, then grinned, “I also have to get dressed, but someone else is currently wearing my shirt.”  
Aerrend looked down at himself and then at the Jedi, who was leaning in the bedroom’s doorframe in nothing but his underwear. He didn’t mind seeing his boyfriend like that. “It’s comfortable,” he answered, “Should I make some caf? This day is already turning out to be a lot to take.”   
“I would love that,” Obi-Wan answered, sitting down at the kitchen table, “My ship leaves at 1100, in case you want to stop by later. To say goodbye.”   
“Don’t you think the others will start being suspicious?” Aerrend asked.   
The Jedi shrugged. “Possibly,” he said, “Then we’ll have to make the most of our goodbyes now.”   
“Stars, I can’t believe I have to tackle this week without you. A Representative? What was Bail thinking?” Aerrend whined. After handing Obi-Wan a mug, the Jedi pulled him onto his lab and held him close.   
Obi-Wan smiled. “He made a wise decision, my love, don’t doubt yourself. You’ll do fine!”   
Aerrend rested his head against the Jedi’s. “About that shirt though,” Obi-Wan teased and pulled at his shirt, the one Aerrend was currently wearing. “Can I keep it? To sleep better, while you’re gone?” the Alderaanian whispered, “I’m sure you have some in my closet still.”   
The Jedi gently kissed his collarbone. “I’ll allow it,” he answered. He drank the remainder of his caf and set the mug down on the table. Aerrend took a sip of his, feeling Obi-Wan’s hands on his back and chest. “You’ll be fine,” he said, “And I’ll be back in no time.”   
When Obi-Wan headed toward the shower, Aerrend stayed at the table, reading the news on his datapad with his legs pulled up on the chair. His boyfriend sometimes teased him for the way he sat in chairs, like he was trying to make sitting as uncomfortable as possible. He surely would have to sit properly when he took Bail’s chair in the office later.   
He sighed, and rested his head on his hand. He had no idea how he was supposed to pull this off. He barely slept, and without Obi-Wan near him, his sleep tended to decrease even more. Too often he woke from dreams about his parents, visions that came in fragments, unclear in meaning or message. It wasn’t a nightmare, it didn’t leave him scared. He often found himself confused, frustrated, distressed at how little he could make from the dream, how little sense they made. A riddle he couldn’t solve on his own. But whenever Obi-Wan asked if he was okay, he insisted he was fine. He didn’t want to spoil what precious little time they had together. Whenever Obi-Wan remarked on the circles under his eyes or the increase of his caf consumption, he just shrugged it off. He knew the Jedi didn’t always buy it, but he never pried. And neither did Aerrend. 

~

When Obi-Wan returned to the Jedi temple, he, before dealing with any of the stressful things, did what he loved most: he made tea. Aerrend had taken up the habit of making him tea whenever he returned, not knowing how happy it made Obi-Wan to return to his love and a nice cup of tea. How _calming_ it was after coming from war. It was one of the soft, secret things that said “I love you” without words.   
With a mug in his hand, Obi-Wan strolled through the temple, and out into the garden. There, he’d wanted to gather some energy, maybe meditate, to leave in the calmest state possible. He, however, ran into Anakin there.   
“Good morning, Obi-Wan,” his former apprentice said.   
“Morning, Anakin,” Obi-Wan answered, “Why are you up already?”   
“I’m going to Stobar soon,” Anakin spoke, “With Ahsoka. You know, to analyse the disturbance I sensed there a while back. That might have something to do with what happened on Naboo.”   
Obi-Wan shrugged and took a sip of his tea. “It might be a lead,” he agreed, “I’ve asked Master Yoda for his opinion, he wanted to meditate on that. I should see him, before I depart.”   
Anakin gave him a nod, and then grinned at him.   
“What is it, Anakin?”   
“What’s that bruise on your neck?” the young Jedi asked.  
“What bruise?”   
“The one on your neck,” Anakin laughed, and roughly pointed to his own neck, “Right above your collar.”   
Obi-Wan tensed, his mind going back to the night before, when Aerrend had kissed him there rather fiercely. He rubbed his hand over the place, and felt the heat rising to his cheeks. “Uh,” he stammered, “I… I fell.”   
“You fell?” Anakin asked, a brow raised, “You better cover it up, before you go see Master Yoda. He won’t let your lies slide as easily, Master.”   
Obi-Wan grumbled something in response, and left Anakin alone. Before he went to see the Grandmaster of the Jedi Council, he changed into an undershirt that covered the hickey. 

~

“Master Yoda,” Obi-Wan said, as he entered the meditation chamber, reserved for members of the Jedi Council only, “Have you found anything?”   
“Meditated, I have,” Yoda spoke, now opening his eyes, “A disturbance in the force, there is. There has been, for longer hmmmm. Feel it too, do you?”   
Obi-Wan gave him a nod and waited for Yoda to continue. “Thought your friend it was. Mistaken, we were. Fear you are in danger, I do,” the old master elaborated.   
_I’m in danger?_  
The Jedi wondered what that danger might be. _Who_ the source of the danger was. “Who is it, Master?” he asked.   
“From the dead, an old enemy has awakened seeking vengeance.”  
“An old enemy?” Obi-Wan asked, reminding himself of the familiar feeling that surrounded the darkness he had encountered on Naboo. Of course it was an old enemy, but who!? Awakened from the dead? Could it be…?   
_No, it can’t be!_ , Obi-Wan thought, even though all other leads had taken him to a dead-end.   
“Killed your Master many moons ago, he did,” Yoda said and thus confirmed Obi-Wan’s suspicions, his fears. He was in danger, grave danger, but more so, the people who were with him would be in danger too. Most of all Aerrend.   
“How can that be? I have killed him myself!” he exclaimed.   
“It is so, I fear,” Yoda answered, “Focus, you must, Obi-Wan. Find him and deal with him you must.”   
Obi-Wan swallowed. Yes, he had to. He had to deal with him swiftly. Otherwise everyone he loved would be in danger. He wondered if Maul had seen them on Naboo, if he had seen Aerrend, if he knew what was happening between them.   
If so, he had to find a way to protect Aerrend. In the past few weeks, of months even, ever since he and the young Alderaanian had kissed, they lived in a bubble, somewhere danger was unable to get to them. But at the same time, Obi-Wan had attuned to that safety and stopped being focused, stopped doing what a Jedi had to do, he had neglected his duties. They had lived in a world of their own, safe and separate from the world. It seemed to become a danger for both of them.   
Master Yoda had told him to _focus_. Obi-Wan found himself agreeing with that. As he boarded the star destroyer to embark on his war mission, he was, for the first time in over twenty years, confronted with a decision between love and duty. Aerrend or the Jedi Order. 

~

“Oh, how good to see you, Aerrend,” Senator Amidala said, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek, “How have the first few days been, now that you’re the Representative?”   
“Well, uh, I’m overwhelmed, but I’m managing quite well. At least I think so, maybe everyone at the office thinks I’m dreadfully unqualified,” Aerrend answered, indeed a bit out of breath from his new workload, but nonetheless his usual self at work. He didn’t know what Bail had said to the employees at the office, but they seemed to respect and actually treat him like he was part of the team now.   
However, he could see that they hoped for the Viceroy’s swift return. And Aerrend couldn’t blame them. Today’s agenda made him more nervous than he wanted to admit to anyone. He was to represent Alderaan in the Loyalist Committee and then afterwards, Bail had a scheduled meeting with the leader of the Council of Neutral Systems. One that couldn’t be rescheduled.   
A meeting with Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore. Obviously, Aerrend was nervous for more than one reason. First of all, the meeting sounded rather important, so he didn’t want to mess things up and disappoint Bail. Secondly, he had heard of Duchess Satine and her pacifist ideals, and thus admired her to a degree; he hoped to not repeat his first meeting with Padmé. And finally, there was her connection with Obi-Wan. He just had no idea how to act around her with their shared connection with the Jedi Knight standing between them.   
Aerrend took a deep breath. _You can do this!_ , he told himself.  
He hadn’t heard from Obi-Wan all week. The shirt that he had left at Aerrend’s was his only comfort.   
Padmé smiled at him. “I remember being like that when I first became senator,” she said, “I’m sure you will do amazing. Senator Organa wouldn’t have chosen you, if he believed otherwise.”   
Aerrend tried to cheer up, for his sake, for Padmé’s sake, for the sake of the Loyalist committee. “So, how do these meetings usually go?” he asked.   
“Sit down and relax,” Padmé answered with a grin, “We’re merely talking about ways to improve our Republic!” 

~

Aerrend looked in the mirror one more time. Then he rearranged the sitting room table and the pillows on the couch in Senator Organa’s office. Then he went back to over-thinking his outfit, when one of Senator Organa’s guards walked in. “Representative Lus,” he said, addressing him, “Her Grace, Duchess Satine of Mandalore, Head of the Council of Neutral Star Systems is here.”  
 _Stars, how do I greet her? Do I bow? Do I curtsy?_  
Before he had a chance to make up his mind, Aerrend turned around and watch the Duchess enter. And, stars, she really was beautiful. Regal.   
“Your grace,” Aerrend said, as he approached her.   
“Representative Lus,” she answered with a hint of a smile, and held out her hand.   
Aerrend took it and still, for some reason, bowed his head. “It is a pleasure to meet you,” he said, “Senator Organa sends his regards and apologies. This meeting was very important for him.”   
“The pleasure is all mine, Representative,” the Duchess answered.   
Aerrend led her over to the couch, and took a seat on an armchair right next to it. He crossed his legs, and rested his hands on his knees, before putting them on the armrests, and then running one hand through his hair. Satine seemed to be observing him, since she turned to him with a smile. “You haven’t been a Representative for long, have you?” she asked.   
Aerrend shook his head. “No, I haven’t,” he said, “But I shall do my best to make this meeting worth your time.”   
“I’m sure of that,” Satine answered, “Well, this meeting was more of a formality. Mandalore, as well as the Independent Systems, considers Alderaan one of our closest allies within the Republic, we merely wanted to talk about a road towards peace. Alderaan is a peaceful system, as is Naboo. I believe we share an interest in peace.”   
Aerrend swallowed. Of course he believed that peace was the best option, and should be pursued, as did Bail. However, Alderaan was part of the Republic, it was very loyal to Galactic democracy. While the Republic was still at war, Alderaan couldn’t do more than push for peace in the Senate. It couldn’t act on it’s own, it couldn’t call in a peace conference. If they did anything to contradict the Republic, they’d be Seperatists.   
She had come in hope of finding more allies, with her place in the galaxy being a lonely one after all, but Aerrend was unable to give that to her. At least on political terms.   
“Of course Alderaan is very interested in peace,” Aerrend spoke, “I came here to help the Senator in his efforts to end this war and return to democracy. But we’re bound by our loyalty to the Republic, so there’s few things we can do.”   
Satine seemed to think on that. Aerrend wondered if that had been all the reason she had come here. Just to talk about peace? Despite the limits of the Republic she surely must have known about?  
“I know,” she said, only a slight hint of resignation in her voice. The Duchess turned to look out of the window, focusing on a building in the distance. Aerrend studied her more closely now. Obi-Wan had once said they were alike, but looking at her now, Aerrend saw that Satine was everything he wasn’t. Where her hair was blonde, he had dark curls; where she was a confident ruler, he was insecure; where she embodied the formidable and regal person her clothing and accessory suggested her to be, Aerrend was clearly using his as a façade, as a trick. He looked down at his chipped nail polish, contrasting her perfectly manicured hands. Satine was real, he was an imposter.   
The Duchess turned to him, suddenly. “I have heard about you,” she said.   
“About me?”   
“Yes. Even the holo-news on Mandalore picked up on Senator Organa’s new aide being held hostage by the Confederacy,” she elaborated, with a smile.  
“Oh,” was all Aerrend managed to answer. He scratched the back of his head. That was embarrassing. Was that his only impact on the galaxy.   
“I hear you’ve been rescued by an old friend of mine,” Satine continued, “Obi-Wan Kenobi.”   
Aerrend blushed. _Blast it, I can never be subtle, can I?_  
“That is correct,” he responded, “He was the Jedi Knight who came to my rescue. He… he’s quite charming.”   
Satine gave him a smile. A genuine one. “He is, when he wants to be.”   
“So, you know him well… Are you close?” Aerrend inquired. He didn’t want to be jealous. He had _truly_ tried his best not to be jealous. He could see why Obi-Wan had liked her, once, long ago. It just made it harder to see why the Jedi should like him now.   
“We were,” she answered, truthfully, “A lifetime ago, we harboured feelings for one another.”   
“Back when he and his Master helped you in the Civil War?” Aerrend asked. If she was surprised at his knowledge, she didn’t show it.   
“Yes,” she said, “The two of us were very young. And maybe hope had gotten the best of us. But he was a Jedi Knight, a handsome one at that, and I was an idealistic girl who needed more protection than she cared to admit.”   
Aerrend avoided eye-contact. “I understand what you mean, your grace,” he answered, “But you… ended things?”   
“It was only realistic. My place was on Mandalore, and his was in the order,” she said, “He was my first love, and that will always mean something. But I don’t regret anything. The Jedi Order means everything to him. I can’t resent him for his decision, for I made mine as well.”   
Aerrend didn’t know what to say. The Jedi Order did mean everything to Obi-Wan, but it had changed so much that he sometimes didn’t recognise it anymore. Would his decision be the same now?   
The silence grew thick.   
“Am I correct in assuming that you’ve got yourself entangled in that same hope?” Satine asked after a while. Aerrend looked up at her, meet her gaze, and then turned to look out of the window, focusing on the distant building Satine had stared at mere moments ago. The Jedi temple.   
“I am so sorry, my dear,” she said, and it sounded genuine.   
Aerrend realised that he liked her. There was no resentment towards her, or Obi-Wan, or what they had together. His jealousy had everything to do with himself and his insecurities.   
“Can I offer you some tea, your grace?” he asked, changing the topic completely. 

~

It was more than a message. It was a threat, a blackmail. Obi-Wan had been on his mission in the Outer Rim when Maul had finally emerged from the shadows. Every single incident of terror and chaos that had occurred in the outmost territories of the galaxy weren’t a Separatist act. Maul was behind them. And now, he was on Raydonia, threatening to burn down and kill a Human colony on the planet, if “Kenobi” didn’t come and face him.   
Against the advice of Mace Windu, Obi-Wan was heading to Raydonia alone. _Blood will be on your hands_ , was what Maul had said. The words played over and over again in the Jedi Knight’s head. Maul had slaughtered innocent people in his message to him, so, in a way, blood already was on his hands. He felt the slightest bit of relief over the fact that the Sith Lord wasn’t targeting anyone in his close circle. Seeing Ahsoka, Padmé, Anakin or Aerrend on that holo-message would have been unbearable for him. He shook his head and snapped out of it. _You’re a Jedi Knight_ , he told himself, _the life of strangers should matter just as much to you._  
He made a landing on Raydonia, and when he got off his ship, he saw chaos. Maul had already set this planet on fire, every part of the colony lay in ruins. Obi-Wan sighed. He had been too late.   
_Focus!_  
He ran through the city, trying to safe as many people from the fire when he saw a dark figure on top of a building look down on him. He scanned him up and down, and unsurprisingly, he was changed. He was half Zabrak, half machine. His living form ending where Obi-Wan had cut him in half 13 years ago.   
“Jedi,” the Sith Lord bellowed, “I have been waiting for you.”   
Obi-Wan grinned. He could play into the anger Maul was exhibiting.   
“I’m not sure I’ve made your acquaintance,” he answered, calmly.   
“I am surprised you could have forgotten me that easily,” Maul exclaimed, “After I killed your old Master and you left me for dead on Naboo.”  
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow and kept his face as unmoved as possible, mimicking what he was trying to express. _So it is you._  
“You may have forgotten me, Kenobi, but all these years, the only thing that kept me alive was my singular hatred for you,” the Sith explained, “My hunger for vengeance, to pay back the damage and pain, the humiliation you have inflicted on me, has led me here.”   
Obi-Wan was ready to reach for his lightsaber, he kept his senses attuned to his surroundings, tried to assess his situation, be ready for any swift change. Maul’s energy was strong and overwhelming, but it was filled with his obsession with revenge. That could be used for his advantage. All he needed to do was _focus._  
“That may be so,” the Jedi answered, “But I’ve defeated you before. I will surely do it again.”   
Maul’s grin turned sinister. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Kenobi,” he scoffed.   
Then, Obi-Wan was attacked from behind. By someone who looked similar to Maul, he just hadn’t been cut in half yet. He reached for his lightsaber to fight back, but whoever this creature was, his strength was overwhelming, and soon, Obi-Wan lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... Maul is back!   
> I hope you liked the way I pulled him into the story. I actually rewatched the Clone Wars episodes on his return as research, haha, so I hope I did it justice. I also wanted to create this feeling of fear slowly creeping into the relationship Aerrend and Obi-Wan have. So far, it was their nice, peaceful bubble, but now it is time for ANGST (the good stuff!).   
> As always, leave a comment to let me know what you think. Thanks so much for reading, for giving kudos, for bookmarking!   
> Love,   
> umbreongay (feel free to follow me on [ tumblr](https://umbreon-kenobi.tumblr.com) )


	17. Phantoms of the Past, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan was trying his hardest not to think about it anymore – he pushed it into a box and buried it in his mind, along with all the pain he had caused and the pain he was suffering. He had no right to suffer. It was his fault, after all.   
> He had to focus now, had to find Maul. He had to be a Jedi again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's part 2 of this chapter, lol! On top of referencing the episode "Revenge" (season 4's finale), this chapter references the episode "Revival" (First episode of season 5) of Clone Wars, albeit in much less detail.   
> I hope you enjoy!

**PART 2  
19 BBY, Outer-Rim Territories, Space.**

When Obi-Wan woke again, he was on a space ship. It certainly wasn’t his, and his hosts certainly weren’t the most welcoming. Maul’s ally, or whatever, was pushing him around the ship as soon as he regained consciousness while the Sith Lord watched. He was thrown around, pushed into walls, to the ground, punches swinging on his head, his face, his back. “Fuck,” he muttered.   
“Still as weak as ever,” Maul spoke, as Obi-Wan was pushed face first into cargo boxes. By the Force, his head was spinning and aching. “And they call you Master.”   
Obi-Wan didn’t like the condescension in his voice, he didn’t like being pushed around, he didn’t like his abilities being questioned like this, he didn’t like his hair being this dishevelled and out of place. “You know, when I cut you in half, I should have aimed for your neck,” he snarled. This was a dreadful situation. He wished Anakin was here, or Ahsoka. Or both. He wished he wasn’t alone in this. Fixing Anakin’s messes was easier than fixing his own.   
Maul pulled his partner aside, and now did the punching, the pushing, the throwing. Then, using one of his new legs and the claw that functioned as his foot, he picked the Jedi up and held him against a wall. The claw was locked tight around Obi-Wan’s throat.   
“Anything else to say, Jedi?” Maul asked.   
Obi-Wan scoffed. “I like your new legs, they make you seem taller.”   
The claw around his throat tightened more, Maul flinched in anger. “I will make sure you stay awaked long enough to feel every single cut. Your death will be excruciating. You will suffer as you have made me suffer… all those years in the darkness. Tossed aside by my master. You will pay, Kenobi. You will pay with your life and everything you hold dear for what you have done to me.”   
He grabbed his lightsaber, when someone spoke up from the shadows.   
“What a surprise. My former apprentice, still an animal. And you have a friend now,” the voice said. Obi-Wan could feel his chest tighten, the air leaving his body as quickly as his consciousness.  
 _Ventress? Dooku’s betrayed apprentice?_  
“He’s my brother,” Maul’s friend answered.   
“A brother? He’s half the man you are, Savage. How unfortunate. I thought I’d be challenged here, and not faced with some outcasts from the Nightbrother’s clan. I was looking for more than worthless scum,” she elaborated and emerged from the shadows.   
Obi-Wan heard Maul and Savage talk about Ventress, but the words didn’t quite reach him anymore. Then, he was let go, and fell to the ground. Awoken by the voice that had come to his rescue. And a slap to his face.  
“Ventress?” he asked, once he opened his eyes again.   
“It seems like I’m here to rescue you,” she answered. She smiled at the unusual situation they had found themselves in.   
“What a sight to wake up to,” Obi-Wan joked. Ventress tossed him one of her lightsabers. “Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Kenobi, you’ve never been much to look at, least of all now.”   
Maul and Savage re-emerged from their control center. “A Jedi and a witch,” Maul spoke, “And we’re here to kill you.”   
With Ventress’ lightsaber in his hand, he got ready for battle, with his new, unusual ally. And then, they fought. 

~

They were outplayed, outnumbered, overwhelmed, even if it seemed like a fair fight. Even when Obi-Wan got his lightsaber back, they never gained ground. They then did the only sensible thing. Boarded the escape pod, betting that time would be on their side, and launch it. The Jedi would have loved to end this here and now, especially after Maul’s threats for everything and everyone he held dear. They would be in danger now. “This isn’t over,” he told Ventress, “They’ll be after both of us now.”   
_And so many more_ , he wanted to add.   
Master Yoda was right, he should have focused. And he tried, but he was distracted, his feelings had not served him in any way, they became a weakness. Things couldn’t go on like this. If he wanted to find Maul and hunt him down once and for all, he had to be the best Jedi he could be. Without distractions. If he wanted to protect the people he loved, he would have to do his best. He loved Aerrend, but that love wouldn’t protect either of them from Maul. And maybe they had deluded themselves into hoping that this could work, when realistically, it couldn’t. He was a Jedi, he had sworn an oath to the order, he had sworn _his life_ to the order. He had allowed himself to slip up, because of the war, because of how tired he was. But now it was time to face the facts and return to real life.   
Once more Obi-Wan wished he could talk to Qui-Gon and ask him for guidance. But even though he was known for disregarding the rules of the order, he never was one to stray too far from them. And he’d tell Obi-Wan to do the same. He had strayed, but not past the point of no return. Yet.  
The Jedi Knight sighed. He knew what he had to do.   
He didn’t like it. 

~

“Don’t be nervous,” Padmé said.   
“It’ll be alright,” Senator Mon Mothma added, “If you don’t feel like saying anything, you don’t have to, Representative.”   
Aerrend took a deep breath. Of course Bail hadn’t made it back in time to cover the Loyalist committee’s meeting with the Supreme Chancellor.   
Another breath. _I can do this._  
He still hadn’t heard from Obi-Wan, who usually at least tried to send him a message, even when he was in the outer rim.   
_I can do this._  
“Let’s go,” Aerrend said. Senator Free Taa of Ryloth entered the Chancellor’s office, and the others quickly followed. Padmé hooked her arm through Aerrend’s and gave him a look as if to say “You can do this.”   
Deep breath. _I can do this._  
He had survived his meeting with Duchess Satine, he would survive this as well. The meeting, though pleasant, had unnerved him more than he cared to admit. It wasn’t jealousy, he truly liked the Duchess, in a way even admired her for her principles. He just wondered, if someone as formidable as the Duchess had not managed to compete with the Jedi Order, why would he? Why would Obi-Wan choose him, a boy who came from nothing, over the Jedi Order now?   
He tried to fade into the background of the meeting, let others speak, avoided being noticed. The Chancellor’s eyes focused on him from time to time, and once or twice he inquired what the Representative of Alderaan had to say about the issues being discussed. Aerrend responded to his best abilities. Short and brief.   
Once the meeting was over, and everyone turned to go, he heard the chancellor call out. “Representative Lus, would you mind staying for a moment?”   
Aerrend swallowed. “Of course,” he said, smiled at the others and waited until they had left the room.   
“Sit,” the Chancellor motioned.   
Aerrend took a seat. He felt strangely out-of-place, unnerved.   
“I merely wanted to express my concern for her Majesty Queen Breha. We have heard of her ill health, and of course wish her a swift recovery,” the Chancellor spoke, with a polite smile on his face, “But more importantly, I think congratulations are due to you, Representative Lus. In these past few months you have made quite a name for yourself in the Senate. Senator Organa has chosen well, your promotion was well deserved.”   
“Thank you, your Excellency. I shall pass on your well wishes to the Queen. And I thank you for your remarks. I am most honoured to be a Representative,” Aerrend answered. He hoped he was polite enough. He didn’t feel like offending the chancellor on Alderaan’s behalf.   
“You will have a great future in politics, my friend,” Chancellor Palpatine continued, “One day, when Senator Organa retires, you might become his successor. You have already made connections, you have already done great work. The pacifist cause is of utmost importance in our Republic. And I agree with you. Peace shall come soon, and end this dreadful conflict. As long as I can count on the Senate and the support of this committee, I see no reason why we shouldn’t have a return to peace and prosperity within this year.”   
Aerrend nodded. He smiled. He had no idea what to say.   
“I hope there will be peace in the Republic soon,” he said, finally.   
“This Republic depends on hard-working politicians like you,” the chancellor said and rose, “All doors are open to you, my friend. I shall be pleased to work with you again.”   
Aerrend stood as well, and bowed. He took this as his cue to go. He stammered a thank you, and exited the office. The meeting was pleasant, but it left him with a strange feeling. He shook it off. _It was mere nervousness, nothing more._

~

There was more work waiting for the Alderaanian, but luckily, he had no more meetings to tend to for now. And hopefully, Bail would return before the next meetings were due.   
He was doing research for committee-work and all that, when his commlink beeped. It was Obi-Wan. _Finally._ He went to the holo-comm-station, and answered the call, already dying to talk about the past few days, the votes in the senate, the meeting with the Chancellor and the meeting with Satine.   
When he answered, Obi-Wan’s expression was unreadable. He didn’t seem happy, but Aerrend couldn’t see why. He seemed sad and distant instead.   
“Hello there,” Obi-Wan said, an empty smile on his face. It didn’t reach his eyes.   
“Hi there,” Aerrend responded, adrenaline and nervousness rushing through his system, as he forced himself to smile. _I have missed you. I still miss you now, even if I see your face,_ Aerrend wanted to say. But he didn’t.   
“My ship will be landing on Coruscant soon,” the Jedi spoke, “Can you meet me at the spaceport?”   
_Something’s not right_ , Aerrend thought. His hands were shaking. He didn’t like where this was going.   
“Uh, sure,” he answered.   
“Great,” Obi-Wan answered, a flicker of pain shining through his neutral expression, “We should talk.”   
The call ended.   
_We should talk._   
Three words and every bit of hope, every fantasy for a forever, every bit of safety in Aerrend unravelled.   
_We should talk._   
Three words that came back in echoes through his head as he pulled on his coat, and made his way to the spaceport.   
_We should talk._  
Every silly, childish fantasy of becoming Senator Aerrend Kenobi one day, all of that faded into nothingness. He knew what those words meant, he wasn’t stupid. He was inexperienced, but not stupid. Well, maybe he was stupid after all, considering how easily he had deluded himself into thinking this would work. This would be safe. This would not break him. His gaze turned into the distance, focusing on the old familiar building he had stared at so longingly these past few days.   
_It’s the Jedi Order, then._  
He approached a ship, _Obi-Wan’s_ ship. A red astromech-droid rolled toward him, beeping happily. He put a shaking hand on top of the droid. “Hello, R4,” Aerrend spoke softly, and listened to the beeps, “Yes, I have missed you too.”   
Obi-Wan emerged from the shadow. The moment slowed down in his mind, every second dragged achingly long. He watched the Jedi intently, knowing full well that this was the last time he’d ever round the corner and still be his. He noticed the bruises on Obi-Wan’s face, and had it been any other day, he’d reach out to touch them. Take care of them. But he felt like he shouldn’t now.   
Obi-Wan smiled. A soft, sad smile, that didn’t reach his equally sad eyes. “You can go on without me, R4,” he said, before he turned to Aerrend, “Hi.”   
Aerrend stood there, trying to say something, a simple greeting. He wanted to throw himself in the Jedi’s arms, kiss him, never let him go. This felt wrong. So wrong.   
The part of him that didn’t want to throw himself into Obi-Wan’s arms, wanted to run, instead of facing this. It’d be pathetic. But at least he wouldn’t have to sit and watch his heart be torn into pieces.   
“Walk with me,” Obi-Wan said, as Aerrend’s feet were stuck to the ground he stood on, his words stuck at the back of his throat.   
Finally, he moved, falling into step with the Jedi. Usually, he’d feel his hand on his back by now. Or his hand in his, secretly, fleetingly, but still, something. Now there was no hand to lead him. No hand to hold.   
He had no idea what to do with his hands now. 

~

Obi-Wan tried not to think about it.   
_You broke his heart._  
Obi-Wan tried to feel nothing, to look past the pain.   
_You broke his heart._  
Obi-Wan tried to banish Aerrend’s expression from his thoughts, the way he teared up, but bit his lip to stop the tears from falling. The way he accepted it all silently, quietly, with nods, softly spoken answers. In a way, the Jedi wanted him to explode, to be furious, to take out his pain on the person who caused it. But he knew Aerrend, he knew what kind of person he was. He swallowed the pain and let it implode inside him, silently, while no one took notice of him crumbling and breaking. Obi-Wan had noticed.   
_You broke him._   
He shook his head.   
_It won’t work, it won’t work, it won’t work_ , he told himself, _he’s safe now._   
Obi-Wan was trying his hardest not to think about it anymore – he pushed it into a box and buried it in his mind, along with all the pain he had caused and the pain he was suffering. He had no right to suffer. It was his fault, after all.   
He had to focus now, had to find Maul. He had to be a Jedi again. 

~

Aerrend didn’t turn on the lights in his apartment. He dropped his jacket, pulled off his boots, almost automatic. Like he was a droid.   
He couldn’t bear seeing his apartment, with all the memories, all the hope, all his dreams still lingering here. There was too much of Obi-Wan here. If he didn’t have to see it, he didn’t have to acknowledge that everything was gone.   
_It’s not working. We’ve tried so hard, I have wanted it to work so badly. But it’s not. I’m a Jedi. You’re a politician. We’ve deluded ourselves into believing and hoping._  
Obi-Wan’s words drifted through his mind. The calmness of his voice, the way it seemed like he had analysed a situation, and drawn a conclusion. The calm and collected Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi everyone always talked about. Now Aerrend had met that man too, so different from the one he had fallen in love with.   
Was his heart still working? Aerrend didn’t know, didn’t want to check. He pulled his clothes off of his body and dropped them on the floor. Before he could stop himself, he pulled Obi-Wan’s shirt over his head, and crawled into bed.   
_What am I feeling?_  
Aerrend stared into the darkness. He didn’t have an answer to that either. His eyes were dry, but he knew tears would come eventually when the truth and realisation had set in. Once this nightmare turned into reality.  
He turned his head, looking at the pillow where Obi-Wan used to lay his head. Imagined the slow, calm breathing that had lulled him to sleep not too long ago. Back when things seemed possible, back when forever seemed possible.   
_Forever._  
He nearly laughed. How foolish he had been. 

~

More time passed, Aerrend worked on autopilot. While he worked just as well as always, he noticed worried glances from the people at the office, people in the committees, or friends like Padmé. He pulled back from lunch invitations, and instead worked, then went home and slept.   
One more week, and Bail returned to Coruscant, late in the evening, keeping Aerrend in office to talk about the few weeks he had been the senator’s substitute.   
“It all went well,” Aerrend declared, not really talking about any of the things he had been dying to tell Obi-Wan before everything had shifted.   
“I’m pleased to hear that, my friend,” Bail spoke, “I knew I had chosen well, and I knew I could trust you with this, Aerrend. Breha sends her love, and thanks you for being there for us in our time of need.”   
They sat opposite each other, only Bail’s desk dividing them.   
“It is my duty to serve the Royal house of Alderaan,” Aerrend answered, and tried to find it in himself to smile genuinely, “It is my duty to serve my friends.”   
Bail smiled warmly. “Enough of this talk about work,” he answered, “How are you? How are things going with your friend…? Ben, wasn’t it?”   
It felt like the floor was pulled from under him. _Ben_. It felt like a million years ago now, making up that name for the Jedi, _his Jedi_ , to cover up their relationship. He was surprised Bail even remembered.   
He sighed. He didn’t want to lie. He didn’t want to pretend they’d just been friends. This much, at least, he would allow himself.  
“We broke up,” he whispered.   
“Oh, Aerrend, I am so sorry,” Bail responded, “Was it because of work?”  
“It just…,” Aerrend stammered, trying his hardest not to cry, “It just… didn’t work.”   
Obi-Wan’s words echoed in his mind. _It’s not working._  
He hadn’t cried. At least not properly. Sure, there had been silent tears at night or in the shower. There had been endless sadness when drinking his morning caf alone. But he hadn’t broken down, he hadn’t sobbed, he hadn’t wept about that broken heart of his. The one he didn’t think he could ever mend. Or maybe he didn’t want to, not again, not after this.   
He looked up at Bail, who had been a mentor, a friend, and like an older brother to him. He didn’t look at him with pity, but with sympathy. And that was all it took to break the well in Aerrend. He was unable to stop it. He didn’t try.   
He sat there, in the chair, and broke. 

~

Ahsoka let herself fall into the chair opposite Anakin’s in the study hall of the temple. “What’s up, Snips?” the Jedi asked, without looking up at her.   
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Ahsoka said, quietly, “It’s about Obi-Wan.”   
Anakin looked up at her. The padawan smiled to herself. No matter how much they bickered, Anakin always cared about Obi-Wan and would always be alert to any of his problems.   
“What is it? Is he back from his mission in the Outer Rim? The one with Master Gallia,” Anakin inquired immediately. Ahsoka raised her hands to stop him. “Easy, Skyguy,” she said, “Let me finish. No, he’s not back yet. But… uh… aren’t you worried about him? He’s been acting strange.”   
“Has he? How so?”   
“Well, he’s really intent on working out this Maul business, he’s even more focused on doing his work. And he’s less… cheery. Less annoyed and less excited about getting us out of our messes,” Ahsoka explained. Obi-Wan wasn’t her master, but somewhat by proxy she felt like she was the padawan of Anakin and Obi-Wan. Therefore, she quickly picked up on both their manners and their moods. And obviously, Obi-Wan’s mood has been off ever since he returned from Raydonia.   
Anakin switched off his datapad. “Now that you mention it,” he answered, “He has pulled back from all the fun stuff. He barely even sits through lunch with us.”   
“It’s not just the Maul thing, isn’t it?” Ahsoka asked. She had a suspicion, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was just worried about the return of an old enemy.   
“Hmmm,” Anakin gave back. Ahsoka kicked him under the table. “Come on, you know him better than I do,” she pressed, “I know he’s focused, but he wouldn’t let something get so close to him, would he?”   
“No, he wouldn’t,” Anakin agreed, “You’re right, something is off. Plus, he has relaxed more in the past couple of months. But all that seems to be gone now, right? Maybe Padmé knows what’s up.”   
“He’s your Master, maybe you should talk to him, when he’s back,” Ahsoka sighed. Anakin was lost in thought for a moment, not taking note of her words. She almost got up, when he suddenly spoke again. “I think I have a pretty good idea what’s up.”   
Ahsoka felt like they were on the same page there.   
Obi-Wan was suffering from heartbreak. 

~

Master Gallia had died, which had only sharpened Obi-Wan’s resolve to work on becoming a better Jedi again. Gone was the time when he strayed from the order that had changed so much these past few years, changed beyond recognition. Straying from it wasn’t the answer. Adapting to it was. _No matter how much it hurts._  
So even now, when the Jedi order agreed with the chancellor’s words and deemed Maul and his brother as a _personal matter_ for Obi-Wan, he listened and obeyed the commands to focus on the galactic crisis that were the Clone Wars. He had hoped for more support. But he accepted their resignation. A Jedi Master had died and Maul seemed to have perished in a shipwreck. At least he got a few good hits in, but now that his anger was gone, sadness was all he felt.   
One day, possibly sooner than later, Maul would emerge again. And this time, Obi-Wan wouldn’t let him get away.   
As they walked through the halls of the Senate, Anakin put a hand on his shoulder.   
“Is everything alright, Obi-Wan? You don’t seem like yourself,” he said.   
Obi-Wan sighed. He knew he wasn’t himself. How could he be, when he suppressed half his emotions to ignore the pain and focus on the important things instead. He really needed a hug. Every day he felt tempted to turn and run, find Aerrend and make things right again. It took every bit of energy he had to not do that. Instead, he lay awake and replayed the moment he had broken the Alderaanian’s heart.   
“I’m… yeah,” he answered, “I’m…”   
Stars, he had no words. He needed a hug. Badly. But admitting that was something he would not do.  
Anakin gave him a nod. “You can talk to me, whenever you feel ready.”

~

Aerrend had hoped sobbing about it, and getting a good hug from a friend might help ease his pain, but he had been wrong. Heartache still followed him, everywhere he went. He felt frozen in time, frozen in pain. Maybe he’d never move on from this.   
He walked to the senatorial pod of Alderaan, finding some of his colleagues and Bail there. Bail clasped a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. He had insisted Aerrend take a few days of, but the young Representative refused. Exhaustion was his only saviour from sadness.   
He turned to sit, when, out of the corner of his eye, a group of people moving through the halls caught his eye. His gaze focused, he couldn’t stop it. _Of course, not even here I can escape him_ , he thought.   
Obi-Wan, surrounded by a group of Jedi, walked on, passing by him without even noticing him. Was he fine with this? Had he moved on so easily?   
Once again, he felt frozen, unmoored, not sure what to do.   
Anakin looked over, noticing him. He waved his hand before moving on. Obi-Wan just glanced over his shoulder, and then he was out of sight.   
When the pod moved, hovering to the center of the chambers, Aerrend finally sat.   
“My dear colleagues,” Bail spoke, beginning to introduce a new legislation.   
Aerrend’s mind wandered back to the Jedi just passing him by. Did he really not notice him? Could he never avoid him ever again?   
Suddenly, Aerrend felt homesick. He wanted to go home to Alderaan, never walk the halls of the chambers ever again, never walk the streets of Coruscant again, never walk past the memories, the history, their short, secret life together. Exchange the Skyscrapers for the snowy mountain-tops of Alderaan, and maybe feel different again.  
But he had no choice. He had to stay, even if staying was the hardest thing to do.  
He threw another glance over his shoulder, hoping that Obi-Wan had seen him, turned around and ran to him. Communicating with him through the eyes that made Aerrend fall for him in the first place. Giving him hope again.   
But Aerrend saw no one there. No auburn hair, nothing. _I am such a damn fool._   
Hope had brought him into this situation. Stupid, delusional hope.   
Aerrend never wanted to hope again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, this happened.   
> This chapter definitely is sadder than all the ones that had come before, but I hope people like it nonetheless.   
> I think this is the point where much more angst ensues, where hope and fear meet and merge. The next few chapters will thus maintain this more angsty feeling!   
> Anyways, I hope you're looking forward to it. Let me know what you think, if you feel like it. Thank you so much for reading.   
> love,   
> umbreongay (feel free to follow me on [ tumblr](https://umbreon-kenobi.tumblr.com) )


	18. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan observed for a moment longer. The cold night-air hit him, as he pulled down the hood of his robe. “Aerrend,” he said into the night, and in an instant the tall figure at the ship turned to face him.
> 
> [...]
> 
> When Aerrend heard Obi-Wan call out his name, he instinctively turned and walked up to him, and fling himself into his arms. Then the memory and hurt set back in – truly hit him for the first time – and he stopped. The few steps between them started to feel like miles. Their great divide.  
> “Obi-Wan,” Aerrend answered, his voice strained, aching from the knots and lumps that were tying his throat up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests, this chapter is kind of inspired by the song "exile" by Taylor Swift and Bon Iver.

**19 BBY, Coruscant, Core Worlds**  
Coruscant was covered in its bright lights and all its glory and even in its artificiality, Aerrend couldn’t help but find it beautiful as he entered the planet’s atmosphere. This was his first time off-world as the pilot of the ship. Not just the co-pilot, but the main pilot. All those flying lessons from Captain Antilles were slowly but surely starting to pay off.  
“You know a landing manoeuvre by now, Aerrend,” Raymus said, grinning widely, “I’m sure you’ll manage that without my help.”  
“I sure hope so, Captain,” Aerrend answered, a soft smile painting his face, “Would be a shame to end this lesson in a shipwreck.”  
“Well, it isn’t my ship, so you’d have to explain it to the senator,” Raymus shrugged. Aerrend chuckled. This was easy. Concentrating on flying a ship and having meaningless conversations. Pretending to be alright.  
To celebrate his first successful trip into space, Captain Antilles insisted on taking Aerrend out for lunch in one of those diners on the plazas on Coruscant’s upper levels. He had declined enough invitations to lunch the past few weeks, so there was no way getting out of this one. Were they friends? He had absolutely no idea.  
At least the food was good though. As they were eating, Raymus and Aerrend got to talking, first just small talk about Alderaan, their time at the academy or their service to the royal family, and then things took a turn to more serious business like the war or their mercy missions. Aerrend flinched when the Captain brought back a memory of their time on Ispu. The place where Obi-Wan had kissed him for the first time.  
Aerrend dropped his fork and turned to look at the fountain on the plaza. “So, uh, I… assume you and the Jedi?” Raymus pondered.  
The younger man shook his head. “Not anymore.”  
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Captain Antilles answered. Aerrend picked up his fork, then dropped it again. “Happens,” he whispered.  
“Uh, if you ever feel like… uh, having company or going out,” the captain said – stars, he was awkward at this – or more so stammered, “Feel free to call me up.”  
Aerrend sat, stunned, for a moment. Was Raymus hitting on him? By the force, he had to let him down easy. “Uh… You’re a very nice man, Captain, and equally handsome, but I’m currently… not really emotionally… ready… for something,” he answered.  
Antilles looked at him, puzzled, and then started laughing. “Oh, you think – oh, stars, no. You’re a handsome fella, Aerrend, but I don’t swing that way. I have a fiancée, back home. It’s just that I’ve enjoyed these lessons, and I’d like to be your friend,” he clarified.  
“Well,” Aerrend answered, “Not laughing that hard at the idea of being attracted to me might help in that endeavour… But I’m open to the idea of being friends. Force knows I’m incredibly lonely.”  
“Ah, I’m sure you’ll find someone,” Antilles spoke.  
“I have, but… you know,” Aerrend shrugged, really not willing to talk about this for much longer.  
“It’s that Jedi for you then?”  
Aerrend sighed, resigned, giving in to the truth of that. “Yup,” he answered, “It’s that Jedi for me.” 

~

Obi-Wan was a Jedi, a general, a friend, but he wasn’t someone who openly talked about his feelings. Was he meant to be? A Jedi was supposed to be in touch with their feelings, to assess their emotions and to draw logical, sensible conclusions from them. To curb them from straying too far from where the Jedi was meant to be.  
Obi-Wan looked at his time with Aerrend as the past, pushed into a box buried deep inside his mind. It was a wound that in time would heal. If only he worked hard enough to not think about the beautiful, sweet moments they had shared. Those would only stop that wound from healing.  
The Jedi found himself longing at night, wanting to sneak out the temple again, into the Coruscant night to Aerrend’s apartment. To feel him fall into his arms like he used to do, his curly hair tickling Obi-Wan’s neck. Tender kisses, and softly whispered words.  
But his hickey was gone, and with it any trace of him straying from the order, from the rules, from the codex. The hickey was gone, and with it any trace of Obi-Wan’s secret life outside the order. The life that brought him peace. Being a Jedi brought him purpose, but helping Aerrend fall asleep by humming or singing songs, or simply just wrapping his arms around the young Alderaanian had brought him peace.  
A loud knock on his door, followed by Anakin stepping in. “Hey, Obi-Wan,” he said, “Ahsoka and I were wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch with us. You know, since the afternoon’s off.”  
Obi-Wan sighed. He’d just be a bummer in this state, but spending time with his former padawan and Ahsoka always cheered him up. They had just returned from a mission to Onderon, helping rebels against the Seperatist rulers on their planet, all three of them together. Ahsoka had been injured, but since she took after Anakin, she never let these things drag her down.  
“Sure,” Obi-Wan said, mustering up his typical grin, “As long as you’re paying.”  
“What? Why me? You’re the one with council salary,” Anakin argued as they approached Ahsoka in the hall.  
“Oh, did he manage to drag you out of your rooms, Obi-Wan?” Ahsoka asked, smiling sheepishly.  
“Yes, he even offered to pay. For both of us,” Obi-Wan answered, giving her a smile in return, “Isn’t that generous?”  
Anakin muttered something the Jedi couldn’t quite make out, but judging by the hint of a smile on his face, it seemed he was more than happy to be teased by them, as long as it meant that his plan to cheer his former Master up succeeded. It was a sweet gesture, and Obi-Wan made a mental note to appreciate Anakin even more from now on.

~

“You’re not seriously still doing work, are you?” Sabé asked from the floor of Aerrend’s living room, “I’ve come all the way here from Naboo. Come on, let’s go out. I haven’t had a night out in months.”  
Aerrend flipped the page on his datapad. “I’m almost finished,” he answered, “I’m just reading the new decrees from the chancellor. Plus, I don’t really feel like going out.”  
“How long has it been since the Jedi Knight dumped you?” Sabé asked.  
“Jedi _Master_ ,” Aerrend answered tight-lipped, “And it’s been a couple of weeks.”  
Sabé took the datapad from his hands. “And you’re going to mope around your apartment for the rest of eternity?”  
“No,” Aerrend snapped, “Just for as long as it takes to get over him.”  
Another sigh from Sabé. “That’s exactly why I don’t have relationships,” she exclaimed, “There’s too much emotional baggage that comes with the fun stuff.”  
“Really? You should join the Jedi order then,” Aerrend responded, and then after a pause, “So you never had to get over anyone ever?”  
“I’m not a droid, Aerrend, of course I’ve had feelings in my life that sometimes led to heartache,” she explained, “The daughter of a foreign diplomat, for example. Or Captain Tonra. But feelings are feelings. It all passed, eventually. Duty remained.”  
Aerrend’s brow furrowed. “That’s exactly why I’m doing work now… to forget about feelings. It’s just not enough, I fear. Have you ever tried to make a home out of someone else?”  
“Oh absolutely.”  
“Really? Who was it?”  
“Padmé.”  
“You had feelings for her?”  
“Things were complicated. They still sometimes are. My life’s purpose is to serve her, to work with her, to be her loyal friend and bodyguard way beyond her time as a queen. For the longest time, it has been my identity, and in a way, my home. But you cannot make a home out of any one person, except for yourself.”  
Aerrend sat in silence, took in the words.  
“Anyways, enough of that,” she concluded, “Can we at least go see Padmé? Have a drink and just talk?”  
“If I have a drink, I’ll get emotional,” Aerrend said, “But fine, if I’m not entertaining enough for you, we can go. Just let me finish that one page.”  
He grabbed his datapad, and opened it. A HoloNews-Update popped up on his screen, talking about unrest on the Neutral World of Mandalore. Interest raising in him, he almost pressed his finger on it to open the news article. Sabé’s face, however, reminded him that he had a guest to entertain. 

~

“Do you think we should have called in advance?” Aerrend asked as they were on the elevator up to Padmé’s penthouse. Despite its splendid design and vast rooms, he always felt welcome here. Maybe that was more so Padmé than the place she lived in.  
“I don’t think she has anything to do, she’ll be glad to see us,” Sabé answered, when the elevator door opened.  
They were approached by the golden protocol droid, C3PO. Threepio was a very endearing droid and a loyal servant, even if he sometimes was overeager, bordering on annoying.  
“Oh, Sir Aerrend. Miss Sabé. How wonderful to see you,” the droid spoke, “Are you here to see Mistress Padmé?”  
“It’s wonderful to see you too, Threepio,” Aerrend answered. Sabé nodded. “We were in the area, and wondered if the Senator had a moment of time for some friends.”  
The droid raised a hand. “Of course,” he said excitedly, “I will see if I can find her. Wait here, please.”  
And then they waited. And waited.  
“What is taking him so long?” Sabé asked.  
“Maybe Padmé was already sleeping,” Aerrend answered, “Stars know I would love to be sleeping.”  
“You can’t sleep your way out of heartbreak,” Sabé said.  
“But I can drink my way out?”  
She shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt to try!”  
Aerrend let out a soft chuckle. The funny thing about Sabé was that she seemed so put-together, in an extremely intimidating way. He remembered first meeting her, when he thought she disliked him and every single word he said. When he was afraid that she would just murder him if he did anything wrong, because she definitely was intimidating enough to believe she could and would mess up a droid army all by herself. But underneath all that, once you had gotten to know her, she was so _weird_. And strange. He loved that about her.  
“See, you’re laughing,” she joked, “Our night out is already working wonders on your mood.”  
The droid returned and told them they could come in now.  
When they did, they saw Padmé sitting on the couch, opposite Anakin Skywalker. 

~

Obi-Wan sat meditating in the temple, sensing that somewhere far away, Anakin had gotten himself into an awkward situation. For once, he was glad he wasn’t there to get him out of that mess.  
Lately, Obi-Wan’s meditations had had become deeper, a more thorough search within the force. He was trying to find peace and reason within it. Sometimes he sat down late afternoon, took off his boots, closed his eyes, and opened them again when the sun had long set. He only witnessed the change of light and colours within the room through his feelings, not through his sight.  
As usual, his thoughts and musings were about his heart, about the sadness he felt ever since he had broken up with the one he loved. Therefore, he rejoiced in meditating alone, when he was alone, when he could feel his feelings in private. Sometimes Master Yoda joined him, once again reminding him that letting go of friends and attachments will lead him to finding peace in loss, the same lesson he had taught him as a youngling, and then again later, after Qui-Gon was made of fire and ashes.  
This time around, he had spent sunset alone, sensing the orange-red light through the force. Then, once the sun had fallen, he wasn’t alone anymore.  
“Ahsoka,” he said, as the young padawan sat down on the floor opposite him.  
“Mind if I join you?” Ahsoka asked, still aching from her injury on Onderon.  
“Not at all,” Obi-Wan answered, keeping his eyes closed, “Do you know where Anakin is?”  
“Nope,” Ahsoka answered, “He’s probably annoying Senator Amidala somewhere.”  
Obi-Wan let out a soft chuckle. “Possibly.”  
Silence. He sensed Ahsoka thinking, wondering, waiting to ask him something. Something personal.  
And for some reason, he decided to give her answers, if she worked up the courage to demand them.  
“You’re restless, Obi-Wan,” she said, breaking the silence.  
“Yes.” It was true. With everything going on, he had become restless. Maul, the crisis on Mandalore, trying to not think about Aerrend.  
“That’s Anakin’s thing,” she clarified.  
“I know.”  
“What is it? You’re supposed to be the calm one in this trio,” she said, “For balance.”  
“I can hardly outbalance you and Anakin, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan answered, the corners of his mouth curling upwards in a soft smile, “I have formed an attachment outside the Jedi order that has clouded my judgement. I have become careless, inattentive, it was best to end things. Before anyone could get harmed. Now I’m trying to find my balance again.”  
A voice inside him rose to point out that he hadn’t taken anyone out of harm’s way, he had simply been the one to hurt Aerrend instead. He remembered the pain he had inflicted on him, but also on himself. _Stars, this is why I’m trying to forget about it._  
“Can I ask you a question?”  
“Sure.”  
“Do you _really_ believe that attachment is wrong? That forbidding love is the right way to go?”  
“It’s a rule of the order. It is what we learn. Attachment leads to possession, possession leads to selfishness. Attachment can lead you down the way of the dark side.”  
“I’m not asking for a lesson or a lecture, Master, I’m asking for your opinion,” Ahsoka clarified.  
Obi-Wan sighed. Did he believe it was right? Did he believe love was bad or wrong? He had no answer. One cannot simply chose to never get attached to anyone else. And wasn’t the bond between Master and Padawan an attachment? He had known he should be prepared for loss, but it hadn’t made losing Qui-Gon easier. And hadn’t he turned a blind eye to what was going on between Anakin and Padmé for so long, because he knew it was good for Anakin? Because it made Anakin happy? And the importance of Anakin’s happiness to him, their brotherhood and their strong friendship, they were signs of attachment too.  
_Truly_ , it was a complicated matter.  
“My personal feelings on this issue are complicated,” Obi-Wan admitted, finally.  
He didn’t need to use the force to know that Ahsoka was rolling her eyes at his lack of response.  
“Look,” she said, “You have seemed more yourself these past few months. And not once have I, or Anakin, felt that you had slipped up as a Jedi. But now you’re different. Isolated. Withdrawn. We worry about you. We have worried about you since Onderon.”  
“There is no need to worry, Ahsoka,” the Jedi Master answered, “No matter the impact, things are better now, and they will improve further. Soon enough I will be my old self again.”  
Ahsoka sighed. “He was my friend too,” she confessed, “And I miss him.”  
Obi-Wan opened his eyes, and looked right into Ahsoka’s.  
“It’s for the best,” he said, automatically, not knowing if he believed his words.  
Ahsoka was every bit as loyal as Anakin, even if she was more reasonable than her Master was. So when she asked about Aerrend, it was more out of friendship, rather than to remind Obi-Wan of his open wound.  
“But is it, though?” she asked, “Is it the best for him, too?”  
Again, Obi-Wan had no answer. He had been too much of a coward to ask about Aerrend, let alone speak to him. Old habits die hard. The Jedi’s mind did that all too familiar twist, bringing back the image of the curly-haired guy who used to wait for him with a cup of tea – the guy who knew more about him than anyone else. _Is he alright? Is he handling the situation well?_  
The Jedi Master made his final confession for the day. “I have no idea,” he said.

~

_This is awkward_ , was what Aerrend had wanted to say. At least, it was the only thought spinning in his mind. He hadn’t seen any Jedi since that day in the Senate, let alone interacted with one. And now he was sitting here with Obi-Wan’s best friend. As if the whole situation wasn’t already filled with so much tension.  
They had probably interrupted a quiet night for the two of them, and now there was no going back. Aerrend didn’t know any details on the situation between Padmé and the Jedi, all he could do was guess and draw conclusions from their behaviour around one another. But he was certain that this was supposed to be a romantic night, not an awkward one.  
Sabé wasn’t too happy with the situation either. She wanted to see her friend, and not have to share her with the man she didn’t like all that much. They, nonetheless, accepted a refreshment from Threepio. Then he just listened to the others’ clumsy attempts at making conversation.  
His gaze drifted away, from the here and now, focusing on the Jedi temple in the distance. He thought of that day Obi-Wan sneaked him in there underneath his cloak. Oh, how long ago that felt now. He wondered what the Jedi Master was doing now. Was he even here, on Coruscant? Or was he somewhere else, somewhere were he was in danger? _Oh, stars, please let him be safe_ , Aerrend thought. Then, he shook his head. _It’s not your place to worry anymore._  
But truly, how was he doing? Did he ever think about their time together? Did he long for those nights entangled in each other’s arms as much as Aerrend did? Or had he forgotten? Had he let go? Was Aerrend the idiot who was missing someone who had long since moved on?  
Tears blurred his vision, and he rose, suddenly. “I’m sorry, I need some air,” he said. He stepped out onto the patio. 

~

_You’re not going to cry_ , Aerrend told himself, looking out at the most magnificent view of the capital, if only his eyes weren’t filled with tears. _You’re not going to cry in front of Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker._  
Was he ever going to grow up? Was he ever going to be able to control his feelings? Stop tears from spilling over?  
Obi-Wan was the only person he ever truly allowed to witness his emotions, even back when he hadn’t known his name for longer than 30 seconds on Jakku.  
That was over now. At least the last time they saw each other he hadn’t cried, but simply endured the words, while breaking apart on the inside. Obi-Wan surely had seen right through it all, like he always did. _He’d see through all my sadness and fury right now, too._  
Aerrend looked at the night-sky, the bright lights of the city. And then he looked down, at the city, wondering if falling down would hurt. He was tired of feeling everything too much, the good and the bad – so, so fucking tired. Why not follow his thoughts all the way down? Falling down and crashing on the ground could not be more painful than being –  
Someone stepped out onto the patio, and Aerrend pulled his thoughts off of the cliffside. “I’m alright, don’t worry,” Aerrend said.  
“You don’t seem alright,” Anakin disagreed. Aerrend was surprised that he had been the one to follow him, but maybe the Jedi Knight had sensed something in the force and come to talk him down. Off of the ledge his thoughts were leading to.  
“It’s fine, really,” Aerrend assured.  
“Is it?” the Jedi followed up, “Look, I’m not really an expert at this, but I can tell when someone isn’t doing alright.”  
“I miss him,” the Alderaanian man admitted, without saying the name, “That’s all. I just miss him.”  
“He misses you too,” Anakin responded, “He hasn’t been the same these past few weeks.”  
“He does?” Aerrend asked almost too eagerly, and then he snapped out of it again, “It doesn’t matter. This is for the best.”  
“It doesn’t seem to be for the best,” Anakin spoke, “Neither one of you seems better now.”  
“There are rules he has to obey. It might not be for the best, but at least it was the right thing to do,” Aerrend said, reiterating the old Jedi rules, ignoring that although it was right, it had broken his heart – broken _him_. Calling that a “right thing to do” hurt more than he cared to admit. He swallowed sadness, anger and fury.  
“Rules are rules, Aerrend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re right. I don’t agree with that rule and I’ve never disapproved of what the two of you had, of who you are. I want you to know that. I was happy for him. You were good for him,” Anakin explained, “And now he’s restless, and worried about the war, about Maul, about Mandalore, about the duchess, about me.”  
“Why? What is going on with Mandalore? And who is Maul?” he asked, grasping for any way to drag this conversation away from the personal. He didn’t want to hear how Obi-Wan was doing, it made him sad. And yearn for the bearded Jedi Master so much more than he already did.  
“Uh… Mandalore is experiencing some unrest. It’s not unusual, but he suspects Maul, an old enemy, is behind those events,” Anakin explained, suddenly more reluctant to speak.  
“I have heard of that development,” Aerrend answered, “Is it bad? Is the Duchess in danger?”  
“Looks like it,” Anakin murmured, “I’m really not supposed to tell you. It’s not a matter for the Republic anyways.”  
Aerrend thought about what Obi-Wan had told him about his first love. Satine still meant a great deal to him, losing her would hurt.  
But he was just as unable as Obi-Wan to do anything about it, wasn’t he? He wasn’t even a Senator. He was a wreck at worst, and a boy with a blaster at best.  
But maybe his feelings could still be used for something good. Maybe if he somehow saved the Duchess, he’d do Obi-Wan one last favour, one last act of love, and then he could let go. Move on. Maybe everything he felt could be turned into resolve. A purpose.  
“But what I meant to say is that… Obi-Wan was a happier man when you still were… friends. I was happy for both of you,” Anakin spoke in a hushed voice, “You were good for him. Maybe even great.”  
Aerrend nodded. “I was,” he said, not sure if the secret relationship he had shared with the Jedi had been good for him, in the end, “But the past is the past. It’s time to look forward. He’ll still be a great Jedi without me.”  
_Without this burden._  
Anakin shrugged and nodded. He gave him a resigned smile, and clasped a hand on his shoulder for a moment. “Don’t do anything foolish out here, Aerrend,” Anakin said, “Okay? We’ll be waiting inside.” 

~

“Troubling, the situation on Mandalore is,” Master Yoda said, “Intervene, we must not. We cannot, hmmmm.”  
“Because Mandalore is a neutral system?” Obi-Wan asked, “Why should that stop us? The Jedi have had operations on there before.”  
“Small scale, these missions were, young Obi-Wan,” Yoda answered, “Civil war this is.”  
“And we cannot carry another war effort,” Mace Windu added, “The chancellor said it himself. Only when we have ended the threat of Dooku and the Sith can we focus on bringing peace to systems that are not aligned with our Republic.”  
“But – if Maul truly is behind…,” Obi-Wan began. When he looked at the other Masters, he saw annoyance. Doubt. They didn’t believe him, they thought he was overthinking the crisis on Mandalore. And Darth Maul.  
Obi-Wan had never wanted to go with a batallion of clones, to suppress an uprising against the Duchess at all costs. He had wanted to go as a peacekeeper, help negotiate a solution. But the Jedi weren’t peacekeepers anymore, they were generals. Their reputation had changed.  
“Alright, I understand,” Obi-Wan muttered. He hadn’t been on the council for long, so stepping out of line wasn’t what he wanted to do. Maybe that was why Qui-Gon had refused to join the Council. Obi-Wan understood now, for the first time, that the council wasn’t always right.  
He just needed to do something. To stop Maul from doing what he was planning to do there. Was Satine in danger? He had no idea, but even if things between them were in the past, Obi-Wan didn’t want her to get hurt because the Sith Lord was seeking revenge against him.  
But maybe he was just distracting himself from the strings tying him to the Representative of Alderaan, the strings that were pulling him so strongly, it took everything in him to resist.  
Obi-Wan rose and shook his head. _By the force, I need to do something, I need to go somewhere and get this out of my system._  
For the first time since the clone wars began, he wished to go to the frontlines and fight. And maybe even fall. 

~

Aerrend had listened to the members of the Loyalist committee talk about everything but the crisis on Mandalore (which had gotten worse) for about an hour now. With Bail there, Aerrend didn’t know what his place in the group was.  
He usually remained quiet, to not overstep his position or to displease Senator Organa. He never spoke up, unless asked to give opinions, but now he felt the need to do so.  
“What about the Crisis on Mandalore? I hear things have turned violent there,” he said in a quiet moment, “Is there nothing we can do?”  
“The Mandalorians are our friend, but as a practical matter, they’re a neutral system. The Republic is under no obligation to help,” Mon Mothma answered, “And as long as the Senate, the Chancellor or the Jedi Council disagree with sending aid to the planet, our hands are tied.”  
“But it shouldn’t be a war effort, even. We could go and try to negotiate peace,” Aerrend argued, “Neither of those parties would have to be involved if we go.”  
“It would still be a form of Republic intervention, Aerrend. We couldn’t go without clone or Jedi protection,” Bail added to Mon Mothma’s arguments, “We haven’t even gotten a distress call from the planet.”  
“What if we draw up a bill? That allows us to embark on mercy missions similar to those in the Separatist worlds with insurgencies. Those have been quite a success,” Aerrend proposed. He felt Padmé’s hand on his arm, and as he turned to her, she shook her head softly.  
Senator Free Taa spoke up now. “That bill has only succeeded once the Republic had gotten permission to oversee these missions, and turn then into a military operation,” he said, “In some cases, one mission led by you personally, they were more of a failure than a success. I don’t mean any offence, Representative Lus, but I doubt we’d get such legislations through the senate. Republic intervention on Mandalore would be a mistake both diplomatically and strategically. There’s nothing to gain for us.”  
Aerrend wanted to say more, but with Padmé’s hand on his arm, he felt like he had already said too much. He looked to Bail, who didn’t seem too keen on taking his side. “Patience, Aerrend,” Padmé said softly. 

~

“I just don’t see how we could sit around here, and do nothing,” Aerrend reiterated later in Bail’s office, pacing up and down in front of the senator’s desk, “I’ve had tea with her grace just a few weeks ago, and now I’m supposed to just witness her downfall?”  
Bail raised one hand to calm him down. Stars, he had never seen Aerrend this enraged, this unreasonable, impatient and snappy. At least not when it came to politics. “Our hands are tied, Aerrend,” Bail answered, “I’m not pleased with the situation, but it is what it is. We shouldn’t tire ourselves out, there’s a billion more injustices out there in the galaxy. Issues that concerns our Republic, our democracy.”  
Aerrend stopped, and Bail looked up at him, waiting for him to calm down. Aerrend seemed lost, still trying to argue.  
“Can’t Alderaan do anything?” he asked.  
Bail shook his head. “But what if I go, and I get her. We can offer her asylum on Alderaan. Can’t we do that?” Aerrend inquired.  
“If the duchess wants asylum, she should contact one of our ambassadors, or the Queen personally,” Bail answered tight-lipped. _What is going on with him?_  
“We don’t have an ambassador on Mandalore,” Aerrend pointed out.  
Bail sighed, growing more annoyed with this situation. Whatever his friend was going through these past few weeks was still weighing him down. “Stop it, Aerrend,” Bail scolded, “You cannot go. Alderaan has no armed forces we could send along with you. You’d be in danger, especially if you’re going to behave like this.”  
“I can defend myself,” his young friend argued, completely ignoring the point about his state of mind.  
“Not in a war, Aerrend,” Bail said, “You are not going on Alderaan’s behalf, and that is the end of this discussion. I think you should take the rest of the day off and try to sort your head out. You haven’t been yourself these past couple of weeks.”  
Aerrend rose. “Fine,” he said, “I won’t be going on Alderaan’s behalf, then.”  
Only hours later, when he thought back on their exchange, did Bail realise what Aerrend had meant with his last words. He had basically confirmed that he was going to Mandalore. On his own.  
Instead of calling Aerrend to resolve the tension from earlier, he called the Jedi temple, with one particular Jedi in mind. Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

~

_Aerrend is about to do something foolish,_ was probably the least surprising sentence Obi-Wan had ever heard next to _Anakin has ignored to the advice you have given him_. Not foolish as in stupid, but foolish as in doing something very dangerous because he’s too much of a good person to think a plan through. Something reckless and self-sacrificing out of love for somebody else. But Aerrend didn’t know, he didn’t understand just _how reckless_ this was. And Obi-Wan had to find a way to stop him.  
Finding him wasn’t hard. There were few places you could hire a ship at night that would get you off-world without alerting authorities or appearing on official flight records. Few shipyards on the upper levels of Coruscant offered services like that. The Jedi hoped that Aerrend was smart enough to know that he should avoid the lower levels of the city, therefore he checked out the few places on the upper levels. He was unsuccessful at the first two, but then at the second, the person remembered dark-haired man of Obi-Wan’s height in fancy clothing. With a simple Jedi mind trick, he told Obi-Wan where that man had gone.  
He followed the directions.  
And there Aerrend stood, few metres in front of him, looking at the ship he had just rented. For the first time in weeks Obi-Wan had seen him. He still seemed so familiar, like home. Obi-Wan wanted to walk up to him and hold him.  
“This should work,” Aerrend muttered, and turned to a small droid, “Tell your master I accept this ship.”  
The droid accepted the credits, and went off into the night.  
Obi-Wan observed for a moment longer. The cold night-air hit him, as he pulled down the hood of his robe. “Aerrend,” he said into the night, and in an instant the tall figure at the ship turned to face him.  
For a moment, he was the Aerrend Obi-Wan had come to know and love, the Aerrend who was fragile, brave, and so beautiful, _his_ Aerrend, staring at him with eyes so loving and open. But then it was gone. Aerrend’s guard shot up, turning him into a fortress Obi-Wan could not conquer, for he was the one to construct it. 

~

When Aerrend heard Obi-Wan call out his name, he instinctively turned and walked up to him, and fling himself into his arms. Then the memory and hurt set back in – truly hit him for the first time – and he stopped. The few steps between them started to feel like miles. Their great divide.  
“Obi-Wan,” Aerrend answered, his voice strained, aching from the knots and lumps that were tying his throat up. He was facing the last person he had wanted to see right in this moment. The person he had been longing for every waking hour. The person he was doing all this for.  
“You’re going away?” Obi-Wan asked, matter-of-factly. Annoyed, Aerrend gestured towards the ship he had just rented. “What gave it away?” he responded, more harshly than intended. Obi-Wan smiled softly. “Why are you smiling?” Aerrend asked.  
“Senator Organa has told me were you want to go,” the Jedi answered, “Why you want to go. We’ve been fighting for the same cause, Aerrend. A part of that makes me happy.”  
“We have? Must be nothing but a coincidence,” Aerrend answered, trying to stop the flutter of his heart at the thought of them being on the same side again. _But we’re not_ , he reminded himself, _Not anymore._  
Obi-Wan sighed. “Don’t go,” he urged, his face suddenly darker, filled with such worry, “Please. It’s too dangerous.”  
“Why shouldn’t I go? Because the Jedi Council disagrees? Well, the council and I seem to be at odds with one another here. One just has to decide what side to pick,” Aerrend answered, turning back to his ship.  
“Aerrend,” Obi-Wan said, softly, too softly. His name still sounded like music out of the Jedi’s mouth, it still reminded him of the promise of forever, the promise that had been burned and buried with Aerrend’s heart. “This is hardly fair.”  
And with that, the Alderaanian man spun around again, looking at Obi-Wan. All his fury was in his hands now. He wanted to get rid of it, one way or another. “This isn’t fair? You know what’s not fair? Huh? Waiting for weeks, without hearing anything from you. Not a word, not a message, not one single sign that you were okay, or alive, while I was here all by myself, worried sick. I thought you had died, or been wounded, or something terrible had happened. I barely slept at night. And then you return after all that amount of nothing, and vaguely summon me to meet you at the Republic’s spaceport,” he barked.  
“Aerrend,” the Jedi answered, raising a hand in defence. All of his guards were up now. All traces of a smile, of openness, had vanished.  
“Safe that for when I’m done,” Aerrend continued. He felt tempted to take the Jedi’s hand like he had done so many times before. “And then I arrive here, you look like you’ve been through hell, your face is covered in scars and bruises. But I don’t get any explanation for whatever the fuck has happened. I only get your guard to run into, my heart shredded to pieces, because I lost. Weeks of silence, I have no idea what happened or what changed. All I know is that it’s over.”  
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. They stood in silence, Aerrend’s anger hanging between them, and in that moment Aerrend realised it is misplaced. The one person to be angry at was his stupid, foolish self. The one that wanted to fling himself down from Padmé’s penthouse just days ago, and now was ready to fling himself into a civil war. Tears welled in his eyes again.  
“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan whispered, “I’m sorry. I wanted to protect you, I have failed.”  
“I’m not angry at you,” Aerrend whispered, “I was a fool to believe this could work. But you should have known better. You’re the Jedi, and I’m just a person with feelings. I didn’t know any better than to fall in love with you and believe you’d ever choose me over the Jedi order. But I know better now. Anyways, I should go.”  
“Let’s go together,” Obi-Wan said. Aerrend looked into Obi-Wan’s eyes, giving in to his aching need to see what he was feeling. “I’ll talk to the council, if they know someone in the Senate agrees, they can hardly say no,” the Jedi added then, and Aerrend’s hopes crashed once more.  
He let out a hollow, empty laugh. “Stars, I’m so stupid,” he said, “This isn’t an official mission, Obi-Wan. I don’t want to betray Bail by going to some higher authority for permission. In fact, I suspect I’m out of a job now anyways. I’m going to do this on my own. I have to. Without the involvement of the council, or the Republic.”  
“But why? What can you do against civil war on your own?”  
“If all else fails, I’ll get the Duchess to safety,” Aerrend answered, “I might just be a weak boy with a blaster, but I think I can manage saving someone.”  
“But what if you get hurt?” Obi-Wan asked, sounding more worried than he had ever heard him. He sounded frightened. There seemed to be more to this than Aerrend knew, but he didn’t want to coax it out of him. He didn’t want to play any Jedi games anymore.  
“I don’t care if I get hurt or killed,” Aerrend answered, his voice quivering as he finally took in just how true that statement was, “Maybe that would be for the best.”  
Obi-Wan sighed, his eyes hinting towards a sadness so deep, Aerrend felt as well. This seemed to be their end. The closing chapter of their love affair that should never have been. The moment weighed on them. Two parties who had hit a dead end constructed by circumstances none of them controlled.  
Aerrend turned to go, when Obi-Wan reached for him and grabbed his arm. Normally, the young man would have leaned into every touch of the Jedi, but now he just wanted to get away before the tears could spill, flooding his resolve to leave away with them.  
“Don’t,” Obi-Wan begged, “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I’ve tried to protect you from all that. Please don’t make me fail. Please, Aerrend. I… I don’t know if I can get there in time to rescue you, I don’t know if they’d allow me to.”  
Aerrend listened, took in the words. He had to be harsh now, so the Jedi would let him go. Ignore the fact that all he wanted to say was “I miss you”. He had to ignore just how afraid he was, just how badly he wanted to do this with Obi-Wan. _Put your credits where your mouth is_ , he told himself. _For once in your life._  
“I’m not your problem anymore,” he said, “Goodbye, Obi-Wan.” And with that he freed himself from the Jedi’s grip and boarded the ship. With hot tears in his eyes, he punched in the coordinates of Mandalore and launched the ship. Before his doubts could get the best of him. 

~

Obi-Wan watched the spaceship disappear into the nightsky, out of atmosphere into space. He stood, quietly simmering in the weight of his failure. Somehow, his attempts at protecting the person he loved so much, had pushed him to run into that exact danger. Maul hadn’t revealed himself yet, but Obi-Wan was sure he was behind it. He felt it. He wanted to feel resolve, he wanted to be a Jedi, make a plan, advocate for that plan with the council, and follow Aerrend to save him, Satine and Mandalore from the Sith Lord who only wanted Revenge.  
Instead, he stood there and watched, and felt so profoundly sad that he could hardly breathe. The only thing guiding him was his tight grip to the light of the force.  
Back in the temple, his eyes dry again, he walked towards his chambers, avoiding everyone and everything.  
“Where were you?” Anakin asked. Obi-Wan turned around, seeing Ahsoka and Anakin standing behind him. _Stars, let them look past my swollen eyes_ , the Jedi thought. But of course they didn’t.  
“I think you need a hug, big guy,” Ahsoka said, approaching him with open arms, alongside Anakin.  
“Ugh, fine,” Obi-Wan said, as Anakin and Ahsoka pulled him into a tight embrace. 

~

That night, instead of falling into sadness, the Jedi focused on what he had, instead of focusing on what felt like his biggest failure yet. He didn’t focus on the “I miss you” that had been hanging between him and Aerrend, those three unspoken words. He talked it through with Anakin and Ahsoka, though leaving out precious details, and felt resolve where there should be hopelessness. He’d go to Mandalore, whether the council wanted him to go or not.  
Aerrend’s voice echoed at the back of his mind. _Goodbye, Obi-Wan._ He had sounded so certain that this would be their last goodbye, through one way or another. Aerrend had never been reluctant to sacrifice himself for the good of others, he placed no value on his life. When he had said goodbye, he meant it.  
Obi-Wan didn’t want to lose him. He’d have to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that one went dark, but I hope I managed to end it on a somewhat hopeful note.  
> It will probably get darker from here on though, lol. Am I doing okay? Who knows!?
> 
> Also, let me know if you prefer long chapters or short ones! Should I split anything thats more than 7k into two parts? 
> 
> Thank you so, so much for reading, it means the world to me!  
> Stay safe, and may the force be with you all.  
> love  
> umbreongay (feel free to follow me on [ tumblr](https://umbreon-kenobi.tumblr.com) )


	19. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~ “Anakin. I have no time. I need to borrow one of your ships.”  
> “A ship. What for?”  
> “I’m going to Mandalore. On my own.”  
> “On your own? That’s insane, master. Ahsoka and I should –.”  
> Obi-Wan put a hand on Anakin’s chest. “No, you should not. It’s dangerous, and will only get both of you in trouble with the council. You have much to lose – both of you – and I don’t. If they strip me of the rank of Master, so be it. But I have to go.” ~
> 
> (this chapter is partially based on "The Lawless" (Clone Wars, Season 5 Episode 17) and parts of the dialogue are inspired by it.)

**19 BBY, Hyperspace-Lane to Mandalore**  
Once Aerrend had made the jump to hyperspace, the reality of what he had done hit him. He had left Coruscant on a fool’s errand, he went against Bail’s order and against everyone on the committee, including Padmé. He’d be out of a job, out of allies, out of any sympathy for this hopeless effort. But he had to try, he just had to. For Obi-Wan.  
_Blast it_ , Aerrend thought, hiding his face in his hands. Obi-Wan had come to stop him, Obi-Wan wanted to go with him, Obi-Wan was afraid. Stars, what was Aerrend getting himself into here if Obi-Wan was terrified? But still, the Jedi had been unwilling to come along without the involvement of the council.  
_Stop whining you’ll be of no use on Mandalore that way,_ Aerrend thought.  
He sighed. He had to do his self-assigned duty now. _Try your best not to fail this time_ , a voice inside him said. Aerrend felt like in all his months on Coruscant, he had done nothing but fail. Now he was alone.  
The last time he had been truly alone, he had been terrified. And he had been desperate to not be alone for any second of the ordeal, so that even the company of an arrogant Jedi who had come to rescue him was the thing he had clung to.  
Not even a year ago, Obi-Wan had been there with him, and despite knowing this fragile boy for less than a day, he was more than happy to let him lean on him.  
But that was months ago. Now was different. Now Aerrend had said goodbye. 

~

From the shadows, the fringes, the hidden darkness of Mandalore, the descent of peace and pacifism had begun. Finally, the moment of revenge was here. The return of the Warrior, brave and strong. Capable of defeating Jedi and Sith.  
Pre Vizla looked down at the darksaber – the ancient Mandalorian weapon that had been in his clan’s possession for generations – and knew victory was his. As soon as the Duchess and the two monsters were deposed of. 

~

“Your grace, we have a visitor,” a member of the security forces said as they led Aerrend to the throne room. Satine sat on the throne, surrounded by only her advisors.  
Aerrend curtsied. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Duchess,” he said as he rose again. Satine got up and met him with an extended hand, which he took into his briefly.  
“Your visit is very welcome here, Ambassador Lus,” Satine answered, “but it comes at a bad time.”  
“I’ve heard of the unrest,” Aerrend agreed, “It’s precisely the reason I came here. I want to help, in whatever way I can.”  
“Why should we trust you? Where do you even come from?” one of the advisors asked. “How can we know you’re not involved in this plot?” a second person added.  
“Alderaan may be part of the Republic and in certain ways, it has come to support the war against Count Dooku and his seperatists. We are, however, a peaceful system that values diplomacy,” Aerrend explained. _Well, at least I do_. He looked right at the Duchess, hoping he’d gain her trust. “I assure you, I come as a friend. As an ally. A fellow pacifist.”  
“Come with me, Aerrend,” the Duchess said, “We have much to talk about.” 

~

Satine had led him out on one of the palace’s balconies, and in an instant he could hear the chanting, the outrage, and the fighting.  
“Crime Lords have attacked this city,” Satine explained, “There have been attacks all over Mandalore, but they have been the strongest here, in Sundari. Our security forces were overwhelmed, there was hardly anything that could be done. The public was outraged at our inability to protect them.”  
Her fists were clenched, her face purposefully neutral, but the anger was shining through. “Crime Lords? What about Death Watch?” Aerrend asked.  
“They stepped in, giving the people the action they want against the criminals attacking our city. When I told them to remain calm, I wasn’t trying to downplay the danger, I was trying to find a solution. A solution that works for Mandalore. But Death Watch promised them the violence of warriors. And they acted swiftly. This is their coup, their plot against me. And the people are flocking to their side because my government is incapable of doing anything,” Satine snarled.  
“These crime lords… what interest would they have in attacking Mandalore?” Aerrend inquired.  
“We don’t know why they would attack us, the only plausible explanation is that this is a scheme. They’re pawns in Death Watch’s game, and the goal is to overthrow me. They know they could never do it without the support of my people. This is their way of getting it… I have no idea what to do. I had hoped the Republic would hear us, and send someone…,” she spoke and turned to Aerrend. Her gaze suggested that she meant someone else.  
“I tried, but it wouldn’t do,” Aerrend answered, “I had to come alone.”  
“What about the Jedi?” Satine asked, and although she spoke of them as a whole, Aerrend knew whom she was referring to.  
“He… he thought of it, but the council… You know?” the Alderaanian responded, and then gestured to himself, “This is the best you’ll get.”  
Satine looked disappointed. Not in him, but in the fact that neither friends in the Republic, nor her old friend in the Jedi order had come to her aide. Instead, a stranger had come. A stranger who had come _as a friend._  
“Obi-Wan believes there is more to this. There’s something going on in the shadows. In fact, he didn’t want me to go. He thought it was too dangerous,” Aerrend elaborated.  
“Then why did you come? He’s not wrong.”  
He looked at her, looked her right in the eye, ready to confess. “I know that he wanted to go, despite all the danger. Despite being terrified of what lurks in the shadows. But he can’t, because of the council. I wanted to do him one last favour. And so I borrowed a ship, and came here.”  
Satine remained silent for a moment, looking away from the Alderaanian man. The chants calling for her removal from office were the only thing filling the silence, and all Aerrend could think of was the look on Obi-Wan’s face as he left.  
“You and I, we’re not so different,” the Duchess said, finally.  
“The difference is that you have principles, while I’m just foolish. But what can I do? How can I help? Should I talk to Death Watch? Negotiate – ,” he responded, but he was interrupted by a loud bang in the distance. Firing erupted from inside the palace. He heard people fighting and instinctively reached for the blaster stuck into the holster on his belt.  
Satine put a hand on his arm and shook her head. “I’m afraid it is too late for that, my dear.”  
Aerrend looked around, panicking.  
The Duchess spoke again. “You need to leave,” she insisted. “I’m not leaving without you,” Aerrend argued, “They’ll kill you. I will not fail.”  
“Not yet, they won’t. You have to go, I’ll distract them. Find Korkie Kryze, my nephew. Make sure that he’s safe.. I trust you to do what is right, Aerrend,” she urged, “Please.”  
Her eyes communicated her concern, her urgent worry about her nephew, more strongly than her words did. Aerrend nodded. He could, at least, do that for her.  
“Where can I find him?” 

~

In the shadows of Mandalore lay evil.  
He watched his plan unfold perfectly, from the Crime Lord’s attacks to Death Watch coming to Mandalore’s rescue. Soon the criminal insurrections were to end, soon Death Watch, and with it Pre Vizla, were to rise to power. And he… he was able to run his shadow empire in the underworld. A step down from the Empire he had been promised by his master years ago – another thing Kenobi had taken from him – but maybe this one was to be better. This Empire would be his. This Empire would be laying in the shadows, no order was to interfere with his power. He would be the Master. No longer the discarded apprentice.  
A perfect plan, executed perfectly, no danger slipping his oversight. Savage kept reminding him that Vizla and the Death Watch would betray him, but the eventuality of that had always been part of the plan. From the very beginning.  
He had learned to be patient, he had learned to be prepared. Old plans had crumbled under minor slip-ups, now Maul knew to anticipate minor or major slip-ups in his plan. No matter what or _who_ they were.  
_At last, revenge is within reach._  
Laughter erupted from the shadows, as Death Watch announced the disposal of the cowardly order of New Mandalorians.  
Step one was done. 

~

All communication systems were jammed. Aerrend’s commlink was not catching any signals from without the city – the ones from within were from local authorities. Within the last few moments, they had all defected to Death Watch and the new government. In the distance Aerrend heard the announcements, Pre Vizla, whomever that was, had been announced as the new ruler of Mandalore.  
Satine and those loyal to her were announced to be on the run. Death Watch had taken control within a couple of days. Things looked grim.  
_Stars, what have you gotten yourself into, Aerrend?_  
He was trembling, his knees felt weak, his hands were shaking. What could he do? There was more at play here than he knew or understood. He was no Jedi. How was he to be of any help?  
_Deep breath. Focus on what you know._  
He knew that Satine hadn’t fled, he knew she was no coward. She would stick to her course of action for as long as she could.  
Satine’s words echoed in his mind. _Find Korkie Kryze. Make sure he’s safe._  
Aerrend had no idea who Korkie was, let alone how to find him. But Satine sounded urgent, when she implored him to protect her nephew.  
_I trust you, Aerrend_ , she had said.  
And that was all it took. Aerrend would have to find Korkie. And where else was he to look, than at the Royal Academy? 

~

No longer in the darkness, no longer in exile, she was celebrating Death Watch’s success. Victory over the New Mandalorians, victory over the Duchess and victory over those monsters who Pre Vizla had used to get there.  
She had felt their powers, it had taken her breath away. Wasn’t that what Jedi could do? The Force? Bo-Katan was relieved that they were deposed of, rotting in a cell. There was something about them that chilled her. One didn’t want them as their enemy, but now that Vizla had betrayed them, Death Watch surely were among their enemies.  
Then, celebration turned into commotion, into unrest.  
There they were, not rotting in their cell anymore.  
“I challenge you, Pre Vizla, to a duel,” Maul spoke, “One man against the other. A fair fight.”  
Bo-Katan knew of the implications. It was a duel of honour, a fight Vizla could and would not decline. If Maul won, he was to win the dark saber, he was to be the rightful ruler of Mandalore. He was to be the leader of Death Watch.  
And she would have to bow to his command, follow his orders. As a true Mandalorian warrior, it was a thing of honour to serve those who had beaten your leader.  
But Maul would have to be different. He was a monster, a Sith, an enemy.  
She glanced around the room, at her fellow soldiers. She knew them, each and every single one of them, and knew the value they had placed on honour.  
Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure Maul would have to be so different after all.  
Anticipating how things were to go, she accepted the fact that she had just gained a new set of enemies. 

~

“We have to do something,” Korkie said after a long time of silence, “We have to help her.”  
Aerrend had found him surrounded by Korkie and his friends, all of whom had sticked around, keeping up to date with the news, when the Alderaanian ambassador had arrived to make sure he was safe.  
“I agree,” Aerrend answered, “I came here to help her, but I have failed. She sent me to make sure you are okay.”  
“Auntie Satine knows me, she knows I wouldn’t leave her in a cell,” Korkie answered, rising from his chair rapidly, ready for action, “She sent you here because she knew you couldn’t do it on your own. No offence.”  
Aerrend raised a hand. “None taken,” he answered, “I do feel like she wanted to make sure you’re safe. To remain safe from Death Watch’s wrath. So in allowing you to go free her, I would break my promise.”  
Korkie and his friends were hatching a plan. “Well, I’m not asking for your permission. I’m not asking you to do anything, but if you came here to help her, rescuing her will be in your interest.”  
“That’s… accurate,” Aerrend said, and it was true. Leaving her behind to rot in a cell was wrong, and not at all what he came here to do. And if Korkie and his friends were putting their lives in danger, why shouldn’t he?  
“So, are you with us?” Satine’s nephew inquired.  
Aerrend gave him a nod. “Let’s make a plan.” 

~

Vizla is gone, death watch is split into two, and from the shadows, the new ruler of Mandalore picked a new puppet to control the system and reign his Underworld Empire from within it’s capital city.  
Almec, former prime minister, reinstated, announced the murder of Pre Vizla by Duchess Satine, tearing her last bits of integrity to shreds. Oh, how the tables had turned. Almec had gotten his revenge, now the Duchess was the one in a cell, all by herself.  
But he was bound by the deals he had made with the Sith. His revenge came at the price of his servitude to Darth Maul. 

~

The plan wasn’t perfect in the slightest. In fact, even a minor slip-up could lead to failure. And in this case, failure meant imprisonment or worse.  
Still, it was the right thing to do. Aerrend knew that. Especially with the sudden developments. Pre Vizla murdered by Satine? And Almec as his replacement? Korkie knew something was up. They couldn’t leave Satine at Almec’s and Death Watch’s mercy.  
With such accusations, her execution was certain. She had to be saved.  
Which was why Aerrend was on a shuttle into Sundari now, accompanying Korkie, his friends and those who remained loyal to the Duchess.  
Their plan was simple, but so, so dangerous. One mistake, one error, and they’d all be done for. There was no plan B, and with the city’s communication systems still jammed, they had no chance to contact allies from the centre of the city.  
Aerrend had his blaster ready, hidden underneath his coat, as he and Korkie jumped off the shuttle. All old clearance codes were still working – the new Death Watch guards weren’t certain of what to do, so manipulating one of them into leading them to Satine’s cell was the easiest part of the plan.  
The cell door opened, Satine was facing the wall. It had only been a day since Aerrend had last seen her. A day, that went by incredibly fast, but in her solitary confinement must have dragged on. With Mandalore falling apart all around her, and everyone she trusted betraying her.  
“What do you want, you traitor?” she asked, without even turning around.  
The sound of a blaster, followed by the guard falling.  
_Well, you have to hand it to the kid_ , Aerrend thought, _he doesn’t hesitate._  
“We’ll never betray you, Auntie Satine,” Korkie said. Aerrend watched her jump and turn around to pull her nephew into a hug. “Korkie!” she exclaimed, then looking at Aerrend. “I knew I could trust you. Thank you, ambassador.”  
“You know me well enough to call me Aerrend,” he answered, then looking out into the hallway, “We better get going now.”  
The three of them snuck out, made it around a corner, and ran into a guard.  
“Freeze! Hold it there,” the guard said with their blaster pointed at them.  
“Death Watch!” Satine groaned. Aerrend looked at her, trying to communicate that they hadn’t yet failed. Before he could reach for his blaster, the guard was struck down by someone else. A figure in blue-gray armour, that looked similar to the guard’s armour.  
Taking of their helmet, she revealed herself.  
“Bo?” Satine asked. _Apparently we’re having a lot of reunions today._  
“It’s been a long time,” the woman named Bo answered.  
“It’s okay, Auntie,” Korkie said, having analysed the situation, “Bo-Katan is on our side now.”  
Oh right. There had been a split in Death Watch after the murder of Pre Vizla. But why? What was going on? Once again, Aerrend wondered what he had gotten himself into here. But there was no time to overthink his decision, his need to proof himself, his need to do something.  
“Why are you helping now?” Satine asked.  
“The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” Bo-Katan answered. She only looked at Satine now, she had hardly even paid mind to Aerrend, but it wasn’t like this was an official meeting – one where he’d have to introduce himself. He had to do that later.  
“There was a time when we weren’t enemies,” Satine spoke, lost in thought for a moment.  
_Okay, this is nice, but can we do that later?_  
“Perhaps that time has come again,” Bo-Katan said.  
“I’m sorry to intrude, but we should get out of here,” Aerrend interrupted. Bo-Katan looked at him, and for a second he was intimidated. “That’s right,” the woman said, putting her helmet back on, “Come on.”  
They rushed through the halls to the exit, Bo-Katan flying with the jetpack attached to her armour. The guards outside the door had been deposed of by other’s from the warrior’s group, so they only had to rush to the shuttle. “All clear,” one of Bo-Katan’s soldiers said.  
“Aerrend, give me your commlink, we need help,” Satine said as they boarded the ship.  
“The frequencies are all jammed, your grace,” one of Korkie’s friends said. Looking at how young they were, Satine’s face softened into a smile. “You’re all taking a terrible risk by helping me,” she acknowledged, “All of you.”  
“Nothing we haven’t done before, Auntie,” Korkie said, “Let’s go.”  
He helped Satine into the shuttle, as Aerrend jumped into the front seats, and the aircraft took flight. Pulling his commlink from the pocket of his coat, Aerrend turned to the one sitting next to him. “We should go to the outskirts of the city,” he yelled over the wind, “My ship is there, and we’ll also be able to contact the Republic.”  
Blaster bolts, screams, the shuttle shook, nearly hitting a building.  
Aerrend turned around, and saw fighting behind him.  
_Death Watch._

~

“My lord, there as been a breakout at the prison centre,” a Death Watch guard said, bowing their head deeply in front of their new leader, “The Duchess seems to be on the run with renegades and subjects loyal to her.”  
Maul’s face broke into a wide grin.  
Puzzled, the guard took a step back. “I’m sorry, my lord, I don’t understand.”  
“Oh, be gone, soldier,” Maul commanded, “Our guards will catch them in time. No one will escape.”  
The guard left.  
“A slip-up in our plan, brother?” Savage asked.  
Maul let out a laugh. “Everything is going according to my plan, my apprentice,” he snickered, “She’ll lure Kenobi into out trap. My revenge will come.” 

~

Failure was a strong word – one Aerrend had used over and over again throughout his life to punish himself for things that were out of his control. Now, failure took a whole new dimension, but it also gave him clarity, it let him assess the situation, it led him to a course of action that was sensible. That was right.  
They had crashed on the outskirts of town, Death Watch was near, there was fighting with Bo-Katan’s soldiers, as Aerrend struggled to pull himself out of the shuttle.  
“I need your commlink, Aerrend,” Satine said, and Aerrend tossed it her way, “I’ll contact the Jedi council.”  
Aerrend nodded in agreement. “They’re our only hope.”  
He grabbed his blaster and attacked the enemy, as Satine scrambled to safety. Once she was out of earshot, Aerrend addressed her old friend.  
“Bo-Katan!” he yelled.  
The warrior turned to him. “I’m busy,” she answered.  
“It’s urgent,” he answered, “There’s no way they’ll let Satine go, they’ll hunt us until they have her.”  
“What are you trying to say, stranger?”  
“I’m trying to say that you and your people should take her nephew and his friends to safety and get the hell out of here,” Aerrend said, “There’s other ways to get the duchess to safety. All of us dying won’t do her any good.”  
“I agree,” Bo-Katan said, “What about you?”  
“I’ll stay with her,” Aerrend said, “Protect her until the Jedi arrive.”  
“Why should I trust you?”  
“What choice do you have?” he asked in return, thinking of his rescue – the way he had no choice but to trust Obi-Wan, “I trust you, don’t I?”  
She took out an enemy, leaving him without a response as she faced him again.  
He looked at her intently. “Just get him out of here, please.”  
She held his gaze, sighed and nodded. “Alright, stranger.”  
“I’m Aerrend.”  
Bo-Katan nodded, and turned to bellow commands to her men. As Aerrend rushed to Satine, he saw her retreat and take Korkie and his friends with her.  
“Did you reach them?” he asked. Satine turned to him, and then back to the communication device. “Obi-Wan. I need your help – ,” she said.  
“Freeze!” a guard said.  
They had been caught. They had failed. But at least now, the Jedi couldn’t decline sending help, could they? Aerrend would just have to do his best to keep her safe until then. 

~

They had taken his blaster, they had tied his hands, and instead of bringing them back to the prison complex, they were taking them to the throne room. Satine didn’t say a word as they led them into the room that had still been hers a few days ago, and Aerrend was pushed in after her.  
“My Lord,” one of the guards said, “We managed to get the Duchess.”  
They brought Satine in front of the person hidden in the shadow. Darkness surrounded not only him, but also his energy. It was darkness Aerrend had felt before. Weeks ago on Naboo. It was the darkness he couldn’t place, the darkness Obi-Wan couldn’t make sense of, hadn’t made sense of when they parted.  
Aerrend closed his eyes and sighed. Scolded and cursed himself as he thought of the Jedi’s warning.  
_You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into._  
Obi-Wan was right. His warning had been about this darkness. Was he confronting the Maul figure Anakin had mentioned? Were all of Obi-Wan’s fears and suspicions being confirmed in front of him.  
_Stars, we have lured him here_ , Aerrend thought, alarmed, _He’s gonna come here and die and it’s our fault. My fault!_  
“It’s good to see you outside your cell again, Duchess,” the dark being sitting on the throne said, “We have missed you on your silly attempt at a prison break.”  
“You monster,” Satine answered, “You manipulated your way to my throne!?”  
“You can hardly call this manipulation, my dear. It has been far too easy for that word to even apply in the slightest.” He paused. “Who else have you brought here?”  
The guard gripping Aerrend’s arm cleared his throat. “Bo-Katan’s renegades and the loyalists managed to escape,” they said, “He was the only one with the Duchess.”  
Then he pushed Aerrend. The Alderaanian man fell to his knees in front of the throne. “Shall we execute him, my lord?”  
“Hold up,” the man said, rising from the throne, “Who have we here?”  
He stepped out of the shadow, and for the first time, Aerrend could see him. His mechanic legs, his humanoid body, and his face. His dark, evil, twisted face turned into a grin, delivering promises of cruelty and violence.  
Aerrend felt a fear so deep it shook him to the core. The dark energy was overwhelming. It reignited the darkness Aerrend felt within himself, clawing at him underneath the fog that protected him.  
“I’m no one,” he whispered, looking up at the creature.  
“Rise.” Maul commanded.  
“I beg your pardon?”  
Through clenched teeth, Maul bellowed: “I said, rise!”  
Aerrend couldn’t move, but somehow he was rising. Lifted up into the air, something powerful was tightening around his neck, taking his breath and every bit of air from him.  
“I have seen you before, boy,” Maul spoke, more collected again, almost bored, “With your friend… Kenobi.”  
“Let him go,” Satine said, “He has nothing to do with this.”  
“He will, soon enough,” Maul answered, letting his hand fall. Aerrend felt the return of gravity and the return of his breath at the same time, and then he hit the ground, gasping for air on the floor. _Is this the end?_  
“Take them to the prison cell,” Maul said, sitting back down on the throne, “Prepare the boy for interrogation. I’ll be with him soon.” 

~

After being in a cell next to Satine’s for a few hours, with neither of them really talking all that much, Aerrend had been taken to interrogation. He was put in a chair, and restraints were put around his wrists and ankles immediately.  
And then he waited.  
Seconds, minutes, hours. He had no idea how long he had waited, he had lost track of time earlier in his cell.  
_Blast it, I’m such a damn fool._  
He should have listened to Obi-Wan. He should have stayed out of it.  
Loud steps echoed through the halls. Mechanic steps. If Obi-Wan came here, he at least would only have to fight half a Sith. He’d have a chance to survive.  
There was a slight chance that Aerrend’s idiocy and stubbornness hadn’t led the Jedi right into a death trap.  
The door opened and the dark figure from earlier stepped in. “I see you’ve made yourself comfortable already,” Maul said.  
Instead of giving him an answer, Aerrend just looked at him.  
“Not in the mood to talk?” the Sith Lord mused as he stepped about the room. “I have nothing to tell you,” Aerrend snarled, “Who are you?”. Maul raised his brow, and grinned to himself. “Feisty,” Maul answered calmly, “Who I am won’t matter to you. You might want to ask your friend Kenobi, but alas… he isn’t here to help you. It matters more to me who you are.”  
“I told you before, I’m no one. I’m…” Aerrend paused, looking for something that he was, when he stumbled upon the words people had said to him time and time again, “I’m just _a boy with a blaster_. I don’t matter.”  
“Well, no-one with a blaster, I have a hard time believing you’re just a boy,” Maul answered, “A person in Kenobi’s close circle, respectful clothing suggesting high ranks in your little republic, here to protect the Duchess… That hardly can be someone who doesn’t matter in this scheme.”  
“What scheme? What is your plan?” Aerrend inquired urgently. Maul took a step closer, and with that step, the darkness within Aerrend hit him like a wave. He swallowed hard. Now was not the time for another one of those incidents.  
“My plan is simple. Revenge. You might just be a minor pawn in this game of mine, or a major one, depending on what you’re revealing here. What is your connection with Kenobi? I can sense your feelings, and just the mention of his name topples yours into chaos,” the Sith Lord explained. He still talked in a calm voice.  
Aerrend scoffed. _Maybe I can turn this game around._  
“Oh, so you’re in love with him too?”  
For the first time since he stepped into the room, Maul looked angry. His calmness had dipped right into fury in one moment.  
“I’m what!? Kenobi ruined my life, he is responsible for ten years of suffering. Cut in half, abandoned by my master. He has ruined everything. And now he has to pay,” Maul growled, panting furiously as he stood few feet away from Aerrend.  
“That’s rough, buddy,” Aerrend said, “Sounds like he broke your heart really badly –.”  
Suddenly, a force pushed Aerrend into the back of the chair. His head spun from the sudden movement and from hitting the metal, but with the fear and adrenaline pushing through his body, he felt no pain. He was terrified. “You dare to make fun of me,” Maul growled, “You, a silly boy, dare to make this a joke!? I will make you suffer.”  
Once again, Aerrend’s throat tightened. All the air had been pushed from his lungs, and now there was no way of getting air in. Tears fell from his eyes as he lived through this moment, almost like an observer, but still with all the cold fear. His nails dug into the armrests, as he tried to desperately hold on to life.  
And then there was the darkness, clawing at him, shrieking at his demise, trying to eat away at him as he succumbed to death. Longing to meet the darkness that erupted from the Sith Lord.  
The tension vanished, but the fear made it hard to feel any relief.  
“Tell me, what is his weakness? How can I make him suffer!?” Maul asked, more so as a command. 

~

Obi-Wan stood in the briefing room, where he’d usually receive messages from Jedi Knights or Masters far away in the galaxy. Today was different. Today, he saw a message from Duchess Satine. He had watched it once, with Master Yoda present, then once more again, with Ki-Adi-Mundi and Yoda. Now, he was looking at it again later. Alone.  
Yoda and Ki-Adi-Mundi had said they could not do anything. There was no Separatist involvement on Mandalore, which meant the Jedi Council and the Republic were not supposed to get involved. He has agreed with the notion. However, he was not planning to stick to the rules this time.  
“This is a message for Obi-Wan Kenobi. I've lost Mandalore. My people have been massacred, and Almec is now the prime minister. I can't explain everything now but Almec has the support of the crime families. Obi-Wan, I need your help,” Satine said again, in the message, as chaos and violence erupted behind her. When she said the last few sentences, the holo-transmission grabbed more of her surroundings.  
First, Aerrend arrived, ready to support the Duchess, interrupting her to ask if she had reached the Republic.  
Then, they were surrounded by Death Watch soldiers, pointing their weapons at them.  
And the message ended.  
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and sighed. _By the Force_ , he thought, _this is one hell of a situation._  
Satine, who still meant a great deal to him after all this time.  
And Aerrend.  
_Oh, Aerrend_ , who had been his home until the Jedi ruined it all. Aerrend, who still held his heart, who still was the one Obi-Wan longed for, longed to call _my love._  
Both of them in the hands of Death Watch. And whoever was controlling all this from the shadows. Suspicions Obi-Wan could not voice any longer, for fear that they’d become real.  
Both of them were at risk, because of him.  
Obi-Wan had to help them, it was the only right thing to do. Another rescue mission, a much more dangerous one.

~

“I’m not – I can’t tell you a thing,” Aerrend answered to Maul’s command, reaching into his darkest thoughts to help himself, but more so help Obi-Wan. Maybe if he died, Obi-Wan would manage to free the Duchess and escape. “I’m just a boy who fell in love with him. He’s a Jedi, he feels no attachment, no love. I got pulled into all this, deluded myself. He doesn’t care about me.”  
In spite of everything, Aerrend hoped to be wrong.  
“You have to know a weakness! TELL ME!” Maul roared. He stretched out his hand in front of Aerrend, who flinched, fearing the choking and the dead cold fear would return. But something worse happened. It was as if Maul had entered his mind digging around in there.  
“Stop, please,” Aerrend said, “I don’t know a thing.”  
Maul didn’t stop, instead grinned at him as he entered his mind, and sifted around.  
Aerrend was hit with panic. He had no focus, nothing way to protect himself. The dark within him was blocked by a mist, and he feared the light was suffering the same fate.  
He shut his eyes, clenching his teeth as he tried to focus, muster up any way of defence. But no one had taught him how. Neither Yoda, nor Obi-Wan. Fear dominated him, talked in a million different voices as the darkness shrieked in the distance like a monster just trying to get to him. He had to find something to hold on to. A constant.  
_Obi-Wan._  
Clarity. A voice echoed in his mind, their first meditation.  
_Trust the force._  
The force. Aerrend breathed in and out. His shoulders slumped as panic seized to control him, slowly, and he leaned into the first lesson the Jedi had ever taught him.  
_Trust the force._  
He pushed the Sith back, stopping the rampage through his mind.  
“Get out,” he said.  
Maul scoffed, and pushed back harder.  
_Trust the force._  
“Get out!” Aerrend reiterated more strongly.  
“Oh, are we feeling feisty again?”  
“GET OUT!” Aerrend yelled, and it was as if a wave of energy had been set free with that scream pushing it forward. Mauls grip left his mind, and in fact, the Sith Lord was pushed back by the wave.  
Instead of responding with the force, or in anger, he looked surprised. “Interesting,” he said, “I knew there was more to you than meets the eye. There’s dark in you, I feel that now.” 

~

Anakin heard a knock on his door, right when he was about to sneak out to see Padmé.  
“Obi-Wan,” he said, when he opened the door.  
The Jedi Master looked him up and down, and for a moment Anakin expected to be scolded for sneaking out. Instead, Obi-Wan’s face turned serious, and urgent.  
“Anakin. I have no time. I need to borrow one of your ships.”  
“A ship. What for?”  
“I’m going to Mandalore. On my own.”  
“On your own? That’s insane, master. Ahsoka and I should –.”  
Obi-Wan put a hand on Anakin’s chest. “No, you should not. It’s dangerous, and will only get both of you in trouble with the council. You have much to lose – both of you – and I don’t. If they strip me of the rank of Master, so be it. But I have to go.”  
Anakin thought for a moment, and then he understood.  
“I think I have the right ship for you. It’s a little rusty, but it’ll get you there. And back.”  
They talked out the details, Anakin swore himself to secrecy, and then handed Obi-Wan the keys to the ship.  
“Thank you, old friend,” Obi-Wan said.  
“Anytime. May the force be with you, Obi-Wan.” 

~

Maul moved closer, eying him up and down, putting a hand on Aerrend’s chin, and making him look up at him. “What a shame. You would have made a good apprentice.”  
Aerrend, struggling to get free from Maul’s hands, looked up at him. “To someone who’s half Sith, half machine? I don’t think so.”  
“Yet still, my power far outranks yours,” Maul answered, “You’re covered in witchcraft. Weak stuff. It protects you from the dark, but it has been holding back your true potential. All your life. You’re useless in my plan, as you are useless as an apprentice.”  
“Then let me go back to my cell,” Aerrend pleaded.  
Maul dug around the collar of Aerrend's shirt, his hands feeling cold against the Alderaanian's skin. After a moment, the Sith pulled up the necklace Aerrend had inherited from his mother. He inspected the chain’s pendant, a red-ish crystal that had fractured on Ispu months ago.  
“Now that wouldn’t be much fun, would it,” Maul said, “I want to see if you even survive the darkness.”  
_No._  
Before Aerrend could speak that word, Maul ripped the necklace from Aerrend’s body, and crushed the crystal in between his thumb and index finger.  
At first nothing happened, but then Aerrend felt weak, less protected. The fog was fading, the darkness only getting louder. Aerrend was grasping for the light.  
Maul put his hand on his head, pushing back into his mind, but instead of searching through it, he was pushing the fog away. Quickly, almost all at once.  
“What a shame,” Maul said, “You’re nothing but a pretty boy. The darkness will eat you alive.”  
And then, shrieking and screaming, clawing and biting, the darkness finally reached Aerrend, truly grabbed every fiber of his being.  
“NO!” he screamed, but there was no way to stop it.  
Maul, the room, the chair, the restraints around his arms and legs – everything faded away, as the force pulled him down into nothingness. 

~

The ship was old, rusty and in desperate need of repair. But it would get him to Mandalore – to Sundari – without being suspicious. This looked like a trade ship, and Obi-Wan knew that it would most likely serve its purpose.  
He was in disguise, using a costume he had used on a mission ages ago. This costume, much like the ship, wasn’t his first choice, but it served its purpose. He couldn’t wear his Jedi robes, they would give him away too quickly.  
The Jedi punched in the coordinates, ignored his hatred of flying through space, and slowly but surely took off.  
Worry for Aerrend filled him, deeper than his worry about the mission. Despite everything, he still sensed the Alderaanian man in the force. And something had just set him ablaze.  
Obi-Wan had to hurry.  
He made the jump to hyperspace the second he was out of orbit.  
_Aerrend, I’m coming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> I'm glad you made it through this chapter, it's quite long and very dense (a LOT happens lmao). But I definitely hope you like it, I put a lot of energy into planning out this Mandalore-arc. This arc will (if everything goes as planned) conclude with the next update, so definitely be excited for it.  
> It's been a rough week, but I'm glad I've managed to finish this chapter.  
> Feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments, I'm more than happy to read them. I love getting comments, in fact.  
> I hope you're well, hope you stay safe and healthy! May the force be with you, always. 
> 
> umbreongay (feel free to follow me on [ tumblr](https://umbreon-kenobi.tumblr.com) )


	20. The Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~ Aerrend raised his hands in defence. “I didn’t criticise anything. I’m just questioning your choices,” he snarled.  
> “You have a habit of being such a pain in the ass on these rescue missions,” Obi-Wan grumbled, staring right in Aerrend’s face.  
> “Well, I’m sorry for not wanting to be blown into pieces in deep space, General,” Aerrend fought back.  
>  _Stars, I want to kiss him so badly._  
>  “Boys,” Satine interrupted, “We have to leave. Now. You may continue your hostile flirtation once we’ve made the jump to hyperspace.” ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter once again is based on Episode 16 of Season 5 of Clone Wars ("The Lawless") and as such, a bit of the dialogue is either quoted or paraphrased (I don't own that dialogue lmao, just as a disclaimer). 
> 
> A lot happens in this chapter lol, so be prepared for a wild ride!

**19 BBY, Mandalore, Outer Rim Territories**  
Satine sat in her cell, all alone. Aerrend had been gone for a while now, and she wondered what they had wanted to do with him. She had understood the truth of what they wanted with her right away. She was the monster’s key to revenge, a revenge that had led to the fall of Vizla and the break of Death Watch. But a revenge nonetheless. 

It had cost her everything she had. The throne, her vision of Mandalore’s future, her people. She had accepted as much by now, even if it wasn’t fair. But when was life ever? 

Everything had gone way too quickly for her to really feel grief or loss – maybe that would set in later – but right now she didn’t really feel anything. They had been trapped by monsters and had lured Obi-Wan into their trap along the way.  
But why had they kept Aerrend? Why was the red one interrogating him? What for? 

Just as she thought of him, the door to her cell was opened. Aerrend, who was unconscious, was pushed into her cell by two guards. Satine jumped to catch him, but only managed to somehow keep him from cracking his head on the wall. 

“Aerrend?” she asked, trying to hold him.  
He answered with a wincing noise, his face scrunched up in pain. Satine shook him, trying to get him to wake up, to pull him out of whatever nightmare the red creature had pushed on him.  
“What has he done to him?” she asked the guards.  
A shrug. No answer. The guards closed the door and left them alone. 

Satine pressed a hand on Aerrend’s forehead, sensing just how cold he was. “Oh, Aerrend,” she whispered, “What have they done to you?” 

~

_Everything was dark. He felt pressured, the darkness felt heavy, yet somehow he was floating in it._

_Was he under water?  
Was he dead?  
Aerrend opened his eyes, but still saw nothing. Where was he!? _

_There was no air, he couldn’t breathe. But what was the point in breathing? There was nothing left, no way to resist the darkness. It might as well drag him down to his death._

_The “water” got colder and colder, but there was no way to shiver. He couldn’t move, the light was gone. Hope was gone. Fear was right there, and it was dragging him down to the dark side._

_He was completely alone._

_Aerrend’s thoughts remained his own, so he decided to say goodbye to everyone and everything he loved. Everyone who had ever been his friend. Padmé, Breha, Sabé, Bail, Anakin, Ahsoka, yeah, even Senator Mon Mothma or Commander Cody. Captain Antilles. Duchess Satine. He bid them farewell. He had tried his best, he had given it his all, but there was no point anymore. He was lost._

_As he was dragged down, his body going limb, his sight of darkness vanishing, one goodbye – the most painful one – remained._ Obi-Wan. _Oh how he had loved him, and he hoped he had loved him well. He loved him still, despite everything. <_

_“I’m sorry,” he wanted to say. “I love you,” he wanted to scream from underwater, despite the pressure on his chest._

“I love you too.” 

_A crack of light, a flicker only. It was his voice – or was it just a ghostly haunting? Aerrend’s eyes darted through the water, looking for the light. More cracks followed in images of the past._

_The memories flickered, made Aerrend linger harder, grasp for anything to keep him going. Any kiss, any stolen glance, any image of intertwined fingers._

_Another flicker. Was he here?  
Feeling returned to his arms, and for the first time, Aerrend could move through the thick, dark water.  
A push. Then another. _

_One more. Slowly, Aerrend rose through the water, the pull of the dark weighing on him, pulling him, but still, the light was there, and he’d have to make it._

_Clinging to images, and voices.  
His hands had reached the surface, and with one final thrust, he burst through it, into the open._

_For the first time, he could breathe._

_Yet he remained firmly within the darkness.  
Lost in an open sea, no land in sight, almost like he had been shipwrecked. Dark clouds hung on the sky. Lighting struck, flashing red, in the clouds. _

_This wasn’t over yet._

~

Obi-Wan got out of hyperspace, approached Mandalore and landed his ship on the outskirts of its capital city Sundari.  
At least, he was trying his best to land. 

“I’m never borrowing one of Anakin’s ships again,” he muttered under his breath, “What a piece of junk.” 

Apparently he had hurt the ships feelings, as an oil pipe seemed to burst open just as he had made his landing. The Jedi was not the mechanic Ahsoka was, so trying to fix it by use of the force was the best he could do in this moment.  
Plus, he had people to rescue, so no time for this. 

As he left that wreck of a ship – the entrance ramp literally remained stuck at a 90 degree angle – he saw a soldier approach. Not a guard of New Mandalore, but seemingly an reformed version of Death Watch.  
_So Pre Vizla is behind all this?_

But something was off. The armour was significantly different.  
There was more to this than met the eye. 

“You better get your ship looked at,” the guard barked, looking past Obi-Wan to his ship. Apparently his disguise was working.  
“Oh, it’s my friend’s ship, actually – he told me it was perfectly fine,” Obi-Wan answered, while jumping onto the landing platform. He pulled at the ramp and finally managed to get it down. “Terribly sorry about that.” 

“Why are you here? You got a landing permit?” the guard inquired sternly.  
“Uhm… I must have left it on the ship, sorry,” the Jedi answered, “Don’t know where my head is at these days. Come with me and I’ll get it.” 

The guard grumbled something in response that sounded like “fine” and followed him onto the ship. Obi-Wan rummaged in a storage container, and then, once the soldier had dropped his guard he attacked.  
He had knocked him out quickly. 

“Now, this is the part I hate,” Obi-Wan muttered, his face expressing discomfoert, as he stripped the guard off his armour. Luckily, they roughly were the same height so everything would work out. 

~

_The Water had ceased to be, and for the longest time, Aerrend was falling._

_Then, he hit solid ground. He found himself in a dark cave, only dimly lit in various shades of red shining off the crystals on the walls._

_Everything inside him ached. He was exhausted, he was afraid, and after the turmoil in the sea of darkness, he felt like giving in.  
He felt cold. So cold. _

_Shivering, he tried to drag the collar of whatever he was wearing in this illusion closer to his neck, huddling for warmth that just wouldn’t come._

_“Obi-Wan,” he asked._

_Voices echoed through the cave, shrieks of fear, followed by applause, laughter, followed by a wave of dread, anger and terror, and then only more laughter. Was this another vision?  
Then, an explosion, the death of countless voices. _

_Aerrend looked around, finding no answers. What was happening?_

_“What do you want? Why are you showing me this?” he asked.  
There was no answer.  
The light around him flickered. _

If I want answers, I’ll have to search for them, _he thought._

_But what were the questions? What did he want to know?_

_He dragged himself up, trailing along the cavern, slowly as the darkness still weighed on him.  
His mother’s necklace, without its pendant and its protecting spells hung around his neck._

“Mother,” _he whispered._  
What did you know of the force? What did you protect me from?  
_Then more angry._  
What am I? Why am I part of this!? What powers did you keep me from?

_Then anger turned to sadness, almost choked him up. The old pain of loneliness tore at the scab on his deepest wounds, scratching it open again._  
Why did you do it? Why did you abandon me? Why did you leave me alone, with no answers?

_There was only darkness inside him._

_He fell to his knees, as his thoughts seemed to echo around the cavern. What was this place? Was he part of it?  
His eyes fell upon a pond of water, clear as a mirror, reflecting his sad, worn-down face. _

“Please,” _he begged, his voice in strains from sadness and despreations, tears streaming from his eyes,_ “I need answers.” 

_The reflection changed, revealing an image of two humanoid adults – a man and a women – holding a baby, opposite a small, orange-skinned creature on a green planet, sitting in front of an old castle._

_Aerrend recognised this place. It was from his visions on Naboo. These people were his parents and himself. He had heard the conversation before, and branded it into his memory, but seeing it more closely, seeing it like this was different._

_“Please,” he reiterated._

_Another word erupted from the walls, different than the ones before, different than the echoes of his thoughts._

“Takodana.”  
_What? Was it a place? A person? Would he get answers?_  
“Takodana.” 

_Confused, Aerrend pulled his eyes from the pond, only to find that it was gone. The crystals on the wall had turned yellow, instead of red.  
The cavern collapsed around him, and everything faded. _

~

When Aerrend returned to reality, he woke with his head resting on Satine’s lap. She was gently resting a hand in his hair. 

“You’re back,” she said, relief in her voice.  
“How long have I been… gone?” Aerrend asked, trying his hardest to adjust to reality again.  
“A few hours,” Satine answered, “You were… far away. I was afraid you wouldn’t wake up again.”  
“I guess… I survived. For now.” 

“What have they done to you?”  
Aerrend sat up. “I don’t quite know or understand.” 

Satine didn’t question him.

“We’ve lured him into a trap. Obi-Wan. We’ve been pawns in Maul’s game,” Aerrend whispered, sharing what he had learned of the Sith Lord’s motives in the interrogation.  
“There’s still hope that he won’t come.”  
“I know him… I’ve seen him the night I left Coruscant. I’m absolutely certain he’s on his way, or already here,” Aerrend noted, “It’s not in his nature to… do nothing.” 

He pulled in his knees, and wrapped his arms around them.  
_I’m so exhausted._

“You love him, don’t you?” Satine asked, suddenly.  
Aerrend looked up at her. “I… uhm…uh.”  
“You’ve muttered his name, time and time again, when you were gone. It seemed to drag you closer back to life every time,” the duchess argued.  
“I…,” he confessed, looking away, “Yes. I love him. More than I ever loved anyone.” 

“Aerrend,” Satine whispered, an urgence and sadness in her voice, “If… when he comes to rescue us, you need to get him out of here. It’s too dangerous, whatever that creature wants from him… it’s only going to hurt him.” 

“But what about you?”  
“I will stay. My fate shall be the same as Mandalore’s. If it is to succumb to this war, so shall I – that is my duty as a duchess after all.”  
“I’m not leaving without you,” Aerrend said, “It’s not what I came here to do.” 

“I’ve already put enough people at risk before – Korkie, his friends, Bo – I can’t do that to him. You have to save him.” 

“Obi-Wan is never going to leave you behind. And he’s a pro at rescue missions. I would know,” Aerrend explained, and for the first time in a long time, he smiled – genuinely. In spite of everything. 

Satine, on the other hand, grew very quiet, and for reasons unknown to him, she seemed to recoil. But maybe she was only now beginning to deal with all the losses she was facing, and Aerrend would give her the space for that. 

The image of his parents, holding him, surrounded by all that greenery returned, filling him with such sadness, he could hardly put into words.  
_Takodana. Takodana. Takodana._

He tried burning the name of the place into his memory. He’d find answers there, and maybe this once his sadness would have a purpose. 

~

Obi-Wan snuck into the city unnoticed, and even as he approached the prison complex, no one seemed to bat an eye. If it wasn’t for the hurry, he’d rejoice in the fact that his disguise was working so well. 

As he made his way into the prison complex, he assessed the building, already planning ahead to their exit. Not having a proper exit plan hadn’t been too good back on Jakku, but this time he’d be prepared. 

When Aerrend had left Coruscant, he had said that he wasn’t Obi-Wan’s problem anymore. But that wasn’t true. Even if they had broken up – in the Jedi’s failed attempt at protecting the young Representative – he’d always have feelings for him and he’d always want to come to his rescue. For better or worse, Aerrend Lus would remain one of his problems. 

_Honestly, I’d like to keep it that way_ , he thought. 

But now was not the time to dwell on their future. He’d have to ensure there even was one, and he’d do that by acting swiftly. 

He looked around the cells, until he found the people he was looking for. 

They were sitting at opposite walls, both lost in thought, both exhausted (understandably so); but luckily they were alive.  
Obi-Wan opened the cell door. 

~

Unlike Satine, Aerrend looked up at the guard. The Duchess didn’t even dignify him with her gaze.  
The cold fear returned to Aerrend. What if they were taking him to be tortured again? Or maybe even terminated? 

He closed his eyes. _Please spare me._

“Come to do more of your master’s biding?” Satine snarled at the guard. 

The soldier removed their helmet, answering in a very familiar voice. “I do my own biding, my dear,” Obi-Wan quipped. 

Relief washed over Aerrend, and Satine was probably feeling the same, considering she jumped up and flung herself at the Jedi. “Obi-Wan!” she exclaimed, “You’ve come! Are you alone?” 

Aerrend got up, his body still aching from the ordeal he’d been through. He tried not to intrude on their reunion, or even look at him. 

“Yes. The Jedi and the Republic won’t be of any help to us here,” Obi-Wan answered.  
“I trust you have an escape plan, then?” Satine asked. Aerrend was happy that his word had changed her resolve to stay. It would save them some time.

“As always,” the Jedi assured, his voice and tone dripping in his standard Obi-Wan charm. Oh, how Aerrend had missed it. Finally, he looked up at him. 

_Stars, he looks too good in that blasted Death Watch armour,_ he thought, _Red truly is his colour._

But it wasn’t just compliments that came to him when he looked at him. So many questions came to him, all of them different, all of them not right in the moment. But he needed answers, so badly. 

Obi-Wan looked at him, looking at him as if he had not seen him before.  
“Are you alright?” he asked. He reached for Aerrend’s arm. 

“There’s no time for pleasantries, General,” Aerrend answered, avoiding the question for now, “We should get the hell out of here. Now.”  
“That’s right,” Obi-Wan declared, “I have a plan.” 

~

Entering the lift with the two hostages, now again disguised as a member of Death Watch, Obi-Wan tried to remain calm. He was glad that both Satine and Aerrend were alright – well at least alive – but they still had a lot ahead of them. He should stay focused, as he usually was, and stay in the here and now. 

Their first obstacle was in the lift with them.  
Another soldier.

“There’s no record of a prison transfer, as far as I recall,” they said.  
“Uh… The orders came from upstairs,” Obi-Wan answered.  
He could have cut the tension in the room with his lightsaber.  
“What’s the authorisation code?”  
“Er…” 

Aerrend gave him a look that said: _Say something!_  
The doors opened, and Obi-Wan did what Anakin would have done.

He acted impulsively. Or, more specifically, he shot the other guard with his blaster. 

Aerrend quickly grabbed the guard’s weapon. He had learned.  
“Run!” the Jedi commanded, and just as quickly they were on the run. 

“What’s your plan?” Satine asked.  
“There’s some speeder bikes outside on this level. We’ll borrow them and head towards my ship.”  
“Will we make it?” 

“Well… the only thing we can do now is hope that we make it,” Obi-Wan clarified, “Then… we’ll take it from there.” 

As they emerged into the city, they were spotted by guards. 

The Jedi fired at them, but it was too late. They had already alerted other people to the fact that the duchess was on the run. 

Obi-Wan jumped onto one of the speeder bikes – Aerrend took a second one, whereas Satine joined him on his. Obi-Wan gave Aerrend a nod, as they drove off. 

~

The squad of Death Watch soldiers followed them, they weren’t many, but enough to keep both Aerrend and Obi-Wan occupied. 

Aerrend once again proved himself to be a good shot, and there were moments when Obi-Wan had to force himself to not stare at him in action. He had missed him like one might miss their home.  
But now was not the time. 

As they sped through the city, Satine’s grip on him tightened.  
“Obi-Wan,” she said softly.  
“What?”  
“You’re no longer looking back, are you?”  
“I don’t know what you mean.”  
“I mean to say… I hope you’ve made peace with what we’ve lost. The two of us.” 

“Uhm… I don’t look back on our decisions with regret, so I guess I have.”  
“Good. But don’t repeat those mistakes now, my dear,” she said.  
“I’m sorry?” 

“He truly loves you. Don’t let the Order take that away from you,” she explained, “I have lost everything within the last few days – the galaxy is changing, the same might happen to the Republic. And the Jedi. Hold on to the things that can’t just be taken from you. Hold on to love. You deserve it and so does he.”  
Obi-Wan was unsure what to respond to this. “Uh… I’ll have to think about that.”  
“You don’t have the head for that, my dear. Aerrend is special. You’d be a fool to let him go.” 

_Well, I already have. I can’t fix that. Not anymore,_ he thought. 

There was no time to respond, as they arrived at the ship. They got off the speeder bike, and Obi-Wan shot down the last guard that had followed them. They were in the clear for now.  
Aerrend jumped off his speeder bike, and as he approached them, he pointed at the ship in disbelief. “You came in _that_ thing!?” 

“It’s the ship Anakin has given me,” Obi-Wan answered defensively.  
“We’ll be lucky if we make it to take-off,” Aerrend muttered.  
“Well, I don’t see _your_ ship anywhere around here,” Obi-Wan answered sternly, “Where is it?”  
“It’s… uh… somewhere.”  
“You’ve lost your ship?”  
“Everything happened so quickly, I may have left it at the academy!”  
“Then you have no right to criticise this ship,” Obi-Wan answered, as the entrance ramp remained stuck again. He groaned and pulled it down forcefully. 

Aerrend raised his hands in defence. “I didn’t criticise anything. I’m just questioning your choices,” he snarled.  
“You have a habit of being such a pain in the ass on these rescue missions,” Obi-Wan grumbled, staring right in Aerrend’s face.  
“Well, I’m sorry for not wanting to be blown into pieces in deep space, General,” Aerrend fought back.  
_Stars, I want to kiss him so badly._

“Boys,” Satine interrupted, “We have to leave. Now. You may continue your hostile flirtation once we’ve made the jump to hyperspace.”  
They snapped out of it. “Right,” they said almost at the same time. 

The blushing on Aerrend’s face triggered by Satine’s comment was the first sign of life Obi-Wan saw from the young man. He seemed worn down, and different – exhausted beyond a point Obi-Wan had ever seen him in.  
But now he was blushing, and for this moment it felt like he was _his_ Aerrend again. It felt like they were going to be okay. 

~

Obi-Wan jumped into the pilot’s seat, Aerrend strapped into the seat next to him and started operating immediately. Those lessons with Captain Antilles had really been worth it, considering they were heading towards take off much quicker with two people. 

“When did you learn that?” Obi-Wan asked.  
“You’ve missed some things, General,” Aerrend answered, trying to soften his voice, “I had to… keep myself busy.”  
“I understand,” the Jedi answered. 

Aerrend hated how good this felt. Fighting side by side – being on each other’s side again. Sure, they had been bickering like 30 seconds ago, but even that was better than not talking. But he shouldn’t get used to it.  
He’d be alone again soon enough. 

Their ship took flight, and they slowly ascended. Relief washed over him, and it seemed like he wasn’t the only one. Obi-Wan smiled, Satine put a hand on his shoulder, and smiled at him too.  
Then, the impact of a missile hit them, rocking their ship, nearly throwing them out of their seats. 

The controls of the ships beeped in alarm, as Obi-Wan tried to regain control of the ship. Checking the screen, Aerrend saw that not only had their ship taken damage, a lot of the frail parts of the ship had not taken the impact well. There was a lot more damage going on.  
_I have a bad feeling about this._

“Obi-Wan,” Aerrend began.  
“I know,” Obi-Wan responded.  
Aerrend remained silent. 

“We should contact my sister for help,” Satine said.  
“Who’s your sister?” Obi-Wan asked.  
_Bo-Katan?_ Aerrend wondered. 

The controls stopped beeping, and Obi-Wan regained control over the ship. “Brace yourselves,” the Jedi commanded.  
Another missile hit them. And this time, their hit was critical.  
“We’re not going to make it!” Satine cried.  
Aerrend knew she was right. 

“Obi-Wan,” he said softly, looking at him – truly at him – for the first time since he got there.  
The Jedi looked right back, unguarded in the same way that he was.  
So many emotions flickered through him. So many emotions mirrored in the eyes of the Jedi.  
“I know,” Obi-Wan answered softly. 

Then, he rose from the seat. “Let’s get out of here,” he said.  
It was lunatic, but falling to the landing platform might just be a bit less deadly than a spaceship-explosion. So they followed the Jedi, as he opened the ramp. 

The wind pulled them out immediately, and while Obi-Wan managed to hold on, Satine and Aerrend weren’t so lucky. Satine was caught by her hand, but Aerrend fell down to the ground. This wasn’t the first time he met the floor in the past few days, but it still was painful nonetheless. With the impact, his head started to pound, his vision blurred, and everything just was very… weird. 

He heard the explosion of the ship behind him, he heard both Satine and Obi-Wan hit the floor, as he pulled himself off from the floor. Just then he was hit by parts of the ship. He sensed a presence.  
That monster was here. Maul, who had put him through hell, had caught them. Had perhaps even anticipated their rescue. 

_Do something, Aerrend. Help them get away._

Once more, he pulled himself up, as Maul, his brother and his Death Watch soldiers emerged. He turned around, and looked right at Obi-Wan realising that all his fears had turned out to be true. He said something, but he couldn’t quite hear. Satine lay passed out, but close enough for Obi-Wan to get her and make an escape.  
Aerrend tightened the grip on the blaster he had stolen. 

_You have to be brave now._

He had survived the darkness inside him, he had survived the torture, the intrusion on his mind. He wouldn’t survive this, but he for the first time in his life, he felt brave enough to do it anyways. 

“Run!” he yelled at Obi-Wan, before storming for the enemy. This wasn’t just stupid, this was mad, but if it saved the Jedi – the man he loved more than anything – it would be worth it. 

~

_NO!_  
Obi-Wan wanted to yell at him to stop. Whatever Aerrend was doing, would kill him. 

He had anticipated this, he had a feeling Maul was behind this, yet when the Sith Lord emerged from the dust and smoke, it was like the floor was swept from underneath him. 

_This can’t be_ , he thought, _no!_

Satine was unconscious but alive, Aerrend was embarking on something that would end his life. And all he could do was lie there and watch, unable to move even in the slightest.  
It wasn’t the fall, or the explosion that had blown them from the ship. It was the shock that bound him to the floor and stopped him from acting. 

So he watched as Aerrend fired at Maul, a blast so easily deflected, hitting Aerrend right in the face. He dropped the blaster, but – and Obi-Wan was surprised – pulled a piece of durasteel in his hands using the force, and continued with his attack. 

Then, Maul grabbed him by the throat and threw him down on the floor. 

That was when the Jedi’s senses returned. He jumped up, ignited his lightsaber and moved in to attack.  
He’d never go down without a fight. 

But his enemy seemed prepared, always one step ahead.  
Maul met him with a hand, and grabbed him by the throat and twisted his arm. Obi-Wan dropped his lightsaber. 

“Kenobi,” he growled, “How nice of you to finally join us. Come to save your precious duchess? Oh, how you’ve failed. Welcome to my world.” 

Obi-Wan couldn’t move, Maul’s powers were seemingly overwhelming. He couldn’t even answer, or do anything as the consciousness faded from him. 

Satine was thrown over Savage’s shoulder, Aerrend was kneeling on the floor, his arms restrained behind his back by Death Watch. He was barely conscious himself.  
He was close to passing out, when Maul spoke again. 

“Take them back to the palace,” he commanded, “Except for the boy. We won’t be needing him anymore.”  
The pressure on his throat tightened.  
“Kill him. Make it painful.” 

Shock ran through Obi-Wan once more. And there was nothing he could do. The light around him faded, as he was carried toward the palace. 

A loud, pained scream broke through in his last moments.  
_Aerrend._

~

_I love you. I love you. I love you._  
His eyes were filled with tears.  
If these were his last moments, he’d make them as good as possible. 

He had loved Obi-Wan so much, and even if there was some pain there, at the end, the time they had together had truly been the best time of his life.  
They weren’t going to grow old together – maybe they never were – but it had all been worth it. 

Aerrend closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face. He was ready.  
_I love you._

There was peace.  
Then pain.  
Then, only nothingness remained. 

~

When Obi-Wan was conscious again, they were in the throne room. He was kneeling, a guard restraining him, Satine was kneeling next to the throne.  
Maul had claimed it and now he was sitting in it. This was his plan for revenge, and they all had stumbled right into the trap.  
Savage, Vizla and Maul’s entourage surrounded the throne. 

Aerrend was nowhere to be seen.  
_He’s dead._  
Grief struck him there and then and it was tougher than any hit he had taken before. 

“Your noble flaw is weakness, shared by you,” Maul spoke and then lifting Satine off the ground by using the force, “and your duchess.”  
Satine clawed at her throat, trying to escape the chokehold.  
Obi-Wan could only watch. 

“You should have chosen the dark side, Master Jedi. Your emotions betray you. Your grief, your fear… and yes, your anger. Don’t resist the dark like that boy did. Let your anger deepen into hatred,” Maul continued.  
“Don’t listen to him, Obi-Wan,” Satine cried.  
“Quiet!” Maul said to silence her. 

Obi-Wan finally found his words again, he had to – for Aerrend. “You can kill me, but you will never destroy me. It takes strength to resist the darkness. Only the weak embrace it,” he barked, letting his anger float. 

“It is much more powerful than you know, Jedi,” Maul answered. 

“The ones who oppose him are more powerful than you’ll ever be, Maul. I’ve been to your village, I know where you’re from. The Night Sisters made the decision to turn you to the dark side, not you,” he spoke, and truthfully, he felt some pity for his opponent now. 

“Silence!” Maul barked, “You think you know me? It was I who languished for all those years, dreaming of this moment of revenge, only thinking of you and the deep hatred I felt. Nothing but this moment was on my mind.” 

The hold on Satine’s throat seemed to tighten. Obi-Wan tried to get up to help her, but the guards kept him down. 

“And now the perfect tool for vengeance is in front of us,” Maul elaborated more calmly, “Just like your master, just like that _boy_ , your duchess shall die in front of your eyes. Now watch, Kenobi.” 

He ignited the weapon Obi-Wan had come to know as the dark saber. He senses fear and panic from Satine, who clearly deserved none of it. “Kill me instead,” Obi-Wan offered, “Let her go.”  
He had no reason to go on.  
“Oh, I never planned on killing you. But as I promised, I will make you share my pain.” 

The guard’s held him down and made him watch as Satine floated through the air, right towards Maul. They made him watch as she was impaled with the weapon of Mandalore, a cruel gesture to the end of her life. 

Then, Maul simply tossed her to the floor, and Obi-Wan ran to her to catch her.  
There was no saving her.  
“Satine.” 

The Jedi held her in his arms, as her breath slowed.  
“Remember, my dear Obi-Wan, love will persevere,” she whispered, “I’ve loved you, always. Always will.”  
And with that, she closed her eyes. 

Satine was _gone._  
Obi-Wan felt his grief so deep his chest ached, his throat tightened.  
He felt like he was falling. 

He brought Satine’s hand to his mouth, and kissed it, before laying her to the floor. 

Qui-Gon had died in his arms and now Satine had done so too. Aerrend had died alone.  
This was too much to bear. 

He didn’t even flinch when Maul said they’d let him rot in a cell in his misery. It was what he deserved, after all. Why had he survived? 

The soldiers dragged him up, and took him away. They set him down on one of those speeders, and drove off. Though he had restraints around his wrists, he felt like that was unnecessary. 

He didn’t have it in himself to resist anymore. 

~

He was so lost in his grief, that he didn’t take in any part of their journey to the prison complex. Just an hour ago, he was certain he had rescued both Satine and Aerrend. Now, they were dead.

As they landed on the platform, someone fired at them, causing a commotion. Obi-Wan was taken from his thoughts, and turned back to reality.  
There were soldiers in different Mandalorian armour up on a different platform.

_Who are they?_

“It’s the rebels,” guard #1 screamed.  
Something hit him in the back, beeping slowly. 

_Explosives!_

Obi-Wan kicked him away, and watched him be blown up. Then, the rebels attacked from all sides, taking Death Watch out. 

One warrior in particular stood out. A woman with chopped red hair was taking out most of the remaining guards. She must have been the leader of the rebels.  
As she approached him, he got up, pulling himself out of his state of misery.

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. Who are you?” he asked.  
“I’m Bo-Katan, I’m here to rescue you. That’s all you need to know for now,” she answered as she cut his restraints with his lightsaber. She handed him his weapon and finally, he felt a bit more like himself again. A bit more connected to the force. 

“Sounds good to me,” he announced.  
“We’ve found your friend,” she told him, “Deeply injured, but alive. We’ll bring you to him.”  
_Aerrend is alive???_

“Why should I trust you?”  
“You have no other choice,” she answered, and held up a jetpack for him, “You ever use one of these before?”  
“No, but I’m a fast learner,” he said, as she attached it to his stolen armour. 

“Let’s go,” she commanded, and they all started flying. Obi-Wan got used to flying like this quickly. 

A Death Watch squad had started following them not soon after, and a fight in the air ensued, but Bo-Katan and her rebels were good with a blaster and even better when fighting in hand-to-hand combat. 

Once they had reached a tunnel leading to the open city, they got into a fight with more guards, and they had to defend themselves against more hunters, while waiting for the gate to open. 

Obi-Wan, who seemed very useless in this fight, looked out at the city as the gates finally opened and saw Mandalore as it were, and as it always would be – now that their peaceful leader was dead – it was on fire. 

Rebels and Maul’s guards were engaging in a deathly battle. 

This was civil war, truly and openly. This was what Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had tried to end once and for all decades ago. But war seemed to be part of Mandalore, whether they wanted it to be or not. 

“Maul must really want you dead,” Bo-Katan commented as she stepped up next to him.  
“Oh you have no idea,” Obi-Wan answered in resignation. Would this ever end? He hoped so.  
“Come on, our ship is down south, at the spaceport,” she declared and ran off. 

Obi-Wan forced himself to look away from the ensuing war, and followed her.  
“What happened to him?” 

“They tried to kill him, obviously. We came just in time,” she answered, “It’s critical, so you better hurry up and get the hell out of here. We only had bacta-spray, it’ll last him for a while, but he needs proper medical care, alright?”  
Obi-Wan nodded, mostly just relieved that there was a chance for saving him. 

“Why are you helping him?”  
“I owe him for saving my nephew,” Bo-Katan answered. 

~

More bombs dropped, more ships were blown out of the sky, but finally, they had made it.  
They had reached a ship, that would help him escape. Help _them_ escape. 

“Go back to your Republic, and tell them what happened,” Bo-Katan implored.  
“That would only lead to Republic invasion of Mandalore,” he argued.  
“Yes, but Maul will die. And Mandalore will survive. We _always_ survive,” she insisted, “Now go!” 

Obi-Wan gave her a nod, and walked up the ramp into the ship.  
“Your Satine’s sister, aren’t you?” he asked, and the lack of an answer only confirmed his belief, “I’m so sorry.” 

He stepped into the cockpit.  
There, Aerrend lay. On the ground, so pale. His coat was gone, and his white shirt was soaked in blood. His face had burn-marks around his left eye. There were more injuries than he could see. 

Aerrend looked so beaten down, so helpless, so… broken.  
So lifeless.  
But a weak presence remained, Obi-Wan felt it. 

~

In hyperspace, Obi-Wan knew he’d never make it to Coruscant in time, and he couldn’t take Aerrend to one of the medical bays around space.  
If only Anakin was here, he could speed them to a safe place.

But Obi-Wan wasn’t a great pilot. 

The only safe place he could come up with was Alderaan. No one would question why he had brought Aerrend there. No one would put him on trial. 

And he knew Aerrend was more than welcome there.  
They’d fix him.  
But would he make it on time?  
He’d have to risk it. And do his best.  
_For Aerrend._

“Come on, Aerrend,” Obi-Wan muttered as he placed him into the co-pilots seat, “We’ll fix you.”  
He let a hand linger on his face, but Aerrend remained irresponsive. 

_Please, I can’t bear to lose you too._

~

With a few risky manoeuvres, a couple of jumps in and out of hyperspace, he had shortened the time it took from Mandalore to Alderaan. 

It still wasn’t quick enough. 

When he emerged from hyperspace, Aerrend started to wince in pain, the bacta spray had worn off, and he was bleeding again.  
The life was draining from him. 

The Jedi hastily build a connection with the spaceport.  
“This is Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. I’m asking for a permission to land. This is an emergency. Over.”  
“There’s no Republic visit scheduled. And your ship is not in our system of Republic ships. Over.”  
“Please. I’m – well, blast it, that doesn’t matter now. I have Aerrend Lus on this ship, a close friend to Senator Organa and the Queen. He’s in critical condition and I ask for permission to land immediately. Over.” 

Silence.  
_Come on._

“Permission granted. Over.”  
Obi-Wan finally allowed himself to breathe again. “Just a few moments more, Aerrend,” he said, touching his hand.  
It was _cold._

~

He had landed – it was a very hurried landing, and he may or may not have scraped some ships and flown right into some containers, but that didn’t matter. 

There was no time.  
He strapped himself out of his seat and picked up Aerrend out of his.  
He hung in his arms, lifeless. 

“Come on,” he whispered, “I can still feel you.” 

He emerged from the ship, jumping off of the ramp before it was even down. There was nothing but adrenaline in his system now, and he’d have to use it before his body gave out.  
He could not think of Satine now, he could not give in to his grief. He had to save Aerrend. 

“Hey,” he yelled, “I need some help. Please.” 

No one heard him, and the commotion around him continued as if he wasn’t even here.  
Aerrend’s life seemed to be draining from him painfully quickly, he felt his blood on his hands, and slowly but surely the young man –the man he loved– was fading away. 

“Please,” he yelled again, “Help.” 

He stumbled, his legs gave out, and now he just sat there, on the floor, cradling Aerrend as his life was floating away. Oh, the bitter irony. He had mourned Aerrend dying alone, only to have fate intervene, and have him witness this death too.  
This was too much to take. 

Finally, the tears came. The desperation. 

“Please, Aerrend,” he whispered, “Please. Do it for me. I’m begging you.”  
Nothing.  
He watched his tears trickle into Aerrend’s pale, lifeless face. 

“Please, somebody, help!” he cried out, “He’s dying.” 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a team of medics, surrounded by medi-droids, rolled up. They took Aerrend from him, put him on a stretcher and initiated life-saving measures there and then.  
Everything seemed so far away, so slow in those moments. Aerrend’s arms hanging off the stretcher, his shirt being torn off, CPR being performed on him. And then, they just rolled him away, and for a moment he was alone. 

Then, a woman roughly his age approached him, both regal and beautiful, dressed in a garment made of the most elegant fabric.  
She put a hand on his shoulder, and helped him up.  
There was such sadness in her eyes. 

_Is he dead?_ He wanted to ask, but he found no words.  
“General Kenobi?”  
He nodded his head.  
“Please, come with me,” she said softly, as she took him by the arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaah, what a cliffhanger, huh? I know, I'm terrible.  
> I'm so stoked about writing the next chapter, I can't wait lmao, and I hope this time around it won't take me like 4 weeks. Sorry about that.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think.  
> Also: I've started reworking the older chapters - not drastically, so you absolutely don't have to reread them - but I think they improved in quality lol. And Chapter 6 got a bit of extra content, in case you're interested in that.  
> Anyways, I hope you're safe and well as always.  
> May the force be with you!  
> Love, 
> 
> umbreongay


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